CHAPTER 20

WILLA

I thought Carly catching Billy Bob kissing my bare stomach was a sign that he and I were destined to be together. I foolishly considered that it might have even been an answer to prayer. I gave him space to absorb the news of impending fatherhood. I thought that he and I creating a child together would draw him to me like a bee to a flower. Apparently, I thought wrong. After informing Billy Bob that he was going to be a father, I didn’t see him again until almost a week later at fellowship.

“How are you, Willa?” he asked in his usual pleasant manner. But I thought I detected a deeper than ordinary affection in his eyes. Once again, I thought wrong.

“I’m doing wonderfully,” I replied as my spirit soared. “How about you?”

“It’s been a trying time to be honest,” he said and then sighed.

My soaring spirit dipped and only plummeted from there. “Why is that?” I asked cautiously.

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching since the day you came over,” he replied and then sighed even heavier. “Intense soul searching.”

“I see.”

“I’m still gonna marry Carly,” he said with sadness in his countenance, and a sigh from his voice box.

All I could do was nod. I was afraid that if I spoke, I would burst into tears. Where was that tough, cold, hard woman that was paid by men to tie them up and punish them? She was dead, and her life was now hid with Christ. She had a new, better, and stronger strength. I lifted my chin with dignity and looked Billy Bob in the eyes. “I see. I can’t force you to love me.”

“But I do love you, Willa,” he almost pleaded. But instead of adding ‘let me count the ways,’ he said, “But it’s complicated. Like I told you before, I have a long history with Carly. Yes, I know she screwed up. But the Bible teaches forgive us our sins as we forgive others.”

“True, but forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be involved with the forgiven.”

“But don’t you see, I want to because I… love her.”

Why the hesitation when he said he loved her? Because he was unsure that the depth surpassed his love for me? Or because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings?

“But I want to be very involved in our child’s life, though,” he said softly. “Is that okay with you?”

“Of course it’s okay with me,” I said. “I want you to be involved in our child’s life to the point that I would marry you today.”

Although I thought that I hid the hurt I felt, it must have shown through.

“Willa,” he whispered as his hand began to move to my cheek, but then it fell back to his side.

We gazed at each other affectionately, and his face moved ever so slightly toward mine. If we were down at Cottonwood Creek with more privacy, I think he might have kissed me. At least I hoped he would have.

“Worship is going to start in about ten minutes,” a hidden female voice declared.

“I guess we had better go find our seats,” Billy Bob said.

“Would you want to go down to the creek after services?” I asked him.

“I can’t,” he sighed. “I have to meet Carly right after.”

“She’s not here?”

“No,” he replied uncomfortably.

I voiced what I hoped he was already thinking. “You shouldn’t be yoked with unbelievers.”

“Carly is a believer,” he defended. “She just hasn’t come around to the Biblical Sabbath. But I plan on giving her a history lesson this afternoon, as a matter of fact, on when the tradition of Sunday worship began.”

“Be sure to point out that the fourth commandment is the one that recognizes God as the Creator and Redeemer. And that’s why Satan’s agenda for religion to think to change times and laws prophesied in Daniel 7:25 has been a special point of attack.”

“Very good, Willa Tree!”

Normally I didn’t especially like people calling me Willa Tree, but I would take whatever term of affection Billy Bob had to offer.

“Maybe you should give Carly a Bible study instead of me,” he chuckled.

“Okay,” I responded cheerfully. “What time?”

His face fell and his eyes looked startled. “Well, no… Um, I meant…”

I giggled. “I know the time isn’t right, Billy. But just so you know, I want to coexist peaceably with Carly. After all, we are all gonna be yoked to one degree or another due to the children.”

Billy Bob sighed. “Yeah, quite the modern family.”

“Please, seats everyone,” the female voice said again.

“Can I ask you a quick question before we go in?” I asked.

“Sure,” Billy Bob said, thankfully without sighing.

“What are we going to tell people here, you know, down the road, when it’s obvious I’m with child?”

“I thought of that, too,” he said with a sigh. I think I heard poor Billy Bob sigh more in the last few minutes than I had the whole time I’ve known him. “I guess I or we will have to tell the congregation the truth before it is obvious that we’re pregnant,” he said.

My heart lifted a little when he said ‘we’ rather than ‘you.’ I nodded, and we walked into the sanctuary together. Billy Bob slid into a pew next to Dirk and Amy Easton. I slid into the pew behind him next to Brock and Destiny. My new but dear friend aimed her bright blue eyes at me and smiled.

“Dee,” I whispered into her ear, “can you walk down to the creek with me after service? Just the two of us?” She nodded as she patted me on the knee. I bit my lip again as I fought back tears. I had made such good friends since joining this fellowship. How would they react to me becoming pregnant out of wedlock? At least I knew that Destiny would understand.

She seemingly had replaced Zella as my best friend. My new faith had put me on a different page than Zella. She had vehemently told me that I should get an abortion rather than bring a child into this diabolical world. She also warned of the difficulties of single parenthood. But I had faith in Billy Bob’s faith in God. He was a standup guy if ever there was one. I believed that somehow I wasn’t going to be a single parent in the fullest extent.

Later, down at Cottonwood Creek, Destiny and I kicked off our shoes and sat together on a rock. With her long light blue skirt, white top, sandals, and her honey blonde hair in a ponytail, she looked like she had just walked off the Swiss Alps. I hiked up my yellow sundress and placed my feet in the water next to hers.

“Feels good,” Destiny purred, and I could feel her look at me as I stared at our feet that were blurred by the flowing water. “So, what’s up, girlfriend?” Destiny finally asked as she nudged my foot with hers.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted as I looked at her.

Her widening eyes caused her eyebrows to shoot up, and her mouth to gape open. I turned my gaze back to our feet. “Oh, my. Willa, who’s the father?”

“Billy Bob.”

“Billy Bob!” she replied with shock. “I thought you two were strictly friends.”

“This is where it gets complicated,” I sighed. I began with the camping trip. I ended with my brief conversation with Billy Bob an hour previous. When I finished talking, I began to cry. Destiny gently put her arm around my shoulders and softly leaned her head against mine. I looped my arm around her lower back. She didn’t say a word; she was simply there for me, alleviating my intense feelings of being alone. But how would my new church family as a whole respond to me being pregnant out of wedlock?

“Dee,” I croaked. “When it’s known that I’m pregnant out of wedlock, do you think I will be ostracized by the congregation?”

She looked at me and put her hands on my shoulders, making me look at her. “Listen to me,” she demanded. “I promise you that you will have more supporters than detractors, so do not spend even a second worrying about that. There’s a reason we are called a church family. You’re my spiritual sister, and if anybody attacks you, they are attacking me. Therefore, they’re gonna have to get through me first. Got it?”

I nodded and looked away from her, embarrassed at my fragile emotional state. I used to be so tough, so self-sufficient. But the meek shall inherit the earth. So I let myself be vulnerable with this woman I trusted.  Destiny was such an incredibly strong woman. Her own background was as dark as mine, yet she didn’t seem to struggle with anything. “Can I ask you something personal, Dee?”

“Of course,” she grinned. “Like I said, we’re sisters.”

“Do you ever get tempted? Do you ever fail?”

“Yes, and yes,” she laughed.

“Can you give me an example? I mean, to me, you are like a spiritual Wonder Woman.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” Destiny laughed some more. “But I am not.”

“So, tell me. How have you failed?”

“I think my biggest failure of late is losing my patience. My greatest temptation is to murmur and complain.”

“Do you ever get tempted with your old lifestyle?” I asked with a wince.

“Well,” she said as her cheeks puffed as she blew out a breath. “When I first became a Christian, I wasn’t physically tempted to return to my old lifestyle. But I was tempted often with my thoughts, and sometimes failed that way.”

“Failed how?”

“Instead of turning my thoughts to the spiritual, I’d allow them to dwell on things carnal. Then I’d end up in a state where it felt almost impossible not to, um …”

“Have sex?”

She nodded grimly. “It wasn’t necessarily my old lifestyle; it was mostly Brock. And he was in a relationship with another woman at the time. It seemed like every time I was around him, I ended up tempted with all sorts of fantasies.

“Once, when I very first started attending Cotton Creek Cove, I actually began to wonder what a threesome with Brock and his then girlfriend, Nora Medora, would be like. I once actually thought about this when I was with Brock. Then to top it off, I actually shook my head as I tried to shake off the thought. And then Brock asked me why I was shaking my head.”

“You’re kidding,” I said with a laugh. “Did you tell him?”

“No way! Thankfully, he didn’t pursue it any further. Life is strange. Brock is my husband now, but early on, he was my biggest temptation when it came to sexual fantasies.”

“That what’s happened to me, especially this last month,” I told her. “Even though I became so angry with Billy Bob, there was this other side of me that couldn’t stop recalling that night in the tent and fantasizing about what might have been.”

“Do you get tempted to go back to your old lifestyle?” she asked.

“Like you, I wouldn’t say tempted, but there are times when I think about it. Especially when I struggle and get discouraged. It’s odd how living by Biblical principles can be trying.”

“The temptation to give up might be the most diabolical of temptations,” Destiny said. “We need to remember that Satan walks about as a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour. Obviously, that’s not literal. He devours us by making us discouraged, turning our affections away from Jesus, and causing us to give up. Or sometimes, even worse, getting on some wrong type of path of fanaticism.”

“1 Peter 5:8,” I said.

“What?” Destiny said with wide, expressive eyes.

“What you just quoted. Isn’t it 1 Peter 5:8?”

“I’m not sure,” Destiny said with a frown. “Let’s have a look.” She pulled a small Bible out of a pocket in her skirt. It wasn’t much bigger than a deck of cards. I chuckled, and she smiled at me before she opened it and began to search. “I got it at Dollar Tree,” she said as she turned pages. “If I have my purse or even a pocket, it’s usually with me. Hey! You’re right.” Destiny beamed at me as she patted my knee. I felt satisfaction for minute, like a schoolgirl who was just praised by her teacher. Then the reality of why I asked Destiny if she could talk came back to me full force.

“I didn’t know falling in love with someone could make you crazy,” I said, laughing without humor.

“You’ve never been in love before?” Destiny frowned.

“Not, um, romantic love, or whatever you’d call it.”

“I see.”

“I know, most people probably think it’s pathetic that an attractive woman in her mid-twenties hasn’t even been close to being in love before.”

“I was in the same boat myself.”

“No wonder I feel such a bond with you,” I smiled. “I keep discovering more that we have in common all the time.” We both sat in silence for a minute, watching our feet as we swirled them in the clear flowing water.

“You know, Willa,” Destiny said. “I spent a lot of time being lovesick over Brock when he was engaged to another woman. I had to train myself to get over him. I did that by not only taking things one day at a time, but also being grateful for every minute, every moment I was alive, healthy, and breathing. It paid off big time, especially when I stood up to be maid of honor for Nora when she and Brock were getting married. I couldn’t have been more convinced that there was no chance for a future with Brock.”

“You’re kidding!” I said in complete shock. “They actually got married, and you were her maid of honor?”

“They didn’t get married,” Destiny said, shaking her head. “Nora backed out before she said I do.”

“Oh no, poor Brock,” I said, and then quickly realized that if Nora hadn’t backed out, Destiny wouldn’t be married to him. “I mean, that must have been awful being left at the altar in front of a church full of people.”

“Actually, Brock was relieved,” Destiny giggled. “And it was a small ceremony. Less than a dozen people were present.”

“Oh, well, good.”

“My point is,” Destiny said with a smile, “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

“But don’t get my hopes up.”

“Exactly. For what it’s worth, I have a feeling about you and Billy Bob. You two are also set up better than Brock and I were. His potential marriage to Carly is at least a month or two away. From what I’ve seen of Billy, I think his sharing a child with you is gonna start outweighing his sentimental fixation with Carly.

“Also, I get the vibe that Carly doesn’t like attending our church. Yet if I’ve read Billy Bob correctly, he’s not just an admirer, but a follower of Jesus. I think that in itself will prove to outweigh his rekindle with Carly.”

“I warned Billy about being unequally yoked spiritually,” I told her.

“Good for you!”

“But don’t get my hopes up.”

“Right!”

We both laughed and then hugged.

CHAPTER 19

WILLA

“Billy Bob!” I exclaimed as he staggered, clutched his head, and dropped derriere first to the floor. I winced at how hard he sat. Then he seemed to pass out. His eyes rolled back, closed, and his mouth gaped open. He gurgled and I was afraid he was choking on his tongue or something. So I slapped his face a few times, as I asked him if he was okay.

His eyes opened and he said, “Who’s knocking?”

This made me giggle. But his eyes closed again so I shook his shoulders. “Billy Bob!”

His eyes opened again, and he put his face in his hands and began to sob. This man who was the most even-keeled, easygoing person that I had ever met wailed as his shoulders shook.

“Billy Bob, what is it?” I asked as I knelt in front of him. He began to ramble incoherently. Then I made out something about him raping me. I grabbed both of his wrists and yanked his hands away from his face. I clamped my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look me in the eyes. His eyebrows furrowed meekly, and his eyes were wide and childlike. I would have smiled or even laughed if I didn’t feel so intense and maybe even angry.

“Billy Bob Booker, you listen to me,” I said heatedly. “You did not rape me or violate me. In my mind, we made love as husband and wife, regardless of the lack of ceremony or legal document. Do you understand me?”

He gave a couple small nods, and I gave him a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. Then I put my cheek against his and whispered into his ear, “Would I do that if you violated me in any way?” Then I pulled away to look at him.

He shook his head, still wide-eyed. That big, rugged man looked so much like a naughty little boy that I couldn’t help but laugh then. To my relief, Billy Bob smiled. Yet I couldn’t get a read on how he truly felt. I didn’t even know how I felt. For the last month, I had thought that Billy Bob had tricked me into a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am,’ even though I knew in my heart that there had to be an explanation. I just didn’t believe he was that type of guy.

I don’t know for certain why I played the stubborn, angry game. Looking back, I guess my feelings for Billy Bob made me feel frightened and vulnerable. Then there was jealousy over Carly and frustration that he still planned on marrying her after making love with me. Plus, there was the high of thinking Billy Bob had chosen me over Carly, and then the low when I realized he hadn’t.

“Where do we go from here?” Billy Bob asked quietly.

“That’s up to you,” I replied as I shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“I told you that I thought, in a sense, we were consummating our marriage that night in the tent.”

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?” Billy Bob asked cautiously.

“Billy Bob,” I said, shaking my head with a sad laugh, “did you forget my kiss a minute ago?”

“No, I remember every single kiss with you, Willa,” Billy Bob replied with a sweet smile. I felt tears of joy build behind my eyes.

I moved toward him. He stopped me when I prepared to kiss him again. “Willa,” he said sadly. “I’m engaged to another woman.”

“But I’m carrying your child, Billy Bob, and Carly is carrying Niles’ child.”

“I promised Carly that we would be married,” Billy Bob said. “What happened in the tent was unintentional. I love you as a dear friend, Willa. I’m sorry, but I’m in love with Carly.”

I couldn’t stop the tears now. Billy Bob softly spoke my name, which caused them to come in a torrent. “What’s the difference?” I barked, not liking how desperate I sounded.

“I guess familiarity,” he said with a shrug. “Carly and I have more than a six-year history together.”

“With a six-month break for a major betrayal,” I spit. Billy Bob opened his mouth and then closed it. Then he looked away with a frown as he contemplated my words.

Yes, I scored good points in ‘Willa versus Carly’ to win Billy Bob’s heart. Right then and there, I had a new resolve. I was going to fight for Billy Bob in the short time I had. “Don’t you want to be involved in your child’s life?” I asked.

“Oh, Willa, absolutely,” he said as he moved toward me and took both of my hands in his. “I’ll be as involved as you let me. And, of course, I’ll support him or her financially. Believe me, Willa, I’ll love our baby with all my heart, mind, and soul. But I am going to need time to get my head around this complex situation.”

“I need to use the bathroom,” I declared with sudden inspiration.

As soon as the door was closed, I prayed to the Lord for forgiveness if what I was about to do was a sin. I was still new enough to the faith that I didn’t fully grasp the ethics behind using sensuality, even after Billy Bob told me of the role I played with my wardrobe or lack thereof and the tent incident.

Right or wrong, in desperation, I unzipped my dress and slipped out of it. I adjusted my bikini top and applied a little lipstick. I turned around, looking at my jean shorts in the mirror. I smiled and shook my head as it occurred to me that it wouldn’t be long before they would even fit.

Billy Bob was pacing his living room when I stepped out of the bathroom. He stopped walking as he froze in his tracks with his mouth hanging open. Whether in surprise or desire, I didn’t know. Maybe it was a combination. “Willa, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” I asked with an innocent cheeriness.

“You’re dressed like, you know …”

“Like I was on that fateful day and night?” I asked as I stepped toward him with a coy smile.

“You’re killing me.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are,” he replied as he put his hands on his hips. “Why?”

