CHAPTER 23

WILLA

I couldn’t have been more surprised when Billy Bob showed up where I was stranded with my stalled vehicle. Then he even fixed the problem on the spot, and my car started. Whereas if Zella rescued me, she would have just given me a ride home. But the best part of his appearance was when he informed me that he and Carly had broken up.

But then pride reared its ugly head, and I began to play cold. Between Billy Bob’s sad countenance, my desire to spend time with him, and the realization that I was indeed being prideful, I couldn’t stick to my guns. Besides, Carly putting the kibosh on our friendship actually was my fault for requesting the belly kiss. It was deceitful and wrong, but at the time I felt it was necessary.

When I saw that it was Carly coming toward the house that day, I tried to time it so Billy Bob would be planting a kiss on my midsection right when Carly stepped up to the screen door. He would just have to agree to my request, which, surprisingly, he did.

However, in the aftermath, it seemed to have backfired when Carly demanded restrictions on our relationship, and he obeyed. But I figured eventually he would come around. Being a father isn’t something a man of Billy Bob’s character takes lightly. I just expected it to be a couple of days, maybe a week or two, not a couple of months.

Although my friend and roommate, Zella, initially suggested an abortion, I knew that she was fond of Billy Bob and thought of him as a good man who would take care of me. So I wasn’t surprised that she sent him to rescue me and my broke down car. But I was surprised when he showed up instead of Zella. I think my initial surprise caused me to put my guard up and play hard to get. But I couldn’t stay mad at the man I adored, even if he did hurt my feelings. So I invited him back to my place for some lemonade as sort of a peace offering.

Billy Bob seemed very uneasy as we climbed the stairs to my living quarters. I froze when I saw a dozen red roses in a vase on the kitchen table. Where had they come from? My first thought was that Zella had a new admirer. Then I noticed a little white envelope in between a couple of the flowers with my name on it. With heart pounding, I instinctively reached for it. Then Billy Bob zipped past me and snatched it before I could get a hold of it.

“The flowers are from you?” I asked. Call me dense, but it didn’t occur to me that they were from Billy Bob at first. Forgive me for sounding vain, but I’ve never lacked male admirers. He nodded sheepishly. “That’s sweet. Thank you,” I beamed. “What’s in the envelope you just grabbed?”

“Oh, nothing,” he chuckled nervously.

“Let me see it,” I said as I reached for it.

“No,” he replied, sticking it behind his back.

“Why? You said it was nothing.”

“It is, but I said some things, um, too prematurely, maybe, I guess.”

“Did you mean them?”

He looked startled but nodded. I absolutely loved it when he looked like a naughty little boy. Because of his upstanding character, it was a rare sight. “Let me see it then.”

“No,” he said as he now tried to push it into his back pocket. I grabbed his wrist and dug my fingernails into it. “Ouch!” Billy Bob cried as the envelope fluttered to the floor. We both bent to pick it up and clunked heads.

“Ouch!” We groaned in unison as we stood up. He quickly bent to grab it again, but I kicked it out of the way. I moved to dive after it, but he grabbed me by my hips and pulled me into himself. I relaxed for a few seconds at the sensation of being spooned by the man I adored. But I savored the feeling only a few seconds before I stomped on his foot. For a third time in less than a minute, Billy Bob barked, “Ouch!” I snatched the letter, and he gave chase. We did three laps around the table. I was giggling, but Billy Bob was panting with desperation.

“Billy Bob! The baby,” I declared, causing him to stop in his tracks. We gazed at each other for a moment from across the table. Then, with a fingernail, I part sliced and part ripped open the envelope. I pulled the card out. It had a silhouette of a couple walking into a sunset on a beach. It reminded me of the “Footprints” poem on the beach painting that I had seen at church. I opened the card and read out loud.

“My Dearest Willa,” I began speaking and smiling as I looked at him. He bowed his head a little as he gazed at me with hound dog eyes beneath meekly arched brows. “I once was lost, but now I’m found,” I continued reading. “Was blind, but now I see. Recently, these words from the classic hymn took on a second meaning for me. With your complete absence from my life the last couple of weeks, my eyes were opened to who I wasn’t seeing. I’m in love with you, Willa, and not only because you’re carrying my child. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize this. From this point on, I want to be as big a part of your life as you will let me. It’s my desire that you are never absent from my life again. With all my love, Billy Bob.”

I looked from the card to him, but he became blurred by my tears. “That’s beautiful, Billy Bob,” I squeaked. “Why didn’t you want me to read it?”

“Well, I was so filled with desire and passion when I wrote it,” he explained. “I arrogantly thought you felt the same way. Then when I went to pick you up, I perceived that that might not be the case. I feared I was too premature in expressing my love for you.”

“Oh, Billy Bob,” I croaked as I snorted a laugh and shook my head.

“So, you forgive me then?” he asked. “You’re glad I, um, wrote what I wrote?”

I moved around the table to his side and stood in front of him. “Can I show you my answer?” I asked as I laced my arms around his neck.

“Please do.” I kissed him firmly, letting it linger.

“Willa,” Billy Bob gasped after a minute. “We need to stop doing this or I won’t be able to contain.”

The old me wanted to say, “So what?” The new me understood, and it was one of the primary reasons I was in love with Billy Bob. He was a man of strong character and spiritual discipline.

“Okay,” I replied, quietly. “Would you mind spooning me again for a minute, though?”

“What do you mean?” I spun a one-eighty and pressed my back into him. I grabbed both of his hands and placed them over the bump on my abdomen. He understood and began to gently rub my protruding belly. I melted into him and felt his cheek press just behind my ear. After a couple of minutes, I leaned my head back on his shoulder with my hair cascading onto his broad shoulder. It wasn’t long before I felt his lips on my cheek, and then on my neck. I had never felt so much love in my life. I felt like I could be wrapped in his arms forever.

“Willa,” he sighed. “This is having the same effect. We need to get married, and I mean soon.”

On impulse, I broke our connection and led him to sit on the sofa. I got on one knee in front of him and took both his hands in mine. “William Robert Booker,” I said with a huge grin, “will you marry me?”

“Yes, Willa,” he laughed as he left the sofa, kneeling down in front of me and kissing me. I guess the dominatrix in me was dying hard in some ways. First, I proposed marriage. Then I pushed him to the floor, pinning his hands behind his head. But Billy Bob didn’t resist. He is an incredibly strong man, and he easily could have pushed me off.

“I want to marry you really soon,” I told him. “How about this Sabbath?”

“Alright.”

“You know that’s the day after tomorrow,” I said, releasing his pinned arms and sitting up on his stomach. I did a quick drum roll on his chest.

“I know,” he said with a contented smile as he cupped his hands behind his head.

“You’re not going to make me wait until the baby’s born, like you were Carly?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Carly had to gain my trust. You don’t.”

“But you’ve known Carly for going on seven years while you’ve only known me for seven months.”

“Quality over quantity, I guess,” he said with a shrug.

“Aren’t you sweet,” I replied.

“When Carly and I first reconciled, my desire to have her back and be comfortable again outweighed my resentment against her. Then, she turned out to be pregnant with Niles’ child. That turned the tables on me. Jealousy started to outweigh my desire to resume a relationship with Carly. But jealousy is a sin. So I stuffed it down, but it kept resurfacing. Or so I thought.” Billy Bob stopped and smirked.

“Go on,” I insisted as I folded my arms and leaned down on his chest, placing my chin on my forearm. Our baby pressed firmly into his abdomen. It was a feeling of intimacy that transcended mere sexuality.

“Seriously, Willa?” Billy Bob chuckled. “I’m supposed to continue talking with your face two inches from mine?”

I giggled, and to my surprise, he cupped a hand behind my head as he pressed his mouth to mine. A couple minutes later, I pushed us apart.

“I thought you said you wanted us to wait for marriage,” I laughed.

“I do, but it’s not easy,” he sighed. “Can we sit like normal people?”

“I’m quite comfortable,” I grinned as I touched my nose to Billy Bob’s. More kissing ensued. After a minute or two he sprang to his feet and went to the kitchen sink. He ducked his head down and splashed cold water onto his face. I went to the fridge and grabbed a couple bottles of sparkling water. I glanced at Billy Bob, watched him pull a couple of paper towels from a roll and dry his face. “Woo,” he sighed as he leaned his behind against the counter. “Willa you are the most irresistibly gorgeous woman I have ever known. But God as my witness, it’s what’s inside your beautiful exterior that has made me fall in love with you.”

I moved toward him as if magnetically drawn. Is this what it was like to be soulmates? If so, I couldn’t get enough. On tiptoe I kissed his lips once, feather light. I laced my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek against his chest. His arms eased around my back, and he kissed the top of my head. I began to gently weep, but they were tears of joy. For the first time in my life, I was completely excited about my future. We held each other chastely for a couple of minutes.

After we separated, I asked, “Should we sit so you can finish what you were talking about before you accosted me?”

“I didn’t accost you,” he grinned. “You were climbing all over me like I was a body pillow.”

“Fair enough,” I replied. “Now sit and talk.”

“Where was I?”

“You said jealousy is a sin, but you stuffed it down. But it kept coming back, or so you thought.”

“Yeah, right,” Billy Bob said. “After Carly told me she was pregnant, I had to do battle with jealousy issues. But in my mind, I thought that I had them conquered, at least as well as I was going to. Then you end up pregnant by me through that bizarre circumstance, and Carly finds out minutes after I do by witnessing, you know …”

“I know,” I said, feeling ashamed for my trickery. It unsettled me how fine the line can be between sinner and saint. I recently had read a statement by C.S, Lewis that went something like, ‘the second you think you’re humble, you’re not.’ I realized a different angle. The second you think you’re safe from falling, you’re not.

“So unsettled feelings came back full force,” Billy Bob continued. “I thought they were akin to jealousy for some reason. I’ve just been so confused ever since I found out you were pregnant with my child. Even before you became pregnant, when we were becoming friends, I felt so drawn to you. I watched your spiritual transformation with fascination. You are so real, honest, and genuine. But you’re also a scary kind of sexy, even when you’re being wholesome.”

He paused and gazed at me. I suddenly felt self-conscious, and I looked away from him. “That’s not true, Billy Bob,” I told him with dread. “There’s something you should know. After I confess, you won’t think I’m very real, honest, and genuine. But I also want no secrets between us. Communication is key to a successful relationship. So I need to come clean.”

His face fell and became earnest as he gazed intently at me. My mind froze momentarily, causing me to drop our eye contact and stare at the table.

“What is it, Willa?” he asked cautiously, yet urgently.

“That day I came over to tell you that you were going to be a father,” I said and paused, steeling myself.

“Yeah?” Billy Bob prodded with a concerned look on his face.

“I saw Carly walking toward your house,” I admitted with a wince. “I asked you to kiss my belly, hoping it would time out with her seeing it, and it did.”

“Is that it?” Billy Bob asked hopefully. “Is there anything else you need to confess?”

“No, that’s it,” I replied, shaking my head. “You’re not mad?”

“No,” Billy Bob chuckled as he shook his head. “I suspected what you just told me all along.”

“I realize now that it was pretty deceptive,” I acknowledged. “I guess I justified my actions with the old saying that all is fair in love and war.”

“You just asked me to kiss your belly after informing me that my child resided there. Regardless of whether you knew Carly would see, I didn’t have to do it. In hindsight, I’m glad it worked out the way it did.”

“I’m glad you see it that way,” I said. “I’m also glad to have it off my chest.”

“I just regret that it took me so long to realize the reality of the whole twisted situation,” Billy Bob lamented. “But, like you said yourself, I have known Carly for seven years and you only seven months. I was being loyal to someone who was disloyal. But she played it in such a way that I didn’t see it. Or maybe I just didn’t want to see it.”

“No offense, but how could you not see it?”

He shrugged. “Well, Carly emphatically sold me on the fact that she broke up with me before she so much as kissed Niles. And, blinded by sentiment, I guess I wanted to believe it.  Once again, I’m sorry.”

“No worries, I understand,” I told him with a smile.

“So, to sum it up,” Billy Bob said, “there were a couple things that really started nagging at my brain the last week or so. First off, Carly was initially very upset after she discovered my face buried in your stomach; yet she was overly lovey-dovey and forgiving three days later.

“Then she said she forgave me for what happened with you and me, and she asked me to forgive her again for having sex with Niles. But I had already forgiven her for that when we reconciled. Then I began to wonder if she meant present tense, albeit in a sneaky sort of way. You know what I mean?”

I felt my mouth drop open. “Carly had sex with Niles right after she discovered you kissing my midriff? Then she tried to trick you into forgiveness? What’s the point of that?”

Billy Bob nodded. “She sure did. But I don’t have an answer for her motive. I suppose it gave her some type of false peace of mind. Or I suppose if it came out down the road, she could play the card of me forgiving her, and simply playing dumb about me not understanding.”

“I just knew she was untrustworthy,” I barked and instantly regretted it. “I’m sorry. It’s not my place to judge her. But using the all’s fair in love and war excuse, she is my enemy.”

“I don’t think you’re judging, just observing. But just to be clear, I don’t think all’s fair in love and war is very ethical.”

“Fair enough. So how’d you find out for sure she cheated?”

“I sort of tricked Niles.”

“What do you mean, sort of? Were you deceptive?” I asked with a coy smile. “Yet you rebuke me.”

“Well, it’s different,” he replied with a puzzled frown. “Like comparing apples and oranges.”

“Is it?” I asked under hooded eyes and a hand on a cocked hip.

“Look, how about we just go with ‘it is what it is’ and move on?”

“Okay,” I replied with a grin. Then we toasted a cheers with our sparking waters.

“So, I just went with what Carly had said,” Billy Bob continued with his story about tricking Niles. “I told him I forgave Carly for the two of them having sex. Then I asked Niles if he had used a condom, and he admitted that he did not.”

“How were you alone with him? Did you go find him?”

“No, as fate would have it, he showed up at Carly’s door when I was there by myself, waiting for a furnace repairman. It was not only another sign; it was the sign.”

“Wow, maybe I should be concerned about you being on the rebound.” I smirked, even though I truly was a little bit concerned. “After all, we might be married the day after tomorrow.”

“I’m not on the rebound,” Billy Bob said, shaking his head. “I’m on the score.”

“On the score? What do you mean?”

“Wouldn’t scoring be the opposite of rebounding?”

“I guess so,” I shrugged. “But I’m still not sure I get your point.”

“When Carly and I broke up the first time, I was absolutely, one hundred percent heartbroken,” Billy Bob explained. “To be involved with somebody immediately after that would have been on the rebound. When I broke things off this time, I not only wasn’t heartbroken, I was relieved. Not only that, my desire for you was a key motivation at getting to the bottom of my suspicions. If not for my feelings for you, I probably would have never pursued my suspicions. Talk about desperate!

“Are you saying you broke up with Carly to be with me, rather than the fact that she cheated on you again?”

“Yes, you were the main reason. Like I said, I’m dense enough I probably would have kept finding excuses for her so I wouldn’t be lonely. How pathetic!”

“But what if I wouldn’t have had you?” I asked quietly. “Other than at fellowship, you did a pretty thorough job of snubbing me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s one of the biggest mistakes of my life.”

We gazed at each other for a moment. “You didn’t answer my question,” I said with a little smile. “If I was your main motive for leaving Carly, what if I wouldn’t have you?”

“It was a chance that I needed to take,” he said, looking at me with pure love in his eyes. “It would be worth it just to be your full-time friend again.”

I went over to him, sat on his lap, and kissed him. “I’ll be your friend and so much more.”

I kissed him again, but then sprang to my feet, not wanting to put us in the way of temptation. Billy Bob kissed air, and I laughed.

“Do you think Captain Kirk would baptize me before we marry?” I asked.

“I’m sure he’ll baptize you, but I’m not completely sure he will marry us so soon. By the way, I want to get baptized with you.”

“Weren’t you baptized a long time ago?” I frowned.

“I was,” he acknowledged. “But then I ended up having premarital sex with Carly. Plus, I’ve learned so many new truths at Cotton Creek Cove and gained so much more awareness, I’d like to renew my vows, so to speak. It would just feel right before you and I say our own vows.”

“Sounds nice,” I enthused. “It’s funny how quickly life can change. An hour ago I was broke down in my car. Now I planned on getting married and baptized. Can we commemorate this moment with one more kiss?”

Warmth and passion radiated from Billy Bob’s face as he stood. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me with a possessiveness that electrified my whole body. In that moment, the dominatrix prostitute officially died, and the little girl who longed to be loved revived. She was responding to both a God and a man she hadn’t previously thought existed. The old me was gone, and the new me was alive in Christ (Romans 6:6-8). Now Billy Bob and I, the two of us, were to become one through marriage (Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5). Hopefully Pastor Samson, aka Captain Kirk, would agree to our plans.

