CHAPTER 13

BILLY BOB

As Carly and I attempted reconciliation, we did have a clash over Willa. She had two demands in particular. She wanted me to stop horseback riding with her, and she didn’t want me to have Bible studies with her, suggesting Destiny or one of the other ladies handle it. With crossed arms and pinched lips, she insisted I do something about it. So I did. I told Carly that she and I were not going to work out.

During the course of our relationship, Carly tended to be bossy and controlling, while I was passive. Those days were over for good if she really wanted me back. If she wanted a second chance with me, it was going to be a two-way street going forward. Not only was I enjoying my new friendship with Willa, I felt like we fed each other spiritually. Her hungry soul inspired me.

Carly was surprised at me putting my foot down. It was her first taste that things were going to be different. The irony for her was this change was her doing. If her betrayal hadn’t disrupted our relationship, our pattern with her demands and my “yes dears” would have only intensified with marriage.

So after I put my declaration, Carly conceded with Willa and I continuing Bible studies followed with horseback riding once a week. Pastor Samson, AKA Captain Kirk, counseled me that it wasn’t a good idea for me to hang out alone with a female friend apart from my prospected wife.

Right or wrong, I defied the good pastor’s council. It proved to be both a curse and a blessing. After my experience, I can see why it is dangerous for a person in a relationship to be alone with a person other than their significant other, especially when there is an element of attraction between the two. However, the wedge Willa drove between Carly and me ultimately shined light on areas of my relationship with Carly that I needed to see.

Despite these obstacles, Carly and I continued to move forward with the work of restoring our relationship. However, five or six weeks into Carly’s and my reconciliation, we had a major hiccup, and Willa had nothing to do with it.

Carly had come over to my place after a doctor’s appointment, and she was beyond distraught. She was inconsolable for several minutes as my mind frantically wondered what type of devastating disease she had. Finally, she blurted her ailment, and it made my head spin.

“I’m pregnant,” she said with immense displeasure.

“But we haven’t been intimate,” I replied, bewildered. Then I instantly assumed she had been unfaithful again.

“It had to have happened the last time I was with Niles,” she said sadly. “I’m three months along.”

I had noticed that Carly had put on a little weight, but in a good way. She had become a little bit gaunt during the stress over her breakup with Niles. Carly buried her face in her hands and whimpered. I sat next to her on the sofa and put my arm around her, gently pulling her into myself.

“It’s alright,” I soothed.

“How can you say that?” she croaked. “You and I had been making such good progress despite your friend… Never mind. But we’ve been doing so good, and now, it’s ruined.”

“It’s not ruined.”

“Weren’t you listening?” she asked quietly as her lower lip trembled. “I’m going to have a baby, and Niles is the father. I’ve been so happy this last month, hoping that at any time you might slip that ring you have on my finger. But now…”

“Why? Does that mean that you want to get back together with Niles?”

“No way!” Carly spit.

The jealousy that began lurking in me was stuffed down by the tremendous love that I felt for Carly. “Nothing is ruined, honey,” I soothed.

“Really?” she squeaked. “You mean it? Even though I’m carrying another man’s child?” Carly’s words were like a punch from the green-eyed monster, but I instantly shook it off, replacing it with love and compassion.

“Obviously I’d rather you be carrying my child,” I told her. “But we have our whole lives ahead of us to have more kids together.”

“I love you so much,” Carly said before she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me. “Billy, would you pretend to be my baby’s father?”

“What do you mean?” I muttered.

“Would you claim the baby is yours?” she asked.

“You mean, you’re not gonna tell Niles that he’s going to be a father?”

“No,” she said with a small voice. “I mean, I don’t want to.”

“Oh, Carly,” I said, standing. “I admit that I don’t like Niles, but the man has a right to know that he’s going to be a father.”

“But Billy,” Carly said, grabbing my arm, “more likely than not, Niles is going to want to be a part of the child’s life. That means that he will be yoked to us in some capacity for the rest of our lives.”

I felt suddenly sick having this pointed out to me. But I couldn’t change the fact that he was the baby’s father and that he had a right to know. Besides, there was no way I was going to live a lie.

“We’ll deal with it,” I told her. “I’d be honored to be your baby’s stepfather, though.”

“So you’re not going to leave me?” she asked with spilling tears and quivering lip.

            “No, I’m not,” I insisted as I guided her back to the sofa. “Hang on a minute. I’ve got something for you.”

She didn’t respond. She just grabbed a couple of tissues, began wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. I went to my bedroom and dug the engagement ring out of my desk drawer. I went back to Carly and knelt on one knee in front of her.

“Carly, will you marry me?” I asked, showing her the ring.

She let out a gasp as her mouth sprang open and her eyes widened. “Yes, oh my, yes!”

She displayed a trembling left hand in front of me and I slid the ring on the appropriate finger. Her response was music to my ears. She admired the ring on her finger for a minute before her mouth covered mine hard and we kissed for a few minutes. When I began to feel a strong desire to take her to bed, I stopped us.

“Let’s put the brakes on this kind of passion until we’re married,” I suggested.

“When will that be?” she smiled coyly.

“Not long after the baby’s born.”

“Not until after the baby’s born?” she moaned as she pushed away from me. Then she bowed her head and nodded.

A week later, Carly and I went out to dinner. Then we retired to my place. As I waited for her to use the restroom, it occurred to me that she had never mentioned anything about Niles since she had revealed her pregnancy to me. I purposely gave her space to get herself adjusted to her situation. Plus, I felt like I did my part. I refused to lie about being the baby’s father, and I declared that the biological father had a right to know. Now the ball was in Carly’s court. If she chose not to tell him, that was her prerogative, and I trusted her reasons.

Carly was wearing a dark green polyester shirt that clung to her chest and slightly protruding stomach. For a woman that was a bit bigger than average, she was in great shape. “An elderly lady at the grocery store today asked me when I was due,” she said.

“Did you mind?” I asked.

            “Yes and no. It is a bit early for people to notice,” she said, smiling dreamily as her left hand did slow soft circles over her belly. When she stopped caressing her stomach, I stepped toward her and began rubbing where she left off. “You seem truly excited about our baby,” Carly beamed before she kissed me softly on the lips.

I couldn’t help smiling at her saying ‘our baby.’ “I am,” I replied.

“Just so you know,” she said, “I wholeheartedly consider you the father. But you were absolutely right. I need to let Niles know that he was a sperm donor.”

“You haven’t told him yet?” I asked as her words unsettled me for some reason. She smiled sadly as she shook her head. She placed a hand over mine and massaged with me. “I called him, and we’re going to meet for coffee tomorrow,” she said.

“I see,” I said, apparently unable to hide my uneasiness.

“You don’t mind, do you?” she asked with a frown.

“Of course not,” I replied.

“I’m doing this because of your influence, you know. You said I should tell him.”

“I know.”

“Billy Bob,” she said as she placed her hands on her hips and took a step back. “Remember how important communication is. I’ve known you a long time, so I can tell when you’re not happy about something.”

“I’m fine,” I assured her as I took her hands in mine. “I just assumed when you informed him that he was going to be a father, it would be over the phone. But I get it. This is something best told in person.”

“Not only that,” she said cautiously. “I was hoping to find out what role he wants and expects to play in his child’s life.”

I hope I didn’t flinch when she said, ‘his child’s life.’ This time, jealousy and insecurity overpowered my love and trust in Carly. She stared intently at me as I forced a smile. She put both hands on the sides of my face.

“Read my lips,” she said emphatically. “I wholeheartedly see you as our child’s primary father.”

I knelt in front of her and kissed her growing stomach.

“I love you so much,” Carly said with moist eyes. “Will you please make love with me?”

The temptation to do just that was overwhelming. Not only because of the sexual arousal I was feeling, but also the desire to make some type of claim over Niles. Something like claiming my territory, I guess. How twisted and animalistic is that?

I had discovered a controversial radio program through Brock Storm called The Seven Sallie Show. Seven Sallie happens to be Brock’s cousin. Anyhow, something Seven Sallie says quite often is that there is nothing more frightening than our own soul. It is a paraphrase of Jeremiah 17:9, and I couldn’t agree more.

“We’ll make love when we’re married,” I said soothingly.

“You’re so frustrating,” she pouted playfully.

The next day, Carly went to have coffee and a conference with her former lover. I went horseback riding with someone who had rapidly become one of my closest friends, Willa.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Willa asked after we dismounted our horses and walked to a rippling brook.

“Huh?” I replied dumbly.

“You’re spacing big time,” Willa said grinning and bumping her hip into mine.

“Something seems to be on your mind, too,” I replied, trying to grin back.

A pained look came over Willa’s face as she casually removed her flannel shirt, revealing a rather revealing spaghetti strap top. It had warmed up probably ten degrees from the time we started, so she didn’t do it on purpose to entice me. She seemed oblivious to my bulging eyes.

My head turned away from the sensual vision, but my eyes didn’t follow, lingering on the erotic sight for several seconds. So, my head obeyed the command not to lust, but my eyes rebelled. There’s nothing more frightening than our own soul, indeed. It occurred to me that the pastor’s council was correct. Being alone with Willa was becoming dangerous.

Willa had gathered a few rocks and began to throw them into the stream. I grabbed a handful and joined her. I hadn’t told anyone that Carly was pregnant or how serious I was about marrying her sooner rather than later. I debated whether to tell Willa and get it off my chest. I recalled lusting after her just seconds ago, and anger with myself propelled the words from my mouth.

“Carly’s pregnant,” I blurted.

Willa’s arm was cocked to throw a rock. It froze in mid-motion, and the rest of her body followed suit. Her head slowly turned to reveal her stunned face, complete with gaping mouth and wide eyes. “You knocked her up?” she asked with a quiet, yet disapproving voice.

“No, Niles apparently did right before they broke up.”

“Thank God,” I think she whispered with a sigh and a hand to her forehead.

“So did she cheat on you again?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head.

“So does this end your reconciliation with her?”

“No,” I chuckled, suddenly feeling foolish. “As a matter of fact, I asked her to marry me last night.”

“Billy Bob Booker,” Willa barked before she dropped her rocks and shoved me hard with both hands on my chest. I almost fell over as I stumbled.

“I take it you don’t approve,” I stammered as I regained my balance.

She folded her arms, snorted, shook her head, and then turned on her heels, marching down to the creek. I followed cautiously behind her. She pulled off her cowboy boots and socks. She rolled up her pant legs and stuck her feet in the creek, wiping a tear from her cheek. I eased next to her and sat cross-legged.

“You’re really this upset about me marrying Carly?” I asked with a frown.

“That’s not it,” she said and then looked at me. “I slept with Dirk Easton’s brother a week ago. Now we’ve gone out a couple times since, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

“You had sex with Devin Easton?” I asked louder than I intended. Now I was experiencing angry disapproval.

“Shh,” Willa replied with a frown as she glanced around, even though we were completely alone. I was surprised by the feelings of jealousy that surfaced within me. They were as strong as the feelings I had over Carly getting together with Niles. “No… we just slept.”

“Good,” I breathed, and wondered why I cared so intensely.

“But we were, you know, pressed together… and he had an arm around me. But we were dressed. We had kissed for a while too, but I stopped us before it went any further.”

My feelings over this information was strange. I didn’t know what to think about it, but I asked, “How did you meet Devin Easton?”

“I met him at my cousin Whitney’s condo,” Willa explained. “I gave him a ride to where he was staying, which was the back room of his business. Then we decided to hang out for a while. I gave in to temptation and had a drink he offered. That led to another and another. We ended up getting fairly drunk. Then we ended up kissing. But I did not have sex with him.

“I freaked out when I woke in the morning with his arm hanging over me. When I realized I was pretty much fully dressed, I relaxed some. But I was still devastated that I drank so much and then engaged in intimate behavior with a guy I had just met. I mean granted, I was a whore, but …”

Willa put her hands in her face and began to weep. I gave her time.

“Take heart,” I said after she calmed down a bit. I put my arm around her shoulder. “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”

“Dee told me something similar,” Willa said as she rested her head in the crook of my neck.

My act of putting my arm around her shoulders now felt overly intimate. Her thick, silky brown hair was embedded into my neck and cheek. It smelled faintly of roses and fresh air. “What did she tell you?” I asked, hoping she didn’t notice the squeak.

“After I told her everything about the day and night with Devin,” she explained, “Dee asked me if when I took a shower, did I ever drop the soap? I told her ‘Of course.’ Then she asked, “Do you stop taking a shower when that happens? I told her ‘Of course not, I picked up the soap and continued on.’” To my relief, Willa lifted her head off my shoulder and faced me as tears popped from her lovely golden eyes. “Do you know what she told me?” Willa whimpered.

“Tell me.”

“She said, ‘That’s what you need to do, too, sweetie’ with the most loving, understanding smile I had ever seen in my life. You pick up the soap and press on… So, what do you think about how Destiny reacted to my failure?” she asked with a small voice.

“I agree with Dee one hundred percent,” I replied with a grin as I gave her hand a squeeze.

Later, when I dropped her off at her home, she took hold of my hand and interlaced her fingers with mine. She kissed me softly on the mouth, taking me by surprise. There clearly was mutual attraction between us.

Why Willa seemed drawn to me, I couldn’t fathom, but it was obviously there. And now that she was becoming so spiritual, I was becoming more drawn to her than ever. Maybe my friendship with Willa was unfair to Carly. But wasn’t Niles now being a permanent part of my life with Carly unfair to me?

“I know you’re going to marry another woman,” Willa said, “but I love you more than you’ll ever know, Billy Bob Booker.”

 “I love you too, Willa Wonka,” I said with a grin.

Willa laughed before a sad look came into her eyes and her lower lip trembled. “Unfortunately, we love each other in different ways,” she said quietly as those once hard, cold eyes glistened soft and warm in the moonlight, penetrating mine.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my brain confused and discombobulated.

“I’m in love with you, Billy,” she said quietly. “And you love me like as a friend. But even being loved as only a friend is still a blessing.”

She gave me a moment to respond, but the confusion in my brain only intensified as I stared at her like the dumbfounded idiot I was. Without a word, she got out of my truck and slowly walked to her house. I watched her, not with lust, but desire.

I needed to heed the pastor’s council and stop seeing Willa alone, because she was wrong in thinking that I loved her only as a friend! My feelings for her were not similar to my feelings for Lyle, or Dirk, or Amy, or Brock, or Destiny. My feelings for Willa were similar to the woman I just put an engagement ring on.

CHAPTER 12

DEVIN

“Devin, do you want to hang out for a bit?” Willa had asked me as I began to exit her vehicle.

My pulse quickened. I had only known Willa for a half hour, but she was quite possibly the most intriguing woman I had ever met. And I’ve met a lot of women. I had first become aware of her through a men’s magazine hidden in her cousin Whitney’s nightstand drawer. I never told Whitney I knew about the erotic periodical, yet I wondered what her thoughts were. Was she proud that her cousin was the centerfold?