“Because I want you to see and touch where your son or daughter is.” I took hold of his strong, calloused hand and pulled it toward me. He didn’t resist. I placed it over my belly button as he stared at me as if in a trance.

“Your tiny, little baby is right inside there, Billy Bob,” I whispered. “Your child. Part you and part me.”

“Yeah,” he whispered back with awe as he stared at his hand on my abdomen.

My vision caught sight of someone getting out of a car in Billy Bob’s driveway. It was Carly! The main door was wide open. When she stepped onto the stoop, she would have a clear view of Billy Bob and me through the screen door. “Will you do me a favor, Billy Bob?”

“What?” he asked as his eyes returned to mine.

“Will you show me that you’re okay with me having your baby?”

“How?”

“Will you kiss your child for the first time?”

“Do you mean your stomach?” he asked with a frown. I nodded. “Willa,” he said with mild exasperation.

“Please,” I said softly. “Just this once, and I won’t ask you again.”

To my pleasant surprise, Billy Bob smiled and knelt in front of me. His soft lips covered my belly button and a tingle shot up my spine with the feel of his whisker stubble on my skin. I couldn’t help running a hand through his thick hair.

“William, what are you doing?” Carly barked as she burst through the door.

Billy Bob and I both looked toward her. Carly stood just inside the door with hands on her hips, shooting daggers at us with her eyes. Billy Bob shot to his feet with a look of shock and surprise on his face. I, on the other hand, had to fight back a grin. Major points in ‘Willa versus Carly.’

“I asked you a question,” she demanded. Billy Bob opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked at me with a helpless expression. Carly glared at me with hatred. “Since the cat’s got his tongue, Willa, maybe you could tell me why my fiancé was kneeling in front of you with his face buried into your bare stomach as your barely covered boobs practically sat on top of his head.”

“He was just kissing his child,” I replied with a shrug.

“What?” Carly responded with one of the deepest scowls that I had ever seen. “What do you mean, kissing his child?”

“Billy Bob got me pregnant when we were on that camping trip a month or so ago,” I told her, regardless of whether my words and flippant attitude would make Billy Bob mad.

Carly looked at Billy Bob again as her mouth hung open, almost to her shoes.

“It, I, I …,” poor Billy Bob stammered.

I truly felt bad for him, but I deemed it a necessary part of my strategy. Remember the old cliché: All’s far in love and war. Love might not be war, but it can be a major battle and I wasn’t going to beat Carly by doing nothing. I had to be aggressive, yet patient and smart.

“Well, it looks like you two have a lot to talk about. I’ll just skedaddle,” I said cheerily. I went to the bathroom and threw on my sundress. I was delighted with Carly’s timing. Then I made my way to the front door.

“Sleepwalking?” I heard Carly say with sarcasm. “Give me a break. I can’t believe it, and I’ve never known you to be a liar.” I didn’t say goodbye. I simply slipped out quietly and left them to their turmoil, but upon departure, I caught five more of Carly’s words. “But you are just that!”

BILLY BOB

Carly plopped onto my sofa and put her face in her hands, sobbing. How hard she sat made me cringe due to her pregnancy. I knelt in front of her and gently put my hand on her knee. She brushed it off with anger.

“Carly, don’t you remember me telling you how I used to sleepwalk when I was a kid?” I asked. To my relief she nodded. I explained the whole camping situation to her. Cringing inwardly, I told her about my erotic dream of Willa and the awkward aftermath.

“That’s supposed to make me feel better, Billy?” she asked between sobs as she stood quickly. “Regardless of the sleepwalking incident, you tell me that you have erotic dreams about someone you have insisted is only your friend? Plus, it’s quite obvious that Willa is more interested in you than just friends. It was perfectly clear that she also thoroughly enjoyed informing me of your incident.” Carly used air quotes as she said incident.

“It was one dream, not dreams in the plural,” I said. “I have never had a sexual dream about Willa before. To be honest, maybe a couple slightly, I don’t know, erotic dreams, but …”

“I’m leaving,” she said as she abruptly left in a huff.

I picked up my phone and called Lyle. I told him everything that happened and asked him for a few days off. It was unlike me to take time off in the summer since we had such a large chunk of the winter off. I didn’t even take any time off when Carly dumped me for Niles. Lyle, being the good friend that he was, didn’t hesitate to comply. “Thanks,” I mumbled at him.

“I know you wouldn’t ask me for it if you didn’t need it,” he replied. “Take as much time as you need. We’ll manage, even if I have to go move some dirt around myself. I wouldn’t mind it, either.”

“Thanks again. Love ya, brother.”

“Back at ya, bro. Get your head right.”

“By the way,” I told him. “Unless it’s some type of emergency, I’m not touching my phone for three days.”

“Wow, you really must be in a bad way,” my phone-addicted pal replied.

“I don’t know. I just got a lot of mental laundry to do.”

“Good luck. Hang in there, buddy.”

“Thanks.”

I immediately shut off my phone. I threw together my camping gear and enough grub for three days. It was just what I needed. Lots of prayer, fresh air, and solitude. I was somewhat able to clear my head and face my really bizarre realities. The simple truth was that I now was completely torn between two women. Me, ordinary ole William Robert Booker who never once noticed a lady turn and gaze my direction in admiration.

Although Willa and I had become good friends and she obviously was attractive, I never considered her a romantic possibility. Call me judgmental, but she was a prostitute. Forgive me, but this bothered me on a fairly deep level. Even though she expressed desire for me, I shrugged it off as something fleeting and sentimental due to our bonding through horses and fellowship. But now, with a human life created by Willa and me, it changed everything.

However, it was Carly with whom I had a shared history and Carly with whom I was most familiar. It was Carly who I had promised to marry and who I had shared years of precious moments. I mean time together, not the little figurines. Although I have given her a few of the little statues as gifts over the years. As painful as her foray with Niles had been and as uncomfortable as his inclusion into our lives would be, I believed her deep regret clearly showed that she and I were meant to be together.

I sought God’s guidance and renewed my resolve to walk in faith. But I was still torn and looking for some kind of sign. But more often than not, rather than a sign, we need to make the effort to reason things out. The Lord even instructs us, come let us reason together. (Isaiah 1:18)

However, reason gave me a possible sign indicating the direction I might go after I arrived home and checked my phone. It showed several missed calls and texts from Carly. Her tone was not only forgiving, but apologetic. There was not a single call or text from Willa. So I called Carly, and after a short conversation, I went to her condo.

“I missed you,” she cooed after giving me an emphatic kiss and warm embrace.

“I was only gone three days,” I laughed.

“I can’t believe that you just left without telling anyone,” she said with a playful pout.

I chuckled some more before I hugged and kissed her again. I was expecting her to be at least a little cool toward me, if not downright cold, but she was just the opposite. As a matter of fact, I had never seen Carly more lovey dovey. “I told Lyle,” I said.

“I know, but I didn’t think to ask him about your whereabouts until late yesterday.”

“Well, sorry,” I shrugged. “It was spur of the moment, and my head was a mess.”

“I think I can find a way to forgive you,” she said as she took me by the hand and began to lead me to her bedroom.

“Carly,” I said, stopping her, “not ‘til after were married.”

“You can’t blame a girl for trying,” she said with a grin.

“Stop doing that. You’re wearing me out.”

“That’s the idea,” she giggled. “Hey, I got some interesting news that you should like.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, Niles is getting married.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “You’re kidding!”

“I am not,” she smiled conspiratorially. “His girlfriend is pregnant, three months along.”

“Wow, so he’s gonna have two kids with only a couple of months age difference?” Carly nodded. “He hasn’t even been dating her for four months, has he?” I asked.

“Well, keep this to yourself,” she said quietly, even though we were alone. “Niles had a two-year affair with Kelly while he was married to his first wife. So, a few months ago, they were, how do I put this? Reacquainted.”

“How and when did you find out that he got another woman pregnant?”

“Oh,” Carly said as a look of caution came across her face. “I talked to him that day I found you with Willa.” I opened my mouth to ask her more about it, but she cut me off. “So, you see, that’s great news for you and me,” she grinned.

“How’s that?”

“With Niles parenting another child, that means he’ll be less involved with ours. It will at least be cut in half, right?”

“Good point,” I said, nodding. I had been so preoccupied with the scandalous information that I wasn’t considering the possible effects on us. Especially since he would be yoked through marriage to the mother of his second child. Maybe this was the sign I had been looking for after all.

“Also, I’m sorry for the way I responded to you and Willa,” Carly said as she took my hands in hers. “I know that you are an honest and honorable man. After thinking about it, I’m actually glad that you are having a baby with Willa.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I said incredulously.

“Seriously,” she replied. “All along, I’ve been carrying this huge guilt about having Niles’ baby. Now, with Willa carrying yours, it evens the score. You had sex with Willa, and I had sex with Niles. We forgive each other and move on, right? And then we get married and have two or three more kids together.”

“Right.”

“I forgive you,” she said and put out her hand for me to shake.

“Thank you,” I said as I took her hand.

“Aren’t you gonna say you forgive me?” she asked. I didn’t realize that she was being deceptive and asking for something recent.

“I already did,” I told her.

“I need to hear it again.”

“I forgive you, Carly.”

“Thank you,” she said sweetly before she hugged and kissed me. “I can’t wait until you’re my husband.”

“I can’t wait until you’re my wife.”

“Okay, then,” she said stepping away from me and putting her hands on her hips. “Now, let’s sit down and talk about boundaries and guidelines.”

Now that was more like Carly. The old Carly, that I knew so well. She and I drank iced tea and discussed how involved we would be with Willa and Niles. Apparently when she spoke with Niles the other day, he agreed to let her have sole custody for now. He simply would like to set up a visitation schedule. I agreed to only see Willa at fellowship, but no more getting together with her in private. Only when Willa had our baby would I become more involved with her. But just for the baby!

CHAPTER 18

WILLA

I could actually hear Billy Bob tossing and turning in his tent. I was unable to sleep myself but chose to read by lantern light rather than trying to force slumber. When I was finally nodding off, I heard Billy Bob’s tent open. To my surprise, he entered my tent without announcing himself.

That was very unlike Billy Bob. One of the things that drew me to him was how polite, considerate, and gentlemanly he was. He was wearing only boxer shorts. I had never even seen him with his shirt off. He looked even better than I had imagined with six-pack abs and large, toned muscles. His body was like a V, tapering down to narrow hips.

“There’s my beautiful bride,” Billy Bob said with a dreamy smile.

I had gotten undressed before I got into my sleeping bag. I had forgotten to bring a nightgown. I hiked the quilt like fabric up on my chest. Even though I tried to entice Billy Bob with my bikini top and short shorts earlier, now that I was in my birthday suit, I suddenly became modest.

“Billy Bob, what are you talking about?” I asked with a frown. I had finally gotten into a sleepy state. But with Billy Bob just barging uninvited into my tent, my adrenaline spiked. I was dazed, confused, and feeling like I was in a dream.

“Isn’t this a nice place to honeymoon?” he droned as if stoned. Sleep depravity must have made him loopy, because Billy Bob didn’t drink alcohol, let alone smoke dope.”

“I always dreamed of Paris,” I told him. “But yes, this is nice.”

“The babbling brook, the canopy of trees,” he continued. “But most important, my beautiful Willa.”

“Did you choose me then, Billy Bob?” I asked as my heart begin to soar.

“Indeed I have,” he said as he softly rubbed the back of his hand over my cheek.

He kissed me and I let him. After several minutes of passionate lip locking, Billy Bob unzipped my sleeping bag all the way down to my feet and uncovered me. It wasn’t the first time that I was naked in front of him. For I had disrobed when he sought my services as a woman for hire. He hadn’t been soliciting sex, but he had hoped that I would be his date for a wedding.

Back then, when selling sexual favors was my commodity, he refused to look. Now as someone who was attempting Christianity and living a chaste life, he looked. Not only did he look, he ran his eyes up and down in awe. Life is filled with ironies!

“Willa, you are so incredible. I can’t believe you’re mine.” he said as he slipped off his boxers and proceeded to join me in my sleeping bag.

“Billy Bob Booker! What are you doing?”

Despite my outrage, he chuckled. “What do you mean what am I doing? It’s our honeymoon!”

“Um, I don’t seem to recall our wedding.”

“Don’t be silly, Willy,” he said with a giggle. I had never heard him giggle before, and it caused me to do likewise. “You were there. Besides, who needs a ceremony and a piece of paper, as long as God was the witness.”

Forgive me for what happened next on several accounts. For one, I honestly didn’t know Billy Bob was sleepwalking, despite his strange behavior. Two, I was still adjusting to Christian behavior and hadn’t been baptized yet. Three, I still was battling an ‘all’s fair in love and war’ mindset. And four, I was simply head over heals in love with Mr. Booker.

“Billy Bob, am I to take it that you consider me your wife?” I asked as my head spun with this bizarre, yet wonderful this moment.

“Of course I do. I love you with all my heart, Willa. You’re such a beautiful bride.”

We then proceeded to make sweet, tender love. I expected to be cradled in Billy Bob’s arms the rest of the night. But as soon as the passion subsided, Billy Bob got up and trudged back to his tent like a zombie. To say I was stunned and mortified is an understatement. Forgive me if I’m giving too much information, but he didn’t even take his boxers.

I picked them up and followed, calling after him. He ignored me as he entered his tent and fell onto his bed roll. I threw his boxers into his tent and just stared, incredulous. Billy Bob began to emit soft snores just as tears began to trickle out of my eyes. He wasn’t the man I thought he was!

It hit me right away that I could never trust or love anyone, ever! Billy Bob was the most genuine seeming, decent man that I had ever met. Yet he duped me worse than any guy ever had, and ultimately treated me even worse than the whore I used to be. How could he? I felt like I was cursed. Maybe I deserved it.

Since I got no sleep the rest of the night, I arose at first light. I saddled my horse and went for a ride. Later when we were riding as a group, I did my best to avoid and ignore Billy Bob. And much to my chagrin, he seemed to be doing the same. When it came time to leave, I asked a lady named Brenda if I could ride home with her. This caused Billy Bob to cautiously confront me.

“Willa, what’s going on with you?” he pleaded.

“Whatever do you mean?” I asked with sing-song sarcasm.

“Obviously you’re mad and have been avoiding me.”

“Ya think?”

“But why?” he pleaded with open palms.

“Oh, and you haven’t been avoiding me?”

He looked away from me, avoiding eye contact.

“Do I really have to explain?” I asked with hands firmly on hips.

“It would be nice,” he said gently, his eyes returning to mine and looking sheepish.

I shook my head, crossed my arms, and laughed sarcastically.

“Please,” he begged.

“You took advantage of me,” I pointed a finger at him.

“What do you mean?” he replied, his eyes transforming from sheepish to surprised.

“So, you don’t love me?”

“Of course I love you, Willa.”

“But you’re staying with Carly?”

He opened his mouth and paused a couple seconds. “Well, yeah, that’s the plan.”

The impulse to slap him was overwhelming, but I refrained. “So I’m not your wife then?”

“What?” he asked with wide eyes and a puzzled look.

“So, it was all just a ploy to get me in the sack,” I said. “You’re such a phony! The biggest phony ever as a matter of fact!”

“Huh?” he responded, his eyes getting even bigger if possible.

“Take me for a little test drive, but decided you prefer the voluptuous, cheating Carly.”

“Willa, you’re making no sense.”

“Listen, Billy Bob, I don’t even want to be friends with you anymore. Please just stay away from me,” I declared before I spun and walked away from him. He called after me, but I ignored him, just as I would for the next several weeks. I’m sure my words hurt me as much as they did Billy Bob. Part of me still loved him, despite his bizarre betrayal.

Despite my discouragement, disappointment, and disillusion, I wasn’t tempted with my old lifestyle. I had come to realize just how much I hated it. I was tempted to stop attending Cotton Creek Cove, but I didn’t. New as I was to the fellowship, I had made some quality friends. Billy Bob even tried to solicit some of these friends to get me to talk to him. It didn’t work. What did work was a pregnancy test.

A couple months after Billy Bob visited my tent, I could no longer ignore the disruption with my menstrual cycle and morning sickness. A home pregnancy test indicated that Billy Bob was going to be a father. A trip to my doctor confirmed that I was an expecting mother. Oddly, I found myself happy and excited with the news once my head got around the matter. In the weeks following the fiasco with Billy Bob, I had come to accept the fact that I might be destined to be alone when it came to romantic relationships. But I would always have my child.

Time had cooled me down. Carrying Billy Bob’s baby foolishly made me feel drawn to him once again and long for him. I would go to his place and tell him he was going to be a daddy. Maybe there was a slim hope he would have an explanation for his behavior that fateful night. I came to believe that he would. I also came to believe that this would make him choose me over Carly. Once again, I was tempted with a sexy look. Maybe I can blame it on my changing hormones.