CHAPTER 22

BILLY BOB

The day after my breakup with Carly was brutal. But not why you might think. Yes, I felt an element of sadness, but I was more relieved. What made the next day difficult was fatigue. For I had stayed up most of the night reading the book Destiny had loaned me.

However, the book about a prostitute helped me sort out my feelings for Willa. Given my breakup with Carly, and the fact that Willa was carrying my child, probably would have caused lack of sleep anyway. But I finally snagged a couple of hours of sleep around three in the morning. The alarm went of way too soon, but it wasn’t in me to call in.

After work I went to a Hy-Vee grocery store to find myself a quick, premade supper. As I approached the entrance, Dirk Easton was coming out. He and his lovely wife had welcomed a baby girl into the world the day before. This event gave him and I both memorable days, but he was on the much better end of the emotional spectrum.

“Billy!” Dirk exclaimed with possibly the biggest smile I’d ever seen.

“Dirk! Congratulations,” I barely said before his arms went around me for a tight embrace. The single sack he carried flopped against my back, and I noticed several curious faces aimed our way.

“Thanks,” he laughed. “Yesterday was the best day of my life!”

“I bet,” I replied as I marveled at Dirk’s joy. “So what are you doing here?”

He reached into his grocery bag and showed me some brownies. “My gorgeous wife had a hankering for these peanut butter brownies. They’re her favorite. They’re sweetened with honey rather than sugar.”

“What’s your baby’s name?”

“Ella Destiny Easton,” he replied. “She weighed seven pounds, seven ounces.”

“Wonderful! Tell Amy congratulations for me.”

“Yeah, yeah, you bet,” Dirk enthused. “Man, I tell you, Billy. Amy was all sweaty, her hair matted with sweat. But when she held our daughter for the first time, she never looked more beautiful. That image will be burned into my brain until the day I die.”

Dirk laughed and slapped my upper arm. I couldn’t help pulling him into another quick hug, despite curious onlookers. Come to think of it, I’ve never noticed two guys hugging in a grocery store before.

“I better run, good buddy,” Dirk beamed. “Glad I ran into you.”

“Me too,” I replied a little bit in awe. “Take care.”

I watched Dirk practically skip away. I thought of Willa carrying my child. Hy-Vee had a nice little flower shop in their store. Instead of getting supper, I bought Willa a dozen roses and immediately went to her place. I pulled up to find Zella putting a note on her door to inform potential customers that she would be back in twenty minutes. She smiled and waved at me.

“Hi, Zella,” I said as I got out of my truck.

“Hey, Billy Bob,” she replied. “I was about to go get Willa. She’s at Dollar General and her car won’t start. She said she tried calling somebody named Knight Storm but got their voice mail.”

“I’ll go get her Zella. I might even be able to figure out what’s wrong with her car.”

“That would be wonderful,” she sang. “I think she’ll be glad to see you. I’ve actually been a little irritated with you for keeping away from Willa. But I know that witch you’re gonna marry put you up to it.”

“Gee, Zella, tell me what you really think of Carly.”

“Okay, she’s not only a witch, she’s a major …”

“Alright, alright,” I said. “By the way, the marriage is off,” I told her.

“You two broke up?”

“We did,” I nodded.

“Billy Bob, that’s wonderful!”

“I’m starting to think that you don’t like Carly,” I chuckled.

“So why is the marriage off? Did she cheat on you again?”

“She did,” I nodded.

“So now you’re free to resume your friendship or whatever with Willa?” she asked cautiously.

“Or whatever,” I replied.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I brought Willa a dozen roses,” I said, waving a hand toward my truck. “So I’m hoping we will be more than friends. That is, if she’ll have me.”

“Oh honey!” she exclaimed, then the light from her countenance darkened. “I’m sure she’ll have you.”

“You don’t sound too confident.”

“Look, Billy, you have put her off quite a bit. She told me you let that… woman limit even your friendship with Willa. You know, Willa, the woman carrying your child.”

This truth pained me, and I winced. “Guilty as charged! Foolishly guilty! Do you think Willa will forgive me?”

 “Well, the only way you will know is to ask,” Zella replied turning and looking toward the house. Then she clapped both hands on her cheeks. “Oh my! Here we’ve been discussing Willa, while she sits stranded.”

“Right! I’m on my way,” I declared.

Zella followed me to my truck. “Do you want me to put those flowers in a vase?”

“That would be great,” I said as I reached through the window and grabbed them.

“Oh, very pretty,” Zella cooed. “No flower says romance better than red roses.”

Zella turned and marched toward the house. My roses bobbed slightly as they extended from her right hand. She seemed optimistic, and that gave me hope.

“Zella,” I called after her.

“Yes,” she replied as she stopped and turned.

“This card goes with them. Actually, you know Willa rather well. Would you read what I wrote and tell me if you think it’s okay?”

She read it and a warm smile appeared on her face as she nodded approval. She threw her arms around me, and I felt the flowers brush the back of my head as we hugged. She kissed my cheek as we separated. “It’s perfect,” she whispered.

As I made the ten-minute drive to Dollar General, it occurred to me that Willa didn’t try to contact me when she found herself stranded. My level of neglecting her was probably much deeper than I realized. When I spotted Willa, she was leaning against her decade old Dodge Charger and appeared to be texting. She did a double take when she saw me. Much to my relief, her face grew bright, and she waved almost as if flagging me down.

“Hey, Willa,” I said, suddenly getting a flutter of butterflies in my stomach.

“Hey, fancy running into you,” she beamed.

“Actually, Zella told me you broke down, and I offered to come help.”

“Did she call you?” Willa asked with a suspicious frown.

“No, I stopped by your place right when she was about to take off after you.”

“What? Did you get special permission from Carly?” Willa snorted with a look of disgust on her face.

“No need,” I told her. “Carly and I broke up.”

I was hoping for a positive response, similar to Zella’s. Instead she frowned and seemed to take a step back, even though she still leaned against her car.

“I see,” she said as she looked away from me, her frown deepening.

“I stopped by to apologize,” I told her as I now worried whether the flowers were appropriate. Was I getting ahead of myself?

“For what?”

“For allowing Carly to dictate the level of our friendship.”

She shrugged, with a demeanor that appeared to be something between annoyed and hurt. We hemmed and hawed awkwardly for a minute as both of us were apparently tongue-tied. Then the reason why we were standing in the Dollar General parking lot penetrated my feeble brain.

“Why don’t I take a look at your car?” I stammered.

“Oh yeah. Would you?” she replied pleasantly. This made me feel a little more optimistic.

I spotted the potential problem immediately. Her battery cables were corroded. Then when I touched the positive cable, it moved easily. “I see the problem.”

“What is it?”

“I’m afraid it’s your flux capacitor,” I said solemnly.

“Oh no. That sounds serious,” Willa said with a worried look.

“Well, you won’t be able to time travel anymore.”

“Time travel? What are you talking about?”

“Remember the movie ‘Back to the Future’? The flux capacitor was how they were supposedly able to time travel.”

“Not nice teasing a lady in distress,” Willa said with a laugh as she bumped her hip into mine rather hard.

“Willa, careful, our baby,” I jokingly scolded. The playful banter dissipated the tension between us momentarily, and without even thinking, I placed my hand over her belly.

“Yes, our baby,” she repeated as she covered my hand with hers. I smiled at her, and to my delight, she smiled back. But then she removed my hand, and I couldn’t read the nature of her smile. Was it vindictive or pleasant?

“You’ve gotten a little bigger since the last time we saw each other,” I foolishly tried.

“Never ever tell a woman she’s getting bigger,” Willa said scornfully, “even if she’s pregnant.”

“Sorry,” I replied as I jammed my hands in my pockets.

“I’ll let it slide this time,” she replied evenly. Then we began to look at each other uneasily again. So I went to my truck, opened my toolbox, and got a screwdriver and a piece of sandpaper. I scrapped the corrosion off her battery cables and terminals. I put the cables back on and tightened them down.

“There, that should hold. Try starting it,” I said.

Willa climbed into her car and turned the key. The engine rumbled to life, and Willa’s face lit up. “Hey, nice job, Mr. Booker. Thank you.”

Mr. Booker instead of Billy Bob? At least she seemed rather pleased, for the moment anyway. Her mood seemed to be changing every few seconds. Changing hormones? Or maybe the fickle bonehead she was with.

“I’ll follow you back to your place,” I said.

“What for? You already apologized.”

“And you accept my apology?”

“Sure,” she replied with a tired sigh.

“Well,” I stammered. “If I followed you back to your place, I thought we could, you know, hang out and talk.”

“Oh, so you think you can blow me off cause Carly wanted you to and then just pop back into my life like nothing happened?”

“I didn’t blow you off, Willa. We still saw each other at fellowship, but then you stopped coming.”

“I stopped coming because it was getting obvious that I’m pregnant. I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready to tell the congregation about our weird situation. Plus, you have been more focused on marrying Carly and playing father to her baby rather than your own.”

“The truth is, Willa, you’ve been on my mind more than anything.”

Willa and I stared at each other for an uncomfortably long moment. Her blank expression bothered me. I actually would have preferred a scowl.

“Listen, Billy Bob,” Willa finally said mildly, before she turned sarcastic. “Just give me some time to get my head around this new situation. Let me ponder the honor you are now trying to bestow upon me.”

I bowed my head and nodded. “Fair enough. See ya later, Willa.” I stepped toward my truck and opened the door. I glanced back at Willa and gave a little wave. She smiled sadly and waved back. I climbed into my truck and began to turn the key when Willa changed her mind.

“Billy Bob, wait.” she sighed as she exited her car and stepped up to my truck. “On second thought, why don’t you come on over? I made some homemade strawberry lemonade this morning, with some fresh mint from the garden. It’s really good. I’d like to give you a glass as a thank you for getting my car started.”

“Sounds good,” I enthused.

“Maybe we could talk for a little awhile, too.”

“Sounds good,” I repeated.

“Then we can discuss why it is best if we just remain friends.”

“Sounds… Alright.”

I turned my truck around and drove back to Willa and Zella’s place. When I flipped through the radio channels, I came across the oldies song about a centerfold. I listened with mixed emotions as I marveled at the irony. Then I found myself singing along: “My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold, my angel is a centerfold.”

As I followed Willa back to her place, it occurred to me that I was probably premature with the flowers I’d bought. How embarrassing this was gonna be!

Oh no! Especially the card, and the words I wrote! I had given it all to Zella, who would have put it on display! Talk about awkward! There was no way to hide the flowers. So I would simply have to try to sneak the card into my pocket before Willa saw it.

CHAPTER 21

BILLY BOB

Late summer and early autumn of 2017 would prove to be memorable in both negative and positive ways. After Carly discovered me kissing Willa’s bare belly, I had agreed to see Willa only at church for at least the next few months. I also promised I wouldn’t communicate with her by phone. This arrangement seemingly put Carly back in the driver’s seat of our relationship, instead of us being equals.

Over the next two months, a duel transformation took place. Both were kind of slow and subtle. Carly slowly returned to being boss of our relationship, and I was becoming her passive suppliant once again. The only thing I put my foot down about was my insistence that we wait until the baby was born, and we all get settled before we got married.

While Carly was getting closer to birth, Willa was slowly blossoming with child. Gone was any semblance of the wild sex cat that she used to be. Every week, her true beauty seemed to shine a little more than the previous week. But her beauty stemmed from within. Her radiant smile, and her gentle, joyous demeanor caused me to stare at her trance like more than once.

We unwittingly stole every minute we could together at fellowship. We were developing a bond that I couldn’t put my finger on. I didn’t see it as falling in love at the time, but something was happening that was deeper than friendship. I assumed it was because of the growing human being in her womb that was part her and part me. What a miracle!

It was a strange situation to find myself in. The woman I thought I was “in love” with and planned to spend the rest of my life with, was pregnant by another man. Willa, however, was pregnant by me, albeit through bizarre circumstance. Yet she was never intended to be more than a dear friend. I had resolved to love Carly’s child as my own. Yet as pregnancy transformed Willa’s body toward motherhood, her growing faith transformed her soul. There was also some type of spiritual unity between Willa and I over this shared child. We had some type of bond growing between us that was seemingly unstoppable and indefinable.

One day down at Cottonwood Creek with Willa after church, she giggled like a schoolgirl as she grabbed my hand and placed it on her abdomen. I felt a stirring inside that I’d never felt before. It wasn’t arousal, it was much deeper, and rather mysterious to my simple mind.

“Can you tell that I’m getting bigger?” she asked and then bit her lower lip, looking more lovely than I should have been dwelling on.

“Yeah,” I tried not to croak.

“Your son is really growing,” she said as sunlight hit the side of her face, making her incredible amber eyes sparkle and shine.

“You know it’s a boy?” I asked with a tremor in my voice.

“No, not exactly” she shrugged. “Call it mother’s intuition.”

Up until that point, all I cared about was that both babies would be healthy babies. An ultrasound suggested that Carly was going to have a girl. So, the thought of Willa having a boy added a little more excitement.

“You know, you really are starting to show,” I acknowledged to her. “I think it’s time that we tell the congregation about our situation.” Willa’s face fell, but she nodded in agreement.

A week later I was really looking forward to seeing Willa at church. I wasn’t even nervous about our plan to inform the congregation about our baby. But Willa was a no-show and didn’t return my call. She only sent a text saying she was fine, but tired.

She wasn’t in attendance the following week either. Once again, my call was responded with a similar text. I was surprised at how empty it made me feel. My desire to see her was almost like a need. If she was absent for a third week, I would ask Carly for permission to contact Willa. However, my personal day of infamy was about to intervene.

Carly had asked me if I could go to her place and wait for a furnace repairman. They were shorthanded at the clinic at which she worked as a nurse, and she couldn’t get away. Luckily, I was able to get off work early. When I heard her doorbell, I was certain it was the repairman. Instead, it was Niles, and he was grinning from ear to ear. His smile instantly left his face when he saw me, and his eyes look startled.

“Oh, hello, William,” he stammered.

The one and only thing I liked about Niles was that he didn’t call me Billy Bob. “Niles,” I said with a curt nod.

“I thought Carly would be here getting her furnace fixed,” he chuckled nervously.

“She was running late and asked me if I could come over to let him in. By the way, when were you talking to Carly about her furnace?”

Something was ignited in me just then. Our minimal contact was supposed to be mutual. Willa knew about my agreement with Carly, and Niles knew Carly was keeping her distance from him. There was something at the back of my mind that I had been stuffing down too long. After Carly caught me kissing Willa’s belly, she seemed eager to forgive rather quickly. She also asked me to forgive her for being intimate with Niles. But I had already done that when we rekindled our romance.

So, something seemed to ring with the present in her asking for forgiveness this last time. Yet was her request hidden in the past? Was she seeking peace of mind over something, rather than genuinely admitting an indiscretion?

I decided a little trickery would not fall into the category of bearing false witness, especially since I was suspicious of being duped myself.

“Oh, yesterday,” Niles replied. “Just so you know, I called her to let her know that Liz had miscarried the baby.”

“Oh no, Niles. I’m sorry,” I said as this news took me by surprise. Then I selfishly wondered if he would still marry his no longer pregnant fiancée.

“Oh well,” Niles shrugged. “I wasn’t even sure it was mine. I was just trying to do a noble thing, like you are with Carly.”

I didn’t know what to make of his reaction, but there was something cheesy about it. I ignored it and pressed on. “Do you still love Carly, Niles?” I asked in as soothing a voice as I could muster.

He didn’t reply. His eyes went to the muscular bulk of my folded arms. Then he just looked startled as his eyes met mine. I truly wasn’t trying to intimidate him, especially after what he just told about the lost baby. I uncrossed my arms and hooked my thumbs in my jean pockets. I made what I hoped was a friendly countenance.

“It’s okay,” I said with a little laugh. “You know how Carly told you about me getting Willa pregnant, and how she found me kissing Willa’s stomach?”

I didn’t know for sure that Carly had told him, but I was gambling that she had.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, sure, you still love her? Or yeah, sure, she told you about Willa and me?”

He cleared his throat and scratched his head uneasily. “Both.”

“I think she still has feelings for you too, Niles. As a matter of fact, I’m sure you remember making love with her after she caught me kissing Willa’s stomach, right?”

Niles didn’t bite. He stood as still as a mannequin and gazed at me as if in a trance.

“Look, Niles, I know you two made love, and it’s okay,” I said soothingly. I hoped I sounded more like Mr. Rogers than Hannibal Lector. “I drove her to it by not only getting Willa pregnant, but also by kissing her belly. We’ve forgiven each other.” Although Niles noticeably relaxed, he still didn’t confirm my suspicion. “Carly doesn’t want to talk about it,” I said. “Can you just tell me this much? Did you use a condom? And if not, are you disease-free?”