I became aware of Willa a second time through a business associate, Lyle Lake who is Billy Bob’s close friend and employer. Over a few beers, his tongue became loose. When I told him I was seeing the local television reporter Whitney Waconia, he told me he was seeing her cousin Willa. With a little interrogation, he admitted that he paid to see her.  

I must say, I was stunned. Whitney’s cousin, who she had declared was like her sister, was a prostitute! Now was the third time, and it was in person. Would this be a charm or a third strike?

I was halfway out of her car when I stopped and replied, “Sure.”

I was kind of embarrassed that I didn’t actually have my own place and was now resigned to living in the back room of a shop my brother and I rented for our tree business. Whitney had insisted I stay with her during our brief relationship. This gave me the false notion that she wanted to settle down. However, after our breakup, I was more disappointed at losing her condo than her.

“What are we doing here?” Willa asked with a frown after we walked through the shop and into a back room. It was ten feet by fifteen, and furnished with a single bed, an old refrigerator, and two lawn chairs.

“Is this really your place?” Willa asked as her scowl deepened.

“Well, yeah, for now,” I began feeling awkward and embarrassed. Then I perceived she wasn’t deceitful like her cousin and would appreciate openness and honesty. Full disclosure, I also perceived that Whitney told her my situation. So what was the point in lying? “I lived with a wealthy older lady for almost two years. After we broke up, Whitney insisted I stay with her until I found a place. But I never found a place.”

“Whitney said you left the other woman for her. That’s why she offered her place.”

I smiled at my manly intuition being correct. “She’s half right.”

“How can she be half right? Either you left your other woman for my cousin, or you didn’t.”

“It was timing,” I said, gesturing with an open palm. Then with my hand already extended, I waved toward a lawn chair. “Have a seat.”

“Wow, classy,” she grinned maliciously as she sat and crossed one spectacular leg over another. She was wearing a denim skirt that rose above the knee when she sat. She began bobbing her foot that was adorned with a red Converse high top sneaker. “I bet these chairs set you back a pretty penny.”

“No. they fit into my budget rather nicely. Do you want a beverage?”

She asked for a water, so I retrieved an Aquafina from the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Blue Moon Belgian Ale for me. After we both took a swallow, she said, “Okay, tell me about timing.”

“Well, my old lady already had kicked me out the previous day when I ran into Whit at the grocery store. So when we decided to get together, I let her think it was because of her that my old lady and I parted ways.”

“I’ve never liked it when guys refer to their significant other as their old lady. But I guess in your case, it was true. May I ask how much older?”

“Yes, you may. Twenty-two years. Not quite twice my age.”

She crinkled her cute little nose in disgust, so I explained with an image. I pulled out my phone and showed her my forty-five-year-old ex in exercise attire. Her eyebrows raised in admiration.

“She certainly aged well,” she admitted. “But tell me this. Would you have been with her if her bank account wasn’t a factor?”

“Yes, I would have had a fling with her. No, I wouldn’t have been in a relationship.”

“With your candidness, I guess I don’t have to worry that you’re trying to get in my pants.”

“You’re wearing a skirt.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

“I know,” I laughed. “And I’m not trying to get into your skirt. I don’t pay for sex.”

Open mouth, insert foot! Willa looked stunned! Then I actually saw her jaw muscles clench, and if looks could kill, I’d be dead. In a low, menacing voice she asked, “What’d you mean?”

In my own low voice I said, “I know what you do for a living. Or now that you’re religious, I assume, did.”

“It’s ‘did,’” she spit. “And how do you know? Does Whitney know?”

“If Whitney knows, she never mentioned it. I was told by Lyle Lake.”

Although Willa rolled her eyes, relief grew onto her face.

“You know, you’re quite the hypocrite,” I accused.

“Am I?” she responded, both skeptically and curious.

“Yeah, you respond with a look of disgust because of my former girlfriend’s and my age disparity. Yet you’re the one that has sex with random guys for cash.”

“I don’t know what Lyle told you, but I’m here to tell you my work as a massage therapist never went beyond just that, massage.”

“Massage therapy? From what I heard, rather than a white frock, you wore little and nothing. You also specialized in BDSM.”

“Yes, I catered to a specialized clientele. And yes, I would present myself in a sexy fashion. But not once did a guy I entertain have sex with me. What I did for them was like a medical procedure.”

“Medical procedure!” I laughed. “A medical procedure where you extracted…”

“Enough!” she barked. Her pretty face was attempting to look ugly, but not succeeding. “Didn’t you prostitute yourself by shaking up with a rich woman old enough to be your mother?”

“No,” I replied, causing her face to become more pinched. She looked like she bit into a lemon. Then I looked away as I spoke, ashamed of what I was about to admit. “I lost my parents when I was quite young. Dirk and I were raised by our grandparents. Then they died when I was just coming into adulthood. So, on one hand when I started seeing Janice, she…”

“Janice was your older woman?” Willa asked. I looked at her and her lovely, large golden eyes were wide and curious.

“Yes. So, although she was above average looking for her age, I was drawn to the way she took care of me… To the way she mothered me… Pretty sick, huh?”

“No,” Willa replied, shaking her head. “Pretty understandable.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. For me anyway. So I redirected our conversation topic from me to her. “So Lyle suspects that you and whoever the babe you live with are, you know, more than friends.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. But then she admitted, “There were a couple times after indulging in wine and weed that we tried to be… What’s the term? Bicurious. But we barely started kissing when we both started laughing and decided it wasn’t for us.”

“So has there been any special guys in your life?”

She hesitated before answering, looking up at the ceiling with a little smile playing at her lips for a few seconds before she stated, “No.”

“Now,” I challenged with a grin. “If no, why did you have to think about it?”

“Because I perceived you meant guys in the romantic sense.”

“I did, and you had to think about it. Why?”

“Because it was one sided.”

“Because you weren’t as interested as he was?”

“No, he rejected me.”

“Really?”

“That surprises you?”

“Yeah, look at you, you’re a knockout. Even dressed a little bit like an Amish woman. Who is this guy? Would I know him? Or is it a secret admirer thing?”

“You might know him since he’s a good friend of Lyle Lake. He also works for him. His name is Bill Booker.”

“Billy Bob Booker! You have a thing for Billy Bob Booker?”

“Do you know him?”

“I do.”

“How well do you know him?”

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “Just acquainted through work. We never hung out or anything. My brother knows him better than I do.”

“Yeah, they both go to the church I’ve been going to. As a matter of fact, it was Billy’s influence that got me there. He’s the real deal.”

“So is my brother. His influence is why I want to change my own life.”

“Yes,” she enthused, but quickly turned pensive. “A person’s life and character is the best witness. I’m just not there yet.”

“From where I sit, you seem to have a good start.”

She forced a smile and said, “Thanks.”

I was completely baffled at first as to why she was so enthralled by a brawny, ordinary-looking landscaper. But character goes a long way, and Billy Bob was definitely a man of integrity. She told me how they met, how they got to know each other, and how he led her to her current religious affiliation.

“I need a smoke,” I said when she concluded her tale. I went to my work bench, where I’d stashed a pack of Kool filter kings. “You want another water?”

“Sure.”

I lit a cigarette and strolled over to the mini refrigerator for another water for her and beer for me. There were four bottles of St. Pauli Girl beer, six more Blue Moons, and a six pack of something called Wicked Red. I had bought it for Whitney since she loved apple flavored things. But there was no more water.

“There’s no more water,” I told Willa. “Do you want something else?”

She got up and bent near me to look in the refrigerator. Our heads were inches apart. Her perfume smelled incredible. I would come to find out later it was something called Grace.

“You don’t have any more water, just beer?”

“There’s tap water from the restroom, or this apple flavored adult beverage.”

She glanced at a door to a small room where a toilet was visible and scowled again. She walked over and looked. Then she crinkled her nose in disgust at the grungy, grease-stained sink. She stared at the can of Wicked I held and bit a thumb nail with a look of anguish on her face. After almost a minute, I spoke again. “Do you want it or not?”

“I don’t know,” she said, looking toward the bathroom again, eying the grungy sink.  “Okay, I’ll have what you’re holding.”

“It was actually for your cousin,” I told her as I grabbed myself another Blue Moon. “But I get the feeling that she won’t be around here anytime soon.”

She popped the top and downed half of it with her first swig. Apparently once she made up her mind, she was all in. She sighed with pleasure and then belched. “Oh my, excuse me,” she giggled. “I shouldn’t be doing this. You’re a bad influence.”

I felt my eyebrows raise. “Me? How? I didn’t twist your arm, I just offered what was in my fridge. I’m trying to change myself. This is my first beer in a week.”

“Actually it’s your second in about ten minutes.”

“You know what I mean. Plus you saw the one hitter with tobacco. I’m down to five actual cigarettes a day.”

She snorted a laugh, took another swig of her beverage, and kicked off her sneakers. Even dressed half Amish, she was some kind of sexy.

“You’re a bad influence on me,” I accused.

Now her eyebrows raised. Then a distraught look appeared on her countenance, and she said, “Sorry.”

I told her I was joking. But she lamented her unworthiness as a new Christian. But then our conversation was off and running. We talked for hours, and I’m ashamed to say, I had more adult beverages. Yet a large portion of our conversation was spiritual. I even declared that I would go to church with her. There also seemed to be a simmering attraction between us.

I awoke to sunlight streaming into the little backroom. Willa and I were spooning on the small bed. My eyes landed on her red shoes, laying haphazardly on the floor. Yet we were dressed. As I tried to clear the fog from my brain, I concentrated on what actually happened. There was a brief but passionate make out session. But did it really happen, or had I been kissing my arm in my sleep? What about yesterday was in my dreams and what was reality? Also, what did this mean, and where would we go from here?

CHAPTER 11

WILLA

My second visit to Cotton Creek Cove went fairly well. I had never felt comfortable in a churches, but I was truly blessed to have met Destiny Knight Storm and her Aunt Annabelle. In the near future I would benefit from their strength, wisdom, and experience. Our backgrounds were similar in that they were all adult entertainment, yet different in the details. Destiny mostly did porn, Annabelle was an exotic dancer, and I was in a form of prostitution after a brief foray in modeling.

Destiny’s honey blonde hair was in a French braid and her clear blue eyes radiated joy and peace. It was quite a contrast from the hard, sultry, and sexy look she displayed in the pictures I saw on the internet. Annabelle looked and acted more like she was Destiny’s mother rather than her aunt. I could tell they were very close.

Upon meeting Destiny’s husband, Brock, I felt a bit uneasy. There seemed to be something dangerous about him. I felt intimidated at first, and I was used to being the intimidator. But with his calm eyes and friendly, relaxed demeanor, he quickly set me at ease.

Dirk and Amy Easton also fascinated me. Dirk looked like a male model and reminded me of the iconic actor James Dean. Yet he seemed to be kind of reserved and even a little shy. Amy was an exotic beauty with a light sprinkling of freckles, long strawberry blonde hair, and multicolored eyes. She was a bubbly sweetheart that was a bit fiery and feisty.

I enjoyed the pastor’s sermon. He talked about the childhood of Jesus. He explained how easy it is to lose our hold on The Savior when we lose sight of him. He told of how when Jesus’ parents didn’t realize he wandered off to talk to the rabbis. One day and one moment of neglect required three days of anxious searching to find him again.

When the sermon concluded, and the congregation picked up hymn books, Destiny whispered to me, “I need to go to the restroom, Willa. Can I scoot past you?”

“Actually, I need to go, too,” I whispered back.

There was a little sitting area outside the restroom. As I waited for Destiny to exit, my eyes were caught by one of the several pictures on the walls. It was a painting of a beach scene at sunset. There was a poem entitled “Footprints” in the middle of the painting. I began to read about an anonymous person’s life journey. There were two sets of footprints representing the poet and Jesus. The person noticed that, at the most difficult times of their life, there was only one set of footprints. The person asked the Lord why He abandoned them when they needed Him most. That’s when the Lord told the person that He didn’t abandon them, but it was then that he carried them.

I fought back tears as I looked at another painting a few feet away. This one depicted a young man with a hammer in one hand and spikes in the other. He had a look of absolute anguish on his face as he was collapsing. Jesus was behind him, grasping and holding him up. I guessed the man was realizing his sins had crucified the Savior. The same Savior who carries us during our most trying times, leaving one set of footprints. I stared at Jesus’ arms holding up the man. Tears welled in my eyes.

“That’s me. He’s been holding me up my whole life,” I whispered, “and all I’ve done is dis him.”

“Me too,” Destiny whispered from behind me. I jumped. I had been so transfixed by the painting that I didn’t even hear her come up behind me. “Sorry,” Destiny giggled.

I wiped my eyes quickly while my nose dripped. I wasn’t used to feeling vulnerable. “This is embarrassing,” I said as my hands shook.

“No, it’s a beautiful thing watching someone come to the Savior,” Destiny said, as tears began to leak from her own eyes.

“Really?” I asked with regrettable coldness. My lower lip wouldn’t stop trembling. “Snot shooting out of a person’s nose is beautiful?”

“You’re causing joy in heaven right now.”

“Huh?” I questioned as I aimed a frown at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Jesus Himself said in Luke 15:10 that there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repents.”

We just gazed at each other as I feebly tried to get my mind around that concept. Was I repenting? I did quit my job as a prostitute. It didn’t even occur to me how I would be making a living in the future. I guess when you are discovering eternal life, making a temporal living was insignificant. God would provide away, just like for the birds of the air in Matthew 6:26.

 I spent the following week assessing my future and making amends with people I had wronged or with whom I’d had discord. My spiritual transition, although wonderful, at times felt foreign and odd, so I felt compelled for something familiar.

So I paid a visit to my cousin, Whitney. She lived in a condo downtown. When we were teenagers, we were like sisters. She was only five months older than me, and neither of us had any siblings. After my parents died, I moved from Colorado to live with Whitney and Aunt Wendy.

 I stepped briskly out of an elevator and onto the fourth floor of Whitney’s condo but stopped suddenly in my tracks. Whitney was just outside her door in a liplock with Dirk Easton! He was one half of the cute pregnant couple from Cotton Creek Cove, and he was kissing my cousin! I couldn’t believe it! Dirk even admitted that they had previously dated. After the kiss, the pair disappeared inside Whitney’s condo.

I turned around and pushed the elevator button. I wanted no part of any drama. But then my blood began to boil. I knew my cousin. She was a serial dater to be sure, but she would want no part of a married guy. How could she not know he was married? Plus, what kind of creep could cheat on that sweet, cute pregnant girl? My legs churned toward my cousin’s door. I pushed her doorbell so hard I nearly broke a nail.