I dressed in the same get-up I had worn that infamous day my child was conceived with my red bikini top and tiny jean shorts. I looked at myself in a full-length mirror to see if I was showing yet. I didn’t look pregnant yet, but I had a bit of difficulty securing my already too small bikini top. It occurred to me that it wasn’t entirely Billy Bob’s fault alone. With my attire, I had purposely enticed him. I slipped a red sundress over my wardrobe, or lack thereof.

My heart soared when Billy Bob opened his door and I saw those warm, friendly eyes on mine. But then my heart sank when his fell.

BILLY BOB

It was hard facing Willa the morning after the dream I had about her when we were camping. It was as if she knew, but how could she? It was the most real and graphic erotic dream I had ever experienced, and the first since I was a teenager. Even though it was all in my head, I felt embarrassed around her. Then the way she exhibited hostility toward me only enhanced my self-conscious feelings.

It both saddened and puzzled me during the following weeks as Willa continually gave me the cold shoulder. It was as if she knew about my dream, and now she found me a repulsive pervert. But how was that possible? She couldn’t have gotten into my head. Not that way anyway.

About two months after the fateful horse excursion camping trip, there was a knock on my door. I looked at the time and frowned as I moved to open it. I was expecting Carly in a half an hour, but apparently, she was early. This was different since Carly was almost always fashionably late. I felt a smile spread across my face as I prepared to tease her. I was stunned to discover Willa at my door.

“Hi, Billy Bob,” she said uneasily.

“Willa,” I said with surprise. Then I grinned happily.

When I first saw her, surprise and caution had made my smile disappear. But when I assumed she was extending an olive branch, my grin returned as big as can be.

“Come in, come in,” I enthused. “Please, tell me you forgive me.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I forgive you. I also want to thank you. That’s why I’m here.”

“Thank me for what?” I frowned.

“For giving me a baby,” she replied with shy smile.

“How did I give you a baby?” I chuckled, oblivious to what she was talking about. I was so happy to be making up with her, the strangeness of her statement didn’t hit me. “My dog didn’t have puppies.”

“No silly, I’m talking about your visit to my tent several weeks ago. It resulted with me becoming pregnant.”

“What are you talking about?” I frowned, beyond confused. “What visit to your tent?”

She put her hands on her hips, scowled and began to chew her luscious lower lip. My breath caught. Could a female possibly be more gorgeous? Yet I perceived she was becoming angry. “Willa, please, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. Will you please just explain it to me? Come on. Let’s sit down and talk.”

Willa was wearing a red sundress, and her silky, dark hair was pulled back with a hair clip. I caught the scent of her perfume when she walked past me. It made me want to cuddle up with her on my couch as she approached it. I found out later it was called ‘Amazing Grace.’  

I shook off the thought. My fiancée would be here in just a little while, and we had come to a good understanding of boundaries. She with Niles, and me with Willa. Now Willa’s unexpected visit would likely cause my truce with my future wife to be thrown in disruption. Despite my anxiety, I hoped to make peace with Willa. I also hoped Carly would understand when I explained the unannounced visit.

Willa sat on my sofa and kicked off the same red Converse shoes that she had worn on the camping trip. She crossed one amazing leg over the other. Her nails were painted that familiar shade of red, too. I focused on her face, which wasn’t much help when she ran her tongue over her lips, and then she puckered them in consternation.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked.

“No, thanks,” she replied, and then she sighed. “I just wanted to stop by and tell you about my baby. I thought you had a right to know.”

I pulled a chair close to and directly across from her. What Willa had said started to sink in, and it made my head swim. She was pregnant and claiming I was the father, even though we were never intimate. My heart started to pound. What was she talking about?

“Okay, Willa,” I began slowly, wondering if she had some type of mental problem. “So, you say you’re pregnant, and I’m the father? But how could that possibly be?”

She snorted and shook her head. “So, you’re gonna tell me that you have no recollection of coming into my tent, telling me that I was your wife, telling me that you loved me, telling me that we were on our honeymoon, and then proceeding to make love with me?”

I gazed at her stunned. She was describing my erotic dream. But how could she be? Then a tear trickled out of her eye like a subtle exclamation point. “Well?” she asked with raised eyebrows and angrily crossing her arms.

We stared at each other for a long awkward moment. She was mad and defiant while I was confused and bewildered. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d had a sleepwalking issue as a youth. To my knowledge, I hadn’t done it in around a decade. “Willa, God as my witness, I thought it was a dream,” I told her as I showed her my palms.

“A dream?” she asked as now her eyebrows went the other direction from the frown she had been displaying.

“I was sleeping fitfully, and I had this strange dream,” I explained. “I dreamt you and I got married.”

“I wish you didn’t think marrying me was strange,” Willa said with something like disappointment.

“No, marrying you felt wonderful,” I said as I felt a pleased expression come over my face, despite this strange encounter.

“Really?” she asked with delight creeping into her face.

“Yeah. What was strange was that Carly was your maid of honor, Dirk Easton was my best man, and Niles was officiating.”

“Carly was my maid of honor?” Willa’s lovely face scowled. “I don’t think so. And Niles was officiating? Yuck.”

“Yeah, but then Captain Kirk told him he needed to leave. He refused, and they began to scuffle. Then Brock Storm came up and put Niles in a headlock and drug him away. Then it gets a little vague, but the wedding was over, and you said you wanted to go to the horse excursion place for our honeymoon. The next thing I knew, we were in a tent and, um, I thought I had the most incredible, realistic erotic dream of my life.”

“Really?” Willa asked cautiously. “You thought it was the most incredible dream of your life?”

“Yeah,” I enthused. “But like I said, I totally thought it was a dream. That’s why I felt so awkward around you in the morning when you were behaving so coldly toward me. Can you blame me?”

“No, of course not,” she replied soothingly and with a warm smile as she placed a hand on my forearm.

“I became paranoid thinking you somehow knew about the dream,” I continued. “I thought you at least knew how much I struggled not to lust after you, and therefore found me to be a major hypocrite.”

“So, you have desired me then?” she asked, skeptically.

“Are you kidding?” I chortled. “Even though I now adhere to abstinence before marriage, I’m twenty-two years old. Seeing you in those tiny shorts and bikini top for a big chunk of that day, holy smokes! I know it was the main contributing factor to my dream.”

Willa suddenly looked forlorn and hung her head. “Sorry. Here I’ve been mad at you when it was mostly my fault.”

“It’s my own fault,” I said softly. “It’s up to me to control my eyes and thoughts. I can’t believe it wasn’t a dream though. So that’s why you’ve been mad at me?”

“You bet,” Willa replied, snapping her eyes up to mine. “To be honest you did seem to be a little zoned that night. You know, not quite yourself. But I genuinely believed you when you declared us man and wife. I thought we were consummating a ‘’til death do us part’ relationship. At the time, I didn’t need a piece of paper or a ceremony for a legit bond in the eyes of God. I figured that you decided on me over Carly, so I allowed you into my sacred spot, so to speak.”

Oh no, Carly! Her baby was due in less than two months. We were gonna get married a few weeks after she or he was born. I was up in the air at the time of the horse excursion about Carly, Niles, the baby, and me. But then Willa’s and my friendship ended. Plus Carly was also keeping proper distance from Niles, which led us to repair our relationship. We were now communicating and on the same page. I was becoming more and more comfortable with the whole baby triangle of mother, father, and stepfather. As well as I could be, anyway.

“Billy, what’s wrong?” Willa asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to absorb everything.”

“So, you were walking in your sleep, you say?” Willa asked.

“I had some incidences with it when I was a kid,” I told her. “But to my knowledge, this was the first time since I was probably eleven or twelve. It must have been stress I had been feeling over Carly, and, well, you.”

“I owe you a major apology, Billy Bob.”

“For what?”

“I should have known there was an explanation for why our lovemaking ended the way it did,” Willa told me. “I just couldn’t fathom what it could possibly have been. I guess my hurt emotions coupled with jealousy over Carly snuffed down my reason. I just never expected to ever feel, you know, used by you. I didn’t think you were that type of guy at all, so it threw me for a loop.”

“What do you mean by how our lovemaking ended?” I asked cautiously. “What did I do?”

“Well, after you, um, planted your seed, so to speak,” she said with a shy smile, “I was expecting a long night of cuddling and sleeping in your arms. Instead you just got up like a zombie without so much as a kiss on my cheek and ambled back to your tent.”

I knelt in front of her and took both her hands in mine. “Willa, I’m so sorry,” I said. “I remember the planting the seed part, even though I thought it was a dream. Then I woke up, completely thinking I had an, um, erotic dream. But Willa, know this, if it wasn’t a dream, there’s no way we wouldn’t have spent the entire night in each other’s arms.”

“I guess I know that now,” she replied sweetly as she gently touched my forearm.

I had already felt guilt and shame for the said dream. If I hadn’t been tantalized by Willa’s beauty and sensuality, I wouldn’t have had the dream in the first place. But that’s no excuse. It sank in that our intimacy was not just a dream, but a sleepwalking episode. This made me feel like I sexually violated Willa. I became so overwhelmed with remorse that, in a daze, I tried to lower myself back into my chair. My rear end just grazed it, and I thudded hard onto the floor. My vision blurred, and I shut my eyes. I felt Willa’s warm breath on my cheek as she spoke. Then I heard a knock.

CHAPTER 17

BILLY BOB

Carly and I had a disagreement before I went on an overnight camping trip. She had claimed that she had given Willa and me plenty of leeway to pursue our friendship, but she thought an overnight camping trip was crossing a line. I argued that we would have separate tents, and there would be a dozen people altogether. The argument ended in a stalemate, but I thought about how I would feel if she camped overnight with Niles. Besides, I needed to once and for all put restrictions on my friendship with Willa.

The next day, I immediately went to Carly’s apartment before leaving on the camping trip. I was going to acknowledge that she was right, and I was considering skipping the outing.

Arriving at Carly’s turned out to be deja’vu all over again. Once again, I spotted Niles’ car. Once again, I snuck around back like a jealous fool. This time instead of getting a massage, the bad doctor stood behind Carly, spooning her as his hand gently swirled a hand over her belly.  My heart began to sink, ache and break.

Not only was she not stopping his ministrations, she reached back and ran fingers into his hair as she closed her eyes. I had to look away. A minute or two later, I peeked again. This time I watched them go into her bedroom and close the door.

With my heart about to pound right through my chest, I ran around the complex. My trembling finger was about to push her intercom button, but I stopped. What was I gonna do shout, ‘Ah-ha!’? Plus, my emotions and mindset were all over the place. I was angry and sad, and ironically, when I thought about just breaking it off, I felt an odd twinge of relief.

I plodded back to my truck with my mind racing. As minute after minute went by, I became calmer. I just needed to patiently go and confront them. But not even ten minutes after I spotted their cuddle, Niles left, and he didn’t look very happy.

As I approached Carly’s door, I felt both pleased that Niles looked displeased, yet angry that she was letting him touch her so intimately. This was the second time I happened upon them being too friendly. How many times had it happened when I wasn’t around?

“Hi,” Carly sang cheerfully, even though her eyes looked startled. “I thought you were going camping?”

            “Look, Carly, I decided not to go on that horse excursion after all.”

“No, Billy, I want you to go. It’s only fair. Because of this baby, Niles is going to be an element in our lives for a long, long time. We both need to learn to put all jealousies aside and allow each other the freedom of our friendships. Whether I like it or not, I’m carrying Niles’ child, and I want things between him and I to be as friendly as possible. So I decided that your friendship with Willa kind of balances things out? You see what I mean?”

Life is filled with ironies. The night before we argued. We now proceeded with another disagreement, only now we took opposite positions. I eventually relented and continued with my plans to camp overnight with the horse excursion. But my mind was troubled. I was so glad that Carly and Niles didn’t have sex, yet they did get touchy feely.

I wish I could ask why they went to the bedroom, but that would reveal that I had been spying. I was glad to be getting away and going on this camping trip. Yet, two things Carly said kept circling in my brain and putting a damper on my mood. The baby has made Niles a different man, and he will be an element of our lives for a long, long time.

To make matters worse for my chaotic mind, I had agreed to give Willa a ride. When I picked her up, she was wearing only tiny jean shorts and a bikini top. Correction, she also wore red Converse sneakers. Now, with all that was spinning around my brain, I would have the constant temptation to lust after Willa. Then again maybe that distraction would keep me from dwelling on this odd triangle that I found myself in with Carly and Niles. I always considered myself a simple man. How did my existence end up so twisted?

Then a quick stop at Lyle’s house turned into a major TMI moment when we accidentally saw Lyle and Devin getting more than friendly. I could tell by how quickly Willa walked to my truck that she was dying to discuss Devin and Lyle. Yet I stayed ahead of her, wanting to avoid the subject of our discovery as long as possible.

My mind was definitely being taken off of my own troubles, but not in a good way. Willa and I climbed into my truck, and she kicked off her shoes and leaned toward me.

“Well?” Willa inquired as she winced, her pretty face scrunched in emotional pain. I couldn’t avoid the subject now; she was upset by what we had witnessed. I wanted to comfort my friend, and I knew how she felt. For today, we had both seen potential mates being rather friendly with another person. Poor Willa’s was much more graphic.

“Well that was awkward,” I said.

“Yes,” she added, and then groaned.

 She had one spectacular leg crossed over the other, and she was bent over, rubbing her ankle. Her breasts look like they might spill out of her bikini top. Female flesh couldn’t possibly have looked more enticing. Then to my own surprise, I reached out and touched her knee a minute later. Although it was motivated by sympathy rather than lust.

“Sorry you had to see that,” I told her.

“Did you know about them?” she asked.

“Lyle yes, Devin no. How about you?”

“Lyle yes, Devin no.”

I asked her how she knew about Lyle, but she wouldn’t tell me. Something about not divulging her former client’s secrets. But knowing she could keep a secret, I told her about Lyle being drunk, confiding his secret that he liked guys as well as gals, and then propositioning me. It occurred to me that not only had I not told Carly about this incident, I didn’t intend to. If she found out about Lyle’s proclivities, it wouldn’t be from me.

            Willa winced again, and looked like she might cry. That’s when I reached out and gently patted her on the knee. “Sorry about Devin.”

            Then to my surprise, she giggled. “Oh, I’m not upset about Devin. I twisted my ankle in our haste to leave.”

            Without thinking, which could be dangerous, I reached for her lower leg, and gently placed her foot on my lap so I could massage her injury. My spontaneous action had pure motives. But as I ministered to her pain, the purity became impure. Like I said, she was as enticing to the male instinct as a female could be. I heard her speak but was only half paying attention.

            “I’m in love with someone else,” she said.

            “Me too,” I responded without thinking. Once again, dangerous.

            I apologize if this is TMI, but I began to feel aroused. So I carefully removed her amazing leg and delicate foot from my lap. I looked at her, and she was staring intently at me. My first thought was that she was aware of my being turned on, and I blurted, “Sorry!”

            “About what?”

            “You know, just grabbing your leg, and… You know… Just, ah…”

            “Don’t be sorry, it felt good.”

            “Then why are you looking at me funny?”

            “Who are you in love with?” she demanded.

            “Huh?” I responded with what had to be the look of a deer in headlights.

            “I said that I’m in love with someone besides Devin, and you said me too. And now I’m asking, who did you mean?”

            “Who did you mean?”

            “If you have to ask that, you’re pretty dense.”

            “Willa, I’m in love Carly, and I made a promise to her intend to keep,” I blubbered. Although her face was still, I detected hurt in her eyes, so divulged something I had intended to keep to myself. “But I’m in love with you too.”

            “So choose me, and let Niles be with the woman he’s having a child with.”

            If she intended to get under my skin with that comment about Niles, it worked.

            “Niles is no good for her.”

            “Is that why you plan to marry her, just so Niles can’t have her?”

            “To be honest, that plays a role.”

            “You’re stupid!”

            “I never claimed not to be,” I spit with a frown.

            She laughed and shook her head, which only seemed to emphasize my stupidity. Then she put a hand on my knee and said, “I’m sorry.”

            “I’m sorry too, Willa. I don’t mean to be a jerk, but I never should have agreed to give you a ride to this camping trip.”

            She snorted a sarcastic laugh. “So you’re really gonna end a wonderful friendship because Carly can’t handle it. Even though Niles is gonna be a third party in your own relationship, due to Carly carrying his child.”

            “It’s me that can’t handle it.”

            “Fine! I’ll make sure to stay on the opposite side of the church from now on.”

            “Willa,” I began soothingly. “We can still be friends. I just think it would be best not to be alone together.”

            “Why? Can’t you handle it?”

            “No.”

            “Oh, okay,” she began mockingly. “Would you mind writing up a set of rules, so I know what is and isn’t permissible?”

            “Let’s just go.”

            We drove in awkward silence for several minutes. I didn’t understand why she didn’t seem bothered by discovering Devin and Lyles’s secret. The last thing I knew, she and Devin had been dating. I know it had been a relatively short courtship, but I would think she would have been upset seeing him with someone else. Very cautiously I inquired about it, and thankfully she seemed eager to explain.