“No, of course I didn’t use a condom,” he chuckled. “But it’s not like she’s gonna get pregnant.”

“I know that,” I replied, talking slowly, as if he were a child. I was also holding back the sudden anger that might have been turning my ears red. “I also asked if you were disease-free. You’re not exactly the most celibate fellow on the planet.”

“Relax,” he said, putting his hands up in a stop gesture. “I’m disease-free. You can trust me. I’m a doctor.”

Yeah, on the level of Frank Burns from M.A.S.H., I thought.  I forced a smile, even though the desire to punch him felt overwhelming.

“I need to use the restroom,” Niles declared and disappeared into Carly’s bathroom.

A couple of minutes after the bathroom door closed behind Dr. Dynamite, Carly walked in.

“Hey,” she said with a little smile. “Thanks for coming over.”

“My pleasure, Carly,” I replied. This time I definitely sounded like Hannibal Lector.

“Is he here?” Carly asked.

“Is who here?”

“The repairman, silly. Who else would I be talking about?”

“Oh, possibly Niles.”

As if on cue, the bathroom door opened, and Niles came out. Carly looked a little surprised.

“Niles, when did you get here?” she asked with a frown.

“Oh, I don’t know, a few minutes ago?”

“Niles was just telling me how he didn’t use a condom when you two had sex a couple of months ago,” I told Carly matter-of-factly. “You know, the same day Willa told me she was pregnant.”

Now she looked genuinely surprised, with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open. Then she slowly turned a hard gaze on Niles. “You told him!” Carly barked.

“He said that you told him,” Niles whined, pointing an accusing finger at me.

“I didn’t say that” I replied innocently. “I just stated that you and she had sex a couple of months ago, and I asked if you used a condom. Then you told me that you didn’t.”

As if in slow motion, Carly’s arm reared back. Then it shot forward as if spring loaded. There was a sharp crack as Carly’s hand met Niles’ cheek. I winced, not at the violence to Niles, but at Carly’s very pregnant state. She looked ready to pop at any time.

“How could you?” she demanded with her hands on her hips.

I felt strangely peaceful after I had proof that I could never trust Carly. It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was always gonna be uncomfortable about Niles, as she was about Willa. I gave Carly a quick kiss on her cheek. “Have a nice life,” I told her.

Her face went from anger to stunned. I moved rapidly toward the door, not wanting any part of whatever drama might ensue, even though I instigated it.

“William, wait!” Carly cried with desperation as she firmly grasped the crook of my arm. “It happened spontaneously and just once. I was emotionally distraught after seeing your face all over Willa’s barely dressed body.”

“So you ‘re telling me that every time you become emotionally distraught, I’ll have to wonder whether you’re having sex with someone else?”

“Only if I see you rubbing your face on another woman’s body,” she replied haughtily.

“Like I said,” I replied calmly, “have a nice life.”

Once again, I turned to go. Once again, she grabbed the crook of my arm.

“Look, Billy,” she said softly. “It’s not like I hooked up with some random guy. Niles is my friend, and he’s also the father of my child.” She gently rubbed her protruding stomach after she said Niles was the father of her child. I touched my hand to her cheek and smiled warmly.

“Exactly,” I said. “So maybe you should be with Niles instead of me.”

“So you’re breaking up with me?” she asked, shaking her head as tears leaked from her eyes.

“I am,” I answered, not enjoying this encounter at all. “Sincerely, have a nice life. I sincerely hope we can be friends.”

She put her hands in her face and sobbed. I just stood and looked at her with a bit of a sick feeling. I truly did not want to hurt her, even though she had made me feel just like that almost a year previous. Niles stepped up and softly rubbed her back. He didn’t look displeased, and I thought I even detected a twinkle in his eyes.

“Niles, be good to her,” I said. “If I find out you even threaten to hit her again, I’ll hurt ya.”

“I’ve learned my lesson,” he said gravely.

“Good,” I said extending a hand to shake.

“This is for the best,” Niles said as he took my hand with a bit of a grin.

“Oh, shut up, Niles!” Carly said lifting her head from her hands. “You have a nice life too, William,” Carly croaked.

I nodded solemnly as I left Carly. Unlike after our first breakup, which had devastated me, I felt a weird sense of lightness and freedom this time. I also felt relieved of the foreboding that I had as I prepared to enter a tricky triangle with Carly and Niles.

I’d like to tell you my first thought upon leaving Carly’s place was a different sort of triangle. That would be Willa and me and baby make three. But although free from the excuse of Carly, I still balked at yoking with a former prostitute.

But in the next twenty-four hours, two things happened that rearranged my thinking. Both are rather simple things that transformed my life rather quickly and are lodged permanently in my memory bank. Believe it or not, one was a Christian romance novel, and the other was simply running into a friend at the grocery store.

When I got home from Carly’s, I found a paperback book in my screen door. It was from Destiny Knight-Storm. I know this because a note, more like a letter, was taped to the front. It read:

Hi Billy! I hope you don’t think I’m crazy, but I felt impressed to bring you this book. It is based on the premise of the book of Hosea. I know a romance novel isn’t your cup of tea, but the author did a great job bringing the spiritual unfaithfulness told in the scriptures down to a personal level. It is the story of a prostitute, and the great length a man went to love her and help her find redemption. I was hoping you would see that Willa’s experience wasn’t nearly as dark. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I always got the vibe that her past made you very uncomfortable. If that’s the case, it is a shame, because you two seem so right for each other. Normally I wouldn’t give you my opinion, especially since I am biased, but all along I felt you should be with Willa over Carly. The reason I am sharing my opinion now is I know about the baby, and marriage is a big step. Just something to consider. I hope you’re not mad. Brock and I love you! Your friend, Dee.

A lump formed in my throat over her words ‘Brock and I love you.’ True friends tell you the truth, they tell you what they think, and they do it in love. I also wasn’t surprised that Willa confided in Destiny. I texted her a thank you, and an assurance I wasn’t mad. I also promised to give the book a look.

It was called, ‘Redeeming Love,’ by Francine Rivers. I figured I’d at least read a chapter since my good friend went to the trouble to not only bring it over but write a large note after finding me not home. Instead of reading only one chapter, I stayed up half the night reading the book. The story did lessen the ugliness of Willa’s past in my mind.

How did Destiny know this book would help me see more clearly? It could have easily gone the other way, especially when the heroine strayed from her husband. However, Destiny said in her note that she felt ‘impressed.’ I happened to know that Destiny was a woman with a diligent prayer life.

Although the book Destiny loaned me was nudging me off the fence when it came to Willa. Running into Dirk Easton at the grocery store the next day pushed me off.

CHAPTER 20

WILLA

I thought Carly catching Billy Bob kissing my bare stomach was a sign that he and I were destined to be together. I foolishly considered that it might have even been an answer to prayer. I gave him space to absorb the news of impending fatherhood. I thought that he and I creating a child together would draw him to me like a bee to a flower. Apparently, I thought wrong. After informing Billy Bob that he was going to be a father, I didn’t see him again until almost a week later at fellowship.

“How are you, Willa?” he asked in his usual pleasant manner. But I thought I detected a deeper than ordinary affection in his eyes. Once again, I thought wrong.

“I’m doing wonderfully,” I replied as my spirit soared. “How about you?”

“It’s been a trying time to be honest,” he said and then sighed.

My soaring spirit dipped and only plummeted from there. “Why is that?” I asked cautiously.

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching since the day you came over,” he replied and then sighed even heavier. “Intense soul searching.”

“I see.”

“I’m still gonna marry Carly,” he said with sadness in his countenance, and a sigh from his voice box.

All I could do was nod. I was afraid that if I spoke, I would burst into tears. Where was that tough, cold, hard woman that was paid by men to tie them up and punish them? She was dead, and her life was now hid with Christ. She had a new, better, and stronger strength. I lifted my chin with dignity and looked Billy Bob in the eyes. “I see. I can’t force you to love me.”

“But I do love you, Willa,” he almost pleaded. But instead of adding ‘let me count the ways,’ he said, “But it’s complicated. Like I told you before, I have a long history with Carly. Yes, I know she screwed up. But the Bible teaches forgive us our sins as we forgive others.”

“True, but forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be involved with the forgiven.”

“But don’t you see, I want to because I… love her.”

Why the hesitation when he said he loved her? Because he was unsure that the depth surpassed his love for me? Or because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings?

“But I want to be very involved in our child’s life, though,” he said softly. “Is that okay with you?”

“Of course it’s okay with me,” I said. “I want you to be involved in our child’s life to the point that I would marry you today.”

Although I thought that I hid the hurt I felt, it must have shown through.

“Willa,” he whispered as his hand began to move to my cheek, but then it fell back to his side.

We gazed at each other affectionately, and his face moved ever so slightly toward mine. If we were down at Cottonwood Creek with more privacy, I think he might have kissed me. At least I hoped he would have.

“Worship is going to start in about ten minutes,” a hidden female voice declared.

“I guess we had better go find our seats,” Billy Bob said.

“Would you want to go down to the creek after services?” I asked him.

“I can’t,” he sighed. “I have to meet Carly right after.”

“She’s not here?”

“No,” he replied uncomfortably.

I voiced what I hoped he was already thinking. “You shouldn’t be yoked with unbelievers.”

“Carly is a believer,” he defended. “She just hasn’t come around to the Biblical Sabbath. But I plan on giving her a history lesson this afternoon, as a matter of fact, on when the tradition of Sunday worship began.”

“Be sure to point out that the fourth commandment is the one that recognizes God as the Creator and Redeemer. And that’s why Satan’s agenda for religion to think to change times and laws prophesied in Daniel 7:25 has been a special point of attack.”

“Very good, Willa Tree!”

Normally I didn’t especially like people calling me Willa Tree, but I would take whatever term of affection Billy Bob had to offer.

“Maybe you should give Carly a Bible study instead of me,” he chuckled.

“Okay,” I responded cheerfully. “What time?”

His face fell and his eyes looked startled. “Well, no… Um, I meant…”

I giggled. “I know the time isn’t right, Billy. But just so you know, I want to coexist peaceably with Carly. After all, we are all gonna be yoked to one degree or another due to the children.”

Billy Bob sighed. “Yeah, quite the modern family.”

“Please, seats everyone,” the female voice said again.

“Can I ask you a quick question before we go in?” I asked.

“Sure,” Billy Bob said, thankfully without sighing.

“What are we going to tell people here, you know, down the road, when it’s obvious I’m with child?”

“I thought of that, too,” he said with a sigh. I think I heard poor Billy Bob sigh more in the last few minutes than I had the whole time I’ve known him. “I guess I or we will have to tell the congregation the truth before it is obvious that we’re pregnant,” he said.

My heart lifted a little when he said ‘we’ rather than ‘you.’ I nodded, and we walked into the sanctuary together. Billy Bob slid into a pew next to Dirk and Amy Easton. I slid into the pew behind him next to Brock and Destiny. My new but dear friend aimed her bright blue eyes at me and smiled.

“Dee,” I whispered into her ear, “can you walk down to the creek with me after service? Just the two of us?” She nodded as she patted me on the knee. I bit my lip again as I fought back tears. I had made such good friends since joining this fellowship. How would they react to me becoming pregnant out of wedlock? At least I knew that Destiny would understand.

She seemingly had replaced Zella as my best friend. My new faith had put me on a different page than Zella. She had vehemently told me that I should get an abortion rather than bring a child into this diabolical world. She also warned of the difficulties of single parenthood. But I had faith in Billy Bob’s faith in God. He was a standup guy if ever there was one. I believed that somehow I wasn’t going to be a single parent in the fullest extent.

Later, down at Cottonwood Creek, Destiny and I kicked off our shoes and sat together on a rock. With her long light blue skirt, white top, sandals, and her honey blonde hair in a ponytail, she looked like she had just walked off the Swiss Alps. I hiked up my yellow sundress and placed my feet in the water next to hers.

“Feels good,” Destiny purred, and I could feel her look at me as I stared at our feet that were blurred by the flowing water. “So, what’s up, girlfriend?” Destiny finally asked as she nudged my foot with hers.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted as I looked at her.

Her widening eyes caused her eyebrows to shoot up, and her mouth to gape open. I turned my gaze back to our feet. “Oh, my. Willa, who’s the father?”

“Billy Bob.”

“Billy Bob!” she replied with shock. “I thought you two were strictly friends.”

“This is where it gets complicated,” I sighed. I began with the camping trip. I ended with my brief conversation with Billy Bob an hour previous. When I finished talking, I began to cry. Destiny gently put her arm around my shoulders and softly leaned her head against mine. I looped my arm around her lower back. She didn’t say a word; she was simply there for me, alleviating my intense feelings of being alone. But how would my new church family as a whole respond to me being pregnant out of wedlock?

“Dee,” I croaked. “When it’s known that I’m pregnant out of wedlock, do you think I will be ostracized by the congregation?”

She looked at me and put her hands on my shoulders, making me look at her. “Listen to me,” she demanded. “I promise you that you will have more supporters than detractors, so do not spend even a second worrying about that. There’s a reason we are called a church family. You’re my spiritual sister, and if anybody attacks you, they are attacking me. Therefore, they’re gonna have to get through me first. Got it?”

I nodded and looked away from her, embarrassed at my fragile emotional state. I used to be so tough, so self-sufficient. But the meek shall inherit the earth. So I let myself be vulnerable with this woman I trusted.  Destiny was such an incredibly strong woman. Her own background was as dark as mine, yet she didn’t seem to struggle with anything. “Can I ask you something personal, Dee?”

“Of course,” she grinned. “Like I said, we’re sisters.”

“Do you ever get tempted? Do you ever fail?”

“Yes, and yes,” she laughed.

“Can you give me an example? I mean, to me, you are like a spiritual Wonder Woman.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” Destiny laughed some more. “But I am not.”

“So, tell me. How have you failed?”

“I think my biggest failure of late is losing my patience. My greatest temptation is to murmur and complain.”

“Do you ever get tempted with your old lifestyle?” I asked with a wince.

“Well,” she said as her cheeks puffed as she blew out a breath. “When I first became a Christian, I wasn’t physically tempted to return to my old lifestyle. But I was tempted often with my thoughts, and sometimes failed that way.”

“Failed how?”

“Instead of turning my thoughts to the spiritual, I’d allow them to dwell on things carnal. Then I’d end up in a state where it felt almost impossible not to, um …”

“Have sex?”

She nodded grimly. “It wasn’t necessarily my old lifestyle; it was mostly Brock. And he was in a relationship with another woman at the time. It seemed like every time I was around him, I ended up tempted with all sorts of fantasies.

“Once, when I very first started attending Cotton Creek Cove, I actually began to wonder what a threesome with Brock and his then girlfriend, Nora Medora, would be like. I once actually thought about this when I was with Brock. Then to top it off, I actually shook my head as I tried to shake off the thought. And then Brock asked me why I was shaking my head.”

“You’re kidding,” I said with a laugh. “Did you tell him?”

“No way! Thankfully, he didn’t pursue it any further. Life is strange. Brock is my husband now, but early on, he was my biggest temptation when it came to sexual fantasies.”

“That what’s happened to me, especially this last month,” I told her. “Even though I became so angry with Billy Bob, there was this other side of me that couldn’t stop recalling that night in the tent and fantasizing about what might have been.”

“Do you get tempted to go back to your old lifestyle?” she asked.

“Like you, I wouldn’t say tempted, but there are times when I think about it. Especially when I struggle and get discouraged. It’s odd how living by Biblical principles can be trying.”

“The temptation to give up might be the most diabolical of temptations,” Destiny said. “We need to remember that Satan walks about as a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour. Obviously, that’s not literal. He devours us by making us discouraged, turning our affections away from Jesus, and causing us to give up. Or sometimes, even worse, getting on some wrong type of path of fanaticism.”

“1 Peter 5:8,” I said.

“What?” Destiny said with wide, expressive eyes.

“What you just quoted. Isn’t it 1 Peter 5:8?”

“I’m not sure,” Destiny said with a frown. “Let’s have a look.” She pulled a small Bible out of a pocket in her skirt. It wasn’t much bigger than a deck of cards. I chuckled, and she smiled at me before she opened it and began to search. “I got it at Dollar Tree,” she said as she turned pages. “If I have my purse or even a pocket, it’s usually with me. Hey! You’re right.” Destiny beamed at me as she patted my knee. I felt satisfaction for minute, like a schoolgirl who was just praised by her teacher. Then the reality of why I asked Destiny if she could talk came back to me full force.

“I didn’t know falling in love with someone could make you crazy,” I said, laughing without humor.

“You’ve never been in love before?” Destiny frowned.

“Not, um, romantic love, or whatever you’d call it.”

“I see.”

“I know, most people probably think it’s pathetic that an attractive woman in her mid-twenties hasn’t even been close to being in love before.”

“I was in the same boat myself.”