“Willa Tree!” Whitney declared as her eyes widened, and her eyebrows shot up. Whitney began calling me Willa Tree ever since we were seventeen and standing under a, you guessed it, Willow tree.

“Whit’s Mc Grits!” I enthused back before we hugged.

“Come in, come in,” Whitney pleaded with a big grin.

“What have you been up to?” Whitney wanted to know. “I can’t believe we live in the same town and rarely see each other anymore.”

“I know,” I shrugged, suddenly feeling uneasy.

“Come meet my latest boy toy,” Whitney whispered into my ear.

“I’d love too,” I smirked, even as I felt a growing dread.

The leech actually smiled at me as we moved toward him. How could he not remember me? Was it vain of me to think that?

“Why hello, Mr. Easton,” I said as I crossed my arms.

“You know him?” Whitney asked with a puzzled frown.

Dirk’s grin left his face as he realized he was caught. But as I got closer, something didn’t seem right. His hair was slightly darker than I remembered from the other day and styled differently. Maybe he got a haircut.

“Yes, we’ve met,” I smirked. “Haven’t we Dirk?”

The creep actually started to cackle. It slowly occurred to me that my detective skills were not very sharp.

“I think you’ve met my brother, not me,” Mr. Easton informed me.

My face fell as I heard my cousin begin to laugh and slap her thigh. “You thought Devin was Dirk!”

“Devin?” I stammered, looking back at Whitney’s boyfriend.

“Apparently, you know my brother, Dirk,” Devin said.

“Um, yeah I’ve met him,” I admitted. “Are you two twins or something?”

“No, I’m actually a few years older,” Devin replied as he pulled the sleeves of his long-sleeved T- shirt halfway up his forearms, revealing considerable tattooing. Dirk had no visible tattoos that I had noticed.

“Wow, you could have fooled me,” I tried not to mumble.

“Could have?” Whitney teased with a giggle. “It looks like it completely fooled you!”

“Okay, it totally did,” I admitted with a grin. “The thing is, Dirk mentioned that you two were an item in the past when I met him several days ago. So, can you blame me for getting confused?”

“She’s right,” Devin said. “Little D and I have gotten that our whole adult life. It didn’t happen as much when he was a half a foot shorter than me growing up.”

“So how did you two meet?” I asked, pointing back and forth between Whitney and Devin.

“I saw Devin in the grocery store and thought he was Dirk,” Whitney explained, then laughed again. “Just like you did. We really hit it off, and here we are… By the way, how did you meet Dirk?”

“At the church he goes to.”

“Were you attending a wedding or something?”

“No, a regular church service. I’m thinking of, you know, going there every week. Maybe even becoming a member if they’ll have me.”

Whitney’s jaw dropped and she looked at me as if I sprouted a second head. There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by Devin. “Friendly, upstanding people at my brother’s church, I’ll give ‘em that.”

“You’ve been there?” I asked.

Devin nodded. “I’ve been to Dirk’s church a couple of times. I just didn’t fit in.”

“Maybe you just didn’t give it a chance,” I said. “Besides, it’s much more than just going to church.”

“Devie is right,” Whitney moaned. “I’ve been there too. It’s pretty lame.”

“You’ve been there, too?” I frowned at my cousin.

“Once,” she sighed. “Dev talked me into going with him. But he I won’t go again. Plus, I could tell I wouldn’t get along with that cute little nerdy girl Dirk knocked up.”

“Actually, they were married before he knocked, I mean, before Amy became pregnant,” I told her.

“Whatever,” Whitney snorted.

Was Whit always this cold and witchy, or was I just now tuning into it? A Lady Gaga song began playing on her phone. Whitney turned away from Devin and me as she spoke into it. A minute later she spoke excitedly at us.

“I gotta go, super-hot story!” she enthused. Whitney was an up-and-coming local television reporter. As a matter of fact, that’s how she had met Dirk before they started dating. She interviewed him after he became a local, and briefly a national hero after he had courageously, and forcefully interrupted four thugs who were about to gang rape a young woman. That woman was now his young, pregnant wife.

“Hey, you’re my ride home,” Devin complained.

“Shoot,” Whitney blurted, then glanced anxiously at me. “Can you give Dev a ride home?”

“Yeah, I can give him a ride,” I offered.

Devin turned casual hazel eyes on me and smirked. It occurred to me right then that she and I used to do battle for male attention when we were silly teenage girls. No guy ever came between us. As a matter of fact, we used to test them. If one of us started seeing a guy, usually it was her. I would come on them to see if they would cheat. More often than not they were willing. Then the fun began! For Whit and me, not them.

Whitney’s bright blue eyes relaxed, and she smiled at me with something like conspiracy appearing on her lovely face. Was she wanting to play our game again? No way, I wasn’t a silly teenager anymore. But I was a damaged, broken woman in her mid-twenties.  

I had yet to learn the reality of Ephesians chapter six. By that I mean the putting on of the whole armor of God. But Devin was about to unwittingly show me how vulnerable I was. I had yet to learn the Biblical counsel of watching and praying.

“Can I use the little boy’s room before you leave?” Devin asked.

“Of course,” Whitney replied with strange enthusiasm over a restroom request. “That’d be great.”

“Huh?” Devin frowned.

“Sorry,” Whitney giggled. “I’m just excited about my sudden assignment.”

Whitney watched Devin walk to the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, she took both of her hands in mine.

“Willa, you couldn’t have timed this visit more perfectly. Are you seeing anyone?” she whispered.

“You mean, like a guy?” I frowned.

“Yeah. Do you have a serious boyfriend or anything?”

“No.” I replied. Right after I said no, Billy Bob flashed into my mind. Why?

“You gotta help me out! And we can play our old game in the process.”

“What do you mean?”

She glanced at the bathroom door and then back to me.

“This could be a win-win for all involved,” Whitney whispered excitedly.

“What are you talking about, we’re not teenagers anymore.”

“Shh,” she put a finger on her lips and glanced at the bathroom again.

“I got a job offer a few days ago from a Seattle station,” she told me.

“Wow! Are you gonna take it?”

“Cousin, I already took it,” she cooed.

“Congratulations,” I said with a growing sense of dread. “But what are you getting at with me and Dirk, I mean Devin?”

The toilet flushed and she glanced at the bathroom door again and grasped my arm. “I haven’t broken up with Devin yet,” she whispered. “I was going to tonight, but it would be so much easier if you flirted with him, and he took the bait. Then just like we used to do, let him know he was being played.”

“Whitney, no,” I sighed.

“Willa, please?” she hissed. “It’s gonna be awkward giving him the heave-ho. He left the cougar he’d been living with to be exclusive with me.”

“What do you mean by cougar?”

“You know what I mean,” she said, rolling her eyes at my apparent naivety. “He was shacked up with some rich witch that was like twenty years older than him. Can you say gross?”

“How long have you and Devin been an item?”

“Like five or six months, I guess.”

“Wow, is that some type of longevity record for you with a guy?”

“Of course not,” she said as she put her hands on her hips and looked at the ceiling. “Actually, I think it might be.”

“So, you really were monogamous with him?”

“For the most part,” she grinned. “I didn’t get the Seattle job on reporting talent alone.”

I had avoided Whitney as much as I could the last few years because I was secretly ashamed about my profession. Turned out she was also a prostitute; we just operated from different formats.

“Plus, you know I have a strong sex drive,” she whispered. “And the last couple months, he’s been so lame. I think he drinks too much, and it tends to give him bedroom issues, if ya know what I mean.”

“I’m surprised you’ve stayed with him.”

“Well, he’s actually very loving and nurturing,” she shrugged. “Besides, he’s just so gorgeous. So how about it, Willa? One more time for old times’ sake?”

“I don’t know Whit. I don’t think…”

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

The bathroom door rattled, and we both jumped a little. Whitney and I tried too hard to look casual, and it made us both look like the cat that ate the canary.

“What’s with you two?” Devin asked with a paranoid smirk.

“Nothing,” Whitney and I said at the same time. Then she and I looked at each other and laughed.

“Come on,” Devin said, as he placed his hands on his hips. “What’s going on?”

“Look, I gotta run,” Whitney said as she kissed my cheek and then gave Devin a peck on the lips. “Be sure to lock the door behind you. Bye!”

Devin and I stood in awkward silence for a long moment as we both tried to get our heads around what just happened. Fifteen minutes ago I was innocently making my way to my cousin’s condo to play some catch up with my teenage bestie. Now I was standing alone with her boyfriend with instructions to end their relationship. Life can sure be a strange trip.

“So, um,” I began uneasily.

“Sorry about that,” Devin said quietly. “I had a feeling she was gonna dump me. The way she went about it took me off guard, though.”

“She’s not gonna dump you,” I said the lie before I realized what I was saying. “I mean…”

I looked at him dumbfounded, and he smirked.

“You mean what?” he challenged. “I might have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night.”

“She’s taking a job in Seattle,” I blurted. I was NOT going to play our old game.

Devin didn’t even flinch. He just nodded. “Alright then. You don’t need to give me a ride home, I can call my brother.”

“Honestly, Devin, I don’t mind,” I told him. “I was hoping to spend some time with Whitney, so it’s not like I have anything going on right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’m sure.”

We locked Whitney’s condo as instructed and made our way to my dark blue Dodge Charger. Devin paused before he got in. “Hang on a second,” he said as he pulled out a little wooden one hitter case from his pocket. He pulled a little metal tube that was half the size of a cigarette. He began pushing what I assumed was marijuana into the end.

“Hey, no dope in my car,” I said, not even trying to keep my voice low. “I guess you will have to call your brother after all.”

“Relax,” he told me as he prepared to light the end. “It’s just tobacco.” He lit the end and inhaled deeply. A stream of smoke streamed from his lips.

“Okay,” he said and lowered himself into my car.

“That was a first,” I said after we closed the doors.

“How’s that?” he replied with raised eyebrows.

“I’ve seen a one hitter used countless times,” I told him. “I even used one myself for a few years. But I’ve never seen anyone smoke tobacco with one. Only weed.”

“I’ve been trying to quit smoking,” he said. “Taking one drag at a time takes the edge off.”

 Devin pointed me in the direction of his home. Only when we arrived there, it wasn’t his home. It was a shop where he and his brother kept equipment to do tree work.

“Do you live here?” I asked with a frown.

“Sort of,” he sighed. “I mostly have been spending the night with Whitney.”

“Were you two really getting pretty serious?” I inquired.

“I don’t know,” he replied, waving a hand. “I sort of figured we might be ships passing in the night. I just didn’t think it would end so abruptly. She’s gorgeous and talented, so I always knew she’d move on at some point. I just thought she would have discussed any job prospects she had with me. I thought we were friends. Anyway, thanks for the ride.”

I found myself oddly curious about this brother of Dirk Easton. Mainly it was because he didn’t hit on me or act like a pig. I had gathered that Devin and Dirk were close. Maybe Devin was more similar in character to Dirk than most people thought. Plus, Whitney had said he was loving and nurturing. Maybe I was too quick at judging him.

“Devin,” I heard myself say, “do you want to hang out a bit?”

Something told me I was walking onto dangerous ground. But in the two times I had now been to church, I had heard talk about witnessing. Yes, I would witness to Devin! I would tell him how my life was changing. I would tell him he should give his brother’s church another try… And we could maybe go together.

But I wasn’t converted yet. There was war going on in my soul that I didn’t understand. The years of sexuality I exposed myself to didn’t go away instantly. The taste for mood altering substances lingered. So, when the good-looking guy. Correction, great looking guy I just asked to hang out with smiled and said yes. Well, I smiled back like the fool I was as I walked into a lion’s den.

CHAPTER 10

BILLY BOB

“Do you know why you can’t tell a pig secrets?” Lyle asked as he walked into my abode.

“I give up,” I replied.

“Because they always squeal,” he said with a laugh.

“Where do you come up with these jokes?” I chuckled.

“Here and there,” he answered with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“You want a beverage?”

“I’m good,” he replied as we sat at my kitchen table. His mirth upon entering my home quickly turned to a scornful scowl. “I got a call from Willa about a half hour ago. She told me she is done, shall we say, entertaining.”

“Really?” I responded.

“Yeah,” Lyle continued. “So, I say how about one more farewell tryst, and she said no because it was something she needed to do immediately. I asked her if she could tell me why she was ending our business arrangement, and she said, in a nutshell, that you introduced her to her Savior.”

“That’s wonderful!” I declared.

“That’s terrible!” Lyle countered.

“Oh, come on, Lyle. I know you’re not religious, but surely you can see that giving up her, um, profession is a good thing.”

“How is it a good thing? She brought me and her other dudes plenty of pleasurable moments, and she was rewarded handsomely for her efforts. I mean, she made two hundred dollars for every hour she worked. That’s almost ten times what I pay yo… Never mind.”

“The love of money is the root of all evil.”

Lyle frowned, waving his hand. “Ya know, I tried to do you a solid several weeks ago when I set you up with Willa. I even paid for your first round. And how do you thank me? By influencing Willa to break up with me.”

“Um, I don’t think no longer going to a certain prostitute would be considered breaking up,” I suggested.

“I beg to differ, my good friend,” Lyle insisted. “Willa and I saw each other once a week for almost two years.”

“But you paid for it!”

“Every guy pays for companionship in one way or another.”

“Are you serious? Companionship?” I laughed. “You paid a hundred dollars for every half hour of that companionship.”

“Look, let’s not get into an argument over semantics,” Lyle scowled as he scratched the back of his head. “The thing is… I think… I’m in love with her.”

I felt parts of my body clench, and my toes curled. Was it jealousy? Shouldn’t be, I had Carly back. Was it concern for Lyle, and what he might do with his passion? Would Willa even be interested?

“What about what you just told me, that Willa has become a Christian?” I asked.

“I’m a Christian.”

“In name, not practice.”

“Judge not lest ye be judged, my friend.”

“I’m not judging. I’ve just observed your lifestyle.”

“Fair enough,” he replied with a shrug.

“So what are you gonna do with these, um, feelings?”

“I don’t know,” he said, throwing up his hands. “I’m just really bummed she ended our relationship.”

I raised an eyebrow at him over relationship.

“Arrangement.”

“Oh well, don’t worry, I won’t tell her.”

“No, no, do tell her! Then the likely rejection if I told her won’t be humiliating.”

“Humiliating? Didn’t she used to hand cuff you, spank, and what not?”

Lyle put his hands behind his head, looked at the ceiling, took in a big breath through his nose, blew it out, and looked at me. “I can see why you’d think that. But this is different.”

When Lyle left, I called Willa. Not to tell her about Lyle’s sentiments, but to see if she was still going to church with me the next day and offer to pick her up. However, after she declared she would go and I set up a time to pick her up, I related my conversation with Lyle.