Willa proceeded to tell me about the previous night with Devin. His odd behavior, their argument, and their breakup. She wrapped up her tale of tangled relations as we pulled into the campsite. Then we began to unload our gear as the others arrived. Seeing them was a beautiful site, causeing Willa to put on a shirt. Hot my foot, she was trying to entice with that tiny bikini top and short shorts.

We all chatted for several minutes, and then everyone set about setting up their camp. But then after I set up my things, I realized that Willa wasn’t all that familiar with camping. She frowned, looking at the stakes, poles, and canvas.

“Do you need help setting up your tent?” I asked Willa.

“Yes, please. Where’s yours?” she asked with a frown.

“Over there,” I pointed down by the stream. It was barely visible and about fifty yards from where everybody was setting up camp.

Willa looked at all the tents being set up in a group and then looked toward mine. “Can I be by you?” she asked. I hesitated because I assumed she would be with one of the ladies from our group. I opened my mouth and then closed it.

“Would it be a sin for our separate tents to be close to each other?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

“Of course not.” I replied before we took her tent toward mine. After all, this wasn’t alone and the others were within shouting distance.

After everyone had their tents set up, the group grilled food, and we ate and talked. Just before sunset, Willa and I walked to our tents. When we got there, she removed the T-shirt she had donned upon arrival at the campsite and was back in only her red bikini top and jean shorts. Pretty much confirming my suspicions. To be honest, part of me was flattered that such a beautiful woman was going out of her was to entice me.

“Will you put this back on?” I asked as I handed her the shirt.

“No,” she said stubbornly, even though she took the shirt. “I’m hot.”

“Yes, you are,” I mumbled as I turned away from her.

“What’d you say?” she asked heatedly as she grasped my arm and turned me back toward her.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for and disrespectful,” I admitted.

“No, Billy Bob,” she said quietly as she put a hand to my cheek. “It’s music to my ears coming from you.”

A slight breeze blew a wisp of her hair over her mouth as puffs from cottonwood trees floated and danced around us. In awe of her beauty, I slowly drew the hair strands from her mouth with a finger. “It feels a little like Cotton Creek here,” I said trying to chuckle as I pulled my hand away quickly.

“Billy,” she whispered as she gently grasped my hand, her eyes seeming to well with tears. “I don’t think it’s just Carly, I think it’s my past. I believe God forgives me. So why don’t you?”

“Willa, it’s not that,” I moaned, wondering if it was a lie. “It’s complicated.”

Maybe she had a point. Was I being judgmental in some way? It was a no brainer that Willa was not only a knockout but had a great personality. But I admit that I had a hard time getting my brain around her past and just how many guys she had some form of sex with as a prostitute. Plus, I remember just how flippant and casual she was when she talked about losing her virginity with a guy she didn’t even like, let alone love. Yet she was now a new Christian, and all things were new, right?

Maybe that’s why I found myself settling for Carly. I just don’t know why, for some insane reason, Willa was attracted to me. I guess my subconscious didn’t believe it was genuine. It was obvious she had changed her life. Did I just not trust that it was permanent? So many people become Christians and then give it up. Is that why I found myself snubbing this ravaging beauty for a woman that was pregnant by another man? Was I crazy?

“Billy, forgive me,” she said softly as she put a hand on my cheek, making me look into her beautiful golden eyes. “But I’m going to take poetic license, for lack of better words. All is fair in love and war. Carly has cheated on you before. Given what you have told me, I think she’ll do it again. She’s warming to Niles again. Can’t you see it?”

“I know, but …” I stammered.

“How long before warm becomes hot after the baby’s born?” I opened my mouth but closed it before Willa could point out my misguided love. “I know I’m a former whore,” she said as tears now began to emerge from her eyes. “But I would never, ever cheat on you. Old things are past, behold, all things are new. Do you believe that, Billy?”

“Yes, of course,” I whispered in a state of confusion at our cosmically connected, duplicated thoughts.

“Do you believe that it applies to me?” she croaked as she pointed a finger aggressively at her scantily covered chest.

“Yes, of course.”

“Are you familiar with Revelation 3:15 and 16?”

“Not off hand,” I mumbled.

“I’ll paraphrase because I don’t’ know it exactly without looking,” she said, quickly and excitedly. “But the point is, it says God would rather us be cold or hot and not lukewarm. I’ll never ever be in a position to call Carly lukewarm since we can’t judge others. But I guarantee you this: I’ve been cold as a hooker, but now I’m hot for the Lord. No, I may not be perfect in every detail of my religious life as I’m new and growing. I’ve got a lot to learn and always will. But I’ll tell you this much, Billy Bob Booker. If you were my man…”

Willa sighed and seemed to deflate as she shook her head so violently a tear actually flung off of her cheek. She pinched the bridge of her nose, then turned from me and walked quickly to her tent. I grabbed her hand, stopping her.

“What if I was your man?” I asked quietly.

“I would never leave nor forsake you,” she said with a sweet, sad smile and pure love pouring from her eyes, more pronounced than the tears. I couldn’t stop my mouth from moving toward hers. Our kiss was feather light. When I moved to kiss her again, she placed both hands on my chest, stopping me. “Are you choosing me, Billy Bob?” she asked, just above a whisper.

“I… I don’t know,” I whispered back.

“Billy Bob, know this,” she said, causing me to look at her with earnest. “You’re the only man on this planet that I would marry right this minute if asked.”

We stared at each other for a moment before her lower lip trembled. She gave a little shrug as she turned toward her tent. She disappeared inside it as my brain became numb, even as it swirled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. I went to my own tent and settled into what seemed like the most fitful sleep of my life. It would also become the most fateful slumber of my life. You see, I had been a sleepwalker in my youth. But to my knowledge, it hadn’t happened in many years. I suppose it might have been the stress of my complicated love life, I don’t know. What I do know is it happened on this very camping trip. It also caused my already complicated love life to become much more complicated.

CHAPTER 16

WILLA

“We need to wait until we’re married,” I demanded as I stopped Devin’s fingers from exploring as we sat on my sofa watching a movie.

“So, let’s do it already,” he whined. “How long are you gonna make me wait?”

“Give me a few more weeks to get my head around marriage, okay?” I petitioned.

Then Captain Kirk, also known as Pastor Samson, popped into my head. His counsel was to wait a minimum of several months, and marriage only if Devin became a genuine believer. At the time I felt like Devin was one of the most straight forward, honest men I had met. I also believed he was on his way to becoming a believer, despite his willingness to engage in premarital sex.

That was another thing I felt the pastor didn’t understand, our desire to be intimate. And for that to happen, I needed the bonds of matrimony sooner rather than later. Devin didn’t realize how close I was to giving in to temptation as we cozied on the couch. Also, forgive me for this immature thinking, but I figured if it didn’t work out, we wouldn’t be the first couple to divorce.

We were at my place watching a movie. It was one of the Fast and Furious flicks, so I was pleasantly surprised that Devin was more interested in me than the action on the screen.

“You don’t want to wait a few more weeks,” he said seductively as he ran a finger down my cheek and waggled his eyebrows.

“When we’re married,” I said with hesitation.

“Let’s pretend we’re married,” he said as he quickly leaned in to kiss me.

His sudden move took me by surprise. Reflexively, my hand went over his face, and gripped it like a volleyball as I shoved him away. My pinky snagged his mouth, and the nail tore his lip a little, making it bleed. I didn’t mean to be so rough; it was just a reaction to his aggressive move.

“Seriously?” he barked. “You used to be a whore, and you can’t even satisfy your boyfriend with your… Never mind. But you know. Just like you’ve done hundreds of time for money!

I stood and slapped him. “Get out!”

“Oh, do you want me to leave Willa?” he said with clenched teeth as he also stood.

“What’s gotten into you?” I asked as I placed my hands on my hips.

“You,” he said as he gripped my upper arms, pushing me against a wall. His mouth pressed hard into mine, and I could taste the blood from his cut lip. Once again, I reacted without thinking, as my knee connected hard with his crotch.

Dirk collapsed to the floor, groaning, and clutching himself.

“Stay away from me, you jerk,” I spat. A couple minutes later as he shakily got to his feet, I pointed at the door, and demanded “Get out!”

Dirk stepped away from me with a cocky smirk. What had gotten into him all of a sudden?

“The wedding is off, I take it?” he asked.

“Is that what this is about?” I asked with hands on hips.

“What do you mean?” he asked with a frown.

“You want to end it with me,” I told him. “But instead of just being a man and telling me, you act like an animal, so I’ll break up with you?” His frown deepened, and he looked at his feet before he looked me in the eyes. To my surprise his eyes welled with tears.

“I don’t deserve you, Willa,” he lamented quietly. “Have a nice life.”

He turned and walked to the door. I watched him, stunned. What had just happened? One minute, we were contentedly watching a movie as a sort of engaged couple. The next minute, we were breaking up. I would have given him his ring back, but he hadn’t given me one. So good riddance!

At first, I felt a strange sort of relief. But then it was quickly replaced by a fear of loneliness. No, it wasn’t loneliness, was it? After all, I had my best friend and housemate Zella LaStella. Yet my newfound faith had somehow caused a divide between her and I. Was it longing for romance? Me, who was fiercely independent?

“Devin, wait,” I heard myself say.

He stopped and turned. My thoughts raced. Did I even love Devin? I liked him. Or had until what had just happened. Would I love him, could I trust him? The man I know I loved was marrying another woman. I didn’t want to be alone.

Something about giving up my self-centered life created a void that I seemed to want filled with a male companion. I didn’t understand why, but it was there. Maybe unbeknownst to me, my clients over the last half decade fulfilled this desire in a twisted way. As a former prostitute, what Christian man that I found desirable would even want me?

“Come back in and let’s talk,” I told him.

“Willa,” he groaned, twisting his handsome face in anguish. “I’m starting to think we’re not right for each other. It’s probably best if we both just move on.”

“Well, if you’re only starting to think that let’s talk about it,” I replied. Devin shuffled back in as I shut off the movie. “Let’s start with why are you acting so weird?”

“I want sex,” he blurted.

“Tell me what you really want,” I said with a coy smile, following my lame joke.

“I just did!” he barked. “I can’t stand being around you anymore. Even dressed like an Amish woman you’re sexy as…”

His next dozen words, although I suppose flattering, were vulgar.

“I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I can’t go without,” he concluded.

“I don’t want to either, but…”

“I didn’t say want,” he interrupted. “I said can’t… Look, I’ll be committed to you, but I don’t understand why you can’t at least do for me what you did for your clients. I know you didn’t go all the way with them, and I respect that, I really do. But you did give them release, and that’s all I’m asking until we decide it’s time to marry.”

I’m not gonna lie. Carnally speaking, I wanted Devin big time, but I was determined not to give in. Yet, given our pasts, maybe a compromise was in order. As a prostitute I had never had intercourse or oral sex with a client. I was lucky enough, and I guess hot enough, to find a niche with guys that wanted to be with a dominatrix.

 But I did satisfy my clients in less compromising ways. Wasn’t it only fair to compromise, and satisfy my boyfriend? My sort of fiancée? The man I sort of intended to spend the rest of my life with? What I didn’t understand then was that one should never compromise spiritual principles.

I sauntered toward him, as I smiled with a much-practiced seductive countenance. “All right, big fella, you win.”

To my chagrin, he looked startled rather than pleased. Yet I still reached my arms out to loop around his neck. Then to my utter surprise, he caught my wrists in his hands. “Willa, wait.”

I took a step back after he let go of my wrists, dumbfounded. He looked even more confused than me, as well as anguished. “Listen, Willa, there’s someone else.”

We stared at each other as his words settled in. Then I asked, “Did you sleep with her?”

He paused, as if the question baffled him, before replying. “Yes.”

I was stunned at first. Then I was strangely relieved, for I hadn’t stopped desiring Billy Bob. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite, but then a little defensively I asked, “So you lied about your willingness to commit?”

“I guess I did.”

“No guessing about it now.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            I shrugged. “Thanks for coming clean before I gave in.”

            “Gave in to what, sex or marriage?”

            “That’s for me to know,” I replied a bit snootily.

            “I better go.”

“Look, Devin,” I said, touching his arm as it reached for the doorknob. “You’re right, we should just end this. Our spiritual bond is not strong enough to endure the physical wait to make sure we are compatible.”

He frowned, but then smiled sadly, nodded, and walked out of my life forever. At least as a romantic partner.

The day after Devin and I ended our brief relationship, I went on an overnight horse-riding camping trip. There were about a dozen people going, and Billy Bob was one of them. It was just what I needed after the end of my very brief relationship with Devin. What made this extra special was that Carly didn’t like horseback riding and wouldn’t be coming. Pretending Billy Bob was mine for a weekend was just the salve my lonely heart needed.

Then to my dismay, Billy Bob didn’t want me to ride with him to the campsite. He even told me because of the friendly kiss I gave him the last time we were together that he didn’t think we should be alone anymore. This ironically hurt much deeper than just losing Devin. Yet I only had myself to blame. I couldn’t hide that there was more than friendly behind the quick kiss.

Forgive me for embellishing, but I used a broken heart over Devin as leverage for a ride with him. Even though my heart was maybe just cracked a little bit. I was actually more heartbroken over Billy not wanting us to be alone together anymore. I also suggested that there would be a dozen of us riding, thereby making us not alone, and that we’d be chaperoned to some extent. So he agreed to pick me up.

However, the usually calm, even-keeled Billy Bob seemed subdued, even angry when he arrived. It was a bad day for me to turn rebellious. Although a long shot, it was an all’s fair in love and war moment, and I intended on a last-ditch effort to win Billy’s affection. Not only that, but to steer him away from what I believed to be a terrible mistake by marrying Carly.

Unfortunately, I reverted just a little bit to my old ways. Billy had the best character of any man I had ever known, and he was very principled. But saint though he may be, he was still a male human being, and I knew men. I also knew, although he made a valiant effort to turn away from it, that he found me desirable. So I intended on one last sales pitch that my product was better than Carly’s. Lord forgive me!

Since I started attending Cotton Creek Cove, I had begun to dress conservatively. But on this fateful trip, I decided to wear my shortest jean shorts and a cherry red bikini top when he picked me up for the excursion. When Billy Bob looked at me, he snorted and shook his head. I felt the not-so-subtle rebuke keenly. However, it only intensified my orneriness. Once in his truck, I kicked off my shoes and propped my legs up on his dashboard as sexily as I possibly could.

“My goodness, Willa,” Billy Bob said with a frown. “It looks like you’re just wearing a bra. Are you seriously going to wear that around the others?”

“I’ve got a T-shirt that I’ll putting on,” I whined. “But it’s almost ninety degrees, and your decades old truck doesn’t have air conditioning.”

I noticed his jaw muscles clench, and his knuckles turned white because he gripped the steering wheel so hard. As we drove away from my place, he told me that we needed to swing by Lyle Lake’s house to pick up his propane-fueled hot plate. Lyle lived in a mini mansion. His yard had to be at least two acres.

Billy Bob tried to ring the doorbell, but to no avail. “I told Lyle his doorbell doesn’t work weeks ago. I guess I’ll have to scale his privacy fence.”

We walked to the rear of the home. With surprising agility for a big guy, Billy Bob made his way over the eight-foot fence. A few seconds later, a gate opened, and I walked through.

“How come there’s no latch on the outside?”

Billy Bob shrugged. “I guess Lyle likes his privacy.”

We stepped onto a large patio and made our way to a sliding glass door. Billy’s hand rose to knock, but he froze. “Holy cow!”

He tried to stop me from seeing why he declared that a bovine was holy, but curious, I looked past him. Lyle and Devin were on a large sofa and wearing only their birthday suits. Let’s just say Lyle was going way farther with Devin than I ever did. After my jaw dropped, I was paralyzed for several seconds.

“Oh no! Oh no!” Devin said, his eyes wide and startled after he spotted us. He flung himself over the back of the couch, grabbed an arm full of clothes, and fled to what I assumed was a bathroom, slamming the door.

Lyle looked at Billy Bob sheepishly. Lyle knew that I knew intimate details about him and had kept client confidentiality. To what extent Billy Bob knew Lyle’s secrets, I did not know. I did notice that after the initial surprise of seeing the two men, Billy Bob rather quickly developed a matter-of-fact demeanor over the situation. I would have expected him to be stunned for a longer period than he was. I suspected he knew something; I was dying to know how much.

As Lyle hurriedly dressed, opened the glass door, and barked, “Why didn’t you use the front door?”

“I told you weeks ago the doorbell didn’t work,” Billy said testily.

“Sorry,” Lyle said as he averted his eyes. “How embarrassing.”

Then he tried to explain. We politely listened, even though we wanted to flee. He apologized to me for stealing my boyfriend. I accepted and reassured him I understood. Then he asked us to keep what we discovered a secret.

“No worries. Willa and I can keep a secret, right Willa?” Billy Bob said.