“No wonder I feel such a bond with you,” I smiled. “I keep discovering more that we have in common all the time.” We both sat in silence for a minute, watching our feet as we swirled them in the clear flowing water.

“You know, Willa,” Destiny said. “I spent a lot of time being lovesick over Brock when he was engaged to another woman. I had to train myself to get over him. I did that by not only taking things one day at a time, but also being grateful for every minute, every moment I was alive, healthy, and breathing. It paid off big time, especially when I stood up to be maid of honor for Nora when she and Brock were getting married. I couldn’t have been more convinced that there was no chance for a future with Brock.”

“You’re kidding!” I said in complete shock. “They actually got married, and you were her maid of honor?”

“They didn’t get married,” Destiny said, shaking her head. “Nora backed out before she said I do.”

“Oh no, poor Brock,” I said, and then quickly realized that if Nora hadn’t backed out, Destiny wouldn’t be married to him. “I mean, that must have been awful being left at the altar in front of a church full of people.”

“Actually, Brock was relieved,” Destiny giggled. “And it was a small ceremony. Less than a dozen people were present.”

“Oh, well, good.”

“My point is,” Destiny said with a smile, “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

“But don’t get my hopes up.”

“Exactly. For what it’s worth, I have a feeling about you and Billy Bob. You two are also set up better than Brock and I were. His potential marriage to Carly is at least a month or two away. From what I’ve seen of Billy, I think his sharing a child with you is gonna start outweighing his sentimental fixation with Carly.

“Also, I get the vibe that Carly doesn’t like attending our church. Yet if I’ve read Billy Bob correctly, he’s not just an admirer, but a follower of Jesus. I think that in itself will prove to outweigh his rekindle with Carly.”

“I warned Billy about being unequally yoked spiritually,” I told her.

“Good for you!”

“But don’t get my hopes up.”

“Right!”

We both laughed and then hugged.

CHAPTER 19

WILLA

“Billy Bob!” I exclaimed as he staggered, clutched his head, and dropped derriere first to the floor. I winced at how hard he sat. Then he seemed to pass out. His eyes rolled back, closed, and his mouth gaped open. He gurgled and I was afraid he was choking on his tongue or something. So I slapped his face a few times, as I asked him if he was okay.

His eyes opened and he said, “Who’s knocking?”

This made me giggle. But his eyes closed again so I shook his shoulders. “Billy Bob!”

His eyes opened again, and he put his face in his hands and began to sob. This man who was the most even-keeled, easygoing person that I had ever met wailed as his shoulders shook.

“Billy Bob, what is it?” I asked as I knelt in front of him. He began to ramble incoherently. Then I made out something about him raping me. I grabbed both of his wrists and yanked his hands away from his face. I clamped my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look me in the eyes. His eyebrows furrowed meekly, and his eyes were wide and childlike. I would have smiled or even laughed if I didn’t feel so intense and maybe even angry.

“Billy Bob Booker, you listen to me,” I said heatedly. “You did not rape me or violate me. In my mind, we made love as husband and wife, regardless of the lack of ceremony or legal document. Do you understand me?”

He gave a couple small nods, and I gave him a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. Then I put my cheek against his and whispered into his ear, “Would I do that if you violated me in any way?” Then I pulled away to look at him.

He shook his head, still wide-eyed. That big, rugged man looked so much like a naughty little boy that I couldn’t help but laugh then. To my relief, Billy Bob smiled. Yet I couldn’t get a read on how he truly felt. I didn’t even know how I felt. For the last month, I had thought that Billy Bob had tricked me into a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am,’ even though I knew in my heart that there had to be an explanation. I just didn’t believe he was that type of guy.

I don’t know for certain why I played the stubborn, angry game. Looking back, I guess my feelings for Billy Bob made me feel frightened and vulnerable. Then there was jealousy over Carly and frustration that he still planned on marrying her after making love with me. Plus, there was the high of thinking Billy Bob had chosen me over Carly, and then the low when I realized he hadn’t.

“Where do we go from here?” Billy Bob asked quietly.

“That’s up to you,” I replied as I shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“I told you that I thought, in a sense, we were consummating our marriage that night in the tent.”

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?” Billy Bob asked cautiously.

“Billy Bob,” I said, shaking my head with a sad laugh, “did you forget my kiss a minute ago?”

“No, I remember every single kiss with you, Willa,” Billy Bob replied with a sweet smile. I felt tears of joy build behind my eyes.

I moved toward him. He stopped me when I prepared to kiss him again. “Willa,” he said sadly. “I’m engaged to another woman.”

“But I’m carrying your child, Billy Bob, and Carly is carrying Niles’ child.”

“I promised Carly that we would be married,” Billy Bob said. “What happened in the tent was unintentional. I love you as a dear friend, Willa. I’m sorry, but I’m in love with Carly.”

I couldn’t stop the tears now. Billy Bob softly spoke my name, which caused them to come in a torrent. “What’s the difference?” I barked, not liking how desperate I sounded.

“I guess familiarity,” he said with a shrug. “Carly and I have more than a six-year history together.”

“With a six-month break for a major betrayal,” I spit. Billy Bob opened his mouth and then closed it. Then he looked away with a frown as he contemplated my words.

Yes, I scored good points in ‘Willa versus Carly’ to win Billy Bob’s heart. Right then and there, I had a new resolve. I was going to fight for Billy Bob in the short time I had. “Don’t you want to be involved in your child’s life?” I asked.

“Oh, Willa, absolutely,” he said as he moved toward me and took both of my hands in his. “I’ll be as involved as you let me. And, of course, I’ll support him or her financially. Believe me, Willa, I’ll love our baby with all my heart, mind, and soul. But I am going to need time to get my head around this complex situation.”

“I need to use the bathroom,” I declared with sudden inspiration.

As soon as the door was closed, I prayed to the Lord for forgiveness if what I was about to do was a sin. I was still new enough to the faith that I didn’t fully grasp the ethics behind using sensuality, even after Billy Bob told me of the role I played with my wardrobe or lack thereof and the tent incident.

Right or wrong, in desperation, I unzipped my dress and slipped out of it. I adjusted my bikini top and applied a little lipstick. I turned around, looking at my jean shorts in the mirror. I smiled and shook my head as it occurred to me that it wouldn’t be long before they would even fit.

Billy Bob was pacing his living room when I stepped out of the bathroom. He stopped walking as he froze in his tracks with his mouth hanging open. Whether in surprise or desire, I didn’t know. Maybe it was a combination. “Willa, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” I asked with an innocent cheeriness.

“You’re dressed like, you know …”

“Like I was on that fateful day and night?” I asked as I stepped toward him with a coy smile.

“You’re killing me.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are,” he replied as he put his hands on his hips. “Why?”

“Because I want you to see and touch where your son or daughter is.” I took hold of his strong, calloused hand and pulled it toward me. He didn’t resist. I placed it over my belly button as he stared at me as if in a trance.

“Your tiny, little baby is right inside there, Billy Bob,” I whispered. “Your child. Part you and part me.”

“Yeah,” he whispered back with awe as he stared at his hand on my abdomen.

My vision caught sight of someone getting out of a car in Billy Bob’s driveway. It was Carly! The main door was wide open. When she stepped onto the stoop, she would have a clear view of Billy Bob and me through the screen door. “Will you do me a favor, Billy Bob?”

“What?” he asked as his eyes returned to mine.

“Will you show me that you’re okay with me having your baby?”

“How?”

“Will you kiss your child for the first time?”

“Do you mean your stomach?” he asked with a frown. I nodded. “Willa,” he said with mild exasperation.

“Please,” I said softly. “Just this once, and I won’t ask you again.”

To my pleasant surprise, Billy Bob smiled and knelt in front of me. His soft lips covered my belly button and a tingle shot up my spine with the feel of his whisker stubble on my skin. I couldn’t help running a hand through his thick hair.

“William, what are you doing?” Carly barked as she burst through the door.

Billy Bob and I both looked toward her. Carly stood just inside the door with hands on her hips, shooting daggers at us with her eyes. Billy Bob shot to his feet with a look of shock and surprise on his face. I, on the other hand, had to fight back a grin. Major points in ‘Willa versus Carly.’

“I asked you a question,” she demanded. Billy Bob opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked at me with a helpless expression. Carly glared at me with hatred. “Since the cat’s got his tongue, Willa, maybe you could tell me why my fiancé was kneeling in front of you with his face buried into your bare stomach as your barely covered boobs practically sat on top of his head.”

“He was just kissing his child,” I replied with a shrug.

“What?” Carly responded with one of the deepest scowls that I had ever seen. “What do you mean, kissing his child?”

“Billy Bob got me pregnant when we were on that camping trip a month or so ago,” I told her, regardless of whether my words and flippant attitude would make Billy Bob mad.

Carly looked at Billy Bob again as her mouth hung open, almost to her shoes.

“It, I, I …,” poor Billy Bob stammered.

I truly felt bad for him, but I deemed it a necessary part of my strategy. Remember the old cliché: All’s far in love and war. Love might not be war, but it can be a major battle and I wasn’t going to beat Carly by doing nothing. I had to be aggressive, yet patient and smart.

“Well, it looks like you two have a lot to talk about. I’ll just skedaddle,” I said cheerily. I went to the bathroom and threw on my sundress. I was delighted with Carly’s timing. Then I made my way to the front door.

“Sleepwalking?” I heard Carly say with sarcasm. “Give me a break. I can’t believe it, and I’ve never known you to be a liar.” I didn’t say goodbye. I simply slipped out quietly and left them to their turmoil, but upon departure, I caught five more of Carly’s words. “But you are just that!”

BILLY BOB

Carly plopped onto my sofa and put her face in her hands, sobbing. How hard she sat made me cringe due to her pregnancy. I knelt in front of her and gently put my hand on her knee. She brushed it off with anger.

“Carly, don’t you remember me telling you how I used to sleepwalk when I was a kid?” I asked. To my relief she nodded. I explained the whole camping situation to her. Cringing inwardly, I told her about my erotic dream of Willa and the awkward aftermath.

“That’s supposed to make me feel better, Billy?” she asked between sobs as she stood quickly. “Regardless of the sleepwalking incident, you tell me that you have erotic dreams about someone you have insisted is only your friend? Plus, it’s quite obvious that Willa is more interested in you than just friends. It was perfectly clear that she also thoroughly enjoyed informing me of your incident.” Carly used air quotes as she said incident.

“It was one dream, not dreams in the plural,” I said. “I have never had a sexual dream about Willa before. To be honest, maybe a couple slightly, I don’t know, erotic dreams, but …”

“I’m leaving,” she said as she abruptly left in a huff.

I picked up my phone and called Lyle. I told him everything that happened and asked him for a few days off. It was unlike me to take time off in the summer since we had such a large chunk of the winter off. I didn’t even take any time off when Carly dumped me for Niles. Lyle, being the good friend that he was, didn’t hesitate to comply. “Thanks,” I mumbled at him.

“I know you wouldn’t ask me for it if you didn’t need it,” he replied. “Take as much time as you need. We’ll manage, even if I have to go move some dirt around myself. I wouldn’t mind it, either.”

“Thanks again. Love ya, brother.”

“Back at ya, bro. Get your head right.”

“By the way,” I told him. “Unless it’s some type of emergency, I’m not touching my phone for three days.”

“Wow, you really must be in a bad way,” my phone-addicted pal replied.

“I don’t know. I just got a lot of mental laundry to do.”

“Good luck. Hang in there, buddy.”

“Thanks.”

I immediately shut off my phone. I threw together my camping gear and enough grub for three days. It was just what I needed. Lots of prayer, fresh air, and solitude. I was somewhat able to clear my head and face my really bizarre realities. The simple truth was that I now was completely torn between two women. Me, ordinary ole William Robert Booker who never once noticed a lady turn and gaze my direction in admiration.

Although Willa and I had become good friends and she obviously was attractive, I never considered her a romantic possibility. Call me judgmental, but she was a prostitute. Forgive me, but this bothered me on a fairly deep level. Even though she expressed desire for me, I shrugged it off as something fleeting and sentimental due to our bonding through horses and fellowship. But now, with a human life created by Willa and me, it changed everything.

However, it was Carly with whom I had a shared history and Carly with whom I was most familiar. It was Carly who I had promised to marry and who I had shared years of precious moments. I mean time together, not the little figurines. Although I have given her a few of the little statues as gifts over the years. As painful as her foray with Niles had been and as uncomfortable as his inclusion into our lives would be, I believed her deep regret clearly showed that she and I were meant to be together.

I sought God’s guidance and renewed my resolve to walk in faith. But I was still torn and looking for some kind of sign. But more often than not, rather than a sign, we need to make the effort to reason things out. The Lord even instructs us, come let us reason together. (Isaiah 1:18)

However, reason gave me a possible sign indicating the direction I might go after I arrived home and checked my phone. It showed several missed calls and texts from Carly. Her tone was not only forgiving, but apologetic. There was not a single call or text from Willa. So I called Carly, and after a short conversation, I went to her condo.

“I missed you,” she cooed after giving me an emphatic kiss and warm embrace.

“I was only gone three days,” I laughed.

“I can’t believe that you just left without telling anyone,” she said with a playful pout.

I chuckled some more before I hugged and kissed her again. I was expecting her to be at least a little cool toward me, if not downright cold, but she was just the opposite. As a matter of fact, I had never seen Carly more lovey dovey. “I told Lyle,” I said.

“I know, but I didn’t think to ask him about your whereabouts until late yesterday.”

“Well, sorry,” I shrugged. “It was spur of the moment, and my head was a mess.”

“I think I can find a way to forgive you,” she said as she took me by the hand and began to lead me to her bedroom.

“Carly,” I said, stopping her, “not ‘til after were married.”

“You can’t blame a girl for trying,” she said with a grin.

“Stop doing that. You’re wearing me out.”

“That’s the idea,” she giggled. “Hey, I got some interesting news that you should like.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, Niles is getting married.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “You’re kidding!”

“I am not,” she smiled conspiratorially. “His girlfriend is pregnant, three months along.”

“Wow, so he’s gonna have two kids with only a couple of months age difference?” Carly nodded. “He hasn’t even been dating her for four months, has he?” I asked.

“Well, keep this to yourself,” she said quietly, even though we were alone. “Niles had a two-year affair with Kelly while he was married to his first wife. So, a few months ago, they were, how do I put this? Reacquainted.”

“How and when did you find out that he got another woman pregnant?”

“Oh,” Carly said as a look of caution came across her face. “I talked to him that day I found you with Willa.” I opened my mouth to ask her more about it, but she cut me off. “So, you see, that’s great news for you and me,” she grinned.

“How’s that?”

“With Niles parenting another child, that means he’ll be less involved with ours. It will at least be cut in half, right?”

“Good point,” I said, nodding. I had been so preoccupied with the scandalous information that I wasn’t considering the possible effects on us. Especially since he would be yoked through marriage to the mother of his second child. Maybe this was the sign I had been looking for after all.

“Also, I’m sorry for the way I responded to you and Willa,” Carly said as she took my hands in hers. “I know that you are an honest and honorable man. After thinking about it, I’m actually glad that you are having a baby with Willa.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I said incredulously.

“Seriously,” she replied. “All along, I’ve been carrying this huge guilt about having Niles’ baby. Now, with Willa carrying yours, it evens the score. You had sex with Willa, and I had sex with Niles. We forgive each other and move on, right? And then we get married and have two or three more kids together.”

“Right.”

“I forgive you,” she said and put out her hand for me to shake.

“Thank you,” I said as I took her hand.

“Aren’t you gonna say you forgive me?” she asked. I didn’t realize that she was being deceptive and asking for something recent.

“I already did,” I told her.

“I need to hear it again.”

“I forgive you, Carly.”

“Thank you,” she said sweetly before she hugged and kissed me. “I can’t wait until you’re my husband.”

“I can’t wait until you’re my wife.”

“Okay, then,” she said stepping away from me and putting her hands on her hips. “Now, let’s sit down and talk about boundaries and guidelines.”

Now that was more like Carly. The old Carly, that I knew so well. She and I drank iced tea and discussed how involved we would be with Willa and Niles. Apparently when she spoke with Niles the other day, he agreed to let her have sole custody for now. He simply would like to set up a visitation schedule. I agreed to only see Willa at fellowship, but no more getting together with her in private. Only when Willa had our baby would I become more involved with her. But just for the baby!

CHAPTER 18

WILLA

I could actually hear Billy Bob tossing and turning in his tent. I was unable to sleep myself but chose to read by lantern light rather than trying to force slumber. When I was finally nodding off, I heard Billy Bob’s tent open. To my surprise, he entered my tent without announcing himself.

That was very unlike Billy Bob. One of the things that drew me to him was how polite, considerate, and gentlemanly he was. He was wearing only boxer shorts. I had never even seen him with his shirt off. He looked even better than I had imagined with six-pack abs and large, toned muscles. His body was like a V, tapering down to narrow hips.

