HEAVY METAL MIRACLES
PART 2
CHAPTER 8
NANCY
COME NOW, AND LET US REASON TOGETHER SAYS THE LORD (Isaiah 1:18)
As Nancy looked at herself in the mirror, she felt a panic attack coming on. Was this dinner date with Drew an actual date? Why had she put on a dress? Had Drew ever seen her in a dress? How would he be dressed? In jeans and t-shirt? Or like she’d seen him when he was off to church, in Docker pants with a button up collar?
Why did she feel so nervous? It was just Drew. The boy she grew up with. The boy who by times felt like a sibling. The boy she solved mysteries with. The boy who had often coaxed her out of her shell, convincing her to play hide and seek, and dodge ball with other kids. The boy who was always so kind and gentle. The boy she saw wipe a tear from his eye when he failed to save a wounded bird.
But the boy was now a man, and she a woman. Her feelings for him had changed, and she didn’t understand them. They both intrigued and frightened her. The things that happened to her before she and her mother moved from California to Iowa had made her asexual. The things that happened to her made her skin crawl at the thought of physical intimacy.
However, during her fifteenth year of life, Drew began to draw her out of her shell once again, but in a different way. Only this time he was unwittingly pulling her into feelings of romance. Strangely, it was peppermint gum that brought her to a fork in the road four years earlier.
She had felt frisky with desire that day as they walked on the nature trail outside of town. Was this what normal girls felt she wondered? She both loved and loathed these feelings in the core of her being.
Drew had been chewing a piece of peppermint Trident. She had been chewing a piece of grape Hubba Bubba. Her move had been calculated, for she had noticed that he had popped his last piece into his mouth. She said, “I don’t like this grape gum, give me a piece of yours.”
“This was my last piece,” he replied.
She noticed the look in his eyes. Even with something as simple as not being able to provide a piece of gum for her disappointed him. Oh how she loved him! But she also despised him for making her feel this way. She wanted to scream ‘kiss me you fool!’ Instead she substituted this desire in a very teenage manner. “Let’s just swap what we’re chewing.”
“Huh?” he had responded confused. But then a little smile played at his lips when Nancy plucked the gum from her mouth and held it a foot’s length from his face. He mimicked her action, and they stood showing each other their ABC gum.
“Open wide,” she instructed. She giggled as he obeyed, his action reminding her of a baby bird.
They both stood chewing their new gum, enthralled that they were doing the equivalent of French kissing without actually touching. Yet, being teenagers, they both acted like it was no big deal. Nancy liked the fact that they were doing something kind of intimate without actually touching. One of her biggest fears was being touched by a boy in an intimate manner. Despite countless hours of psychological therapy, the idea always made her shudder. Until Drew.
Nancy wiped off the little bit off makeup she had put on. Then she peeled the dress off and put on gray sweats. She also put on a Cedar Rapids Kernels baseball hat backwards. If she didn’t feel like herself, her nerves would never subside. And if they didn’t subside, she wouldn’t have the courage to reveal her secret to Drew.
Was she really going to? What would he think of her? What had he always thought of her? She knew that he knew that she was odd, but how much did he ponder why? Her hand shook as she retrieved utensils for making dinner. She replaced them in the drawer and decided to order Chinese takeout instead.
Nancy’s heart raced when she heard Drew knock on her apartment door. Then she relaxed some when she saw his easy, familiar smile. He was dressed in jeans and a light blue Carhardt t-shirt. Was the light blue to set her at ease? Did he remember light blue was her favorite color?
Their attire signified old friends rather than a first date. This both pleased her and disappointed her. But her main goal wasn’t necessarily romantic, it was to heal. The question was, would she have the courage to confide her deep, dark secret? The only people in Iowa that knew it were her mother, and a few doctors.
“Come in, Drew. I hope you don’t mind, time got away from me, so I ordered Chinese for dinner.”
“No, no, I love Chinese.”
And I love you, she thought. So much so it hurts. So much so it drove her crazy, so she had to drive you away. Now what was I doing these four years later, she wondered. Trying to reel you in once and for all, or driving you away permanently after I reveal how disgusting I am.
They exchanged small talk throughout the meal. Nancy acknowledged that she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. She wavered on whether she wanted to go back to college for her sophomore year. Drew talked of his plan to work for his Uncle’s construction company as he “waited on the Lord,” to see if he was being called to full time ministry in some capacity.
This was the perfect segway to take her in the direction of confession. She told him. “I’ve been reading the Bible quite a bit.”
“Really!” He replied enthusiastically.
She realized that for someone like Drew, this could be leading him on. She knew their opposing world views was an obstacle for him. She also knew he hoped to convert her. She shrugged and grinned. “I guess I’m looking for loopholes.”
He frowned. “What do you mean by loopholes?”
“Some of us are beyond redemption.”
“Nobody is beyond redemption.”
She snorted. “That’s easy for you to say.”
“Yes it is,” he replied, surprising her with his quick agreement. “Because I’ve read the Word of God.”
Nancy’s heart pounded as her secret was already upon her lips. She thought it would take a while to work up to it. With a quiver in her voice she began. “I see. Does this Word of God have anything to say about a little girl that… that…”
Choking back a sob, she pushed away from her kitchen table and walked into the living room, fighting back tears. She wasn’t going to be able to tell him. He came up behind her and put gentle hands on her upper arms. She shuddered and barked, “Don’t touch me!”
“Sorry,” he said quickly as he took a step back.
She was breathing as though she had just finished a sprint. She had come to learn something about true believers. Not the majority of professed Christians, who wanted their worldly cake and to eat it too, but the people who you could see Jesus through. Drew’s character had been his witness, and not a set of dogmas.
She turned, unashamed of her tear steaked face. She gasped when she noticed Drew’s calm face had two trails of tears down his cheeks. She was further surprised when she heard herself say, “I think I’m becoming a believer in Jesus.”
“Nancy, that’s wonderful!”
She stepped toward him and dragged her thumb over his tear streaks. “You’ve always claimed that the goodness I’ve seen in you is, how do you say it? Christ in you the hope of glory.”
“That’s right! Colossians 1:27.”
For some reason, Nancy now felt the courage to reveal her deep dark secret. But she also suspected that it would be the wedge keeping them from any possibility of romance. Not only because of her own hang ups, but because Drew deserved somebody that wasn’t damaged, even shattered goods. She took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s try this again.”
“Nancy, you don’t have to do this.”
“Yes I do,” she said quietly, and forced a smile. “You see… When I…”
She began to tremble, then shake uncontrollably. Drew felt like someone had electrified his nerves. What had happened to Nancy that the memory of it rattled her this much? She was the strongest, feistiest female he had ever known. With maybe the exception of his own mother.
She looked him right in the eyes. She smiled when she saw the sympathy and pure love there. “Drew, will you hold me?”
“Of course,” he replied, and she stepped into his embrace.
She shook as though they were standing in below zero weather without coats. He offered up a silent prayer. ‘Lord, please comfort this broken girl, and please give me wisdom on how to deal with her, what to say and what to do.’