“Of course,” I replied with wide innocent eyes as I studied Billy Bob.

Lyle immediately diverted the subject to our camping trip. We talked for a couple more minutes, and Devin never left the bathroom. Then Lyle retrieved the hot plate and subtlety seemed to usher Billy Bob and me off as quickly as possible. So quickly, I ended up twisting my ankle as we rapidly left.

After Billy Bob and I reentered his truck, he looked at me cautiously, knowing I had just broken up with Devin. I looked at him cautiously, wondering if he knew his best friend was attracted to more than just the opposite sex.

“Sorry you had to see that,” Billy told me.

“Did you know about them?” I asked.

“Lyle yes, Devin no,” Billy replied. Then he gently asked, “Did you?”

“Lyle yes, Devin no.”

“How did you know about Lyle?”

“I can’t divulge that. Client and massage therapist privilege. How did you know about Lyle?”    

“Not long after Carly and I broke up, he was in his cups. He confided his secret that he liked both guys and gals, and then he propositioned me.”

“Did you?”

“Of course not. Then when he was sober, I had a lot of reassuring to do with him.”

“About?”

“Mostly that our friendship would remain intact.” Then he eyed me sympathetically and asked, “How do you feel about Devin?”

I winced because of my ankle, and Billy Bob patted my knee, and said, “Sorry.”

I giggled. “No, I wasn’t bothered jealousy wise. I winced because I twisted my ankle in our haste to leave. I’m actually more bothered by something else.”

“What’s that?”

I shrugged and eyed him seductively. “I’m in love with someone else.”

He looked at me with what I hoped was longing for a few seconds. Then to my surprise, he gently pulled my ankle onto his lap, removed my red converse sneaker, and rubbed my ankle. Then he quietly said, “Me too.”

I watched him carefully massage the pain away. My mouth was parted in awe. But then my mind scrambled with the question. Did he mean me or Carly?

CHAPTER 15

BILLY BOB

Shortly after I told Willa I was going to marry Carly, it was a brief, yet power kiss with her that took me by surprise, and ultimately complicated my life even more. At first, I felt like she did it innocently. But then if simply friendly, why on the lips? I never had kissed Lyle or Dirk on the lips. I’ve hugged both men, but never even kissed them on the cheek, let alone lips. And it even turned out that Lyle… Never mind, not now.

With our time spent together, riding and studying scripture, I grew to love her as a dear friend. Now this quick kiss somehow transformed my feelings to something deeper, and somehow mysterious. Her beautiful face was an inch from mine. No—Connected to mine! Now my feelings for Willa, that had been similar to my feelings for Lyle or Dirk, now mirrored my feelings for Carly. Oh no!

I constantly had to keep myself from thinking about Willa. I loved our horseplay, pun intended with our riding adventures. I loved our deep conversations. I loved her feisty mannerisms when she was passionate about something. I loved her deep looks of concentration during Bible studies. I absolutely loved her conversion and abandonment of her old lifestyle, praying that it held. I loved her perky smile and her girlish playfulness, despite being one tough cookie.

But I also loved Carly, and I had just won her back. We had a long history, and being with Carly felt comfortable and safe, despite our problems. But she had betrayed me, and Willa and I clicked in a way I never did with Carly. But that was because we were just friends, wasn’t it? Even so, could I get beyond Willa’s past? But what about Carly’s recent past?

Sure, Willa had done sexual things with many men, but not the act that makes babies. At least not for a long time, and never for pay. Although Carly had been sexual with only one man besides me, she did do the act that makes babies. As a matter of fact, the proof was in her womb.

“I love you more than you’ll ever know.” Willa’s words kept echoing in my head. ‘Behold all things become new’ resonated behind them from my imagination.

 But the reality was that I was going to marry Carly, and Willa was developing a relationship with Devin Easton. I had known Devin for a couple of years, and I was skeptical that he was turning his life around. Maybe I was just jealous, I don’t know. What I did know was that I needed to let go of my feelings for Willa. I needed to adhere to the good pastor’s advice and stop hanging out with Willa.

Ironically, I felt more troubled about Willa and Devin than I did over Carly and Niles. How could that be? The only thing I can figure is that, after the pain of our initial break up, I somehow learned to hold on loosely to Carly. Even as I relished having her back, something in my brain wasn’t all in.

The ability to keep part of my mental and emotional state detached came in handy. I had gone over to Carly’s apartment, and for some reason, I felt compelled to go around back. She lived on the ground floor and had a patio with sliding glass and screen doors. When I approached the sliding doors, I saw the profiles of Carly and Niles. Carly was sitting in a kitchen chair, and Niles was behind her massaging her shoulders. I moved off to the side and spied on them. Something that had nagged at my subconscious came to the forefront of my conscious mind. Despite forcing myself to be detached on some level, I didn’t know if I could ever fully trust Carly again. Was I making a mistake marrying her?

Niles kneaded Carly’s shoulders for a couple of minutes. She wore a satisfied smile, and her eyes were closed. Niles said something and she laughed. Niles tucked a hair strand behind her ear. He slowly lowered and kissed her cheek. She not only didn’t resist, but she tilted her head giving him easier access. He kissed her cheek a couple of more times before applying them to her neck. Then he began to unbutton her blouse. As he worked on the second button, Carly sprang to her feet and buttoned her blouse back up. It didn’t go beyond my notice that she giggled rather than seeming angry. She said something. Then Niles grinned and put his hands up in a defensive position, as if to say you can’t blame a guy for trying.

“That’s enough, Niles,” she said loud enough that I could actually hear. “You should probably go now. But thanks for the massage though.”

“Anytime,” he replied with a grin and a low, seductive voice.

She kissed him on the lips! Albeit quick. Then she playfully shoved him and demanded, “Go!”

Oh well, Willa gave me a friendly kiss on the lips. The question remained, how friendly were these kisses?

I covertly leapt over flowers and made my way quickly toward the front of the complex. I felt both guilty for spying and mystified by why I felt inclined to go to her back door in the first place. I went through the main entrance, took six steps, and poised my finger to push the doorbell when I heard heated voices. Maybe not heated, maybe passionate. I paused very still to listen.

“Because I’m going to marry William,” Carly said.

“When?” Dr. Niles wanted to know.

“We haven’t set a date.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He wants to make sure everything is right between him and me, I guess.”

“What a joke,” Niles snorted. “You two dated for six years. I’d marry you today.”

“I appreciate that Niles, I really do, but no thanks.”

“But you’re carrying my child, not his.”

“He’s a better man.”

“He’s a ditch digger,” Niles spit. “I’m a doctor.”

“He’s a landscaper, not a ditch digger. And although you’re a doctor, you’ve hit me,” Carly spat back at him. “William wouldn’t hit me in a million years.”

“I deserved that,” I think he said. “I’ve told you countless times that I’m sorry. I was going through a stressful time. It was a reflex rather than a conscious effort to do you harm.”

“That’s no excuse,” Carly said sternly.

“You’re absolutely right,” Niles conceded meekly. “I’ll get going.”

“Niles, wait,” Carly said. “Let’s not part ways mad.”

“I’m not mad. I just want you back so bad it’s killing me, especially with you carrying our child.”

They began talking so softly that I couldn’t hear them. I put my ear to the door, but I still couldn’t make out what they were saying. After a minute or two, I heard the door handle rattle. I tiptoed quickly toward the main entrance as if I had just arrived right when Niles came out. He gave me a big, phony grin as he extended a hand to shake.

“William,” Niles said as if he was actually delighted to see me.

“Niles,” I returned as we shook. “Sorry if my hand is a bit dirty. I’ve been doing some ditch digging.”

His smile faltered. “Good for you.”

“Hey, you,” Carly said seductively as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, causing Niles’ fake smile to completely disappear.

“I’ll be seeing you,” Niles said, glancing at me as if to make sure his words sunk in.

It worked. It was rapidly occurring to me that the reality of Niles being involved in our relationship was going to be even more difficult than I had anticipated. In the coming moments, I needed to exhibit extreme mental discipline to not display the jealous feelings that were beginning to overwhelm me. My memory kept recalling the soft kisses that Niles applied to Carly’s cheek and neck. Which she allowed!

My mind’s eye watched his steady doctor’s fingers working buttons on her blouse before she finally stopped him. But she did stop him. Just not as quickly as I would have hoped. They did not proceed to the bedroom. Yet she never should have allowed the light kisses and unbuttoning in the first place.

“You seem rather subdued,” Carly said after she closed the door.

“To be honest,” I shrugged. “Niles being part of our relationship is going to be more difficult than I anticipated.”

“He’s not part of our relationship,” Carly insisted with hands on hips. “He and I are parents of the same child. It’s just a little weird because the child isn’t born yet. But the simple fact is, he and I are both in different relationships now. In less than a year it’ll be just like a divorced situation, sharing custody.”

“Niles is in a relationship?” I questioned, trying not to ask with too much enthusiasm.

“Well, he’s getting pretty serious with a woman that he’s been seeing for the last few weeks. That’s all I know.”

“So he’s not trying to woo you back?” I asked, giving her a little test. Love and romance can put you in odd situations. What was I doing with a woman who was pregnant by another man? A man that I just saw giving her more than friendly attention. Even if she gave me a satisfactory answer, I needed to seriously rethink our marital destination.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she laughed uneasily. “What do you call wooing?”

“I think you know,” I said calmly.

“Yeah, I guess he is,” she said with a suddenly serious expression as she looked at me intently. “He tried, well, getting fresh right before you arrived, but I stopped him.”

“Thank you for being honest with me,” I told her, trying to encourage her confession to go deeper. True, she ultimately stopped him, but she wasn’t exactly urgent about it.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked with a touch of offense in her voice.

“Well,” I mumbled stupidly and softly. “You did cheat on me.”

“I did not cheat on you,” Carly said with sudden anger. Then she pointed a hostile finger at me before her voice raised another decibel. “With great reservation, I broke up with you before I even so much as kissed Niles.”

“Fair enough,” I said quietly but sternly after we stared at each other for a long moment. “But you did betray me, and if you don’t see that, I’m gonna have to rethink this reconciliation.”

Were we always going to go back and forth on this? Would we ever get past this? Sometimes she acknowledged betrayal, while other times she denied it. Oh well, moodiness just seemed to be part of Carly’s personality. As she and I engaged in another stare down, my feet got cold, metaphorically speaking. I wasn’t just getting Carly back; I was getting Niles also, regardless of how she saw it. And I did not want even a little bit of him.

I could tell by his behavior that he was going to be very involved with the child. I also perceived that he was going to be as caring and loving with his baby’s mother as possible. His child’s mother! My Carly, and now to whatever extent, his Carly. For they would forever share a child. What kind of bond would sharing a child bring between them? My spying told me that there certainly was something there. But how much? And would it grow or diminish?

“I’m sorry,” I told Carly gently. “But I think it would be best if we put marriage on hold until after the baby is born. And even after, we should wait and see how things work out with this, um, you know, parenting situation.”

“What?” she blurted as she grabbed my arm in desperation. “Why? Billy, you said you would help me raise him or her. You are going to be the primary father… figure. I hope.”

Father figure, she hoped. “Look there’s nothing wrong with waiting. Marriage is a big step. A huge step and commitment.”

As much as I wanted to experience physical intimacy again, I knew I was making the right decision to prolong our courtship. Besides, did I trust Carly enough to commit my life to her? Did I love her enough to not only raise another man’s child, but have said father there in the midst of the childrearing? But what was my life without Carly, other than romantically lonely?

I hated the prospect of dating or courting again. The only other woman even remotely interested in me was a recently retired prostitute. How could such an exquisite beauty like Willa stay with a homely man like me? But if Carly betrayed me as a seemingly conservative Christian, what were the odds of a former prostitute remaining faithful?

And why was I interested in romance in the first place? I seemed to be happiest out in the wild or outside working. Attempted relationships only seemed to bring trials, angst, and confusion to my life. Yet we all need downtime, and who wants to spend it alone? As much as I liked Lyle Lake, my coworkers, and my church family, it was a woman that I longed to dine with and cozy up to after a hard day’s work.

Carly appeared to be deep in thought. She looked at the floor as she chewed on her lip. She fiddled with the top button on her blouse, and after a minute, unfastened it. This was done in a distracted manner, rather than seductive.

She didn’t know that I had observed Niles’ attempt at seducing her. I wondered if she was experiencing regret at stopping him. Then again, maybe she was trying to entice me.

She looked from the floor to my eyes. A year ago I was able to get a good read on what she was thinking. But that was when I thought I knew her. Now I was struggling with trust, and trust was a big word. An important word.

 CHAPTER 14

WILLA

Being brand new to the Christian faith, I found out the hard way why Jesus instructed his followers to watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). Peter tells us to be sober and vigilant because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).

I discovered rather quickly that there are many important and necessary contradictions with spirituality. You have to die to self to have life (Luke 9:24). You need to surrender to be free. The second you think that you’re humble, you’re not. I could go on, but I’ll finish with one that saved me from returning to my old life. That is, if you look to anyone but Jesus, you will be lost. Yet it seems that God’s main tool in ministering to floundering souls is Godly people, fellow human beings. You just need to beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. That can be very tricky indeed.

After my night of debauchery and messing around with Devin, I was so discouraged with how easily I had fallen. I actually contemplated a return to my old life (Proverbs 26:11, as a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly). If not for the friendship of Destiny Knight Storm, I might have been calling my former clients back. But because of her encouragement and friendship, I repented and amped up my vigilance. Or so I thought.

I still shake my head at that fateful day. I had gone to Whitney’s place intent on sharing my new faith with my cousin. Instead I ended up letting her share her boyfriend with me. Ironically, he was a man I initially disliked, despite his good looks. When I thought Devin was Dirk upon first sight, I never would have imagined we would be kissing a few hours later.

I was so distraught when I woke up in that dingy, dank shop of Devin’s with my brain foggy and disoriented. Later that day, I couldn’t hide a look of discouragement when Destiny opened the door to her home.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Destiny had asked with concern. Brock appeared at her side like a large, menacing phantom. I knew it was out of concern for me in the case I was in danger. But I felt so ashamed with his presence.

“I sinned big time last night,” I replied quietly.

Brock and Destiny glanced at each other. “I’ll go to the shop and give you ladies some privacy,” Brock said.

“Thank you, Snuggles,” Destiny said, and then a startled look came onto her face as Brock’s eyebrows shot up.

“Snuggles?” I repeated as a smile grew onto my face, despite my mental anguish. She called big, powerful Brock Snuggles!

“Oops,” Destiny said as she grinned sheepishly and blushed. “I mean, thank you, dear.”

“See ya, Snuggles,” I said with a sarcastic smile as Brock moved past me. He put out his hand to shake. I gripped his strong paw, and he pulled toward him a little.

“Don’t ever call me that, punk girl,” he said with gritted teeth like Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry. “Don’t ever tell anyone she calls me that either.”

            “I won’t,” I said with wide eyes. “Maybe.”

            “Maybe?” he asked, scowling and tightening his grip a little.

            I puckered up and moved my face toward his as if to kiss him. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he loosened his grip. I dug my thumb into the hollow by his collarbone and pressed hard. He began to howl as I drove a knee up to his groin. He twisted his leg to block, even though I had no intention of driving it home. “Never let your guard down,” I said with my own gritted teeth. “I won’t be pushed around by any man whether it be Smith, Wesson, or Storm.”

 “Well played, little lady,” he chuckled as I released him. Then jokingly, he hung his head in shame. “I guess I’ll have to live with everyone calling me ‘Snuggles.’”

I laughed and put a hand on his arm. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Before I knew what was happening, my backside was pressed into his in the tightest bear hug I could imagine. I couldn’t have been more immobile if I was strapped to a gurney. He spoke right into my ear. “Never let your guard down.”

“Point taken,” I squeaked, and he let me go.

I spun around in a karate stance, giggling. “Are we done?”

Brock got into a defensive stance, as he laughed. “Sure, you came to talk with Dee, not spar with me.”

“Actually, the levity helped my mood.”

“Good deal. Hang in there with whatever you’ve got going on. Dee’s wise beyond her years.”

Brock fist bumped me as he left. I felt very satisfied with our little encounter. I had heard that Brock often engaged females he felt comfortable with in playful combat to give them a taste for self-defense. I felt privileged that he felt that way about me, and I had a lump in my throat as I considered what dear friends I had made.

“Thanks,” I told him as he left for his shop. Then I turned to Destiny and groaned, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be roughhousing with your husband. He started it, though.”

“Actually, I did,” she said with an exasperated smile. “God as my witness, I’ve never called Brock ‘Snuggles’ in front of anybody before, ever. It’s a private nickname.”

“Not even Amy and Dirk?” I asked, puzzled, referring to the young couple that Brock and Amy considered their adopted, albeit adult children.

“Are you kidding?” Destiny asked. “Not once. They’d never let us live it down. He’d be constantly known as Snuggle by them. And to be honest, he doesn’t really like me calling him that. I call him that kind of teasingly.”