“There’s my beautiful bride,” Billy Bob said with a dreamy smile.

I had gotten undressed before I got into my sleeping bag. I had forgotten to bring a nightgown. I hiked the quilt like fabric up on my chest. Even though I tried to entice Billy Bob with my bikini top and short shorts earlier, now that I was in my birthday suit, I suddenly became modest.

“Billy Bob, what are you talking about?” I asked with a frown. I had finally gotten into a sleepy state. But with Billy Bob just barging uninvited into my tent, my adrenaline spiked. I was dazed, confused, and feeling like I was in a dream.

“Isn’t this a nice place to honeymoon?” he droned as if stoned. Sleep depravity must have made him loopy, because Billy Bob didn’t drink alcohol, let alone smoke dope.”

“I always dreamed of Paris,” I told him. “But yes, this is nice.”

“The babbling brook, the canopy of trees,” he continued. “But most important, my beautiful Willa.”

“Did you choose me then, Billy Bob?” I asked as my heart begin to soar.

“Indeed I have,” he said as he softly rubbed the back of his hand over my cheek.

He kissed me and I let him. After several minutes of passionate lip locking, Billy Bob unzipped my sleeping bag all the way down to my feet and uncovered me. It wasn’t the first time that I was naked in front of him. For I had disrobed when he sought my services as a woman for hire. He hadn’t been soliciting sex, but he had hoped that I would be his date for a wedding.

Back then, when selling sexual favors was my commodity, he refused to look. Now as someone who was attempting Christianity and living a chaste life, he looked. Not only did he look, he ran his eyes up and down in awe. Life is filled with ironies!

“Willa, you are so incredible. I can’t believe you’re mine.” he said as he slipped off his boxers and proceeded to join me in my sleeping bag.

“Billy Bob Booker! What are you doing?”

Despite my outrage, he chuckled. “What do you mean what am I doing? It’s our honeymoon!”

“Um, I don’t seem to recall our wedding.”

“Don’t be silly, Willy,” he said with a giggle. I had never heard him giggle before, and it caused me to do likewise. “You were there. Besides, who needs a ceremony and a piece of paper, as long as God was the witness.”

Forgive me for what happened next on several accounts. For one, I honestly didn’t know Billy Bob was sleepwalking, despite his strange behavior. Two, I was still adjusting to Christian behavior and hadn’t been baptized yet. Three, I still was battling an ‘all’s fair in love and war’ mindset. And four, I was simply head over heals in love with Mr. Booker.

“Billy Bob, am I to take it that you consider me your wife?” I asked as my head spun with this bizarre, yet wonderful this moment.

“Of course I do. I love you with all my heart, Willa. You’re such a beautiful bride.”

We then proceeded to make sweet, tender love. I expected to be cradled in Billy Bob’s arms the rest of the night. But as soon as the passion subsided, Billy Bob got up and trudged back to his tent like a zombie. To say I was stunned and mortified is an understatement. Forgive me if I’m giving too much information, but he didn’t even take his boxers.

I picked them up and followed, calling after him. He ignored me as he entered his tent and fell onto his bed roll. I threw his boxers into his tent and just stared, incredulous. Billy Bob began to emit soft snores just as tears began to trickle out of my eyes. He wasn’t the man I thought he was!

It hit me right away that I could never trust or love anyone, ever! Billy Bob was the most genuine seeming, decent man that I had ever met. Yet he duped me worse than any guy ever had, and ultimately treated me even worse than the whore I used to be. How could he? I felt like I was cursed. Maybe I deserved it.

Since I got no sleep the rest of the night, I arose at first light. I saddled my horse and went for a ride. Later when we were riding as a group, I did my best to avoid and ignore Billy Bob. And much to my chagrin, he seemed to be doing the same. When it came time to leave, I asked a lady named Brenda if I could ride home with her. This caused Billy Bob to cautiously confront me.

“Willa, what’s going on with you?” he pleaded.

“Whatever do you mean?” I asked with sing-song sarcasm.

“Obviously you’re mad and have been avoiding me.”

“Ya think?”

“But why?” he pleaded with open palms.

“Oh, and you haven’t been avoiding me?”

He looked away from me, avoiding eye contact.

“Do I really have to explain?” I asked with hands firmly on hips.

“It would be nice,” he said gently, his eyes returning to mine and looking sheepish.

I shook my head, crossed my arms, and laughed sarcastically.

“Please,” he begged.

“You took advantage of me,” I pointed a finger at him.

“What do you mean?” he replied, his eyes transforming from sheepish to surprised.

“So, you don’t love me?”

“Of course I love you, Willa.”

“But you’re staying with Carly?”

He opened his mouth and paused a couple seconds. “Well, yeah, that’s the plan.”

The impulse to slap him was overwhelming, but I refrained. “So I’m not your wife then?”

“What?” he asked with wide eyes and a puzzled look.

“So, it was all just a ploy to get me in the sack,” I said. “You’re such a phony! The biggest phony ever as a matter of fact!”

“Huh?” he responded, his eyes getting even bigger if possible.

“Take me for a little test drive, but decided you prefer the voluptuous, cheating Carly.”

“Willa, you’re making no sense.”

“Listen, Billy Bob, I don’t even want to be friends with you anymore. Please just stay away from me,” I declared before I spun and walked away from him. He called after me, but I ignored him, just as I would for the next several weeks. I’m sure my words hurt me as much as they did Billy Bob. Part of me still loved him, despite his bizarre betrayal.

Despite my discouragement, disappointment, and disillusion, I wasn’t tempted with my old lifestyle. I had come to realize just how much I hated it. I was tempted to stop attending Cotton Creek Cove, but I didn’t. New as I was to the fellowship, I had made some quality friends. Billy Bob even tried to solicit some of these friends to get me to talk to him. It didn’t work. What did work was a pregnancy test.

A couple months after Billy Bob visited my tent, I could no longer ignore the disruption with my menstrual cycle and morning sickness. A home pregnancy test indicated that Billy Bob was going to be a father. A trip to my doctor confirmed that I was an expecting mother. Oddly, I found myself happy and excited with the news once my head got around the matter. In the weeks following the fiasco with Billy Bob, I had come to accept the fact that I might be destined to be alone when it came to romantic relationships. But I would always have my child.

Time had cooled me down. Carrying Billy Bob’s baby foolishly made me feel drawn to him once again and long for him. I would go to his place and tell him he was going to be a daddy. Maybe there was a slim hope he would have an explanation for his behavior that fateful night. I came to believe that he would. I also came to believe that this would make him choose me over Carly. Once again, I was tempted with a sexy look. Maybe I can blame it on my changing hormones.

I dressed in the same get-up I had worn that infamous day my child was conceived with my red bikini top and tiny jean shorts. I looked at myself in a full-length mirror to see if I was showing yet. I didn’t look pregnant yet, but I had a bit of difficulty securing my already too small bikini top. It occurred to me that it wasn’t entirely Billy Bob’s fault alone. With my attire, I had purposely enticed him. I slipped a red sundress over my wardrobe, or lack thereof.

My heart soared when Billy Bob opened his door and I saw those warm, friendly eyes on mine. But then my heart sank when his fell.

BILLY BOB

It was hard facing Willa the morning after the dream I had about her when we were camping. It was as if she knew, but how could she? It was the most real and graphic erotic dream I had ever experienced, and the first since I was a teenager. Even though it was all in my head, I felt embarrassed around her. Then the way she exhibited hostility toward me only enhanced my self-conscious feelings.

It both saddened and puzzled me during the following weeks as Willa continually gave me the cold shoulder. It was as if she knew about my dream, and now she found me a repulsive pervert. But how was that possible? She couldn’t have gotten into my head. Not that way anyway.

About two months after the fateful horse excursion camping trip, there was a knock on my door. I looked at the time and frowned as I moved to open it. I was expecting Carly in a half an hour, but apparently, she was early. This was different since Carly was almost always fashionably late. I felt a smile spread across my face as I prepared to tease her. I was stunned to discover Willa at my door.

“Hi, Billy Bob,” she said uneasily.

“Willa,” I said with surprise. Then I grinned happily.

When I first saw her, surprise and caution had made my smile disappear. But when I assumed she was extending an olive branch, my grin returned as big as can be.

“Come in, come in,” I enthused. “Please, tell me you forgive me.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I forgive you. I also want to thank you. That’s why I’m here.”

“Thank me for what?” I frowned.

“For giving me a baby,” she replied with shy smile.

“How did I give you a baby?” I chuckled, oblivious to what she was talking about. I was so happy to be making up with her, the strangeness of her statement didn’t hit me. “My dog didn’t have puppies.”

“No silly, I’m talking about your visit to my tent several weeks ago. It resulted with me becoming pregnant.”

“What are you talking about?” I frowned, beyond confused. “What visit to your tent?”

She put her hands on her hips, scowled and began to chew her luscious lower lip. My breath caught. Could a female possibly be more gorgeous? Yet I perceived she was becoming angry. “Willa, please, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. Will you please just explain it to me? Come on. Let’s sit down and talk.”

Willa was wearing a red sundress, and her silky, dark hair was pulled back with a hair clip. I caught the scent of her perfume when she walked past me. It made me want to cuddle up with her on my couch as she approached it. I found out later it was called ‘Amazing Grace.’  

I shook off the thought. My fiancée would be here in just a little while, and we had come to a good understanding of boundaries. She with Niles, and me with Willa. Now Willa’s unexpected visit would likely cause my truce with my future wife to be thrown in disruption. Despite my anxiety, I hoped to make peace with Willa. I also hoped Carly would understand when I explained the unannounced visit.

Willa sat on my sofa and kicked off the same red Converse shoes that she had worn on the camping trip. She crossed one amazing leg over the other. Her nails were painted that familiar shade of red, too. I focused on her face, which wasn’t much help when she ran her tongue over her lips, and then she puckered them in consternation.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked.

“No, thanks,” she replied, and then she sighed. “I just wanted to stop by and tell you about my baby. I thought you had a right to know.”

I pulled a chair close to and directly across from her. What Willa had said started to sink in, and it made my head swim. She was pregnant and claiming I was the father, even though we were never intimate. My heart started to pound. What was she talking about?

“Okay, Willa,” I began slowly, wondering if she had some type of mental problem. “So, you say you’re pregnant, and I’m the father? But how could that possibly be?”

She snorted and shook her head. “So, you’re gonna tell me that you have no recollection of coming into my tent, telling me that I was your wife, telling me that you loved me, telling me that we were on our honeymoon, and then proceeding to make love with me?”

I gazed at her stunned. She was describing my erotic dream. But how could she be? Then a tear trickled out of her eye like a subtle exclamation point. “Well?” she asked with raised eyebrows and angrily crossing her arms.

We stared at each other for a long awkward moment. She was mad and defiant while I was confused and bewildered. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d had a sleepwalking issue as a youth. To my knowledge, I hadn’t done it in around a decade. “Willa, God as my witness, I thought it was a dream,” I told her as I showed her my palms.

“A dream?” she asked as now her eyebrows went the other direction from the frown she had been displaying.

“I was sleeping fitfully, and I had this strange dream,” I explained. “I dreamt you and I got married.”

“I wish you didn’t think marrying me was strange,” Willa said with something like disappointment.

“No, marrying you felt wonderful,” I said as I felt a pleased expression come over my face, despite this strange encounter.

“Really?” she asked with delight creeping into her face.

“Yeah. What was strange was that Carly was your maid of honor, Dirk Easton was my best man, and Niles was officiating.”

“Carly was my maid of honor?” Willa’s lovely face scowled. “I don’t think so. And Niles was officiating? Yuck.”

“Yeah, but then Captain Kirk told him he needed to leave. He refused, and they began to scuffle. Then Brock Storm came up and put Niles in a headlock and drug him away. Then it gets a little vague, but the wedding was over, and you said you wanted to go to the horse excursion place for our honeymoon. The next thing I knew, we were in a tent and, um, I thought I had the most incredible, realistic erotic dream of my life.”

“Really?” Willa asked cautiously. “You thought it was the most incredible dream of your life?”

“Yeah,” I enthused. “But like I said, I totally thought it was a dream. That’s why I felt so awkward around you in the morning when you were behaving so coldly toward me. Can you blame me?”

“No, of course not,” she replied soothingly and with a warm smile as she placed a hand on my forearm.

“I became paranoid thinking you somehow knew about the dream,” I continued. “I thought you at least knew how much I struggled not to lust after you, and therefore found me to be a major hypocrite.”

“So, you have desired me then?” she asked, skeptically.

“Are you kidding?” I chortled. “Even though I now adhere to abstinence before marriage, I’m twenty-two years old. Seeing you in those tiny shorts and bikini top for a big chunk of that day, holy smokes! I know it was the main contributing factor to my dream.”

Willa suddenly looked forlorn and hung her head. “Sorry. Here I’ve been mad at you when it was mostly my fault.”

“It’s my own fault,” I said softly. “It’s up to me to control my eyes and thoughts. I can’t believe it wasn’t a dream though. So that’s why you’ve been mad at me?”

“You bet,” Willa replied, snapping her eyes up to mine. “To be honest you did seem to be a little zoned that night. You know, not quite yourself. But I genuinely believed you when you declared us man and wife. I thought we were consummating a ‘’til death do us part’ relationship. At the time, I didn’t need a piece of paper or a ceremony for a legit bond in the eyes of God. I figured that you decided on me over Carly, so I allowed you into my sacred spot, so to speak.”

Oh no, Carly! Her baby was due in less than two months. We were gonna get married a few weeks after she or he was born. I was up in the air at the time of the horse excursion about Carly, Niles, the baby, and me. But then Willa’s and my friendship ended. Plus Carly was also keeping proper distance from Niles, which led us to repair our relationship. We were now communicating and on the same page. I was becoming more and more comfortable with the whole baby triangle of mother, father, and stepfather. As well as I could be, anyway.

“Billy, what’s wrong?” Willa asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to absorb everything.”

“So, you were walking in your sleep, you say?” Willa asked.

“I had some incidences with it when I was a kid,” I told her. “But to my knowledge, this was the first time since I was probably eleven or twelve. It must have been stress I had been feeling over Carly, and, well, you.”

“I owe you a major apology, Billy Bob.”

“For what?”

“I should have known there was an explanation for why our lovemaking ended the way it did,” Willa told me. “I just couldn’t fathom what it could possibly have been. I guess my hurt emotions coupled with jealousy over Carly snuffed down my reason. I just never expected to ever feel, you know, used by you. I didn’t think you were that type of guy at all, so it threw me for a loop.”

“What do you mean by how our lovemaking ended?” I asked cautiously. “What did I do?”

“Well, after you, um, planted your seed, so to speak,” she said with a shy smile, “I was expecting a long night of cuddling and sleeping in your arms. Instead you just got up like a zombie without so much as a kiss on my cheek and ambled back to your tent.”

I knelt in front of her and took both her hands in mine. “Willa, I’m so sorry,” I said. “I remember the planting the seed part, even though I thought it was a dream. Then I woke up, completely thinking I had an, um, erotic dream. But Willa, know this, if it wasn’t a dream, there’s no way we wouldn’t have spent the entire night in each other’s arms.”

“I guess I know that now,” she replied sweetly as she gently touched my forearm.

I had already felt guilt and shame for the said dream. If I hadn’t been tantalized by Willa’s beauty and sensuality, I wouldn’t have had the dream in the first place. But that’s no excuse. It sank in that our intimacy was not just a dream, but a sleepwalking episode. This made me feel like I sexually violated Willa. I became so overwhelmed with remorse that, in a daze, I tried to lower myself back into my chair. My rear end just grazed it, and I thudded hard onto the floor. My vision blurred, and I shut my eyes. I felt Willa’s warm breath on my cheek as she spoke. Then I heard a knock.

CHAPTER 17

BILLY BOB

Carly and I had a disagreement before I went on an overnight camping trip. She had claimed that she had given Willa and me plenty of leeway to pursue our friendship, but she thought an overnight camping trip was crossing a line. I argued that we would have separate tents, and there would be a dozen people altogether. The argument ended in a stalemate, but I thought about how I would feel if she camped overnight with Niles. Besides, I needed to once and for all put restrictions on my friendship with Willa.

The next day, I immediately went to Carly’s apartment before leaving on the camping trip. I was going to acknowledge that she was right, and I was considering skipping the outing.

Arriving at Carly’s turned out to be deja’vu all over again. Once again, I spotted Niles’ car. Once again, I snuck around back like a jealous fool. This time instead of getting a massage, the bad doctor stood behind Carly, spooning her as his hand gently swirled a hand over her belly.  My heart began to sink, ache and break.