“I would never ever see a client, or I should say former client, socially, let alone romantically,” she declared.

I was relieved by her words. Had I been a bit jealous? No, why should I, I was back with Carly.

 Dirk Easton was the first person we saw after Willa, and I entered the church.

“Dirk, I’d like you to meet my friend, Willa Waconia,” I said. “Willa, this is my good friend, Dirk Easton.”

“Nice to meet you, Willa,” Dirk said as he offered his hand. “Are you related to Whitney Waconia?”

“She’s my cousin,” Willa replied.

“Whitney and I dated a few times,” Dirk said a bit uneasily.

“Oh, my!” Willa said with wide eyes. “You’re that hero guy that saved some girl from being raped. I thought your name sounded familiar.”

Dirk winced. “Actually, Brock Storm was the hero.”

“That name sounds familiar too. Who’s Brock Storm?”

“I’m Brock Storm,” said the tall, solid man who came up behind Willa. His friendly, light brown eyes were contradictory to his otherwise menacing appearance. “Who might you be?”

Willa gasped at Brock’s zero masses of muscle. He was a rare guy that made me feel small. “Are you a professional wrestler or something?”

“I’ll have to go with ‘or something,’” Brock replied a small smile.

“No, I guess you’d be too pretty for a wrestler,” Willa said with a seductive grin.

“You just haven’t got a good look at his bad side,” Destiny Knight Storm said as she appeared from behind Brock. She took his face in her hands and twisted his head almost halfway around to reveal facial scars. The most sinister of the three was curled like a twisted smile from the corner of his mouth. Brock not only didn’t resist, but he and Destiny both laughed.

“You must be Willa,” Destiny said smiling warmly. “I’m …”

“Destiny Knight Storm,” Willa interrupted. “You’ve got the coolest name.”

“Thank you,” Destiny replied. “Billy’s told me a lot about you.”

“Has he?” Willa asked with a grin as she looked at me, yet there seemed to be a skeptical glare in her eyes as well.

“Hey, I’ve got a little book I’d like to give you,” Destiny told Willa before taking her hand and leading her thirty feet away to a table where she had a big duffle bag. Destiny handed Willa something, and then they became engrossed in conversation.

“It looks like those two lovely ladies are becoming fast friends,” Dirk said.

“Speaking of beautiful women, where’s Amy?” Brock asked Dirk, referring to Dirk’s wife, who was also the woman Dirk and Brock saved from a probable gang rape.

“She’s helping Mrs. Bakersfield prepare some of the kids for a song for the service,” Dirk said.

Once again, speaking someone’s name seemed to conjure them. Dirk’s lovely wife bounced as she approached us. Her long, wavy red-gold hair was pulled back with a hair clip. She wore a light denim dress that revealed a baby bump in her otherwise tall, slender frame. “Hey, Billy. Good to see you,” Amy greeted me with a smile and a twinkle in her unusual, yet appealing eyes. One was blue and one was green.

“Hi, Amy. Good to see you too,” I replied.

“Where’s Dee?” Amy asked, referring to Destiny.

“She’s over there,” Dirk said, pointing at Willa and Destiny.

“Oh,” Amy said as her face became serious. She squinted with her large, pretty eyes when she noticed her best friend talking to another young woman. “Who’s the new girl?”

“It’s Dee’s new best friend,” Dirk told her with a wink. Everyone knew that Destiny and Amy were as close as sisters.

Brock playing along, patting Amy’s baby bump. “You’re too chubby to fit in with the cool kids.”

“That’s not funny, Storm,” Amy said with a cold, menacing stare. I didn’t know Dirk’s wife all that well, but I did know the feisty young lady was a crusader for the underdog and the less fortunate. I was just starting to feel a little uncomfortable when I noticed a smile playing at her lips, and she showed him her fist. “I ought to sock you for that, Storm.”

Brock spread his arms as if to say, ‘have at it.’ Amy actually punched him really hard in the stomach, but Brock didn’t even flinch. Amy on the other hand said “ouch” and shook her hand.

“I’m sorry,” Brock said pitifully. “But I prefer you to call me Dad rather than Storm.”

 “Is Brock really Amy’s dad?” I asked Dirk, but Brock, overhearing, answered for him.

“Amy’s and also Dirk’s parents have all passed away, so Dee and I unofficially adopted them,” he explained then glanced at Dirk. “But my son is less violent than my daughter.”

Amy grinned and shrugged. Then Dirk said, “I just don’t want to hurt you, Dad.”

Fast as a blink, Brock grabbed Dirk and bear hugged him. Dirk groaned, and with a squeaky voice said, “Amy, get him.”

Amy tickled Brock, who squirmed while he laughed and released Dirk.

“Ha,” Dirk began gleefully. “David downed the mighty Goliath with a sling and a stone. Lovely Amy bested the mighty Storm with a tickle.

“Don’t compare me to Goliath,” Brock whined. “He was a bad guy.”

“How about Samson?” Amy asked.

“Nope. He was strong, yes, but disciplined, no.”

“How about Grandpa?” Amy asked sweetly.

“Huh?”

“Look,” Amy said, showing Brock a picture. “It’s from an ultrasound yesterday!”

“Grandpa,” Brock said quietly as he gazed fondly at the picture of the in-utero baby. Then he pulled Amy in for a hug and kissed her on her forehead. After he released her, he shook Dirk’s hand.

“You already hugged me, but I got no kiss,” Dirk joked.

“Well, come here, little buddy,” Brock said with a big grin and an aggressive yank.

“Brock, Dad, no. I was kidding,” Dirk exclaimed as he tried to wiggle free from a second bear hug. It was to no avail – Brock kissed Dirk on the side of his head right by the temple. Everybody around started laughing. Destiny caught sight of the struggle, and her mouth gaped open in surprise before it curled into a smile.

When Destiny spotted Amy, she smiled and wiggled her fingers at her. Amy returned the finger gesture, grinned excitedly, and made her way over to Destiny and Willa. Destiny introduced the two women, and Amy hugged Willa.

I watched Willa’s contented smile as Amy shared the photo of her baby in the womb. We had only been there for fifteen minutes, but I knew Willa had found some good friends. However, in the days ahead, she would struggle as a ‘babe in Christ.’

I actually have two meanings with this description of a ‘babe in Christ.’ The first is the fact that she was a new Christian. The second was indeed her appearance. It took Willa a while to become convicted that she should stop dressing rather, well, sexy. Guys still looked at her and thought, even said, “Wow, what a babe.”

Ultimately this led to some difficult situations and choices for her with a couple guys she was attracted to. It’s uncomfortable for me to admit that I was more of a hinderance for her than a help.

CHAPTER 9

WILLA

Getting to know Billy Bob changed me. In the days following the wedding, everything was off with me. Mainly, I couldn’t get back into the swing of work. I felt something akin to dread as clients came in, and I felt dirty after they left. I had apparently lost the switch in my mind where I felt nothing but indifference with how I earned a living. I always told myself that the sex I had with clients was not invasive. I told myself it was like a medical procedure. I even wore latex gloves.

But now I wasn’t listening to my excuses. I knew what I did was disgusting. The men I entertained were not just kinky, but perverse. I’d always looked at them as overgrown teenagers. Now I saw them as twisted adults who needed a psychotherapist, not a massage therapist. I viewed the reward I earned as easy money. Now I saw it as ill-gotten gain.

I’d flippantly considered myself an atheist before I met Billy Bob. But then, with just a few outings on horseback with him displaying his gentle, yet strong character and the way he would point out spectacular things in nature, I changed from an atheist to an agnostic. Then with one brief conversation, I changed from an agnostic to a seeker. Eventually I would become a believer. It started as we watched a beautiful sunset. He was giving his typical, subtle praises to God about the miraculous nature of the systems of the universe. I’d finally had enough.

“How could there possibly be some God of Love when the world is so unjust and cruel?” I demanded.

“If there is no God,” Billy Bob replied calmly, “where did you get these concepts of just and unjust? If we don’t have a conscience given to us by God, where did we get this idea of good and evil? Where did we get the capacity to love?”

I replied with some gibberish about the world having no meaning.

“If the world had no meaning, we wouldn’t know it didn’t have any meaning, now, would we?” he asked with such a sweet smile that it made me both want to punch him and hug him at the same time.

I proceeded to tell him about a regular customer of Zella’s whose five-year-old son died of cancer. As I related the story to Billy Bob, my eyes filled with tears, and I became angry. “Where was God when her son died?”

“The same place God was when His own Son died a cruel death for the sins of the world,” Billy Bob answered with such love, patience, and his own eyes rimmed with tears.

Those nineteen words were the straw that broke the camel’s back. There are countless moments in a person’s spiritual journey, but absorbing that sentence was the most definitive moment of my spiritual awakening.

Billy Bob had given me a Bible and I actually began reading it. I also looked up the history of Jesus on the internet. At some point, it dawned on me that the Son of God was a real historic figure that walked the earth. The Creator mingled with His creation!

The historical account I was reading in the Bible was no myth – it really happened! God not only lived as a human being in our sinful flesh, but He also was murdered by those He came to save. He was killed by the very people who professed to worship God!

 At first, my carnal nature did everything to extinguish the fire that was building in my soul. Six mentally tormented days after the wedding, Billy Bob and I went horseback riding just like he promised. Every time I was with him, I experienced such joy and contentment. Yet it was because of Billy Bob that I had lost a lot of sleep the previous week.

When I had last seen him, I had no end in sight with my profession. As far as I was concerned, I was going to keep my adult entertainment gig for as long as the guys were willing to pay. Then, as I joined Billy Bob not quite one week later, I was seriously considering quitting.

I was anxious to tell Billy Bob about how my life seemed to be transforming, but I wasn’t sure how to explain my thoughts and feelings. He and I liked to stop at a certain bluff that overlooked the landscape to the west and get off our horses to stretch. You could see a half dozen farms spread over many miles up there. I would wait until then to talk to Billy Bob. However, something seemed to be off with him. I couldn’t tell if his preoccupation was good or bad.

“Is everything alright?” I asked him after our feet thumped onto the ground.

“Huh?” Billy Bob replied, looking a bit dazed. “What are you talking about?”

“Something seems to be on your mind,” I told him.

“Oh,” he chuckled. “I guess there is. Carly and I are back together.”

Something like electricity careened through my entire body. It was followed by pangs of jealousy and an overwhelming sense of something lost. My breath was actually catching. I had thought that there was a glimmer of hope for our relationship to turn romantic in nature if I told him my willingness to give up my way of making a living.

“Do you mean as friends,” I asked cautiously, “or as a couple?”

“As a couple.”

“Billy Bob Booker, are you an idiot?”

“Maybe,” he grinned sheepishly.

“You are an absolute fool,” I told him as I put my hands on my hips and shook my head.

“I never stopped loving her,” he said with a shrug. “Besides, we’re taking it slow. Baby steps, ya know?”

“She betrayed you,” I said slowly, emphasizing every syllable.

“We’re taking it slow,” he repeated, shoving his hands into his back jeans pockets. He looked up to the sky and sighed. “People make mistakes. I’ve known Carly a long time. We were together for six years. I can tell she is genuinely regretful and filled with remorse.”

“You’re making a big mistake,” I told Billy Bob, maybe more out of jealousy and desire than with his best interests in mind.

“Look, Peter betrayed Jesus when the cock crowed,” Billy Bob said. “Jesus forgave him, and he went on to be one of Christ’s most devout disciples.”

A little thrill coursed through me. I had actually just read that in the Bible that very morning. “I think I’m gonna give up hook… Massage therapy,” I said with a quiet smile.

“You’re what?” Billy Bob asked with a look of amazement plastered on his face.

“You heard me,” I said, shoving him playfully in the chest. Quick as a flash, he pulled me into a tight embrace. If any other man on the planet grabbed me like that, I would have kneed him right in the family jewels.

“I thought you said that you would prostitute yourself as long as men would pay,” Billy Bob said as he released me.

“Well,” I said with a shrug, “you truly introduced me to Jesus that day you gave me a Bible. I’ve been reading it and getting to know about Jesus ever since.”

“Have you?” Billy Bob asked, crossing his arms and wearing a pleasant grin.

“I have,” I said with a smile. “I have a question for you, too.”

“Okay.”

“Can I go to church with you sometime, or will that make things complicated now that you are back with Carly?”

“No, it will be fine with Carly,” he replied as something came over his face that told me he doubted his statement. “I’d love to take you to church.”

“Now that you’ve reconciled with Carly, you will be going to church with her again, won’t you?”

“I guess I will,” he said frowning.

“Where exactly have you been going for the last six months?”

“Several months ago, I started going to this really cool place called Cotton Creek Cove Fellowship. I know this guy, Dirk Easton, through work. He told me that he had been going there, so I checked it out and fell in love with the place.”

“But you’ll stop going there and return to Carly’s church?”

“No way,” he replied, shaking his head. “Besides, Cotton Creek Cove has their worship on the Biblical Sabbath, so I can do both. You can’t get too much God, can you? Especially in these chaotic times we live in.”

I nodded.

“Do you want to go to Cotton Creek Cove with me tomorrow?” Billy Bob asked.

I felt a pang of anxiety at doing something so foreign to me so suddenly. I had hoped to put it off for a few weeks to kind of get my head around the idea.

“There are actually a couple of women who are members that minister to women in the sex trade. Annabelle Knight, and her niece, Destiny Knight Storm.”

 “Knight Storm,” I laughed. “For real?”

“Absolutely,” Billy Bob said. “She married a guy named Brock Storm, but she kept her maiden name also. She’s a former porn star, and her aunt is a former stripper.”

“Former porn star, huh,” I wondered as I realized maybe I wouldn’t be so out of place after all. “Is she nice?”

“Oh, man, nice as can be. And almost as pretty as you to boot,” he said with a grin, a wink, and a playful shove on the shoulder.

That evening when I got home, I called all my regular clients and told them I was no longer in business. I was surprised at how well they took it. Especially Lyle. However, Billy Bob told me later that Lyle chewed him out royally for, get this, ruining me. Apparently, Lyle also said that Billy’s influence destroyed my purpose in life and gift to the world. Unbelievable!

But I was thankful for Lyle voicing his opinion. Maybe the others had the same attitude. And if sex is how they saw my reason for being, if I had any reservations before about quitting, they were completely gone. One of Christ’s most devout followers was a former prostitute. Now I was a former prostitute. But I wasn’t quite devout yet.

I was seeking, growing, and on my way to becoming converted and born again. But there were birth pains. I struggled to turn off the hypothetical sexual switch. This would lead to a moment blinded by passion that would drastically alter the course of my life. But I also learned through the coming ordeal the love and mercy of God. I discovered firsthand just how God can turn ashes to beauty.