“So, why’d you say it in front of me?”

“I guess I was so distracted wondering what your dilemma might be that I wasn’t thinking clearly,” she replied with a sweet smile.

I was feeling feisty, but I was about to come off as a jerk. I suppose in an attempt at self-justification and my frustration at how disciplined most people at her church seemed to be. “So, you weren’t bringing every thought into the obedience of Christ?” I asked a little sarcastically, referring to 2 Corinthians 10:5.

“I guess I wasn’t,” she shrugged with a gentle smile, “If what I divulged was a sin rather than a secret. Sanctification is the work of a lifetime. Jesus wants obedience out of love, not necessarily requirement. On the other hand Solomon calls it a duty in Ecclesiastes. But there again the duty springs from love.”

I instantly felt like an idiot. How on earth was Destiny calling Brock by his pet name in front of me a sin? Destiny just happened to say it spontaneously and because her mind was preoccupied with me.

“I’m so sorry, Dee,” I moaned.  “It’s my own lack of obedience that made me lash out.”

“Oh, you didn’t lash out, honey,” she soothed. “You’re just frustrated. Now, tell me what’s going on that has you feeling discouraged.”

I told Destiny all about my exchange with Devin, how I was strangely drawn to him and felt some sort of kinship. I told her how I told myself one drink wouldn’t hurt since I figured that at the most it would give me the tiniest of buzzes. I stopped talking after that, almost wishing I wouldn’t have come to see Destiny.

“So what happened next, sweetie?” Destiny prodded.

             “We actually had a really good conversation,” I told her. “He even tried to kiss me, and I rejected him. But we kept drinking adult beverages as we talked. He became animated at times, and I kept thinking that he is so incredibly gorgeous. It probably started with Dirk, Dee. I mean, he is smoking hot, and the two brothers could almost pass for twins. I mean, don’t you think Dirk is really hot?”

Destiny cleared her throat uneasily as she adjusted a bobby pin in her honey gold hair, which was mostly pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes were wide, and she wore a silly, almost guilty smirk. “You do realize that Dirk is sort of like a son to me,” she said.

“Sorry,” I giggled with the tips of my fingers over my lips. “But isn’t he?”

“Dirk is a rather fine-looking fella,” she said clearing her throat again as she smiled. Her eyes looked slightly amused. “Brock calls him a pretty man.”

“Pretty indeed,” I cooed.

“Willa,” Destiny grinned mischievously as she slapped my leg. “He’s also married to my sort-of-daughter.”

“His brother isn’t,” I said more seductively than my shame should have allowed. More proof that I needed to tell Destiny that I was bowing out of Cotton Creek Cove. “That’s why I came here to tell you that I think I’m gonna stop coming to fellowship.”

“Why? Because you messed up?” Destiny inquired.

“It’s more than that,” I almost whined. “I just fell so easily, Dee, in such a short time.”

“So you don’t want to quit coming?” Destiny asked. “You’re just feeling unworthy?” I bowed my head and nodded. “Oh, sweetie,” Destiny said soothingly. “God is so patient with us. Don’t give up. In fact, let me get something for you,” she said, springing to her feet and running upstairs. She returned a couple of minutes later with a large piece of paper, almost the size of a poster. “I made this when I first came to Christ and had feelings like you’ve described.”

It was done in bold, pink lettering and outlined with light blue. Each letter was about two inches in size. It was Lamentations 3: 22-23 (It is because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness). Then Destiny grabbed her Bible and read Psalm 136 to me. All twenty-six verses ended with ‘His mercy endureth forever.’ When she finished, I was gently weeping. This time, I hugged her and kissed her cheek.

“I’ve only known you a short time, Dee,” I croaked. “But I love you so much.”

We laughed, cried, and hugged each other for a good minute. “Are you gonna quit coming then?” Destiny wanted to know when we broke apart.

“I guess not,” I replied meekly.

“Why just a guess?” Destiny asked.

“I just still feel so unworthy,” I replied, feeling incredibly humbled.

“That’s why you fit in perfectly,” Destiny enthused as she took hold of my hands. “Think of our fellowship like an AA for sinners. We don’t pretend righteousness; we seek it. Satan attacks everywhere, though, so you’ll come across judgmental, self-righteous people there to be sure. But just remember that, first and foremost, you have a friend in Jesus. You also have unwavering friends with the Storm clan. Even if you go back to prostitution, you are always welcome here. Got it?”

“Got it,” I replied with a smile.

“Oh!” she said excitedly as she picked up her Bible again and flipped to Philippians 1:6. “Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

“Thank you, Dee! I’m glad I came here.”

“It’s truly my pleasure,” Destiny said with such love and compassion in her countenance that I moved toward her for another embrace.

“You are welcome in this home no matter what direction in life you choose, understand?” she asked as she released me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, nodding like the energizer bunny.

When I left the Knight Storm’s and went home, I decided to make my own Bible verse poster using Philippians 1:6. I made my letters yellow and outlined them with red. I hung them side-by-side with Destiny’s poster on my bedroom wall. With my hands on my hips, I was smiling with satisfaction when my phone chirped that I had a text. I suspected that it was Devin. He had tried to call me several times, but I had ignored him. The text indeed was from Devin, but what it said surprised me.

Devin apologized for the previous night and said that he had felt like he had taken advantage of me. He also said he wanted to continue to get to know me, and he wanted to take me out to dinner that very night. I was surprised on two fronts: first that he felt like he took advantage of me, and second that he wanted to get to know me. In our drunken ramblings, I had very graphically told him about my life as a prostitute.

I texted him back and told him that he did not take advantage of me. I apologized for my behavior as well. I told him I wasn’t interested in romance right now. I told him that it was my intention to never have a drop of alcohol again, so even sharing a kiss was out of the question. Not even a minute after I hit send, my phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Willa.”

“Who’s this?”

“Oh, please.”

“I don’t know anybody named Please,” I said and hung up.

I smiled at my playful orneriness. My smile faded when first one minute passed and then another passed without Devin calling back. I felt relieved when a text chirped. He asked me to dinner again and declared he wouldn’t so much as try to shake my hand. I called him.

“Hello.”

“Devin.”

“Who’s this?”

“Oh, please,” I giggled.

“I don’t know anybody named Please,” he said and hung up.

I pulled the phone from my ear and stared in disbelief at the words ‘call ended.’ I set the phone on my nightstand, crossed my arms, and waited for it to ring or chirp. After a couple minutes, I sat on my bed and crossed my legs. After a couple more minutes, I flopped onto my back and sighed. My phone rang, and I sprang up like an eager teenager.

“You’re something else,” Devin’s voice chuckled into my ear.

“Actually, I’m Willa. Who’s this?” I smiled into the phone. What he said next sent tingles of fear and excitement through my whole body.

“It’s your potential soulmate,” Devin said. “The former whoremonger and the former whore. We’re destined to be together.”

“Are you joking?” I tried not to stammer.

“Not even a little bit,” he replied.

“Devin,” I said softly. “I told you I’m not looking for romance right now.”

“I know. Right now, let’s just pursue friendship.”

“What about last night?” I asked.

“What about last night?” he repeated. “We didn’t have sex.”

“Close.”

“It wasn’t horseshoes.”

“Huh?”

“Close only counts in horseshoes.”

“Whatever,” I chuckled as I thought how much that epitomized life. “What if it gets in the way?”

“Why would it get in the way?”

“Because we are both very sexual people.”

“So?”

“Devin, just so you know, I don’t intend on having any form of sex again unless I’m married. Plus I don’t even know if I’m suited to marriage.”

I acknowledged this not only to Devin, but to myself. The thought saddened me because I was discovering that I did long for love and intimacy.

“Why?”

“Why? Are you stoned? I’m gonna venture to suggest that you might not be suited for marriage as well.”

“Maybe,” he replied nonchalantly. I laughed, despite myself. “Look Willa,” he said. “You were a whore, and I was a whoremonger. We were meant for each other.”

“I was a whore,” I chuckled, not liking the fact pointed out. “Tell me what you really think.”

“I did,” he said cackling. “Look, you and I are probably equals in a perverse way. Although I never charged anybody.”

“What about your cougar lady?”

“That was more of a salary situation,” he replied. “So how about dinner tonight?”

“Just as friends, right?” I insisted.

“Absolutely.”

“You are seriously planning on courting me with no plans of intimacy?”

“I am,” he replied emphatically.

“I have a hard time believing that, since we already sort of sampled each other,” I warned. “And I am not giving into temptation, I promise.”

“Well, don’t then,” he said seductively.

“I won’t.”

“Then don’t.”

“I won’t.”

“Then don’t.”

“Oh shut up.”

Not only did Devin and I go out to dinner, but we also began to see each other regularly, talking or texting multiple times a day. He kept to his word for the first few weeks or so about being a platonic gentleman. Then he started putting the moves on me, and I turned him down flat. I believe he did hold true on giving up womanizing. But who knows about people’s secret lives? That’s why relationships are so tricky and make us so vulnerable.

If Devin was the right guy for me, why did I feel such a continual sense of loss and jealousy over Billy Bob reconciling with Carly? I needed to just move on. The next time I saw Devin, I broke my own rule and kissed him on the lips. He ran with it and began an attempt to repeat our very first night together. Before we even got a little carried away, I put a stop to it.

“Willa, you’re killing me!” he complained. “Haven’t I proven myself by now?”

I shrugged and nodded.

“Then let’s be off to the bedroom,” he grinned.

“Not until we’re married,” I said.

“Then let’s get married,” he said without missing a beat.

“Are you serious?”

“Totally.”

My first thought was what Billy Bob would think if I got married before he did. What a foolish motivation to accept a marriage proposal. But I never claimed to be wise. “Okay,” I heard myself say.

CHAPTER 13

BILLY BOB

As Carly and I attempted reconciliation, we did have a clash over Willa. She had two demands in particular. She wanted me to stop horseback riding with her, and she didn’t want me to have Bible studies with her, suggesting Destiny or one of the other ladies handle it. With crossed arms and pinched lips, she insisted I do something about it. So I did. I told Carly that she and I were not going to work out.

During the course of our relationship, Carly tended to be bossy and controlling, while I was passive. Those days were over for good if she really wanted me back. If she wanted a second chance with me, it was going to be a two-way street going forward. Not only was I enjoying my new friendship with Willa, I felt like we fed each other spiritually. Her hungry soul inspired me.

Carly was surprised at me putting my foot down. It was her first taste that things were going to be different. The irony for her was this change was her doing. If her betrayal hadn’t disrupted our relationship, our pattern with her demands and my “yes dears” would have only intensified with marriage.

So after I put my declaration, Carly conceded with Willa and I continuing Bible studies followed with horseback riding once a week. Pastor Samson, AKA Captain Kirk, counseled me that it wasn’t a good idea for me to hang out alone with a female friend apart from my prospected wife.

Right or wrong, I defied the good pastor’s council. It proved to be both a curse and a blessing. After my experience, I can see why it is dangerous for a person in a relationship to be alone with a person other than their significant other, especially when there is an element of attraction between the two. However, the wedge Willa drove between Carly and me ultimately shined light on areas of my relationship with Carly that I needed to see.

Despite these obstacles, Carly and I continued to move forward with the work of restoring our relationship. However, five or six weeks into Carly’s and my reconciliation, we had a major hiccup, and Willa had nothing to do with it.

Carly had come over to my place after a doctor’s appointment, and she was beyond distraught. She was inconsolable for several minutes as my mind frantically wondered what type of devastating disease she had. Finally, she blurted her ailment, and it made my head spin.

“I’m pregnant,” she said with immense displeasure.

“But we haven’t been intimate,” I replied, bewildered. Then I instantly assumed she had been unfaithful again.

“It had to have happened the last time I was with Niles,” she said sadly. “I’m three months along.”

I had noticed that Carly had put on a little weight, but in a good way. She had become a little bit gaunt during the stress over her breakup with Niles. Carly buried her face in her hands and whimpered. I sat next to her on the sofa and put my arm around her, gently pulling her into myself.

“It’s alright,” I soothed.

“How can you say that?” she croaked. “You and I had been making such good progress despite your friend… Never mind. But we’ve been doing so good, and now, it’s ruined.”

“It’s not ruined.”

“Weren’t you listening?” she asked quietly as her lower lip trembled. “I’m going to have a baby, and Niles is the father. I’ve been so happy this last month, hoping that at any time you might slip that ring you have on my finger. But now…”

“Why? Does that mean that you want to get back together with Niles?”

“No way!” Carly spit.

The jealousy that began lurking in me was stuffed down by the tremendous love that I felt for Carly. “Nothing is ruined, honey,” I soothed.

“Really?” she squeaked. “You mean it? Even though I’m carrying another man’s child?” Carly’s words were like a punch from the green-eyed monster, but I instantly shook it off, replacing it with love and compassion.

“Obviously I’d rather you be carrying my child,” I told her. “But we have our whole lives ahead of us to have more kids together.”

“I love you so much,” Carly said before she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me. “Billy, would you pretend to be my baby’s father?”

“What do you mean?” I muttered.

“Would you claim the baby is yours?” she asked.

“You mean, you’re not gonna tell Niles that he’s going to be a father?”

“No,” she said with a small voice. “I mean, I don’t want to.”

“Oh, Carly,” I said, standing. “I admit that I don’t like Niles, but the man has a right to know that he’s going to be a father.”

“But Billy,” Carly said, grabbing my arm, “more likely than not, Niles is going to want to be a part of the child’s life. That means that he will be yoked to us in some capacity for the rest of our lives.”

I felt suddenly sick having this pointed out to me. But I couldn’t change the fact that he was the baby’s father and that he had a right to know. Besides, there was no way I was going to live a lie.

“We’ll deal with it,” I told her. “I’d be honored to be your baby’s stepfather, though.”

“So you’re not going to leave me?” she asked with spilling tears and quivering lip.

            “No, I’m not,” I insisted as I guided her back to the sofa. “Hang on a minute. I’ve got something for you.”

She didn’t respond. She just grabbed a couple of tissues, began wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. I went to my bedroom and dug the engagement ring out of my desk drawer. I went back to Carly and knelt on one knee in front of her.

“Carly, will you marry me?” I asked, showing her the ring.

She let out a gasp as her mouth sprang open and her eyes widened. “Yes, oh my, yes!”

She displayed a trembling left hand in front of me and I slid the ring on the appropriate finger. Her response was music to my ears. She admired the ring on her finger for a minute before her mouth covered mine hard and we kissed for a few minutes. When I began to feel a strong desire to take her to bed, I stopped us.

“Let’s put the brakes on this kind of passion until we’re married,” I suggested.

“When will that be?” she smiled coyly.

“Not long after the baby’s born.”

“Not until after the baby’s born?” she moaned as she pushed away from me. Then she bowed her head and nodded.

A week later, Carly and I went out to dinner. Then we retired to my place. As I waited for her to use the restroom, it occurred to me that she had never mentioned anything about Niles since she had revealed her pregnancy to me. I purposely gave her space to get herself adjusted to her situation. Plus, I felt like I did my part. I refused to lie about being the baby’s father, and I declared that the biological father had a right to know. Now the ball was in Carly’s court. If she chose not to tell him, that was her prerogative, and I trusted her reasons.

Carly was wearing a dark green polyester shirt that clung to her chest and slightly protruding stomach. For a woman that was a bit bigger than average, she was in great shape. “An elderly lady at the grocery store today asked me when I was due,” she said.

“Did you mind?” I asked.

            “Yes and no. It is a bit early for people to notice,” she said, smiling dreamily as her left hand did slow soft circles over her belly. When she stopped caressing her stomach, I stepped toward her and began rubbing where she left off. “You seem truly excited about our baby,” Carly beamed before she kissed me softly on the lips.

I couldn’t help smiling at her saying ‘our baby.’ “I am,” I replied.

“Just so you know,” she said, “I wholeheartedly consider you the father. But you were absolutely right. I need to let Niles know that he was a sperm donor.”

“You haven’t told him yet?” I asked as her words unsettled me for some reason. She smiled sadly as she shook her head. She placed a hand over mine and massaged with me. “I called him, and we’re going to meet for coffee tomorrow,” she said.

“I see,” I said, apparently unable to hide my uneasiness.

“You don’t mind, do you?” she asked with a frown.

“Of course not,” I replied.

“I’m doing this because of your influence, you know. You said I should tell him.”

“I know.”

“Billy Bob,” she said as she placed her hands on her hips and took a step back. “Remember how important communication is. I’ve known you a long time, so I can tell when you’re not happy about something.”

“I’m fine,” I assured her as I took her hands in mine. “I just assumed when you informed him that he was going to be a father, it would be over the phone. But I get it. This is something best told in person.”

“Not only that,” she said cautiously. “I was hoping to find out what role he wants and expects to play in his child’s life.”