Not only was she not stopping his ministrations, she reached back and ran fingers into his hair as she closed her eyes. I had to look away. A minute or two later, I peeked again. This time I watched them go into her bedroom and close the door.

With my heart about to pound right through my chest, I ran around the complex. My trembling finger was about to push her intercom button, but I stopped. What was I gonna do shout, ‘Ah-ha!’? Plus, my emotions and mindset were all over the place. I was angry and sad, and ironically, when I thought about just breaking it off, I felt an odd twinge of relief.

I plodded back to my truck with my mind racing. As minute after minute went by, I became calmer. I just needed to patiently go and confront them. But not even ten minutes after I spotted their cuddle, Niles left, and he didn’t look very happy.

As I approached Carly’s door, I felt both pleased that Niles looked displeased, yet angry that she was letting him touch her so intimately. This was the second time I happened upon them being too friendly. How many times had it happened when I wasn’t around?

“Hi,” Carly sang cheerfully, even though her eyes looked startled. “I thought you were going camping?”

            “Look, Carly, I decided not to go on that horse excursion after all.”

“No, Billy, I want you to go. It’s only fair. Because of this baby, Niles is going to be an element in our lives for a long, long time. We both need to learn to put all jealousies aside and allow each other the freedom of our friendships. Whether I like it or not, I’m carrying Niles’ child, and I want things between him and I to be as friendly as possible. So I decided that your friendship with Willa kind of balances things out? You see what I mean?”

Life is filled with ironies. The night before we argued. We now proceeded with another disagreement, only now we took opposite positions. I eventually relented and continued with my plans to camp overnight with the horse excursion. But my mind was troubled. I was so glad that Carly and Niles didn’t have sex, yet they did get touchy feely.

I wish I could ask why they went to the bedroom, but that would reveal that I had been spying. I was glad to be getting away and going on this camping trip. Yet, two things Carly said kept circling in my brain and putting a damper on my mood. The baby has made Niles a different man, and he will be an element of our lives for a long, long time.

To make matters worse for my chaotic mind, I had agreed to give Willa a ride. When I picked her up, she was wearing only tiny jean shorts and a bikini top. Correction, she also wore red Converse sneakers. Now, with all that was spinning around my brain, I would have the constant temptation to lust after Willa. Then again maybe that distraction would keep me from dwelling on this odd triangle that I found myself in with Carly and Niles. I always considered myself a simple man. How did my existence end up so twisted?

Then a quick stop at Lyle’s house turned into a major TMI moment when we accidentally saw Lyle and Devin getting more than friendly. I could tell by how quickly Willa walked to my truck that she was dying to discuss Devin and Lyle. Yet I stayed ahead of her, wanting to avoid the subject of our discovery as long as possible.

My mind was definitely being taken off of my own troubles, but not in a good way. Willa and I climbed into my truck, and she kicked off her shoes and leaned toward me.

“Well?” Willa inquired as she winced, her pretty face scrunched in emotional pain. I couldn’t avoid the subject now; she was upset by what we had witnessed. I wanted to comfort my friend, and I knew how she felt. For today, we had both seen potential mates being rather friendly with another person. Poor Willa’s was much more graphic.

“Well that was awkward,” I said.

“Yes,” she added, and then groaned.

 She had one spectacular leg crossed over the other, and she was bent over, rubbing her ankle. Her breasts look like they might spill out of her bikini top. Female flesh couldn’t possibly have looked more enticing. Then to my own surprise, I reached out and touched her knee a minute later. Although it was motivated by sympathy rather than lust.

“Sorry you had to see that,” I told her.

“Did you know about them?” she asked.

“Lyle yes, Devin no. How about you?”

“Lyle yes, Devin no.”

I asked her how she knew about Lyle, but she wouldn’t tell me. Something about not divulging her former client’s secrets. But knowing she could keep a secret, I told her about Lyle being drunk, confiding his secret that he liked guys as well as gals, and then propositioning me. It occurred to me that not only had I not told Carly about this incident, I didn’t intend to. If she found out about Lyle’s proclivities, it wouldn’t be from me.

            Willa winced again, and looked like she might cry. That’s when I reached out and gently patted her on the knee. “Sorry about Devin.”

            Then to my surprise, she giggled. “Oh, I’m not upset about Devin. I twisted my ankle in our haste to leave.”

            Without thinking, which could be dangerous, I reached for her lower leg, and gently placed her foot on my lap so I could massage her injury. My spontaneous action had pure motives. But as I ministered to her pain, the purity became impure. Like I said, she was as enticing to the male instinct as a female could be. I heard her speak but was only half paying attention.

            “I’m in love with someone else,” she said.

            “Me too,” I responded without thinking. Once again, dangerous.

            I apologize if this is TMI, but I began to feel aroused. So I carefully removed her amazing leg and delicate foot from my lap. I looked at her, and she was staring intently at me. My first thought was that she was aware of my being turned on, and I blurted, “Sorry!”

            “About what?”

            “You know, just grabbing your leg, and… You know… Just, ah…”

            “Don’t be sorry, it felt good.”

            “Then why are you looking at me funny?”

            “Who are you in love with?” she demanded.

            “Huh?” I responded with what had to be the look of a deer in headlights.

            “I said that I’m in love with someone besides Devin, and you said me too. And now I’m asking, who did you mean?”

            “Who did you mean?”

            “If you have to ask that, you’re pretty dense.”

            “Willa, I’m in love Carly, and I made a promise to her intend to keep,” I blubbered. Although her face was still, I detected hurt in her eyes, so divulged something I had intended to keep to myself. “But I’m in love with you too.”

            “So choose me, and let Niles be with the woman he’s having a child with.”

            If she intended to get under my skin with that comment about Niles, it worked.

            “Niles is no good for her.”

            “Is that why you plan to marry her, just so Niles can’t have her?”

            “To be honest, that plays a role.”

            “You’re stupid!”

            “I never claimed not to be,” I spit with a frown.

            She laughed and shook her head, which only seemed to emphasize my stupidity. Then she put a hand on my knee and said, “I’m sorry.”

            “I’m sorry too, Willa. I don’t mean to be a jerk, but I never should have agreed to give you a ride to this camping trip.”

            She snorted a sarcastic laugh. “So you’re really gonna end a wonderful friendship because Carly can’t handle it. Even though Niles is gonna be a third party in your own relationship, due to Carly carrying his child.”

            “It’s me that can’t handle it.”

            “Fine! I’ll make sure to stay on the opposite side of the church from now on.”

            “Willa,” I began soothingly. “We can still be friends. I just think it would be best not to be alone together.”

            “Why? Can’t you handle it?”

            “No.”

            “Oh, okay,” she began mockingly. “Would you mind writing up a set of rules, so I know what is and isn’t permissible?”

            “Let’s just go.”

            We drove in awkward silence for several minutes. I didn’t understand why she didn’t seem bothered by discovering Devin and Lyles’s secret. The last thing I knew, she and Devin had been dating. I know it had been a relatively short courtship, but I would think she would have been upset seeing him with someone else. Very cautiously I inquired about it, and thankfully she seemed eager to explain.

Willa proceeded to tell me about the previous night with Devin. His odd behavior, their argument, and their breakup. She wrapped up her tale of tangled relations as we pulled into the campsite. Then we began to unload our gear as the others arrived. Seeing them was a beautiful site, causeing Willa to put on a shirt. Hot my foot, she was trying to entice with that tiny bikini top and short shorts.

We all chatted for several minutes, and then everyone set about setting up their camp. But then after I set up my things, I realized that Willa wasn’t all that familiar with camping. She frowned, looking at the stakes, poles, and canvas.

“Do you need help setting up your tent?” I asked Willa.

“Yes, please. Where’s yours?” she asked with a frown.

“Over there,” I pointed down by the stream. It was barely visible and about fifty yards from where everybody was setting up camp.

Willa looked at all the tents being set up in a group and then looked toward mine. “Can I be by you?” she asked. I hesitated because I assumed she would be with one of the ladies from our group. I opened my mouth and then closed it.

“Would it be a sin for our separate tents to be close to each other?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

“Of course not.” I replied before we took her tent toward mine. After all, this wasn’t alone and the others were within shouting distance.

After everyone had their tents set up, the group grilled food, and we ate and talked. Just before sunset, Willa and I walked to our tents. When we got there, she removed the T-shirt she had donned upon arrival at the campsite and was back in only her red bikini top and jean shorts. Pretty much confirming my suspicions. To be honest, part of me was flattered that such a beautiful woman was going out of her was to entice me.

“Will you put this back on?” I asked as I handed her the shirt.

“No,” she said stubbornly, even though she took the shirt. “I’m hot.”

“Yes, you are,” I mumbled as I turned away from her.

“What’d you say?” she asked heatedly as she grasped my arm and turned me back toward her.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for and disrespectful,” I admitted.

“No, Billy Bob,” she said quietly as she put a hand to my cheek. “It’s music to my ears coming from you.”

A slight breeze blew a wisp of her hair over her mouth as puffs from cottonwood trees floated and danced around us. In awe of her beauty, I slowly drew the hair strands from her mouth with a finger. “It feels a little like Cotton Creek here,” I said trying to chuckle as I pulled my hand away quickly.

“Billy,” she whispered as she gently grasped my hand, her eyes seeming to well with tears. “I don’t think it’s just Carly, I think it’s my past. I believe God forgives me. So why don’t you?”

“Willa, it’s not that,” I moaned, wondering if it was a lie. “It’s complicated.”

Maybe she had a point. Was I being judgmental in some way? It was a no brainer that Willa was not only a knockout but had a great personality. But I admit that I had a hard time getting my brain around her past and just how many guys she had some form of sex with as a prostitute. Plus, I remember just how flippant and casual she was when she talked about losing her virginity with a guy she didn’t even like, let alone love. Yet she was now a new Christian, and all things were new, right?

Maybe that’s why I found myself settling for Carly. I just don’t know why, for some insane reason, Willa was attracted to me. I guess my subconscious didn’t believe it was genuine. It was obvious she had changed her life. Did I just not trust that it was permanent? So many people become Christians and then give it up. Is that why I found myself snubbing this ravaging beauty for a woman that was pregnant by another man? Was I crazy?

“Billy, forgive me,” she said softly as she put a hand on my cheek, making me look into her beautiful golden eyes. “But I’m going to take poetic license, for lack of better words. All is fair in love and war. Carly has cheated on you before. Given what you have told me, I think she’ll do it again. She’s warming to Niles again. Can’t you see it?”

“I know, but …” I stammered.

“How long before warm becomes hot after the baby’s born?” I opened my mouth but closed it before Willa could point out my misguided love. “I know I’m a former whore,” she said as tears now began to emerge from her eyes. “But I would never, ever cheat on you. Old things are past, behold, all things are new. Do you believe that, Billy?”

“Yes, of course,” I whispered in a state of confusion at our cosmically connected, duplicated thoughts.

“Do you believe that it applies to me?” she croaked as she pointed a finger aggressively at her scantily covered chest.

“Yes, of course.”

“Are you familiar with Revelation 3:15 and 16?”

“Not off hand,” I mumbled.

“I’ll paraphrase because I don’t’ know it exactly without looking,” she said, quickly and excitedly. “But the point is, it says God would rather us be cold or hot and not lukewarm. I’ll never ever be in a position to call Carly lukewarm since we can’t judge others. But I guarantee you this: I’ve been cold as a hooker, but now I’m hot for the Lord. No, I may not be perfect in every detail of my religious life as I’m new and growing. I’ve got a lot to learn and always will. But I’ll tell you this much, Billy Bob Booker. If you were my man…”

Willa sighed and seemed to deflate as she shook her head so violently a tear actually flung off of her cheek. She pinched the bridge of her nose, then turned from me and walked quickly to her tent. I grabbed her hand, stopping her.

“What if I was your man?” I asked quietly.

“I would never leave nor forsake you,” she said with a sweet, sad smile and pure love pouring from her eyes, more pronounced than the tears. I couldn’t stop my mouth from moving toward hers. Our kiss was feather light. When I moved to kiss her again, she placed both hands on my chest, stopping me. “Are you choosing me, Billy Bob?” she asked, just above a whisper.

“I… I don’t know,” I whispered back.

“Billy Bob, know this,” she said, causing me to look at her with earnest. “You’re the only man on this planet that I would marry right this minute if asked.”

We stared at each other for a moment before her lower lip trembled. She gave a little shrug as she turned toward her tent. She disappeared inside it as my brain became numb, even as it swirled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. I went to my own tent and settled into what seemed like the most fitful sleep of my life. It would also become the most fateful slumber of my life. You see, I had been a sleepwalker in my youth. But to my knowledge, it hadn’t happened in many years. I suppose it might have been the stress of my complicated love life, I don’t know. What I do know is it happened on this very camping trip. It also caused my already complicated love life to become much more complicated.

CHAPTER 16

WILLA

“We need to wait until we’re married,” I demanded as I stopped Devin’s fingers from exploring as we sat on my sofa watching a movie.

“So, let’s do it already,” he whined. “How long are you gonna make me wait?”

“Give me a few more weeks to get my head around marriage, okay?” I petitioned.

Then Captain Kirk, also known as Pastor Samson, popped into my head. His counsel was to wait a minimum of several months, and marriage only if Devin became a genuine believer. At the time I felt like Devin was one of the most straight forward, honest men I had met. I also believed he was on his way to becoming a believer, despite his willingness to engage in premarital sex.

That was another thing I felt the pastor didn’t understand, our desire to be intimate. And for that to happen, I needed the bonds of matrimony sooner rather than later. Devin didn’t realize how close I was to giving in to temptation as we cozied on the couch. Also, forgive me for this immature thinking, but I figured if it didn’t work out, we wouldn’t be the first couple to divorce.

We were at my place watching a movie. It was one of the Fast and Furious flicks, so I was pleasantly surprised that Devin was more interested in me than the action on the screen.

“You don’t want to wait a few more weeks,” he said seductively as he ran a finger down my cheek and waggled his eyebrows.

“When we’re married,” I said with hesitation.

“Let’s pretend we’re married,” he said as he quickly leaned in to kiss me.

His sudden move took me by surprise. Reflexively, my hand went over his face, and gripped it like a volleyball as I shoved him away. My pinky snagged his mouth, and the nail tore his lip a little, making it bleed. I didn’t mean to be so rough; it was just a reaction to his aggressive move.

“Seriously?” he barked. “You used to be a whore, and you can’t even satisfy your boyfriend with your… Never mind. But you know. Just like you’ve done hundreds of time for money!

I stood and slapped him. “Get out!”

“Oh, do you want me to leave Willa?” he said with clenched teeth as he also stood.

“What’s gotten into you?” I asked as I placed my hands on my hips.

“You,” he said as he gripped my upper arms, pushing me against a wall. His mouth pressed hard into mine, and I could taste the blood from his cut lip. Once again, I reacted without thinking, as my knee connected hard with his crotch.

Dirk collapsed to the floor, groaning, and clutching himself.

“Stay away from me, you jerk,” I spat. A couple minutes later as he shakily got to his feet, I pointed at the door, and demanded “Get out!”

Dirk stepped away from me with a cocky smirk. What had gotten into him all of a sudden?

“The wedding is off, I take it?” he asked.

“Is that what this is about?” I asked with hands on hips.

“What do you mean?” he asked with a frown.

“You want to end it with me,” I told him. “But instead of just being a man and telling me, you act like an animal, so I’ll break up with you?” His frown deepened, and he looked at his feet before he looked me in the eyes. To my surprise his eyes welled with tears.

“I don’t deserve you, Willa,” he lamented quietly. “Have a nice life.”

He turned and walked to the door. I watched him, stunned. What had just happened? One minute, we were contentedly watching a movie as a sort of engaged couple. The next minute, we were breaking up. I would have given him his ring back, but he hadn’t given me one. So good riddance!

At first, I felt a strange sort of relief. But then it was quickly replaced by a fear of loneliness. No, it wasn’t loneliness, was it? After all, I had my best friend and housemate Zella LaStella. Yet my newfound faith had somehow caused a divide between her and I. Was it longing for romance? Me, who was fiercely independent?

“Devin, wait,” I heard myself say.

He stopped and turned. My thoughts raced. Did I even love Devin? I liked him. Or had until what had just happened. Would I love him, could I trust him? The man I know I loved was marrying another woman. I didn’t want to be alone.

Something about giving up my self-centered life created a void that I seemed to want filled with a male companion. I didn’t understand why, but it was there. Maybe unbeknownst to me, my clients over the last half decade fulfilled this desire in a twisted way. As a former prostitute, what Christian man that I found desirable would even want me?

“Come back in and let’s talk,” I told him.

“Willa,” he groaned, twisting his handsome face in anguish. “I’m starting to think we’re not right for each other. It’s probably best if we both just move on.”

“Well, if you’re only starting to think that let’s talk about it,” I replied. Devin shuffled back in as I shut off the movie. “Let’s start with why are you acting so weird?”