So Billy Bob picked me up at ten after nine on a Saturday morning to go to church. I was puzzled by him attending church on what I considered the Jewish Sabbath. I asked him about it as we rode in his pickup truck to Cotton Creek Cove Fellowship.

“I know that you’re new to the Bible,” Billy Bob replied. “But nowhere does it say that the Sabbath the Lord established in Genesis 2:2 and 3, and commanded in Exodus chapter 20, was for only the Jews. One example is Jesus Himself. In Mark 2:27 he declared the Sabbath was made for man. In other words mankind, not just the Jews.”

“So why does most of Christianity keep Sunday?” I wanted to know.

“In the Old Testament,” Billy began. “The book of Daniel, which was written around six hundred years before Christ, predicted an attempted change to God’s law. Chapter 7:25 foretold of a religious and political power that would make this attempt. It even says it would be part of the law that had to do with time.

“This actually happened when Emperor Constantine made the Roman church a legal religion. In the process to accommodate all the pagan sun worshippers, the Sabbath God established was then declared to be the venerable day of the sun. Also known as Sunday.”

“You say attempted a change,” I said. “But from where I sit it looks like they more than just attempted, they succeeded. I never even heard of Christians keeping anything but Sunday until you said you go to church on Saturday.”

“Well, there’s Seventh Day Adventists, Seventh Day Baptists, and Seventh Day Church of God just to name the most well-known.”

“I guess I have heard of those,” I admitted. “I just never thought very deeply about it. Is Cottn Creek Cove associated with any of the ones you just mentioned?”

“The Adventists.”

“And Adventist means?”

“The second advent of Christ.”

“So, you all are Sabbath keepers that look for the second coming of Christ?”

“You’re an excellent student!” Billy Bob said with a big grin.

“Thanks,” I replied, feeling pleased that he was pleased. But I was only getting hungrier for truth. “I want to learn more, especially prophecy. You seem to know quite a bit.”

“I’m still a new student myself,” Billy Bob admitted. “The church I used to go to put prophecy and subjects like the antichrist off in the future. They declared that Daniel and Revelation were sealed books that couldn’t be understood yet. This even as Revelation says in the third verse of the first chapter, ‘Blessed are they who read and hear the prophecies of this book.’ Most prophecy has already been fulfilled, the largest part was during the dark ages.”

“By church you used to go to, do you mean Carly’s?”

His face fell, and he muttered. “Yeah.”

“Are you going back?”

“Yeah, I have a lot of friends there. Plus Carly has agreed to start attending Cotton Creek Cove as well. So we both will be attending both. I guess.”

Forgive me, but I smiled a little at the uncertain way he explained his situation.

“If you want to,” Billy Bob offered. “We could have a regular date to study, and then go horseback riding. Or vice versa.”

“I’d like that,” I replied with a smile. I especially liked him calling it dates to study and ride. A girl could always hope, right. We pulled into Cotton Creek Cove’s gravel parking lot.

It felt strange walking into a church for something other than a wedding or a funeral. One tremendous comfort was that Carly wasn’t attending today. Everyone Billy introduced me to was very friendly and welcoming.

Billy Bob was more than right about Destiny Knight Storm. She was a major sweetheart toward me, as was her aunt. I even opened up to her about how I had been making a living. Destiny in turn opened up to me about her own experiences in adult entertainment. I had found a friend I would keep for life!

She invited me to a ladies’ only Bible study she and her aunt held every Wednesday evening. I was vague with my answer. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because I didn’t want a conflict with Billy Bob’s offer to study and ride. Even though he wasn’t my man, I guess I wanted to feel like his woman for as long as I could.

In the weeks that followed, I got to know many wonderful people. Carly came a couple times. Surprisingly, she and I got along well. We probably wouldn’t have if she knew how much I loved Billy Bob. Not only that, but my willingness to steal him if possible. Please keep in mind I was brand new to Christianity, and conversion is often a process. It was for me anyway.

 I began to feel like part of something that felt like family. Most importantly, I was being set free from sin. But even as my faith grew, I had some setbacks. I began to experience firsthand Ephesians 6:12. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in high places.”

Thankfully I ended up following the admonition of the verses sandwiched in-between verse twelve about putting on the whole armor of God. It just took a little coaxing and a lot of prayers.

CHAPTER 8

BILLY BOB

It couldn’t get Willa off my mind. It felt like I was falling in love with her or something. Yet I knew we weren’t right for each other at all. I think it overwhelmed me that someone so exquisitely attractive seemed to genuinely desire me. Most importantly, we really seemed to hit it off as friends.

So, I was totally taken off guard with her behavior on the day of the wedding when things between us turned a bit passionate. Thankfully, I was able to defuse the situation and establish us strictly as friends. It wasn’t easy. I battled carnal desire verses spiritual reason like never before. Little did I know it would only be the beginning, and not just involve Willa.

However Willa was a fantastic date to the wedding, and I left feeling like we did it honestly. The wonderful thing was that I simply enjoyed Willa’s company, and this overshadowed her appearance. But yes, the vanity of having a stunning woman on my arm flickered through my mind several times, especially when Carly watched us. Then four days after the wedding, I received a surprise visit from my ex.

“Carly,” I greeted her. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hey, Billy,” she replied shyly and then looked at her sandaled feet. “Is it really a pleasure?”

Carly looked as beautiful as I had ever seen her. Her long blonde hair fell free, cascading over her shoulders. The makeup she wore was subtle and accentuated her cheek bones and sensuous lips, while causing a diversion from her narrow nose and close-set eyes. She wore a knee length denim skirt and a green spaghetti strap top.

“Of course it is,” I replied. “Why wouldn’t it be? We’ve moved on. We’ve been more than civil with each other. I even shook your lover’s hand at the wedding.”

“Former lover,” she cringed. “And I hate that word lover. It sounds like something cheap and tainted.”

“It is what it is,” I replied, shrugging as glee filled my tormented soul. Did she say former lover? “But what do you mean by former lover?”

I had decided over the last couple of months that if by chance things didn’t work out between Carly and Dr. Niles Wentworth, I would consider reconciliation if she came back to me. Call me a fool if you will, but I never stopped loving her, even though she broke my heart. I still had the engagement ring that I bought her.

I really wanted a wife and a family someday. I also figured that if Carly did want me back, it would be because she realized her error. Christianity was about forgiveness, repentance, and moving forward. We went more than half a decade as a monogamous couple without her cheating. Hopefully having made such a huge mistake, she would have learned from it, making it unlikely that she would ever do it again.

 I definitely considered her behavior in dumping me a form of cheating. But it occurred to me that when she did choose another guy over me, she technically waited until she broke up with me before they consummated their affair. Unfortunately, it was at an inopportune time since I had just proposed marriage. Yet would there ever have been an opportune time for heartbreak? Plus, like I said, she didn’t actually commit adultery. We weren’t even engaged, let alone married.

“We broke up for good the night of the wedding,” she declared.

“What do you mean for good?” I asked.

“About a month ago, Niles and I got into an argument, and he slapped me,” Carly explained. “He instantly regretted it, and I eventually forgave him. But I put the brakes on our relationship. So we still went on dates and talked regularly. We seemed to be on the right track again, so I agreed to spend the night with him after we attended the wedding. But then we had our first fight since the night he slapped me. I refused to sleep with him, and he went berserk and threatened to get physical again.”

“You know what’s weird?” I asked. “If you and Niles were to duke it out, I’d pick you to clean his clock. If you don’t mind me asking, what caused such a heated argument the other night?”

Was that disingenuous? Because I had a pretty good idea of the cause.

“Well,” she said as a sheepish look came onto her face. “It all started over that smoking hot friend of yours.”

The fact that Carly referred to Willa as my friend without the girl in front didn’t go beyond my notice.

She continued. “It didn’t go beyond my notice that Niles kept undressing your friend with his eyes all night. I told him so as he drove me home. I also told him that because of it, I wasn’t ready to have sex with him again yet. He didn’t even get defensive or apologize over my accusations. He just lamented that he had been looking forward to sex for days, so he couldn’t help examining such a fine female as your friend. When I told him too bad, he accused me of pining for you. Do you know what I told him?”

“What?” I asked as my pulse quickened.

“I told him he was absolutely right,” she replied boldly. “I told him leaving you for him was by far the biggest mistake of my life. That’s when he lost it and freaked out.”

“Carly,” I whispered.

“I’m not gonna lie,” she said, crossing her arms definitely as tears began to leak from her eyes. “I’ve never felt more jealous in my life than seeing you with that, what’s her name, Willa. How did you two meet, anyway?”

“A friend introduced us,” I stammered uneasily.

“I see. So are you two serious? You seemed pretty cozy.”

“Willa and I are just friends, Carly,” I said. “Mostly we got to know each other because I took her horseback riding at the Mannings’. When I told her I was dreading the wedding because you would be there with your new guy, she offered to accompany me and sort of pretend we were an item.”

“Billy!” Carly exclaimed as she put her hands on her hips.  Her mouth was agape with astonishment, but her eyes were amused. I shrugged and grinned sheepishly. Then her face became serious with her eyes warm and misty. She quietly asked, with the hope of a child in her countenance. “Billy, is there any chance for you and me?”

What I did next may have been foolish, but in the long run, it did prove to be the right thing. I took a step toward her and took both of her hands in mine. I looked into her eyes as she stared intently into mine. “I still have your engagement ring,” I told her. “I’m not ready to give it to you just yet. We have a lot of sorting out to do. So yes, there’s definitely a chance for us.”

Carly bit her lower lip as she gently cupped my face with her hands and kissed me softly on the lips. I pulled her into an embrace, relishing the familiarity. “Billy, just so you know,” she told me as she pulled back from our embrace, “if and when you deem the time right to propose to me, the answer is most definitely going to be yes.”

I nodded. “Do you want to come sit, have a glass of iced tea, and start sorting out?”

“I’d like that very much,” she said with a smile.

We talked for hours. We laughed, cried, and desired. The desire part came to a boil as Carly prepared to leave. I walked her to her car and opened the door for her. We hugged one more time and then she began to lower herself into the driver’s seat.

“Come here a minute,” I said pulling her out of her car, just before she could get seated. “Welcome back.” We kissed for a couple minutes before she pulled away, gazing seductively at me as she bit her lower lip.

“Billy, do want me to spend the night?” Carly asked.

“Carnally speaking, there’s nothing I’d want more,” I replied. “But you and I having premarital sex was what made the pain of your betrayal extra sharp.”

“Please don’t call it betrayal anymore,” Carly said with hands on her hips, but also with a pleading pout on her face. “I know what I did was terrible, but I did wait to break up with you before I actually became involved with Niles.”

“I concede,” I replied. “You did try to be honorable.” Tears instantly filled her eyes as she nodded and bowed her head. I pulled her into an embrace once again. “We talked a lot tonight about what led to our split,” I said soothingly. “We didn’t really get into the damage of our split. That’s why our reconciliation will take time.”

“So, we’re gonna wait until we’re, you know, married to be, um, intimate?” she asked after she pulled away from me.

“I think that would be best,” I said as I gently stroked the side of her head.

“How long will that be?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, we need to play it by ear and see how it goes, Okay?”

“Okay,” she smiled sadly, but contentedly. “You’re wise and wonderful beyond your years. I’m sorrier than I can ever express. I’ll wait years for you if I have to. Just like Jacob waited for Rachel in the Bible.”

“Acknowledgment is a huge step in the right direction,” I said as I frowned at her comparison to Rachel and Jacob. Was I doing the right thing? It felt so incredibly good to hold and kiss her again; it was so familiar. Was I letting sentiment and emotion get in the way of reason? Were my kisses with Willa affecting my judgement?

It also felt incredible getting cozy with Willa a few days ago. Willa and I also got along very well as friends. What a shame she was a prostitute. Would it make a difference if she gave it up? That was a big if! But if she would give it up, what would be worse? Being yoked with a former hooker? Or a former, longtime girlfriend who betrayed me? I felt more comfortable with the latter as I compared the two.

I wondered how long it would be before Carly earned my trust back. I didn’t want to be alone, and I loved being in a relationship. I also really longed to be married and start a family. I had a good feeling about Carly’s repentance. On the other hand, I had a good feeling about proposing to her six months earlier. You can’t trust feelings.

But the facts were in her integrity and explanation. She had refrained from the actual affair until she had informed me that there was someone else. Yes, you could say an emotional affair began before that. But I believed her when she said she fought it. When she finally came head-to-head with temptation, she broke up with me first.

Besides, we hadn’t been engaged yet. There was no ring on her left ring finger claiming her as spoken for. As a matter of fact, if I hadn’t waited so long to propose, her dalliance with Niles Wentworth probably would have never gotten off the ground. I now saw her affair as partially my own fault.

I was so glad Carly came over and we talked. I felt confident that once we said our vows before God and witnesses, she would never betray them. I would need to dig her engagement ring out of my sock drawer and get it on her finger sooner rather than later!

CHAPTER 7

WILLA

When Billy Bob declared our deal was off, I was overwhelmed with disappointment. My feelings for him confused me. He was an average, ordinary man. But with his warm friendly eyes, relaxed demeanor, and easy smile, along with his character and personality he moved me like no guy ever had in my entire life!  

When he dropped me off after our last horseback ride, I couldn’t stop thinking about my brief history with him. Things like the contented look on his face as we watched a beautiful sunset together while sitting on horseback. He and I racing and playing tag on the horses. On the way to our third riding session, he did something I’ll never forget. He had pulled over at a lemonade stand where a little boy and two little girls were eagerly awaiting some business. He came back with two cups, handing me one.

“It’s really good,” I said after I tasted it.

“I have an idea,” Billy Bob said.

He reached under his seat and pulled out a thermos. He dumped out about half a cup of coffee and rinsed it with a partial bottle of water. He went back to the kids and had them fill the thermos with lemonade, then he gave each of them a five-dollar bill. At least it was really good.

As we pulled away from the lemonade stand, I turned around to look at the little ones behind us. They were jumping up and down with pure joy. Then I looked at Billy Bob as he gazed ahead at the road and nonchalantly sipped lemonade, oblivious to the amazingly happy affect he’d had on the kids. It was the first time I’d had a taste of what it felt like to fall in love with a man.

Not only did I want to keep seeing Billy Bob, I now felt, not only a desire to go to the wedding, but a need. I wanted a bigger glimpse into Billy Bob’s world. I especially wanted to see what his ex was like. She had to be a completely brain-dead ditz to dump a man like him. To be honest, I really wanted to make her jealous. I wanted revenge on a woman I didn’t even know.

Then something occurred to me. If paying for a pretend date was the issue, why couldn’t I just give the money back and be an authentic date? So, the following day I took extra care in applying my makeup. I slid on my highest-quality stockings with my best heels. I put on my sexiest, most elegant dress, and I went to Billy Bob’s home, determined to accompany him to the wedding.