I hope I didn’t flinch when she said, ‘his child’s life.’ This time, jealousy and insecurity overpowered my love and trust in Carly. She stared intently at me as I forced a smile. She put both hands on the sides of my face.

“Read my lips,” she said emphatically. “I wholeheartedly see you as our child’s primary father.”

I knelt in front of her and kissed her growing stomach.

“I love you so much,” Carly said with moist eyes. “Will you please make love with me?”

The temptation to do just that was overwhelming. Not only because of the sexual arousal I was feeling, but also the desire to make some type of claim over Niles. Something like claiming my territory, I guess. How twisted and animalistic is that?

I had discovered a controversial radio program through Brock Storm called The Seven Sallie Show. Seven Sallie happens to be Brock’s cousin. Anyhow, something Seven Sallie says quite often is that there is nothing more frightening than our own soul. It is a paraphrase of Jeremiah 17:9, and I couldn’t agree more.

“We’ll make love when we’re married,” I said soothingly.

“You’re so frustrating,” she pouted playfully.

The next day, Carly went to have coffee and a conference with her former lover. I went horseback riding with someone who had rapidly become one of my closest friends, Willa.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Willa asked after we dismounted our horses and walked to a rippling brook.

“Huh?” I replied dumbly.

“You’re spacing big time,” Willa said grinning and bumping her hip into mine.

“Something seems to be on your mind, too,” I replied, trying to grin back.

A pained look came over Willa’s face as she casually removed her flannel shirt, revealing a rather revealing spaghetti strap top. It had warmed up probably ten degrees from the time we started, so she didn’t do it on purpose to entice me. She seemed oblivious to my bulging eyes.

My head turned away from the sensual vision, but my eyes didn’t follow, lingering on the erotic sight for several seconds. So, my head obeyed the command not to lust, but my eyes rebelled. There’s nothing more frightening than our own soul, indeed. It occurred to me that the pastor’s council was correct. Being alone with Willa was becoming dangerous.

Willa had gathered a few rocks and began to throw them into the stream. I grabbed a handful and joined her. I hadn’t told anyone that Carly was pregnant or how serious I was about marrying her sooner rather than later. I debated whether to tell Willa and get it off my chest. I recalled lusting after her just seconds ago, and anger with myself propelled the words from my mouth.

“Carly’s pregnant,” I blurted.

Willa’s arm was cocked to throw a rock. It froze in mid-motion, and the rest of her body followed suit. Her head slowly turned to reveal her stunned face, complete with gaping mouth and wide eyes. “You knocked her up?” she asked with a quiet, yet disapproving voice.

“No, Niles apparently did right before they broke up.”

“Thank God,” I think she whispered with a sigh and a hand to her forehead.

“So did she cheat on you again?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head.

“So does this end your reconciliation with her?”

“No,” I chuckled, suddenly feeling foolish. “As a matter of fact, I asked her to marry me last night.”

“Billy Bob Booker,” Willa barked before she dropped her rocks and shoved me hard with both hands on my chest. I almost fell over as I stumbled.

“I take it you don’t approve,” I stammered as I regained my balance.

She folded her arms, snorted, shook her head, and then turned on her heels, marching down to the creek. I followed cautiously behind her. She pulled off her cowboy boots and socks. She rolled up her pant legs and stuck her feet in the creek, wiping a tear from her cheek. I eased next to her and sat cross-legged.

“You’re really this upset about me marrying Carly?” I asked with a frown.

“That’s not it,” she said and then looked at me. “I slept with Dirk Easton’s brother a week ago. Now we’ve gone out a couple times since, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

“You had sex with Devin Easton?” I asked louder than I intended. Now I was experiencing angry disapproval.

“Shh,” Willa replied with a frown as she glanced around, even though we were completely alone. I was surprised by the feelings of jealousy that surfaced within me. They were as strong as the feelings I had over Carly getting together with Niles. “No… we just slept.”

“Good,” I breathed, and wondered why I cared so intensely.

“But we were, you know, pressed together… and he had an arm around me. But we were dressed. We had kissed for a while too, but I stopped us before it went any further.”

My feelings over this information was strange. I didn’t know what to think about it, but I asked, “How did you meet Devin Easton?”

“I met him at my cousin Whitney’s condo,” Willa explained. “I gave him a ride to where he was staying, which was the back room of his business. Then we decided to hang out for a while. I gave in to temptation and had a drink he offered. That led to another and another. We ended up getting fairly drunk. Then we ended up kissing. But I did not have sex with him.

“I freaked out when I woke in the morning with his arm hanging over me. When I realized I was pretty much fully dressed, I relaxed some. But I was still devastated that I drank so much and then engaged in intimate behavior with a guy I had just met. I mean granted, I was a whore, but …”

Willa put her hands in her face and began to weep. I gave her time.

“Take heart,” I said after she calmed down a bit. I put my arm around her shoulder. “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”

“Dee told me something similar,” Willa said as she rested her head in the crook of my neck.

My act of putting my arm around her shoulders now felt overly intimate. Her thick, silky brown hair was embedded into my neck and cheek. It smelled faintly of roses and fresh air. “What did she tell you?” I asked, hoping she didn’t notice the squeak.

“After I told her everything about the day and night with Devin,” she explained, “Dee asked me if when I took a shower, did I ever drop the soap? I told her ‘Of course.’ Then she asked, “Do you stop taking a shower when that happens? I told her ‘Of course not, I picked up the soap and continued on.’” To my relief, Willa lifted her head off my shoulder and faced me as tears popped from her lovely golden eyes. “Do you know what she told me?” Willa whimpered.

“Tell me.”

“She said, ‘That’s what you need to do, too, sweetie’ with the most loving, understanding smile I had ever seen in my life. You pick up the soap and press on… So, what do you think about how Destiny reacted to my failure?” she asked with a small voice.

“I agree with Dee one hundred percent,” I replied with a grin as I gave her hand a squeeze.

Later, when I dropped her off at her home, she took hold of my hand and interlaced her fingers with mine. She kissed me softly on the mouth, taking me by surprise. There clearly was mutual attraction between us.

Why Willa seemed drawn to me, I couldn’t fathom, but it was obviously there. And now that she was becoming so spiritual, I was becoming more drawn to her than ever. Maybe my friendship with Willa was unfair to Carly. But wasn’t Niles now being a permanent part of my life with Carly unfair to me?

“I know you’re going to marry another woman,” Willa said, “but I love you more than you’ll ever know, Billy Bob Booker.”

 “I love you too, Willa Wonka,” I said with a grin.

Willa laughed before a sad look came into her eyes and her lower lip trembled. “Unfortunately, we love each other in different ways,” she said quietly as those once hard, cold eyes glistened soft and warm in the moonlight, penetrating mine.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my brain confused and discombobulated.

“I’m in love with you, Billy,” she said quietly. “And you love me like as a friend. But even being loved as only a friend is still a blessing.”

She gave me a moment to respond, but the confusion in my brain only intensified as I stared at her like the dumbfounded idiot I was. Without a word, she got out of my truck and slowly walked to her house. I watched her, not with lust, but desire.

I needed to heed the pastor’s council and stop seeing Willa alone, because she was wrong in thinking that I loved her only as a friend! My feelings for her were not similar to my feelings for Lyle, or Dirk, or Amy, or Brock, or Destiny. My feelings for Willa were similar to the woman I just put an engagement ring on.

CHAPTER 12

DEVIN

“Devin, do you want to hang out for a bit?” Willa had asked me as I began to exit her vehicle.

My pulse quickened. I had only known Willa for a half hour, but she was quite possibly the most intriguing woman I had ever met. And I’ve met a lot of women. I had first become aware of her through a men’s magazine hidden in her cousin Whitney’s nightstand drawer. I never told Whitney I knew about the erotic periodical, yet I wondered what her thoughts were. Was she proud that her cousin was the centerfold?

I became aware of Willa a second time through a business associate, Lyle Lake who is Billy Bob’s close friend and employer. Over a few beers, his tongue became loose. When I told him I was seeing the local television reporter Whitney Waconia, he told me he was seeing her cousin Willa. With a little interrogation, he admitted that he paid to see her.  

I must say, I was stunned. Whitney’s cousin, who she had declared was like her sister, was a prostitute! Now was the third time, and it was in person. Would this be a charm or a third strike?

I was halfway out of her car when I stopped and replied, “Sure.”

I was kind of embarrassed that I didn’t actually have my own place and was now resigned to living in the back room of a shop my brother and I rented for our tree business. Whitney had insisted I stay with her during our brief relationship. This gave me the false notion that she wanted to settle down. However, after our breakup, I was more disappointed at losing her condo than her.

“What are we doing here?” Willa asked with a frown after we walked through the shop and into a back room. It was ten feet by fifteen, and furnished with a single bed, an old refrigerator, and two lawn chairs.

“Is this really your place?” Willa asked as her scowl deepened.

“Well, yeah, for now,” I began feeling awkward and embarrassed. Then I perceived she wasn’t deceitful like her cousin and would appreciate openness and honesty. Full disclosure, I also perceived that Whitney told her my situation. So what was the point in lying? “I lived with a wealthy older lady for almost two years. After we broke up, Whitney insisted I stay with her until I found a place. But I never found a place.”

“Whitney said you left the other woman for her. That’s why she offered her place.”

I smiled at my manly intuition being correct. “She’s half right.”

“How can she be half right? Either you left your other woman for my cousin, or you didn’t.”

“It was timing,” I said, gesturing with an open palm. Then with my hand already extended, I waved toward a lawn chair. “Have a seat.”

“Wow, classy,” she grinned maliciously as she sat and crossed one spectacular leg over another. She was wearing a denim skirt that rose above the knee when she sat. She began bobbing her foot that was adorned with a red Converse high top sneaker. “I bet these chairs set you back a pretty penny.”

“No. they fit into my budget rather nicely. Do you want a beverage?”

She asked for a water, so I retrieved an Aquafina from the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Blue Moon Belgian Ale for me. After we both took a swallow, she said, “Okay, tell me about timing.”

“Well, my old lady already had kicked me out the previous day when I ran into Whit at the grocery store. So when we decided to get together, I let her think it was because of her that my old lady and I parted ways.”

“I’ve never liked it when guys refer to their significant other as their old lady. But I guess in your case, it was true. May I ask how much older?”

“Yes, you may. Twenty-two years. Not quite twice my age.”

She crinkled her cute little nose in disgust, so I explained with an image. I pulled out my phone and showed her my forty-five-year-old ex in exercise attire. Her eyebrows raised in admiration.

“She certainly aged well,” she admitted. “But tell me this. Would you have been with her if her bank account wasn’t a factor?”

“Yes, I would have had a fling with her. No, I wouldn’t have been in a relationship.”

“With your candidness, I guess I don’t have to worry that you’re trying to get in my pants.”

“You’re wearing a skirt.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

“I know,” I laughed. “And I’m not trying to get into your skirt. I don’t pay for sex.”

Open mouth, insert foot! Willa looked stunned! Then I actually saw her jaw muscles clench, and if looks could kill, I’d be dead. In a low, menacing voice she asked, “What’d you mean?”

In my own low voice I said, “I know what you do for a living. Or now that you’re religious, I assume, did.”

“It’s ‘did,’” she spit. “And how do you know? Does Whitney know?”

“If Whitney knows, she never mentioned it. I was told by Lyle Lake.”

Although Willa rolled her eyes, relief grew onto her face.

“You know, you’re quite the hypocrite,” I accused.

“Am I?” she responded, both skeptically and curious.

“Yeah, you respond with a look of disgust because of my former girlfriend’s and my age disparity. Yet you’re the one that has sex with random guys for cash.”

“I don’t know what Lyle told you, but I’m here to tell you my work as a massage therapist never went beyond just that, massage.”

“Massage therapy? From what I heard, rather than a white frock, you wore little and nothing. You also specialized in BDSM.”

“Yes, I catered to a specialized clientele. And yes, I would present myself in a sexy fashion. But not once did a guy I entertain have sex with me. What I did for them was like a medical procedure.”

“Medical procedure!” I laughed. “A medical procedure where you extracted…”

“Enough!” she barked. Her pretty face was attempting to look ugly, but not succeeding. “Didn’t you prostitute yourself by shaking up with a rich woman old enough to be your mother?”

“No,” I replied, causing her face to become more pinched. She looked like she bit into a lemon. Then I looked away as I spoke, ashamed of what I was about to admit. “I lost my parents when I was quite young. Dirk and I were raised by our grandparents. Then they died when I was just coming into adulthood. So, on one hand when I started seeing Janice, she…”

“Janice was your older woman?” Willa asked. I looked at her and her lovely, large golden eyes were wide and curious.

“Yes. So, although she was above average looking for her age, I was drawn to the way she took care of me… To the way she mothered me… Pretty sick, huh?”

“No,” Willa replied, shaking her head. “Pretty understandable.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. For me anyway. So I redirected our conversation topic from me to her. “So Lyle suspects that you and whoever the babe you live with are, you know, more than friends.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. But then she admitted, “There were a couple times after indulging in wine and weed that we tried to be… What’s the term? Bicurious. But we barely started kissing when we both started laughing and decided it wasn’t for us.”

“So has there been any special guys in your life?”

She hesitated before answering, looking up at the ceiling with a little smile playing at her lips for a few seconds before she stated, “No.”

“Now,” I challenged with a grin. “If no, why did you have to think about it?”

“Because I perceived you meant guys in the romantic sense.”

“I did, and you had to think about it. Why?”

“Because it was one sided.”

“Because you weren’t as interested as he was?”

“No, he rejected me.”

“Really?”

“That surprises you?”

“Yeah, look at you, you’re a knockout. Even dressed a little bit like an Amish woman. Who is this guy? Would I know him? Or is it a secret admirer thing?”

“You might know him since he’s a good friend of Lyle Lake. He also works for him. His name is Bill Booker.”

“Billy Bob Booker! You have a thing for Billy Bob Booker?”

“Do you know him?”

“I do.”

“How well do you know him?”

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “Just acquainted through work. We never hung out or anything. My brother knows him better than I do.”

“Yeah, they both go to the church I’ve been going to. As a matter of fact, it was Billy’s influence that got me there. He’s the real deal.”

“So is my brother. His influence is why I want to change my own life.”

“Yes,” she enthused, but quickly turned pensive. “A person’s life and character is the best witness. I’m just not there yet.”

“From where I sit, you seem to have a good start.”

She forced a smile and said, “Thanks.”

I was completely baffled at first as to why she was so enthralled by a brawny, ordinary-looking landscaper. But character goes a long way, and Billy Bob was definitely a man of integrity. She told me how they met, how they got to know each other, and how he led her to her current religious affiliation.

“I need a smoke,” I said when she concluded her tale. I went to my work bench, where I’d stashed a pack of Kool filter kings. “You want another water?”

“Sure.”

I lit a cigarette and strolled over to the mini refrigerator for another water for her and beer for me. There were four bottles of St. Pauli Girl beer, six more Blue Moons, and a six pack of something called Wicked Red. I had bought it for Whitney since she loved apple flavored things. But there was no more water.

“There’s no more water,” I told Willa. “Do you want something else?”

She got up and bent near me to look in the refrigerator. Our heads were inches apart. Her perfume smelled incredible. I would come to find out later it was something called Grace.

“You don’t have any more water, just beer?”

“There’s tap water from the restroom, or this apple flavored adult beverage.”

She glanced at a door to a small room where a toilet was visible and scowled again. She walked over and looked. Then she crinkled her nose in disgust at the grungy, grease-stained sink. She stared at the can of Wicked I held and bit a thumb nail with a look of anguish on her face. After almost a minute, I spoke again. “Do you want it or not?”

“I don’t know,” she said, looking toward the bathroom again, eying the grungy sink.  “Okay, I’ll have what you’re holding.”

“It was actually for your cousin,” I told her as I grabbed myself another Blue Moon. “But I get the feeling that she won’t be around here anytime soon.”

She popped the top and downed half of it with her first swig. Apparently once she made up her mind, she was all in. She sighed with pleasure and then belched. “Oh my, excuse me,” she giggled. “I shouldn’t be doing this. You’re a bad influence.”

I felt my eyebrows raise. “Me? How? I didn’t twist your arm, I just offered what was in my fridge. I’m trying to change myself. This is my first beer in a week.”

“Actually it’s your second in about ten minutes.”

“You know what I mean. Plus you saw the one hitter with tobacco. I’m down to five actual cigarettes a day.”

She snorted a laugh, took another swig of her beverage, and kicked off her sneakers. Even dressed half Amish, she was some kind of sexy.

“You’re a bad influence on me,” I accused.

Now her eyebrows raised. Then a distraught look appeared on her countenance, and she said, “Sorry.”

I told her I was joking. But she lamented her unworthiness as a new Christian. But then our conversation was off and running. We talked for hours, and I’m ashamed to say, I had more adult beverages. Yet a large portion of our conversation was spiritual. I even declared that I would go to church with her. There also seemed to be a simmering attraction between us.