“I want sex,” he blurted.

“Tell me what you really want,” I said with a coy smile, following my lame joke.

“I just did!” he barked. “I can’t stand being around you anymore. Even dressed like an Amish woman you’re sexy as…”

His next dozen words, although I suppose flattering, were vulgar.

“I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I can’t go without,” he concluded.

“I don’t want to either, but…”

“I didn’t say want,” he interrupted. “I said can’t… Look, I’ll be committed to you, but I don’t understand why you can’t at least do for me what you did for your clients. I know you didn’t go all the way with them, and I respect that, I really do. But you did give them release, and that’s all I’m asking until we decide it’s time to marry.”

I’m not gonna lie. Carnally speaking, I wanted Devin big time, but I was determined not to give in. Yet, given our pasts, maybe a compromise was in order. As a prostitute I had never had intercourse or oral sex with a client. I was lucky enough, and I guess hot enough, to find a niche with guys that wanted to be with a dominatrix.

 But I did satisfy my clients in less compromising ways. Wasn’t it only fair to compromise, and satisfy my boyfriend? My sort of fiancée? The man I sort of intended to spend the rest of my life with? What I didn’t understand then was that one should never compromise spiritual principles.

I sauntered toward him, as I smiled with a much-practiced seductive countenance. “All right, big fella, you win.”

To my chagrin, he looked startled rather than pleased. Yet I still reached my arms out to loop around his neck. Then to my utter surprise, he caught my wrists in his hands. “Willa, wait.”

I took a step back after he let go of my wrists, dumbfounded. He looked even more confused than me, as well as anguished. “Listen, Willa, there’s someone else.”

We stared at each other as his words settled in. Then I asked, “Did you sleep with her?”

He paused, as if the question baffled him, before replying. “Yes.”

I was stunned at first. Then I was strangely relieved, for I hadn’t stopped desiring Billy Bob. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite, but then a little defensively I asked, “So you lied about your willingness to commit?”

“I guess I did.”

“No guessing about it now.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            I shrugged. “Thanks for coming clean before I gave in.”

            “Gave in to what, sex or marriage?”

            “That’s for me to know,” I replied a bit snootily.

            “I better go.”

“Look, Devin,” I said, touching his arm as it reached for the doorknob. “You’re right, we should just end this. Our spiritual bond is not strong enough to endure the physical wait to make sure we are compatible.”

He frowned, but then smiled sadly, nodded, and walked out of my life forever. At least as a romantic partner.

The day after Devin and I ended our brief relationship, I went on an overnight horse-riding camping trip. There were about a dozen people going, and Billy Bob was one of them. It was just what I needed after the end of my very brief relationship with Devin. What made this extra special was that Carly didn’t like horseback riding and wouldn’t be coming. Pretending Billy Bob was mine for a weekend was just the salve my lonely heart needed.

Then to my dismay, Billy Bob didn’t want me to ride with him to the campsite. He even told me because of the friendly kiss I gave him the last time we were together that he didn’t think we should be alone anymore. This ironically hurt much deeper than just losing Devin. Yet I only had myself to blame. I couldn’t hide that there was more than friendly behind the quick kiss.

Forgive me for embellishing, but I used a broken heart over Devin as leverage for a ride with him. Even though my heart was maybe just cracked a little bit. I was actually more heartbroken over Billy not wanting us to be alone together anymore. I also suggested that there would be a dozen of us riding, thereby making us not alone, and that we’d be chaperoned to some extent. So he agreed to pick me up.

However, the usually calm, even-keeled Billy Bob seemed subdued, even angry when he arrived. It was a bad day for me to turn rebellious. Although a long shot, it was an all’s fair in love and war moment, and I intended on a last-ditch effort to win Billy’s affection. Not only that, but to steer him away from what I believed to be a terrible mistake by marrying Carly.

Unfortunately, I reverted just a little bit to my old ways. Billy had the best character of any man I had ever known, and he was very principled. But saint though he may be, he was still a male human being, and I knew men. I also knew, although he made a valiant effort to turn away from it, that he found me desirable. So I intended on one last sales pitch that my product was better than Carly’s. Lord forgive me!

Since I started attending Cotton Creek Cove, I had begun to dress conservatively. But on this fateful trip, I decided to wear my shortest jean shorts and a cherry red bikini top when he picked me up for the excursion. When Billy Bob looked at me, he snorted and shook his head. I felt the not-so-subtle rebuke keenly. However, it only intensified my orneriness. Once in his truck, I kicked off my shoes and propped my legs up on his dashboard as sexily as I possibly could.

“My goodness, Willa,” Billy Bob said with a frown. “It looks like you’re just wearing a bra. Are you seriously going to wear that around the others?”

“I’ve got a T-shirt that I’ll putting on,” I whined. “But it’s almost ninety degrees, and your decades old truck doesn’t have air conditioning.”

I noticed his jaw muscles clench, and his knuckles turned white because he gripped the steering wheel so hard. As we drove away from my place, he told me that we needed to swing by Lyle Lake’s house to pick up his propane-fueled hot plate. Lyle lived in a mini mansion. His yard had to be at least two acres.

Billy Bob tried to ring the doorbell, but to no avail. “I told Lyle his doorbell doesn’t work weeks ago. I guess I’ll have to scale his privacy fence.”

We walked to the rear of the home. With surprising agility for a big guy, Billy Bob made his way over the eight-foot fence. A few seconds later, a gate opened, and I walked through.

“How come there’s no latch on the outside?”

Billy Bob shrugged. “I guess Lyle likes his privacy.”

We stepped onto a large patio and made our way to a sliding glass door. Billy’s hand rose to knock, but he froze. “Holy cow!”

He tried to stop me from seeing why he declared that a bovine was holy, but curious, I looked past him. Lyle and Devin were on a large sofa and wearing only their birthday suits. Let’s just say Lyle was going way farther with Devin than I ever did. After my jaw dropped, I was paralyzed for several seconds.

“Oh no! Oh no!” Devin said, his eyes wide and startled after he spotted us. He flung himself over the back of the couch, grabbed an arm full of clothes, and fled to what I assumed was a bathroom, slamming the door.

Lyle looked at Billy Bob sheepishly. Lyle knew that I knew intimate details about him and had kept client confidentiality. To what extent Billy Bob knew Lyle’s secrets, I did not know. I did notice that after the initial surprise of seeing the two men, Billy Bob rather quickly developed a matter-of-fact demeanor over the situation. I would have expected him to be stunned for a longer period than he was. I suspected he knew something; I was dying to know how much.

As Lyle hurriedly dressed, opened the glass door, and barked, “Why didn’t you use the front door?”

“I told you weeks ago the doorbell didn’t work,” Billy said testily.

“Sorry,” Lyle said as he averted his eyes. “How embarrassing.”

Then he tried to explain. We politely listened, even though we wanted to flee. He apologized to me for stealing my boyfriend. I accepted and reassured him I understood. Then he asked us to keep what we discovered a secret.

“No worries. Willa and I can keep a secret, right Willa?” Billy Bob said.

“Of course,” I replied with wide innocent eyes as I studied Billy Bob.

Lyle immediately diverted the subject to our camping trip. We talked for a couple more minutes, and Devin never left the bathroom. Then Lyle retrieved the hot plate and subtlety seemed to usher Billy Bob and me off as quickly as possible. So quickly, I ended up twisting my ankle as we rapidly left.

After Billy Bob and I reentered his truck, he looked at me cautiously, knowing I had just broken up with Devin. I looked at him cautiously, wondering if he knew his best friend was attracted to more than just the opposite sex.

“Sorry you had to see that,” Billy told me.

“Did you know about them?” I asked.

“Lyle yes, Devin no,” Billy replied. Then he gently asked, “Did you?”

“Lyle yes, Devin no.”

“How did you know about Lyle?”

“I can’t divulge that. Client and massage therapist privilege. How did you know about Lyle?”    

“Not long after Carly and I broke up, he was in his cups. He confided his secret that he liked both guys and gals, and then he propositioned me.”

“Did you?”

“Of course not. Then when he was sober, I had a lot of reassuring to do with him.”

“About?”

“Mostly that our friendship would remain intact.” Then he eyed me sympathetically and asked, “How do you feel about Devin?”

I winced because of my ankle, and Billy Bob patted my knee, and said, “Sorry.”

I giggled. “No, I wasn’t bothered jealousy wise. I winced because I twisted my ankle in our haste to leave. I’m actually more bothered by something else.”

“What’s that?”

I shrugged and eyed him seductively. “I’m in love with someone else.”

He looked at me with what I hoped was longing for a few seconds. Then to my surprise, he gently pulled my ankle onto his lap, removed my red converse sneaker, and rubbed my ankle. Then he quietly said, “Me too.”

I watched him carefully massage the pain away. My mouth was parted in awe. But then my mind scrambled with the question. Did he mean me or Carly?

CHAPTER 15

BILLY BOB

Shortly after I told Willa I was going to marry Carly, it was a brief, yet power kiss with her that took me by surprise, and ultimately complicated my life even more. At first, I felt like she did it innocently. But then if simply friendly, why on the lips? I never had kissed Lyle or Dirk on the lips. I’ve hugged both men, but never even kissed them on the cheek, let alone lips. And it even turned out that Lyle… Never mind, not now.

With our time spent together, riding and studying scripture, I grew to love her as a dear friend. Now this quick kiss somehow transformed my feelings to something deeper, and somehow mysterious. Her beautiful face was an inch from mine. No—Connected to mine! Now my feelings for Willa, that had been similar to my feelings for Lyle or Dirk, now mirrored my feelings for Carly. Oh no!

I constantly had to keep myself from thinking about Willa. I loved our horseplay, pun intended with our riding adventures. I loved our deep conversations. I loved her feisty mannerisms when she was passionate about something. I loved her deep looks of concentration during Bible studies. I absolutely loved her conversion and abandonment of her old lifestyle, praying that it held. I loved her perky smile and her girlish playfulness, despite being one tough cookie.

But I also loved Carly, and I had just won her back. We had a long history, and being with Carly felt comfortable and safe, despite our problems. But she had betrayed me, and Willa and I clicked in a way I never did with Carly. But that was because we were just friends, wasn’t it? Even so, could I get beyond Willa’s past? But what about Carly’s recent past?

Sure, Willa had done sexual things with many men, but not the act that makes babies. At least not for a long time, and never for pay. Although Carly had been sexual with only one man besides me, she did do the act that makes babies. As a matter of fact, the proof was in her womb.

“I love you more than you’ll ever know.” Willa’s words kept echoing in my head. ‘Behold all things become new’ resonated behind them from my imagination.

 But the reality was that I was going to marry Carly, and Willa was developing a relationship with Devin Easton. I had known Devin for a couple of years, and I was skeptical that he was turning his life around. Maybe I was just jealous, I don’t know. What I did know was that I needed to let go of my feelings for Willa. I needed to adhere to the good pastor’s advice and stop hanging out with Willa.

Ironically, I felt more troubled about Willa and Devin than I did over Carly and Niles. How could that be? The only thing I can figure is that, after the pain of our initial break up, I somehow learned to hold on loosely to Carly. Even as I relished having her back, something in my brain wasn’t all in.

The ability to keep part of my mental and emotional state detached came in handy. I had gone over to Carly’s apartment, and for some reason, I felt compelled to go around back. She lived on the ground floor and had a patio with sliding glass and screen doors. When I approached the sliding doors, I saw the profiles of Carly and Niles. Carly was sitting in a kitchen chair, and Niles was behind her massaging her shoulders. I moved off to the side and spied on them. Something that had nagged at my subconscious came to the forefront of my conscious mind. Despite forcing myself to be detached on some level, I didn’t know if I could ever fully trust Carly again. Was I making a mistake marrying her?

Niles kneaded Carly’s shoulders for a couple of minutes. She wore a satisfied smile, and her eyes were closed. Niles said something and she laughed. Niles tucked a hair strand behind her ear. He slowly lowered and kissed her cheek. She not only didn’t resist, but she tilted her head giving him easier access. He kissed her cheek a couple of more times before applying them to her neck. Then he began to unbutton her blouse. As he worked on the second button, Carly sprang to her feet and buttoned her blouse back up. It didn’t go beyond my notice that she giggled rather than seeming angry. She said something. Then Niles grinned and put his hands up in a defensive position, as if to say you can’t blame a guy for trying.

“That’s enough, Niles,” she said loud enough that I could actually hear. “You should probably go now. But thanks for the massage though.”

“Anytime,” he replied with a grin and a low, seductive voice.

She kissed him on the lips! Albeit quick. Then she playfully shoved him and demanded, “Go!”

Oh well, Willa gave me a friendly kiss on the lips. The question remained, how friendly were these kisses?

I covertly leapt over flowers and made my way quickly toward the front of the complex. I felt both guilty for spying and mystified by why I felt inclined to go to her back door in the first place. I went through the main entrance, took six steps, and poised my finger to push the doorbell when I heard heated voices. Maybe not heated, maybe passionate. I paused very still to listen.

“Because I’m going to marry William,” Carly said.

“When?” Dr. Niles wanted to know.

“We haven’t set a date.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He wants to make sure everything is right between him and me, I guess.”

“What a joke,” Niles snorted. “You two dated for six years. I’d marry you today.”

“I appreciate that Niles, I really do, but no thanks.”

“But you’re carrying my child, not his.”

“He’s a better man.”

“He’s a ditch digger,” Niles spit. “I’m a doctor.”

“He’s a landscaper, not a ditch digger. And although you’re a doctor, you’ve hit me,” Carly spat back at him. “William wouldn’t hit me in a million years.”

“I deserved that,” I think he said. “I’ve told you countless times that I’m sorry. I was going through a stressful time. It was a reflex rather than a conscious effort to do you harm.”

“That’s no excuse,” Carly said sternly.

“You’re absolutely right,” Niles conceded meekly. “I’ll get going.”

“Niles, wait,” Carly said. “Let’s not part ways mad.”

“I’m not mad. I just want you back so bad it’s killing me, especially with you carrying our child.”

They began talking so softly that I couldn’t hear them. I put my ear to the door, but I still couldn’t make out what they were saying. After a minute or two, I heard the door handle rattle. I tiptoed quickly toward the main entrance as if I had just arrived right when Niles came out. He gave me a big, phony grin as he extended a hand to shake.

“William,” Niles said as if he was actually delighted to see me.

“Niles,” I returned as we shook. “Sorry if my hand is a bit dirty. I’ve been doing some ditch digging.”

His smile faltered. “Good for you.”

“Hey, you,” Carly said seductively as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, causing Niles’ fake smile to completely disappear.

“I’ll be seeing you,” Niles said, glancing at me as if to make sure his words sunk in.

It worked. It was rapidly occurring to me that the reality of Niles being involved in our relationship was going to be even more difficult than I had anticipated. In the coming moments, I needed to exhibit extreme mental discipline to not display the jealous feelings that were beginning to overwhelm me. My memory kept recalling the soft kisses that Niles applied to Carly’s cheek and neck. Which she allowed!

My mind’s eye watched his steady doctor’s fingers working buttons on her blouse before she finally stopped him. But she did stop him. Just not as quickly as I would have hoped. They did not proceed to the bedroom. Yet she never should have allowed the light kisses and unbuttoning in the first place.

“You seem rather subdued,” Carly said after she closed the door.

“To be honest,” I shrugged. “Niles being part of our relationship is going to be more difficult than I anticipated.”

“He’s not part of our relationship,” Carly insisted with hands on hips. “He and I are parents of the same child. It’s just a little weird because the child isn’t born yet. But the simple fact is, he and I are both in different relationships now. In less than a year it’ll be just like a divorced situation, sharing custody.”

“Niles is in a relationship?” I questioned, trying not to ask with too much enthusiasm.

“Well, he’s getting pretty serious with a woman that he’s been seeing for the last few weeks. That’s all I know.”

“So he’s not trying to woo you back?” I asked, giving her a little test. Love and romance can put you in odd situations. What was I doing with a woman who was pregnant by another man? A man that I just saw giving her more than friendly attention. Even if she gave me a satisfactory answer, I needed to seriously rethink our marital destination.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she laughed uneasily. “What do you call wooing?”

“I think you know,” I said calmly.

“Yeah, I guess he is,” she said with a suddenly serious expression as she looked at me intently. “He tried, well, getting fresh right before you arrived, but I stopped him.”

“Thank you for being honest with me,” I told her, trying to encourage her confession to go deeper. True, she ultimately stopped him, but she wasn’t exactly urgent about it.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked with a touch of offense in her voice.

“Well,” I mumbled stupidly and softly. “You did cheat on me.”

“I did not cheat on you,” Carly said with sudden anger. Then she pointed a hostile finger at me before her voice raised another decibel. “With great reservation, I broke up with you before I even so much as kissed Niles.”