I hadn’t been to Billy Bob’s place before. He lived out in the country in a small house that he rented. It was a two-bedroom ranch. I was relieved when I saw his truck in front of a one stall garage. I was strangely nervous as I walked from my car to his front door. I took several deep breaths as a variety of thoughts and emotions whirled in my head.

“Willa, what are you doing here?” Billy Bob had asked, utterly surprised. I instantly began to make my case to accompany him at the wedding. Now Billy Bob may have been the most wholesome man I had ever known, but he was still a man. I could tell he liked the way I looked, even though he did his best not to notice. I was used to being overly confident with my sex appeal, so I had to work extra to win him over.

Relying on my charm and not looks alone was not easy, so I wasn’t surprised when he resisted. I also knew he would be a gentleman who would discipline his eyes. So I implemented what I felt like would be my strongest weapon, physical contact. In particular, a kiss. And not just a kiss, but a lingering mouth to mouth lip lock if possible.

When we kissed it blew me away, taking me to a wonderful place with which I was unfamiliar. I wanted more, much more of this man. I was both exhilarated and frightened of my feelings for him. Yet I had to play it cool. Then typical Billy Bob, he told me what he thought about my eyes as half of my breasts were exposed less than a foot below his eyes.

There was no doubt about it, I was falling in love with Billy Bob. But was he with me? If so, where would we go with it? Even though I was having these overwhelming feelings, I was uncertain that I could give up my profession. I just made too much easy money. On Billy Bob’s side, I couldn’t see him with a former sex worker, let alone an active one. He even told me as much.

When we got to the wedding, the church was crowded. Not surprisingly, many people were delighted to see Billy Bob. I used the restroom before we went into the sanctuary. When I came back out into the foyer, Billy Bob was talking to a woman with a man standing just behind her. By the body language of the trio, I surmised that she was his ex, and the man was her new beau. I sauntered up to Billy Bob and laced our fingers together in a manner that showed familiarity. I smiled at the couple.

My first impression of Carly Brooks was that she looked like a witch with her pointy nose and mean, beady eyes. Other than these features, she was more attractive than I expected with long blonde hair, a wide sensuous mouth, and athletic legs. Even though she smiled at me, I could see the glare of dislike in her eyes. Carly’s man seemed like a pompous, know-it-all nerd. He reminded me of Sheldon from the television show The Big Bang Theory.

“Carly, Niles, this is my friend, Willa Waconia,” Billy Bob introduced. “Willa, this is Carly Brooks and Niles Wentworth.”

I almost burst out laughing. Niles Wentworth! Did his name cause him to evolve into the pompous nerd before me?

Niles beamed at me with what he probably thought was a charming smile. Unlike Billy Bob, his eyes frequently darted to my chest. “How do you do, Willa? By the way, it’s actually Dr. Niles Wentworth.”

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Niles Wentworth,” I chimed cheerily. “I do quite fine, thank you.”

“I bet you do,” he replied, not even trying to hide his arrogant flirting.

“Glad to make your acquaintance,” Carly said with an obviously forced smile as she shook my hand.

“Likewise,” I beamed, glancing at Billy Bob and then back to Carly. “It is a little awkward meeting the ex, though.”

“It doesn’t need to be,” Carly said, her smile seeming genuine now. “Besides, I didn’t hear girl in front of friend when Billy introduced you.”

“He’s just being low key,” I replied, hoping she couldn’t tell that my smile was also forced. “Aren’t you, sweetie?”

Billy Bob smiled, blushed, and shrugged.

“I guess I owe you a big thank you for making this incredible man available,” I told Carly before I kissed Billy Bob’s cheek, causing his blush to turn a deeper shade of crimson.

Carly glared at me as her forced smile slowly evaporated. I stared back at her with a satisfied countenance until she looked away. “Well, it was good to see you, William,” Carly said.

“Nice seeing you too, Carly,” Billy Bob said and then nodded at her man. “Niles.”

“William,” he said, shaking Billy Bob’s hand.

“Willa,” Niles said to my breasts before he shook my hand.

“I’m truly happy for you both,” Carly said, looking back and forth between Billy Bob and me. If she was Pinocchio, her nose would have grown.

“Thank you,” Billy Bob and I replied at the same time, as I looped my arm through his and snuggled into him a little.

As we watched Carly and Niles drift away from us, Billy Bob and I really felt like a couple in that moment. I genuinely liked the feeling too. No – I loved the feeling!

“That wasn’t so bad,” Billy Bob said with a satisfied sigh.

“It went well, sweetie,” I said smiling.

“Why do I feel kind of bad, yet also rather wonderful?” Billy Bob asked, still grinning.

“Don’t you dare feel bad,” I told him as I bumped my hip into his. “You did not pay for this. I’m here because I truly want to be with you.”

Billy Bob put an arm around my waist, pulling me in for a brief squeeze against him and kissed me on the cheek. As he released me, the feeling of being a couple intensified. I put both of my hands on his cheeks and pecked him quickly on the lips. When I turned away from him, I noticed Carly had been watching us and she instantly looked away. I grinned and did a mental fist pump. Later at the reception, when dancing began, Billy Bob refused to shake a leg at first. When a slow song came on, I pleaded with him to go out on the floor with me, especially when I saw Carly and Niles go out.

“Come on, Billy Bob,” I begged. “All you have to do is put your arms around my back and sway.

“Alright, I’ll give it a try,” he said after watching Carly and Niles for a minute.

I took Billy Bob by the hand and led him onto the dance floor. I laced my arms around his neck, and he placed his hands behind my lower back. He moved stiffly at first, but soon began matching my gentle rhythm. Once he got comfortable, I noticed him sneak a peek at his ex and her cheesy lover.

“Niles Wentworth? Seriously?” I whispered into Billy Bob’s ear. “Did he evolve into that name or what?”

“You mean Dr. Niles Wentworth,” Billy Bob whispered back. “And, yes, it does seem to fit him pretty well.”

We both laughed. Since Billy Bob wasn’t used to dancing, I was in the lead. So I guided us a little closer to Carly and Niles. I tried not to look obvious by getting too close. When I was happy with our position, I began to kiss Billy Bob.

“Willa,” he said looking around as if embarrassed. But when he looked back at me, I could tell he found my lip maneuvers pleasant.

I had accomplished my goal, though. I caught a glimpse of Carly looking at us as Niles undressed me with his eyes. I laughed and hugged Billy Bob tight as the song ended. He picked me up off the ground and spun me around once, as I squealed in delight. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked off the dance floor hand in hand. Something was stirring in me, and it had nothing to do with our little game.

“I can’t thank you enough, Willa,” Billy Bob told me after he pulled up to my home. “I had a great time tonight.”

“Remember, you owe me at least one more horse ride,” I told him.

“For sure, I told you we’d still go again. Let’s do it next week even,” Billy Bob said with a smile. “Well, I guess it’s time to say goodnight.”

“Billy?” I asked, feeling strangely nervous. “Will you spend the night with me?”

“Willa, you know I can’t.”

“A girl can try, can’t she?”

“It’s a temptation, to be sure.”

“So, give in.”

Billy Bob laughed and brushed his hand gently against my cheek. I felt tears begin to build behind my eyes. Once again, William Robert caused foreign sensations to course through me. What was I gonna do with these feelings I had for this true gentleman? Yet I knew we simply weren’t suited for each other. The thing is, my head knew this, but my heart didn’t. But realistically, he was a devout Christian, and I had a lucrative adult entertainment business.

“Thanks again, Miss Waconia.”

“You’re very welcome, Mr. Booker.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” I replied, but I didn’t get out of the truck. I just sat and smiled seductively at him.

“What?” he said with both a grin and a frown.

“Don’t I get a goodnight kiss?”

“Sure,” he said, shrugging. He leaned toward me and pecked my cheek.

“You can do better than that,” I said as I hooked my hand around his neck and pulled him back. He didn’t resist, and we kissed quite passionately. After a minute I slowly reached for his hand and moved it to my thigh.

“Willa,” Billy Bob mumbled as he reluctantly pulled away.

Although I was experienced dealing with men, I wasn’t experienced with romance. But I did know enough that when it came to intimacy, it was much more common for the man to drive things forward, and for the woman to apply the brakes. Oh well, we were far from a typical pairing.

“Billy Bob,” I murmured back, as I pulled his face back to mine. After a few minutes, I tried moving his hand back to my thigh. I’m ashamed to admit this now, but I really wanted to make love with him that night. So much it hurt.

“Willa, you’re killing me,” he gushed.

“And you’re killing me,” I gasped.

We stared at each other for a long, awkward moment. “I need to go!”

“Why?” I pleaded.

“We’re not ever gonna be a couple,” he said with regret. “We can’t just be sexual without commitment.”

I hated these feelings of longing and loss! I felt such strange desires for love and companionship. I also felt tormented, lost, and confused as he rejected me. The irony was not beyond me. I had such respect for his rejection of my seduction. Yet if he would have given in to temptation, I would have lost much, if not all, of my admiration. Oh the human condition!

“Buddies?” Billy Bob asked with a sweet smile as he offered a hand.

“Buddies,” I conceded as I put my hand in his. “You’re gonna take me horseback riding next week, right? Promise?”

“Right. I Promise.” The urge to kiss him again was almost overwhelming. What had this man done to me? A few weeks ago, I was an atheist who was mostly comfortable with how I earned a living. After getting to know Billy Bob, I was now an agnostic who was mostly uncomfortable with my occupation. But I made a lot of money! The love of which is the root of all evil. I also found myself truly wanting to be loved by a man for the first time in my life.

As I walked away, Billy Bob stood and watched. As my behind wiggled on the stairs, I just knew that amazing man was watching Willa the person and not her sexy body. As I realized this, coupled with the fact that I couldn’t have him, I just let the tears spill from my eyes. What was happening to me?

It took a long time to get to sleep as my thoughts churned. If I gave up my job, would he have me? But what if I did, and he didn’t? And what about Carly? At the wedding, she seemed more focused on Billy Bob than the guy she was with. Call it women’s intuition, but this gave me a bad feeling. I could tell that the chemistry was off between Dr. Niles and Carly.

My gut also told me that Billy Bob still loved her. I just knew it. A few hours ago, I had made Carly jealous. Now, as I lay sleepless in Cedar Rapids, I felt jealous of her.

CHAPTER 6

BILLY BOB

“Hey, Willie Wonka,” Willa said cheerily as she hopped into my truck.

“Stop calling me that,” I demanded, despite laughing.

“I haven’t heard you tell Ella to stop calling you that,” she protested with a coy smile.

“Ella calls me that occasionally,” I replied. “As in you only heard her call me that twice.”

“Well,” she said with a grin and a shrug. “I like it.”

“Alright, I can live with it as long as you keep it between you and me. No saying it in front of anybody.”

“Deal,” she replied happily, and with a smoldering gaze I didn’t understand. For I understood animals better than people. Especially alluring female people. She continued with a sultry voice. “I like having a secret between you and me. I wish we had more.”

I swallowed and chuckled uneasily. Then I tensed as I perceived her scooting a foot closer toward me on the bench seat.

Willa and I were going horseback riding for the seventh time in the last two weeks.  After the first drive to the Manning ranch, we both had become cautious with our second outing. But by the seventh, we not only had developed a fun-loving, teasing rapport with each other, but we also began delving into deep spiritual issues without arguing.

We truly enjoyed each other’s company as well, and we were starting to become genuine friends. Too bad I needed to tell her our wedding date was off. Yet, in that moment, I found myself waffling. Was Willa interested in me beyond friendship? No way! Talk about a beauty and the beast situation. Besides, our lifestyles were like oil and water.

“Tomorrow’s the big day,” Willa declared after a minute of silence. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes and no. Are you?”

“Of course not, I’m a professional,” she said and then winked at me.

“But you’ve admitted that escorting isn’t your forte.”

“It’s definitely not,” she said with a cocky smirk. “But I’m still a pro when it comes to sexy things.”

“I guess so,” I replied uneasily.

“No guessing about it, honey.”

“I think the horseback outings have accomplished their purpose,” I said.

“They have,” she replied. “To be honest, I’m going to miss them.”

“We can still get together and go riding.”

“You mean it?”

“Sure I do. I’ve enjoyed it.”

“I have too,” Willa sighed. “As a matter of fact, I can’t remember a better two-week span in my entire life.”

I smiled at her, and then we fell into silence. When we pulled into the Manning residence and parked, she opened the truck door. But before she exited, I said, “Willa, I need to talk to you about something… I’m not gonna have you accompany me at the wedding tomorrow. I’m just not comfortable pretending we’re a couple when we’re not.”

We stared at each other for several seconds as her radiant countenance was replaced with a cold dark glare reminiscent of my first impression of her a couple of weeks ago.

“What?” she barked. “You’re welching on the deal?”

“No, no,” I replied with a high-pitched voice. I put my left hand up in the stop gesture and my right going for my wallet. “I intend on paying you.”

I pulled out five one-hundred-dollar bills and handed them to Willa. She stared at them as if in a trance, and then she shook her head slightly and slowly. I was giving her five hundred dollars, and she didn’t even have to be my escort. This seemed like more than fair compensation. Why did she seem to be displeased?

“Is there something wrong?” I asked dumbfounded.

“Yes, there’s something wrong,” she snapped.

“What?” I asked with my own rising anger. “I’m paying you for a job that you don’t even have to complete. Shoot, it’s pretty much like I paid you five clams to go horseback riding, which you seemed to thoroughly enjoy.”

She glared at me for a long moment and nodded with reluctance. “You’re right,” Willa said with quiet dejection. She began to exit my truck and I gently yet firmly grasped her arm.

“Willa, what’s wrong?” I inquired.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she said with clenched teeth, yanking her arm away as she shook her head.

 “I don’t get it. I paid you in full and you don’t even have to be my date. You can even schedule a john if you want to.”

I heard the crack of the slap before I felt the stinging pain. My hand went to my cheek and Willa’s hand went to her mouth as her eyes widened. “Billy Bob, I’m so sorry,” she lamented placing one hand gently on my forearm.

“Willa, what’s the deal?” I asked quietly as my eyes welled from the sting of the sharp slap.

“Like I said, I’m sorry,” she said trying to smile. “I don’t know what came over me. I guess I’ve just never had a customer quite like you. Can we just go riding? That is, if you still want to.”

“Of course I do,” I replied with what I hoped was a friendly smile. “I’ve truly enjoyed coming out here with you, Willa. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it, too. I hope we can remain friends.”

“I have a request since it’s our last time,” she said with a serious countenance.

“It doesn’t have to be our last time,” I countered. “I said we’d go again.”

“We’ll see,” she said with a shrug.

“What’s your request?” I asked, frowning at her sudden negative attitude.

“Can I ride Ginger?”