I awoke to sunlight streaming into the little backroom. Willa and I were spooning on the small bed. My eyes landed on her red shoes, laying haphazardly on the floor. Yet we were dressed. As I tried to clear the fog from my brain, I concentrated on what actually happened. There was a brief but passionate make out session. But did it really happen, or had I been kissing my arm in my sleep? What about yesterday was in my dreams and what was reality? Also, what did this mean, and where would we go from here?

CHAPTER 11

WILLA

My second visit to Cotton Creek Cove went fairly well. I had never felt comfortable in a churches, but I was truly blessed to have met Destiny Knight Storm and her Aunt Annabelle. In the near future I would benefit from their strength, wisdom, and experience. Our backgrounds were similar in that they were all adult entertainment, yet different in the details. Destiny mostly did porn, Annabelle was an exotic dancer, and I was in a form of prostitution after a brief foray in modeling.

Destiny’s honey blonde hair was in a French braid and her clear blue eyes radiated joy and peace. It was quite a contrast from the hard, sultry, and sexy look she displayed in the pictures I saw on the internet. Annabelle looked and acted more like she was Destiny’s mother rather than her aunt. I could tell they were very close.

Upon meeting Destiny’s husband, Brock, I felt a bit uneasy. There seemed to be something dangerous about him. I felt intimidated at first, and I was used to being the intimidator. But with his calm eyes and friendly, relaxed demeanor, he quickly set me at ease.

Dirk and Amy Easton also fascinated me. Dirk looked like a male model and reminded me of the iconic actor James Dean. Yet he seemed to be kind of reserved and even a little shy. Amy was an exotic beauty with a light sprinkling of freckles, long strawberry blonde hair, and multicolored eyes. She was a bubbly sweetheart that was a bit fiery and feisty.

I enjoyed the pastor’s sermon. He talked about the childhood of Jesus. He explained how easy it is to lose our hold on The Savior when we lose sight of him. He told of how when Jesus’ parents didn’t realize he wandered off to talk to the rabbis. One day and one moment of neglect required three days of anxious searching to find him again.

When the sermon concluded, and the congregation picked up hymn books, Destiny whispered to me, “I need to go to the restroom, Willa. Can I scoot past you?”

“Actually, I need to go, too,” I whispered back.

There was a little sitting area outside the restroom. As I waited for Destiny to exit, my eyes were caught by one of the several pictures on the walls. It was a painting of a beach scene at sunset. There was a poem entitled “Footprints” in the middle of the painting. I began to read about an anonymous person’s life journey. There were two sets of footprints representing the poet and Jesus. The person noticed that, at the most difficult times of their life, there was only one set of footprints. The person asked the Lord why He abandoned them when they needed Him most. That’s when the Lord told the person that He didn’t abandon them, but it was then that he carried them.

I fought back tears as I looked at another painting a few feet away. This one depicted a young man with a hammer in one hand and spikes in the other. He had a look of absolute anguish on his face as he was collapsing. Jesus was behind him, grasping and holding him up. I guessed the man was realizing his sins had crucified the Savior. The same Savior who carries us during our most trying times, leaving one set of footprints. I stared at Jesus’ arms holding up the man. Tears welled in my eyes.

“That’s me. He’s been holding me up my whole life,” I whispered, “and all I’ve done is dis him.”

“Me too,” Destiny whispered from behind me. I jumped. I had been so transfixed by the painting that I didn’t even hear her come up behind me. “Sorry,” Destiny giggled.

I wiped my eyes quickly while my nose dripped. I wasn’t used to feeling vulnerable. “This is embarrassing,” I said as my hands shook.

“No, it’s a beautiful thing watching someone come to the Savior,” Destiny said, as tears began to leak from her own eyes.

“Really?” I asked with regrettable coldness. My lower lip wouldn’t stop trembling. “Snot shooting out of a person’s nose is beautiful?”

“You’re causing joy in heaven right now.”

“Huh?” I questioned as I aimed a frown at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Jesus Himself said in Luke 15:10 that there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repents.”

We just gazed at each other as I feebly tried to get my mind around that concept. Was I repenting? I did quit my job as a prostitute. It didn’t even occur to me how I would be making a living in the future. I guess when you are discovering eternal life, making a temporal living was insignificant. God would provide away, just like for the birds of the air in Matthew 6:26.

 I spent the following week assessing my future and making amends with people I had wronged or with whom I’d had discord. My spiritual transition, although wonderful, at times felt foreign and odd, so I felt compelled for something familiar.

So I paid a visit to my cousin, Whitney. She lived in a condo downtown. When we were teenagers, we were like sisters. She was only five months older than me, and neither of us had any siblings. After my parents died, I moved from Colorado to live with Whitney and Aunt Wendy.

 I stepped briskly out of an elevator and onto the fourth floor of Whitney’s condo but stopped suddenly in my tracks. Whitney was just outside her door in a liplock with Dirk Easton! He was one half of the cute pregnant couple from Cotton Creek Cove, and he was kissing my cousin! I couldn’t believe it! Dirk even admitted that they had previously dated. After the kiss, the pair disappeared inside Whitney’s condo.

I turned around and pushed the elevator button. I wanted no part of any drama. But then my blood began to boil. I knew my cousin. She was a serial dater to be sure, but she would want no part of a married guy. How could she not know he was married? Plus, what kind of creep could cheat on that sweet, cute pregnant girl? My legs churned toward my cousin’s door. I pushed her doorbell so hard I nearly broke a nail.

“Willa Tree!” Whitney declared as her eyes widened, and her eyebrows shot up. Whitney began calling me Willa Tree ever since we were seventeen and standing under a, you guessed it, Willow tree.

“Whit’s Mc Grits!” I enthused back before we hugged.

“Come in, come in,” Whitney pleaded with a big grin.

“What have you been up to?” Whitney wanted to know. “I can’t believe we live in the same town and rarely see each other anymore.”

“I know,” I shrugged, suddenly feeling uneasy.

“Come meet my latest boy toy,” Whitney whispered into my ear.

“I’d love too,” I smirked, even as I felt a growing dread.

The leech actually smiled at me as we moved toward him. How could he not remember me? Was it vain of me to think that?

“Why hello, Mr. Easton,” I said as I crossed my arms.

“You know him?” Whitney asked with a puzzled frown.

Dirk’s grin left his face as he realized he was caught. But as I got closer, something didn’t seem right. His hair was slightly darker than I remembered from the other day and styled differently. Maybe he got a haircut.

“Yes, we’ve met,” I smirked. “Haven’t we Dirk?”

The creep actually started to cackle. It slowly occurred to me that my detective skills were not very sharp.

“I think you’ve met my brother, not me,” Mr. Easton informed me.

My face fell as I heard my cousin begin to laugh and slap her thigh. “You thought Devin was Dirk!”

“Devin?” I stammered, looking back at Whitney’s boyfriend.

“Apparently, you know my brother, Dirk,” Devin said.

“Um, yeah I’ve met him,” I admitted. “Are you two twins or something?”

“No, I’m actually a few years older,” Devin replied as he pulled the sleeves of his long-sleeved T- shirt halfway up his forearms, revealing considerable tattooing. Dirk had no visible tattoos that I had noticed.

“Wow, you could have fooled me,” I tried not to mumble.

“Could have?” Whitney teased with a giggle. “It looks like it completely fooled you!”

“Okay, it totally did,” I admitted with a grin. “The thing is, Dirk mentioned that you two were an item in the past when I met him several days ago. So, can you blame me for getting confused?”

“She’s right,” Devin said. “Little D and I have gotten that our whole adult life. It didn’t happen as much when he was a half a foot shorter than me growing up.”

“So how did you two meet?” I asked, pointing back and forth between Whitney and Devin.

“I saw Devin in the grocery store and thought he was Dirk,” Whitney explained, then laughed again. “Just like you did. We really hit it off, and here we are… By the way, how did you meet Dirk?”

“At the church he goes to.”

“Were you attending a wedding or something?”

“No, a regular church service. I’m thinking of, you know, going there every week. Maybe even becoming a member if they’ll have me.”

Whitney’s jaw dropped and she looked at me as if I sprouted a second head. There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by Devin. “Friendly, upstanding people at my brother’s church, I’ll give ‘em that.”

“You’ve been there?” I asked.

Devin nodded. “I’ve been to Dirk’s church a couple of times. I just didn’t fit in.”

“Maybe you just didn’t give it a chance,” I said. “Besides, it’s much more than just going to church.”

“Devie is right,” Whitney moaned. “I’ve been there too. It’s pretty lame.”

“You’ve been there, too?” I frowned at my cousin.

“Once,” she sighed. “Dev talked me into going with him. But he I won’t go again. Plus, I could tell I wouldn’t get along with that cute little nerdy girl Dirk knocked up.”

“Actually, they were married before he knocked, I mean, before Amy became pregnant,” I told her.

“Whatever,” Whitney snorted.

Was Whit always this cold and witchy, or was I just now tuning into it? A Lady Gaga song began playing on her phone. Whitney turned away from Devin and me as she spoke into it. A minute later she spoke excitedly at us.

“I gotta go, super-hot story!” she enthused. Whitney was an up-and-coming local television reporter. As a matter of fact, that’s how she had met Dirk before they started dating. She interviewed him after he became a local, and briefly a national hero after he had courageously, and forcefully interrupted four thugs who were about to gang rape a young woman. That woman was now his young, pregnant wife.

“Hey, you’re my ride home,” Devin complained.

“Shoot,” Whitney blurted, then glanced anxiously at me. “Can you give Dev a ride home?”

“Yeah, I can give him a ride,” I offered.

Devin turned casual hazel eyes on me and smirked. It occurred to me right then that she and I used to do battle for male attention when we were silly teenage girls. No guy ever came between us. As a matter of fact, we used to test them. If one of us started seeing a guy, usually it was her. I would come on them to see if they would cheat. More often than not they were willing. Then the fun began! For Whit and me, not them.

Whitney’s bright blue eyes relaxed, and she smiled at me with something like conspiracy appearing on her lovely face. Was she wanting to play our game again? No way, I wasn’t a silly teenager anymore. But I was a damaged, broken woman in her mid-twenties.  

I had yet to learn the reality of Ephesians chapter six. By that I mean the putting on of the whole armor of God. But Devin was about to unwittingly show me how vulnerable I was. I had yet to learn the Biblical counsel of watching and praying.

“Can I use the little boy’s room before you leave?” Devin asked.

“Of course,” Whitney replied with strange enthusiasm over a restroom request. “That’d be great.”

“Huh?” Devin frowned.

“Sorry,” Whitney giggled. “I’m just excited about my sudden assignment.”

Whitney watched Devin walk to the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, she took both of her hands in mine.

“Willa, you couldn’t have timed this visit more perfectly. Are you seeing anyone?” she whispered.

“You mean, like a guy?” I frowned.

“Yeah. Do you have a serious boyfriend or anything?”

“No.” I replied. Right after I said no, Billy Bob flashed into my mind. Why?

“You gotta help me out! And we can play our old game in the process.”

“What do you mean?”

She glanced at the bathroom door and then back to me.

“This could be a win-win for all involved,” Whitney whispered excitedly.

“What are you talking about, we’re not teenagers anymore.”

“Shh,” she put a finger on her lips and glanced at the bathroom again.

“I got a job offer a few days ago from a Seattle station,” she told me.

“Wow! Are you gonna take it?”

“Cousin, I already took it,” she cooed.

“Congratulations,” I said with a growing sense of dread. “But what are you getting at with me and Dirk, I mean Devin?”

The toilet flushed and she glanced at the bathroom door again and grasped my arm. “I haven’t broken up with Devin yet,” she whispered. “I was going to tonight, but it would be so much easier if you flirted with him, and he took the bait. Then just like we used to do, let him know he was being played.”

“Whitney, no,” I sighed.

“Willa, please?” she hissed. “It’s gonna be awkward giving him the heave-ho. He left the cougar he’d been living with to be exclusive with me.”

“What do you mean by cougar?”

“You know what I mean,” she said, rolling her eyes at my apparent naivety. “He was shacked up with some rich witch that was like twenty years older than him. Can you say gross?”

“How long have you and Devin been an item?”

“Like five or six months, I guess.”

“Wow, is that some type of longevity record for you with a guy?”

“Of course not,” she said as she put her hands on her hips and looked at the ceiling. “Actually, I think it might be.”

“So, you really were monogamous with him?”

“For the most part,” she grinned. “I didn’t get the Seattle job on reporting talent alone.”

I had avoided Whitney as much as I could the last few years because I was secretly ashamed about my profession. Turned out she was also a prostitute; we just operated from different formats.

“Plus, you know I have a strong sex drive,” she whispered. “And the last couple months, he’s been so lame. I think he drinks too much, and it tends to give him bedroom issues, if ya know what I mean.”

“I’m surprised you’ve stayed with him.”

“Well, he’s actually very loving and nurturing,” she shrugged. “Besides, he’s just so gorgeous. So how about it, Willa? One more time for old times’ sake?”

“I don’t know Whit. I don’t think…”

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

The bathroom door rattled, and we both jumped a little. Whitney and I tried too hard to look casual, and it made us both look like the cat that ate the canary.

“What’s with you two?” Devin asked with a paranoid smirk.

“Nothing,” Whitney and I said at the same time. Then she and I looked at each other and laughed.

“Come on,” Devin said, as he placed his hands on his hips. “What’s going on?”

“Look, I gotta run,” Whitney said as she kissed my cheek and then gave Devin a peck on the lips. “Be sure to lock the door behind you. Bye!”

Devin and I stood in awkward silence for a long moment as we both tried to get our heads around what just happened. Fifteen minutes ago I was innocently making my way to my cousin’s condo to play some catch up with my teenage bestie. Now I was standing alone with her boyfriend with instructions to end their relationship. Life can sure be a strange trip.

“So, um,” I began uneasily.

“Sorry about that,” Devin said quietly. “I had a feeling she was gonna dump me. The way she went about it took me off guard, though.”

“She’s not gonna dump you,” I said the lie before I realized what I was saying. “I mean…”

I looked at him dumbfounded, and he smirked.

“You mean what?” he challenged. “I might have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night.”

“She’s taking a job in Seattle,” I blurted. I was NOT going to play our old game.

Devin didn’t even flinch. He just nodded. “Alright then. You don’t need to give me a ride home, I can call my brother.”

“Honestly, Devin, I don’t mind,” I told him. “I was hoping to spend some time with Whitney, so it’s not like I have anything going on right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’m sure.”

We locked Whitney’s condo as instructed and made our way to my dark blue Dodge Charger. Devin paused before he got in. “Hang on a second,” he said as he pulled out a little wooden one hitter case from his pocket. He pulled a little metal tube that was half the size of a cigarette. He began pushing what I assumed was marijuana into the end.

“Hey, no dope in my car,” I said, not even trying to keep my voice low. “I guess you will have to call your brother after all.”

“Relax,” he told me as he prepared to light the end. “It’s just tobacco.” He lit the end and inhaled deeply. A stream of smoke streamed from his lips.

“Okay,” he said and lowered himself into my car.

“That was a first,” I said after we closed the doors.

“How’s that?” he replied with raised eyebrows.

“I’ve seen a one hitter used countless times,” I told him. “I even used one myself for a few years. But I’ve never seen anyone smoke tobacco with one. Only weed.”

“I’ve been trying to quit smoking,” he said. “Taking one drag at a time takes the edge off.”

 Devin pointed me in the direction of his home. Only when we arrived there, it wasn’t his home. It was a shop where he and his brother kept equipment to do tree work.

“Do you live here?” I asked with a frown.

“Sort of,” he sighed. “I mostly have been spending the night with Whitney.”

“Were you two really getting pretty serious?” I inquired.

“I don’t know,” he replied, waving a hand. “I sort of figured we might be ships passing in the night. I just didn’t think it would end so abruptly. She’s gorgeous and talented, so I always knew she’d move on at some point. I just thought she would have discussed any job prospects she had with me. I thought we were friends. Anyway, thanks for the ride.”

I found myself oddly curious about this brother of Dirk Easton. Mainly it was because he didn’t hit on me or act like a pig. I had gathered that Devin and Dirk were close. Maybe Devin was more similar in character to Dirk than most people thought. Plus, Whitney had said he was loving and nurturing. Maybe I was too quick at judging him.

“Devin,” I heard myself say, “do you want to hang out a bit?”

Something told me I was walking onto dangerous ground. But in the two times I had now been to church, I had heard talk about witnessing. Yes, I would witness to Devin! I would tell him how my life was changing. I would tell him he should give his brother’s church another try… And we could maybe go together.

But I wasn’t converted yet. There was war going on in my soul that I didn’t understand. The years of sexuality I exposed myself to didn’t go away instantly. The taste for mood altering substances lingered. So, when the good-looking guy. Correction, great looking guy I just asked to hang out with smiled and said yes. Well, I smiled back like the fool I was as I walked into a lion’s den.