“Fair enough,” I said quietly but sternly after we stared at each other for a long moment. “But you did betray me, and if you don’t see that, I’m gonna have to rethink this reconciliation.”

Were we always going to go back and forth on this? Would we ever get past this? Sometimes she acknowledged betrayal, while other times she denied it. Oh well, moodiness just seemed to be part of Carly’s personality. As she and I engaged in another stare down, my feet got cold, metaphorically speaking. I wasn’t just getting Carly back; I was getting Niles also, regardless of how she saw it. And I did not want even a little bit of him.

I could tell by his behavior that he was going to be very involved with the child. I also perceived that he was going to be as caring and loving with his baby’s mother as possible. His child’s mother! My Carly, and now to whatever extent, his Carly. For they would forever share a child. What kind of bond would sharing a child bring between them? My spying told me that there certainly was something there. But how much? And would it grow or diminish?

“I’m sorry,” I told Carly gently. “But I think it would be best if we put marriage on hold until after the baby is born. And even after, we should wait and see how things work out with this, um, you know, parenting situation.”

“What?” she blurted as she grabbed my arm in desperation. “Why? Billy, you said you would help me raise him or her. You are going to be the primary father… figure. I hope.”

Father figure, she hoped. “Look there’s nothing wrong with waiting. Marriage is a big step. A huge step and commitment.”

As much as I wanted to experience physical intimacy again, I knew I was making the right decision to prolong our courtship. Besides, did I trust Carly enough to commit my life to her? Did I love her enough to not only raise another man’s child, but have said father there in the midst of the childrearing? But what was my life without Carly, other than romantically lonely?

I hated the prospect of dating or courting again. The only other woman even remotely interested in me was a recently retired prostitute. How could such an exquisite beauty like Willa stay with a homely man like me? But if Carly betrayed me as a seemingly conservative Christian, what were the odds of a former prostitute remaining faithful?

And why was I interested in romance in the first place? I seemed to be happiest out in the wild or outside working. Attempted relationships only seemed to bring trials, angst, and confusion to my life. Yet we all need downtime, and who wants to spend it alone? As much as I liked Lyle Lake, my coworkers, and my church family, it was a woman that I longed to dine with and cozy up to after a hard day’s work.

Carly appeared to be deep in thought. She looked at the floor as she chewed on her lip. She fiddled with the top button on her blouse, and after a minute, unfastened it. This was done in a distracted manner, rather than seductive.

She didn’t know that I had observed Niles’ attempt at seducing her. I wondered if she was experiencing regret at stopping him. Then again, maybe she was trying to entice me.

She looked from the floor to my eyes. A year ago I was able to get a good read on what she was thinking. But that was when I thought I knew her. Now I was struggling with trust, and trust was a big word. An important word.

 CHAPTER 14

WILLA

Being brand new to the Christian faith, I found out the hard way why Jesus instructed his followers to watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). Peter tells us to be sober and vigilant because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).

I discovered rather quickly that there are many important and necessary contradictions with spirituality. You have to die to self to have life (Luke 9:24). You need to surrender to be free. The second you think that you’re humble, you’re not. I could go on, but I’ll finish with one that saved me from returning to my old life. That is, if you look to anyone but Jesus, you will be lost. Yet it seems that God’s main tool in ministering to floundering souls is Godly people, fellow human beings. You just need to beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. That can be very tricky indeed.

After my night of debauchery and messing around with Devin, I was so discouraged with how easily I had fallen. I actually contemplated a return to my old life (Proverbs 26:11, as a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly). If not for the friendship of Destiny Knight Storm, I might have been calling my former clients back. But because of her encouragement and friendship, I repented and amped up my vigilance. Or so I thought.

I still shake my head at that fateful day. I had gone to Whitney’s place intent on sharing my new faith with my cousin. Instead I ended up letting her share her boyfriend with me. Ironically, he was a man I initially disliked, despite his good looks. When I thought Devin was Dirk upon first sight, I never would have imagined we would be kissing a few hours later.

I was so distraught when I woke up in that dingy, dank shop of Devin’s with my brain foggy and disoriented. Later that day, I couldn’t hide a look of discouragement when Destiny opened the door to her home.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Destiny had asked with concern. Brock appeared at her side like a large, menacing phantom. I knew it was out of concern for me in the case I was in danger. But I felt so ashamed with his presence.

“I sinned big time last night,” I replied quietly.

Brock and Destiny glanced at each other. “I’ll go to the shop and give you ladies some privacy,” Brock said.

“Thank you, Snuggles,” Destiny said, and then a startled look came onto her face as Brock’s eyebrows shot up.

“Snuggles?” I repeated as a smile grew onto my face, despite my mental anguish. She called big, powerful Brock Snuggles!

“Oops,” Destiny said as she grinned sheepishly and blushed. “I mean, thank you, dear.”

“See ya, Snuggles,” I said with a sarcastic smile as Brock moved past me. He put out his hand to shake. I gripped his strong paw, and he pulled toward him a little.

“Don’t ever call me that, punk girl,” he said with gritted teeth like Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry. “Don’t ever tell anyone she calls me that either.”

            “I won’t,” I said with wide eyes. “Maybe.”

            “Maybe?” he asked, scowling and tightening his grip a little.

            I puckered up and moved my face toward his as if to kiss him. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he loosened his grip. I dug my thumb into the hollow by his collarbone and pressed hard. He began to howl as I drove a knee up to his groin. He twisted his leg to block, even though I had no intention of driving it home. “Never let your guard down,” I said with my own gritted teeth. “I won’t be pushed around by any man whether it be Smith, Wesson, or Storm.”

 “Well played, little lady,” he chuckled as I released him. Then jokingly, he hung his head in shame. “I guess I’ll have to live with everyone calling me ‘Snuggles.’”

I laughed and put a hand on his arm. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Before I knew what was happening, my backside was pressed into his in the tightest bear hug I could imagine. I couldn’t have been more immobile if I was strapped to a gurney. He spoke right into my ear. “Never let your guard down.”

“Point taken,” I squeaked, and he let me go.

I spun around in a karate stance, giggling. “Are we done?”

Brock got into a defensive stance, as he laughed. “Sure, you came to talk with Dee, not spar with me.”

“Actually, the levity helped my mood.”

“Good deal. Hang in there with whatever you’ve got going on. Dee’s wise beyond her years.”

Brock fist bumped me as he left. I felt very satisfied with our little encounter. I had heard that Brock often engaged females he felt comfortable with in playful combat to give them a taste for self-defense. I felt privileged that he felt that way about me, and I had a lump in my throat as I considered what dear friends I had made.

“Thanks,” I told him as he left for his shop. Then I turned to Destiny and groaned, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be roughhousing with your husband. He started it, though.”

“Actually, I did,” she said with an exasperated smile. “God as my witness, I’ve never called Brock ‘Snuggles’ in front of anybody before, ever. It’s a private nickname.”

“Not even Amy and Dirk?” I asked, puzzled, referring to the young couple that Brock and Amy considered their adopted, albeit adult children.

“Are you kidding?” Destiny asked. “Not once. They’d never let us live it down. He’d be constantly known as Snuggle by them. And to be honest, he doesn’t really like me calling him that. I call him that kind of teasingly.”

“So, why’d you say it in front of me?”

“I guess I was so distracted wondering what your dilemma might be that I wasn’t thinking clearly,” she replied with a sweet smile.

I was feeling feisty, but I was about to come off as a jerk. I suppose in an attempt at self-justification and my frustration at how disciplined most people at her church seemed to be. “So, you weren’t bringing every thought into the obedience of Christ?” I asked a little sarcastically, referring to 2 Corinthians 10:5.

“I guess I wasn’t,” she shrugged with a gentle smile, “If what I divulged was a sin rather than a secret. Sanctification is the work of a lifetime. Jesus wants obedience out of love, not necessarily requirement. On the other hand Solomon calls it a duty in Ecclesiastes. But there again the duty springs from love.”

I instantly felt like an idiot. How on earth was Destiny calling Brock by his pet name in front of me a sin? Destiny just happened to say it spontaneously and because her mind was preoccupied with me.

“I’m so sorry, Dee,” I moaned.  “It’s my own lack of obedience that made me lash out.”

“Oh, you didn’t lash out, honey,” she soothed. “You’re just frustrated. Now, tell me what’s going on that has you feeling discouraged.”

I told Destiny all about my exchange with Devin, how I was strangely drawn to him and felt some sort of kinship. I told her how I told myself one drink wouldn’t hurt since I figured that at the most it would give me the tiniest of buzzes. I stopped talking after that, almost wishing I wouldn’t have come to see Destiny.

“So what happened next, sweetie?” Destiny prodded.

             “We actually had a really good conversation,” I told her. “He even tried to kiss me, and I rejected him. But we kept drinking adult beverages as we talked. He became animated at times, and I kept thinking that he is so incredibly gorgeous. It probably started with Dirk, Dee. I mean, he is smoking hot, and the two brothers could almost pass for twins. I mean, don’t you think Dirk is really hot?”

Destiny cleared her throat uneasily as she adjusted a bobby pin in her honey gold hair, which was mostly pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes were wide, and she wore a silly, almost guilty smirk. “You do realize that Dirk is sort of like a son to me,” she said.

“Sorry,” I giggled with the tips of my fingers over my lips. “But isn’t he?”

“Dirk is a rather fine-looking fella,” she said clearing her throat again as she smiled. Her eyes looked slightly amused. “Brock calls him a pretty man.”

“Pretty indeed,” I cooed.

“Willa,” Destiny grinned mischievously as she slapped my leg. “He’s also married to my sort-of-daughter.”

“His brother isn’t,” I said more seductively than my shame should have allowed. More proof that I needed to tell Destiny that I was bowing out of Cotton Creek Cove. “That’s why I came here to tell you that I think I’m gonna stop coming to fellowship.”

“Why? Because you messed up?” Destiny inquired.

“It’s more than that,” I almost whined. “I just fell so easily, Dee, in such a short time.”

“So you don’t want to quit coming?” Destiny asked. “You’re just feeling unworthy?” I bowed my head and nodded. “Oh, sweetie,” Destiny said soothingly. “God is so patient with us. Don’t give up. In fact, let me get something for you,” she said, springing to her feet and running upstairs. She returned a couple of minutes later with a large piece of paper, almost the size of a poster. “I made this when I first came to Christ and had feelings like you’ve described.”

It was done in bold, pink lettering and outlined with light blue. Each letter was about two inches in size. It was Lamentations 3: 22-23 (It is because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness). Then Destiny grabbed her Bible and read Psalm 136 to me. All twenty-six verses ended with ‘His mercy endureth forever.’ When she finished, I was gently weeping. This time, I hugged her and kissed her cheek.

“I’ve only known you a short time, Dee,” I croaked. “But I love you so much.”

We laughed, cried, and hugged each other for a good minute. “Are you gonna quit coming then?” Destiny wanted to know when we broke apart.

“I guess not,” I replied meekly.

“Why just a guess?” Destiny asked.

“I just still feel so unworthy,” I replied, feeling incredibly humbled.

“That’s why you fit in perfectly,” Destiny enthused as she took hold of my hands. “Think of our fellowship like an AA for sinners. We don’t pretend righteousness; we seek it. Satan attacks everywhere, though, so you’ll come across judgmental, self-righteous people there to be sure. But just remember that, first and foremost, you have a friend in Jesus. You also have unwavering friends with the Storm clan. Even if you go back to prostitution, you are always welcome here. Got it?”

“Got it,” I replied with a smile.

“Oh!” she said excitedly as she picked up her Bible again and flipped to Philippians 1:6. “Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

“Thank you, Dee! I’m glad I came here.”

“It’s truly my pleasure,” Destiny said with such love and compassion in her countenance that I moved toward her for another embrace.

“You are welcome in this home no matter what direction in life you choose, understand?” she asked as she released me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, nodding like the energizer bunny.

When I left the Knight Storm’s and went home, I decided to make my own Bible verse poster using Philippians 1:6. I made my letters yellow and outlined them with red. I hung them side-by-side with Destiny’s poster on my bedroom wall. With my hands on my hips, I was smiling with satisfaction when my phone chirped that I had a text. I suspected that it was Devin. He had tried to call me several times, but I had ignored him. The text indeed was from Devin, but what it said surprised me.

Devin apologized for the previous night and said that he had felt like he had taken advantage of me. He also said he wanted to continue to get to know me, and he wanted to take me out to dinner that very night. I was surprised on two fronts: first that he felt like he took advantage of me, and second that he wanted to get to know me. In our drunken ramblings, I had very graphically told him about my life as a prostitute.

I texted him back and told him that he did not take advantage of me. I apologized for my behavior as well. I told him I wasn’t interested in romance right now. I told him that it was my intention to never have a drop of alcohol again, so even sharing a kiss was out of the question. Not even a minute after I hit send, my phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Willa.”

“Who’s this?”

“Oh, please.”

“I don’t know anybody named Please,” I said and hung up.

I smiled at my playful orneriness. My smile faded when first one minute passed and then another passed without Devin calling back. I felt relieved when a text chirped. He asked me to dinner again and declared he wouldn’t so much as try to shake my hand. I called him.

“Hello.”

“Devin.”

“Who’s this?”

“Oh, please,” I giggled.

“I don’t know anybody named Please,” he said and hung up.

I pulled the phone from my ear and stared in disbelief at the words ‘call ended.’ I set the phone on my nightstand, crossed my arms, and waited for it to ring or chirp. After a couple minutes, I sat on my bed and crossed my legs. After a couple more minutes, I flopped onto my back and sighed. My phone rang, and I sprang up like an eager teenager.

“You’re something else,” Devin’s voice chuckled into my ear.

“Actually, I’m Willa. Who’s this?” I smiled into the phone. What he said next sent tingles of fear and excitement through my whole body.

“It’s your potential soulmate,” Devin said. “The former whoremonger and the former whore. We’re destined to be together.”

“Are you joking?” I tried not to stammer.

“Not even a little bit,” he replied.

“Devin,” I said softly. “I told you I’m not looking for romance right now.”

“I know. Right now, let’s just pursue friendship.”

“What about last night?” I asked.

“What about last night?” he repeated. “We didn’t have sex.”

“Close.”

“It wasn’t horseshoes.”

“Huh?”

“Close only counts in horseshoes.”

“Whatever,” I chuckled as I thought how much that epitomized life. “What if it gets in the way?”

“Why would it get in the way?”

“Because we are both very sexual people.”

“So?”

“Devin, just so you know, I don’t intend on having any form of sex again unless I’m married. Plus I don’t even know if I’m suited to marriage.”

I acknowledged this not only to Devin, but to myself. The thought saddened me because I was discovering that I did long for love and intimacy.

“Why?”

“Why? Are you stoned? I’m gonna venture to suggest that you might not be suited for marriage as well.”

“Maybe,” he replied nonchalantly. I laughed, despite myself. “Look Willa,” he said. “You were a whore, and I was a whoremonger. We were meant for each other.”

“I was a whore,” I chuckled, not liking the fact pointed out. “Tell me what you really think.”

“I did,” he said cackling. “Look, you and I are probably equals in a perverse way. Although I never charged anybody.”

“What about your cougar lady?”

“That was more of a salary situation,” he replied. “So how about dinner tonight?”

“Just as friends, right?” I insisted.

“Absolutely.”

“You are seriously planning on courting me with no plans of intimacy?”

“I am,” he replied emphatically.

“I have a hard time believing that, since we already sort of sampled each other,” I warned. “And I am not giving into temptation, I promise.”

“Well, don’t then,” he said seductively.

“I won’t.”

“Then don’t.”

“I won’t.”

“Then don’t.”

“Oh shut up.”

Not only did Devin and I go out to dinner, but we also began to see each other regularly, talking or texting multiple times a day. He kept to his word for the first few weeks or so about being a platonic gentleman. Then he started putting the moves on me, and I turned him down flat. I believe he did hold true on giving up womanizing. But who knows about people’s secret lives? That’s why relationships are so tricky and make us so vulnerable.

If Devin was the right guy for me, why did I feel such a continual sense of loss and jealousy over Billy Bob reconciling with Carly? I needed to just move on. The next time I saw Devin, I broke my own rule and kissed him on the lips. He ran with it and began an attempt to repeat our very first night together. Before we even got a little carried away, I put a stop to it.

“Willa, you’re killing me!” he complained. “Haven’t I proven myself by now?”

I shrugged and nodded.

“Then let’s be off to the bedroom,” he grinned.

“Not until we’re married,” I said.

“Then let’s get married,” he said without missing a beat.

“Are you serious?”

“Totally.”

My first thought was what Billy Bob would think if I got married before he did. What a foolish motivation to accept a marriage proposal. But I never claimed to be wise. “Okay,” I heard myself say.