A twinge of apprehension tickled my bones. “Well,” I scratched my head. “You’ve proven that you’re competent at handling a horse. But she spooks easily and there’s no telling how she’ll react. It could be anything from a little prancing to bucking you off. Are you prepared to go for a rodeo ride?”

“I am,” she said with stubborn determination. I wondered how much of her attitude sprang from me telling her that I didn’t want her to accompany me at the wedding. I thought she’d be happy. On the other hand, why was I reluctant, even nervous about telling her?

“Okay,” I nodded.

Willa grinned from ear to ear as she rode with Ginger’s feisty spirit. I was just beginning to relax and feel I had been overly cautious when a border collie from a neighboring farm came crashing through some woods barking. Ginger gave a couple wild bucks and dashed into an open hayfield. I was on Gold Thunder, the fastest horse in the Mannings’ stable. We immediately pursued.

When Ginger bucked, it loosened Willa from the saddle. She hung precariously from the side. One leg was in a stirrup, and the other was draped across Ginger’s back. I had nightmarish visions of Willa falling completely off and being dragged by the horse. I began to pray as Gold Thunder and I gave chase. “Lord, help her to hang on. Help us catch her. Keep her safe,” I murmured repeatedly.

Gold Thunder ran like I’d never seen him run before. We caught up to Ginger rather quickly. I reached from Gold Thunder to Ginger and reined her in, talking to her and calming her down. Thankfully, she cooperated as well as I could have hoped. Willa fell to the ground panting, her foot stuck in the stirrup.

“Are you okay?” I asked Willa as I pulled her foot from the stirrup. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay,” she replied with a quavering voice as I helped her up.

Without even thinking, I pulled Willa into myself. Her arms went tightly around me, and her cheek pressed into the crook of my neck. “It’s okay, Willa,” I soothed. “You did a fantastic job hanging on. Thank God, you’re alright.”

Once again, without thinking, I kissed the top of her head and nuzzled my cheek into her hair. It smelled faintly of roses, earthy and female. I felt a slight sensual stirring. How inappropriate! I began to push away from her, but she tightened her hold on me and began to whimper.

“It’s okay, Willa,” I calmed her, stroking her hair and sniffing it again. I had to breathe after all, right? “You’re gonna be fine.” We held on to each other for a couple minutes as I continued to verbally sooth her.

“I don’t want to stop,” Willa said as our bodies separated slowly.

“We don’t have to,” I assured her. “We’ll go back to the stables and saddle up Rusty.”

She nodded and folded her arms under her chest as she turned away from me. I gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze and then checked on Ginger. She was standing with her head next to Gold Thunder’s, taking comfort in a member of her herd. Was that what Willa and I were doing when I hugged her?

“I’m sorry, Billy Bob,” Willa told me when we were back at the stables and saddling up Rusty.

“For what?”

“You tried to warn me that Ginger was young, fiery, and not fully tame.”

“Kind of like you,” I grinned playfully.

“I’m getting tamer by the day,” she said, smiling wearily.

“Are you?” I asked teasingly.

“I am,” she replied stoically.

I nodded and we proceeded with riding again. However, the glow Willa had on our previous outings was gone, and she seemed to fake cheerfulness when we had a little dialogue. I couldn’t understand what she was thinking, and I was afraid to ask. I felt like I just needed to give her space.

We stopped at a stream and dismounted. As they drank the cool water, Willa turned her back to me and softly stroked Rusty’s flank. Willa was wearing form fitting jeans. As my eyes began to transfix on the alluring sight, I looked away. But did I need to? She was single, I was single. Where was the line crossed from admiration to inappropriate lust?

I went to my backpack, grabbed two carrots, and handed one to Willa. She took it and gave it to Rusty as I gave mine to Gold Thunder. Rusty bobbed his head up and down a couple of times, as if to say thank you. This usually made Willa giggle and talk to Rusty like he was a child. Instead, her arms hung limply by her sides, and she stared blankly at him.

“Can I tell you something only a few people in Iowa know?” Willa asked me in a zombie-like voice.

“Of course, Willa,” I answered softly.

“I told you before that my dad murdered my mom, but left it at that,” she said with a mechanical voice.

“Yeah,” I replied softly.

“My dad used to beat my mother,” she said quickly. “For years, there was this cycle of abuse, apology, and forgiveness. When I was 14, my mom finally had enough. There was this guy that was helping my mom leave my dad. I was staying over with a friend. My dad shot and killed my mother and her friend or lover or whoever he was. Then he turned the gun on himself.”

She paused and sniffed before a flood of tears emerged from her eyes.

“Willa,” I replied gently as I reached for her. She slapped my arm away.

“So,” she sighed heavily. “I came to Iowa to live with my Aunt Brenda and cousin Whitney. I so despised my father that I changed my last name from McNair to my mother’s maiden name, Waconia. I always wondered if he would have killed me, too, if I was there. He used to abuse me, too, but mostly verbally. He’d lay into me about being lazy or dressing like a slut. Yet, he was also the same person that gave me a pony when I was only four years old, and I loved him for that.

“But my hate was stronger. My own dad was the start of me despising men. Yet nature was pretty good to me physically. So ironically, the species I hated was exceptionally drawn to me. So, becoming a dominatrix suited well. I was in control… Until now.”

“Until now how?” I asked, completely baffled.

Willa shook her head, snorted, and hugged herself. So not knowing what else to do, I moved to hug her, but she shoved me away. “The reason I wanted to tell you this,” she said wiping quickly at a tear, “is because you’re the first person that has made me feel, I don’t know, embarrassed or ashamed for what I’ve become.”

“Willa, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“Oh, really?” she asked as she placed her hands on her hips. “So are you gonna tell me you respect what I do for a living?”

“Of course not,” I said. “But I don’t think poorly of you. I like you, Willa. You’re fun, you’re smart…”

“And I prostitute myself,” she interrupted.

“You don’t have to,” I replied quietly. “You don’t have a pimp controlling you.”

“Zella’s my pimp,” she said with a straight face.

“What?” I asked as my eyebrows shot up.

Willa burst out laughing and I joined her.

“I guess my point,” Willa said, “is that I want you to respect me, and I know you don’t.”

“Willa, who am I? I’m just a regular guy.”

“Who are you?” she repeated loudly. “You are William Robert Booker, the most decent man I have ever met in my life. That’s why I crave your respect so much.”

“Willa,” I said softly. “Could it be you really crave self-respect?”

  She looked at me as if stunned. We had gotten a bit dusty on our horseback ride, especially from the part that turned wild. There were very visible tear streaks that the breeze had dried on her lovely cheeks. She bit her lower lip and nodded, then took a step toward me and wrapped her arms around me as she buried her face into my chest. Light as a feather, I put my arms around her.

“I’m gonna miss you, Billy Bob,” she croaked after a minute.

“I told you; we’ll still get together and go riding.”

“Yeah, right,” she pushed away from me abruptly with a sarcastic chuckle. “I know you mean it. But the reality is, most people just drift apart without a common purpose.”

“That’s right,” I said with slight hesitation, “but we have a common purpose with horses.”

“We’ll see,” she said sadly. We rode our horses back to the stables in silence, then drove back to Willa’s place in silence.

“Willa, it was nice getting to know you,” I told her as I stopped in front of her home. “I hope we can still hang out. It’s truly my intention to continue what we started.”

“Why are you doing this?” she suddenly demanded with angry authority.

“Doing what?”

“Backing out of the wedding.”

“I’m still going to the wedding,” I explained. “But the closer we got to the event, the more I realized the deception in what we were attempting to pull off. It’s just not right.”

“Did you hit your head hard or something?” Willa asked. “Why on earth would you back out of our deal if you’re still paying me? And how is it that paying me to accompany you to a wedding is any type of sin? It’s nobody’s business what the nature of our relationship is.”

“The thing is, it’s just simply disingenuous. The real truth is, we’re not an honest pairing, you and me. So please, just take your money and run, okay? It just turns out I don’t feel comfortable pretending that you’re my girlfriend when you’re not. Period.”

“But I’m a girl and we’ve become friends.”

“You know what I mean, Willa.”

“Fine,” she spat as she left my truck and slammed the door.

“Willa, please come back. Let’s talk,” I called to her, but she ignored me.

I watched her walk into her home, completely baffled by her behavior. I had paid her in full for our arranged agreement and she didn’t even have to fulfill the duties required. Why was she upset? Maybe I just didn’t understand women. Lyle would be delighted if a landscaping customer paid for a job, and then didn’t want us to do it.

The next day as I prepared for the wedding, I was about five minutes away from departing when there was a knock at my door. It was Willa, and she was dressed to the nines. She was wearing an elegant blue dress that couldn’t have done a better job at combining classy and, forgive me, sexy. Her countenance looked determined as she pushed pass me without invitation.

 “Willa, what are you doing here?” I stammered.

“I’m going with you to the wedding,” she insisted with a determined look in her lovely amber eyes.

“But I told you I am not comfortable paying you to accompany me.” She flipped the five bills I had given her the day before onto the table as she stared me down. “What’s this?” I asked.

“I’m going with you,” she insisted, “and you don’t need to pay me, and you’re not turning me away.”

“Willa, no,” my voice emitted weakly.

She placed her hands on her hips, her lower lip quivered, and her eyes filled with tears. She looked at the ceiling and blinked rapidly. “Don’t make this difficult, William Robert,” she said with clenched teeth. “If tears mess up my makeup, I’m gonna knee you in your reproductive system.”

“What’s going on with you, Willa?” I asked quietly. “Why are you taking this so seriously?”

“Here’s the way I see it,” she began. “Our little horseback journeys are the best memories I have had since I was a girl, maybe even in my life. If I’m not mistaken, you had a pretty good time yourself.”

“I did.”

“I actually consider you a good friend now,” she said.

“And I you.”

“I’m also a girl.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Well, you definitely fooled me,” she spat viciously. Then she shook her head and crossed her hands back and forth in an erase gesture. “Anyway, I’m a girl and we’re friends. So, if you take me horseback riding in a week or two, it will be perfectly legit if I’m on your arm at this wedding.”

“And you’ll do this for no pay?” I asked frowning.

“What are friends for?” she asked, waving a hand at the fallen currency.

“I don’t know, Willa.”

“What don’t you know?” Willa whined and stomped her foot with frustration. “How is what I described being deceptive?”

“I guess it’s not.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s still disingenuous somehow. Maybe we have become friends, but we are not truly boyfriend and girlfriend in a romantic sense, and that’s the deceptive appearance we’d be giving.”

“Billy Bob,” Willa moaned impatiently, then she softly spoke. “If you would have me, I’d be your real girlfriend.” Her statement took me completely by surprise.  Before I knew what was happening, her lips were on mine. She let those soft, beautiful, sensuous lips linger against mine for several seconds before she pulled them off and put them by my ear.

“I’ve never ever kissed a client,” she whispered. “Convinced?”

“You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen,” I mumbled.

“What?” her luscious, red painted mouth gaped open.

“I’ve never seen golden eyes like yours before,” I whispered. “They’re stunning.”

“Leave it to you, Billy Bob,” she said laughing. “To be looking at my eyes when half of my breasts are spilling out of my gown.”

“So, if we really were boyfriend and girlfriend,” I asked, not even understanding why I was asking. “You’d give up your occupation?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Maybe is like ‘close only counts in horseshoes.’ There’s no way I would be involved with a practicing prostitute.”

“But I don’t actually have invasive sex with my clients,” she pleaded, and then showed me her hands. “Just massage. What I do is way more like a medical procedure than say, a, um, actual call girl.”

“Some medical procedure,” I said sarcastically.

“They don’t even touch me; they just get to look. Then what I do for them is, like I said, a medical procedure.”

“I can’t believe you’re comparing what you do to a medical procedure!”

“Shoot Billy, what I do is less intimate than a stripper giving a private lap dance. To me anyway, and I was a stripper for a short time so I know.”

This puzzled me. With Lyle as a close friend it shouldn’t have, but I asked. “How do you dance on a lap? Sounds painful for the guy, and hard to balance for the gal.”

“Oh Billy Bob,” Willa said quietly. A little smile played on her lips, and a look of what in those beautiful amber eyes? Sympathy? Fondness? “My sweet naïve William. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, the most wholesome, and the wisest.”

“Me beautiful?” I laughed. “I don’t think so, I do have a mirror.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” she said taking my hand in hers. That look of fondness deepened. Could it be love? Did I love her? I certainly loved her as a friend. Yet there was an underlying feeling there stronger than what I felt for, say, Lyle. It was similar to what I felt for Carly.

Suddenly feeling shy, I looked away from Willa and fixed my eyes on the clock above the stove. “Oh no – we’re running late!”

“We,” she said hesitantly, wanting conformation.

“We,” I replied, smiling. She smiled back and laced her fingers through mine. We walked to my truck hand in hand. It felt like we were not only off to a prom, but as the king and queen.

CHAPTER 5

WILLA

“We’re here,” Billy Bob declared as he slowed and prepared to turn into a gravel driveway.

We pulled into a large acreage, and my heart almost stopped. Right at the driveway entrance was a beautiful reddish-brown horse that reminded me of my childhood horse, Little Red. I almost threw my neck out of place whipping around to look at her as we drove up the driveway. She began to canter up the drive behind us, following us to the house and buildings.

“What’s the matter?” Billy Bob asked with a smile as we drifted past her.

“That horse back there reminds me of Little Red, my horse I had growing up.”

“That’s Ginger,” Billy Bob said as he stopped.  “I’d really like to set you up with her because I saw the similarities between Little Red and Ginger in that photo.” Billy Bob paused and frowned.

“I detect a ‘but’ coming,” I told him with a smirk.

“Yeah,” Billy Bob lamented. “Ginger is pretty feisty, even for an experienced rider.”

“I’m experienced,” I declared.

“When’s the last time you rode?”

“When I was 14,” I replied mildly.

“How long ago was that?”

“You know, it’s not polite to ask a woman her age.”

“I didn’t. I asked how long since you’ve ridden.”

“If you can do basic math, you just did ask how old I am.”

“Okay, okay,” Billy Bob smiled as he made a stop gesture with his hand. “No offense, but I’m going to guess it’s been several years since you were 14.”

“It’s been 12,” I admitted.

“Oh, so you’re 26,” he said with a grin.

“I am. I’d ask your age, but I don’t want to be rude.”

 “Yes, that would be.”

“I already know. You’re 23.”

“Ha,” Billy Bob bellowed. “Some psychic! You were probably basing your assumption off of Lyle, but I’m eight months younger than he is. I was the baby of our class. I’m still 22.”

“You must have been a big baby,” I giggled. “And Zella’s the psychic, not me.”

“Do you really believe she’s psychic?” he asked with an air of concern.

I shrugged. Zella did have amazing intuition, and an ability to read people. Yet she also confided to me tricks she used to, for lack of a better description, gain peoples trust. Or you might also say, deceive. “Her customers seem satisfied. I don’t know of anyone asking her for their money back.”

 Billy Bob shook his head and emitted a little snort. Then he gave me a little heads up about our hosts. “The Manning’s are really good people. But they’re an extreme case of opposites attract. Ella is a little bit like a happy hippie, yet very religious. Hayden is an old-time redneck and crusty with a colorful vocabulary. You should be all right with that, though. He’s got a strong admiration for attractive women.”

“So, how can this Ella be both a hippie and religious?” I asked. “Aren’t hippies all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll? You know, sky clad, free love and all that?”

“Oh no,” Billy Bob replied, shaking his head. “What I meant when I said she was hippie-like, I meant she was really laid back, into nature, quick with hugs. I guess I meant hippie as a first impression. Ella would call sex, drugs, and rock and roll an unholy trinity.”

“Sex, drugs, and rock and roll are good things to some of us,” I replied. “I mean, I believe in the free love the hippies of the sixties advocated.”

“Your love is far from free,” Billy Bob said sternly. “It isn’t actually love either.”

“Correct,” I replied. “I bring men pleasure and I’m rewarded handsomely. Loves got nothing to do with it, period.”

“You got that right,” Billy Bob said with disgust in his voice. “This culture today so often confuses lust with love and love with lust.”

“What’s wrong with lust?” I said. “Acting on it brings pleasure, and pleasure brings happiness. Love only seems to bring heart ache. Given what you hired me for, you should know about that.”

“How would you know if you’ve never been in love?”

“Billy Bob, let’s not go down this road again,” I whined.

To my surprise, Billy Bob grinned from ear to ear and patted me on my knee. “You’re absolutely right,” he declared happily. “Let’s go horse around.”

A woman in her 60s or 70s wearing a long, flowing dark green summer dress emerged from a modest ranch house with a big smile on her face. She had long, wavy honey-blonde hair mingled with grey that drifted all the way down her back. She was followed by a hunched-over man that reminded me of a retired drill sergeant. A bulldog was at his heels, and it was definitely a case of a pet resembling its owner.

“William!” the woman shouted with spread arms as she hugged Billy Bob like a long-lost son.

“How are you, Ella?” he inquired as he hugged her back like a long-lost mother. “This is Willa. She’s a friend of mine.”

“Hi, Willa,” Ella beamed before I received my own tight embrace from a woman I had only known for a few seconds. Can you say awkward? It was more contact with me than I allowed my clients to have.

“So nice to meet you,” she beamed after we separated from the embrace. Then she waved a hand at the curmudgeon. “This is my husband, Hayden.”

“How do, young lady?” Hayden drawled as he carefully shook my hand and then nodded once at Billy Bob.

“We have to run,” Ella chirped. “But obviously you know where everything is, Willie Wonka. Nice to meet you, Willa. Have fun!”

“We will,” I replied with a happy smile, made easy by the name she called Billy Bob. “Nice to meet both of you.”

“Same here,” Hayden grunted. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hayden wiggle his bushy eyebrows at Billy Bob and shoot him a thumbs-up.

“Willie Wonka?” I repeated with a laugh after the older couple left us.

“Forget you heard that,” he said with a grin. “Being called Billy Bob is bad enough.”

“What? I can’t call you Willie Wonka?” I grinned. “How about Billy Bonka?”

“That’s even worse,” he laughed. “But as far as our horses, are you okay riding someone besides Ginger? I’d just soon not make a trip to the hospital today. I’m sure you’re a good rider, but even the best of us can get rusty after a decade of not riding.”

It struck me that he referred to a horse as someone, as if they were a person. “Yeah, I’m fine with that,” I replied congenially. “To be honest, I admit that I’ll probably be rusty after so many years. When we first got here, I was just waxing sentimental about Ginger looking like my Little Red. That’s all.”

“Funny you should say rusty,” Billy Bob grinned. “I’d like to set you up with a horse named Rusty. He’s an older gelding that likes people and loves to go riding.”

“Sounds wonderful,” I agreed.

Billy Bob and I proceeded to ride horses around the Mannings’ 30-something acres of mostly sparse woods, and we had a fantastic time. How had I gone so long without riding? It brought such peace to my soul. We didn’t converse much at all. Billy Bob let me just ride and enjoy the moment; I loved him for that. Even though it was mostly wordless, we did get to know each other in small, subtle ways.

Billy Bob simply saw how much I loved horses and riding them as he watched me. In turn, I saw how in tune Billy Bob was with nature. He was so at ease with his horse and looked so tranquil gazing around at the beautiful scenes of creation. I watched him talk softly to his horse and recalled Zella’s unusual inquiry and subsequent revelation about Billy Bob and her dog Free. I felt stirrings for Billy Bob that were unfamiliar to me. It felt weird, and I didn’t like it at all. Yet I loved it. So many contradictions in life! What was I getting myself into?

“What do I owe you?” Billy Bob said when he dropped me off at home.

“For what?” I frowned.

“For today,” he replied. “I didn’t keep track of the time.”

My mind froze. On the phone, as soon as he said horseback riding, I actually would have paid him instead of him me. “I had a blast today, Billy Bob,” I finally said. “I have no intention of charging you.”

“What if we would have gone for coffee instead?” he asked with a little smirk.

“Then I would have charged you,” I said, giving him a gentle punch on his upper arm. “Like I said, I had an absolute blast today. Thank you so very much.”

“Well, since you’re not charging me, would you want to go again?”

“You mean it?” I blurted spontaneously, and then felt like a silly teenage girl.

“Yeah, I told you I can go riding out there as often as I want to. So we can go any time you want to. I mean other than when I have to work or go to church.”

“I’d love that!”

“So when do you want to go again?”

“How about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” he asked with a frown.

“You said any time.”

“Yeah… I guess I could swing it.”

The next two weeks were the best stretch of days of my adulthood. In the pauses between riding, Billy Bob and I had in-depth, meaningful conversation, mostly about spirituality. I was cynical and mocking, but surprisingly, Billy Bob usually agreed or at least sympathized. Still, he always came up with convincing counterpoints, usually citing scriptures that went in one of my ears and out the other. Initially, I wasn’t very good soil for seeds of truth. I needed a lot of watering.

Without realizing it, I had become very attached to Billy Bob. I had fancied myself above getting too close to anyone romantically. I was a confirmed loner. Yet after my first couple of outings with Billy Bob, I experienced something that was foreign to me. After we parted ways, I began to feel something like loss and emptiness. With every parting, this feeling of loneliness and longing intensified.

I didn’t want the bliss to end, but it was about to climax with the wedding. I began to hope beyond hope that the wedding might be some type of romantic beginning for Billy Bob and me. We had developed such a rapport that I was feeling like we were actually a couple. I felt like the wedding date was going to somehow make what relationship we had begun permanent. I was on cloud nine with this dream. But it was about to become cloud nothing.

The irony wasn’t beyond me. I had rejected countless guys in my life. My looks alone would have probably caused all the guys I turned away to tolerate any high maintenance. Not that I’m high maintenance… I don’t think anyway…  But then finally, the one guy I truly wanted rejected me.

CHAPTER 4

WILLA

After Lyle and his friend Billy Bob left, I put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, joining Zella in her store. She and I had met six years previous in Los Angeles when we were both aspiring models. She and I clicked from the start when we discovered that both of us had grown up with major dysfunction. At the time, she was being stalked by a former boyfriend. Since we both were souring on the modeling profession, I suggested that she flee with me to Iowa. I had lived there with my aunt and cousin Whitney during a portion of my teenage years.

Zella and I went in together on an old two-story house. We set up a store on the first floor, selling herbs and various health supplements. Zella also was into the paranormal and had a sideline doing psychic readings. Toward the end of my modeling career, I had gained notoriety as a dominatrix. So I turned that little bit of fame into personal encounters for a pretty penny.

 Zella had a passion for saving animals and worked with a rescue organization. The more the animals were abused, the more she tended them with loving care and devotion. Then she would adopt them out. But when she worked with a dog she called Free, she fell so in love with the creature that she couldn’t let her go.

 Zella was the sweetest, most caring person I had ever known, and I loved her immensely. I still do, but the way I feel about her has changed from the years we lived together. Because we shared a house together, people assumed things about our relationship. When people got nosy, we would never confirm nor deny. I will say this though. Both our sexual preferences were good men. We had just hadn’t met any, so we hung out with each other.

“Willa, can I ask you something?” Zella inquired cautiously as I twisted open a bottle of water, took a big swallow, and leaned on the counter.

“Of course,” I replied with a frown. We were best friends so why would she feel the need to ask if she could ask me a question?

“That Billy Bob guy,” she asked tentatively, looking uneasy. “What did he request?”

Zella had never ever, not even once, asked me what a client had requested. We’ve discussed my clients before, to be sure, since some of them have been coming to me for quite a while. But it had always been me that brought up the subject. “He wanted me to be his date for a wedding.”

A look of relief seemed to wash over her, and I frowned some more.

“He didn’t want you do anything weird or kinky?” she asked happily.

“No,” I informed her. “He didn’t even want me to do a little strip tease for him! I even told him there was plenty of time on the clock. It was the first time I felt like I might be getting washed up.”

“Are you gonna do it?” she asked eagerly.

“No, I told him I don’t do escort stuff. Why are you asking about him anyway? You never ask me about my clients.”

“I witnessed an absolutely amazing thing when you were with Lyle,” she said in awe, her lovely eyes wide as can be. “Free not only let Billy Bob pet her, but she also offered her belly, and he scratched it for a couple of minutes. If she was a cat, she would have been purring big time!

I looked at Free as my mouth fell open in absolute amazement. A prickling sensation tickled my neck as I absorbed this information. Zella had owned Free for at least two years, maybe closer to three. Free was near death from abuse when Zella got her, and the canine despised men. I continued to stare at the dog. It was a cold, early spring day and Free sprawled lazily by a furnace duct. I looked back at Zella.

“It was a sight to behold, Willa,” Zella said as her lower lip trembled and a tear leaked from her left eye. “That big, rugged, outdoorsy man’s face just suddenly radiated peace and love like I’d never seen before in my lifetime! His voice was so sweet and gentle, it was like an angel’s. I almost lay next to Free so he might scratch my belly, too.”

A chill ran through my body as I started to laugh, and then I realized I was wiping moisture from my own cheeks. I did detect something very different about the man. Around most guys I feel a sense of power as their eyes worshipped me. With Billy Bob, I felt a sense of shame and insecurity as his eyes continually averted away from body.

Another unusual thing about our encounter was his eyes. At first glance there was no beauty that you would behold them. But unlike most men, who averted their gaze through either intimidation or lust for my body, he looked me right in the eyes during most of our conversation.

I saw several things in his gaze, coupled with his demeanor as we had dialogue, and they seemed contradictory. I saw gentleness, kindness, insecurity, integrity, embarrassment, and sadness. I hated to turn his request down, and not just because it would have been a lot of money for a couple hours work. I truly felt bad for him. But I was selfish, and an introvert who hated social gatherings.

However, I couldn’t get Billy Bob off of my mind after Zella’s revelation. I had to know more of who and what this guy was about. I needed to see him again. I also could make several hundred bucks seeing him again, even though social events were about as appealing to me as going to the dentist.

An hour after Zella’s incredible story, I got hold of Lyle and asked for Billy Bob’s number. Then I called him. “I’ll take you up on your offer,” I said by way of greeting.

“Uh, who is this?” he asked.

 “Sorry, it’s Willa,” I told him. “I decided to go to the wedding with you if you still want me to.”

“Um, sure I do,” he stammered. “What changed your mind?”

“It’s too much money to pass up just to go to a wedding for a couple hours,” I told him.

“Okay then,” he stammered. “How much will you charge me?”

“Five hundred flat,” I offered. “Unless it goes over five hours.

“Okay,” he replied happily. “That sounds very reasonable, considering what you charge for, you know, the other stuff you do.”

“When is it?” I demanded irritably, not liking his ‘other stuff you do’ comment.

“Two weeks from Saturday.”

“What time will you pick me up?”

“Well, the wedding is at two, so I guess around one.”

“Alrighty then. I’ll see you two weeks from Saturday at one.”

“Willa,” he blurted before I ended the call.  “If you were to agree to do this, I was kind of hoping we could get together sometime beforehand. You know, just to get to know each other a little bit before the wedding. That way it might feel more natural when we attend the wedding.”

“You mean like a date?” I asked with a tone of disgust. I was glad he couldn’t see the sour expression on my face.

“No, more like a couple of friends hanging for an hour or two. I’ll pay for your time.”

“So, what, like get a cup coffee or something?” I asked trying not to sound put off.

“Actually I had something else in mind,” he said. “How would you like to go horseback riding?”

I froze, absolutely stunned! I loved horseback riding, but I hadn’t done that since I was 14. Who was this guy, and how did he know that would be something I’d like? I had to focus hard to say composed.

“I’d go horseback riding,” I murmured into my phone. “But what makes you think I would want to?”

“When I was looking at Zella’s photos on the wall, I noticed a couple photos of a horse. One had a little girl who looked like it could have been you when you were a teenager.”

“Yeah, that was me,” I replied, hating how vulnerable I was beginning to sound.

“I’m good friends with some people who have horses, and they let me ride whenever I want to,” he replied.

“Sounds good,” I told him. We established a time for him to pick me up two days later.

“I like your truck,” I told Billy Bob when he picked me up 40 hours after we had talked on the phone. “What is it?”

“58 Chevy short box,” he replied. “This is my fun truck. My everyday truck is a Ford F250.”

The truck was partially fixed up. It was painted flat black and had four-wheel drive that definitely didn’t come from the factory almost 60 years previous. By the sound of the engine, it also wasn’t stock. It had bench seats, and I ran my hand across the dark grey upholstery which also didn’t come from the factory. I didn’t like how drawn I was feeling to this strange guy. Without thinking, I said something stupid to try to turn him off. “I lost my virginity on the bench seat of a pickup.”

“How nice for you,” Billy Bob said mildly. Yet I deciphered a hint of sarcasm.

“Yes and no,” I replied. “Teenage boys are horrible lovers.”

He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow.

“For the most part,” I said with a shrug. “Just saying. How about you?”

“What about me?”

“Where’d you lose yours?”

“Well, this is an interesting way to start a conversation,” Billy Bob said with a frown.

“You wanted us to get to know each other,” I replied.

“I guess I did,” Billy Bob said with a chuckle. “But that’s an aspect I don’t care to discuss. It’s kinda personal, don’t ya think?”

“Why, are you a virgin?” I sneered, trying to make him feel uncomfortable with what I perceived as limited sexual experience.

“I wish I was,” he said, looking me right in the eyes so intently I looked away. Why did I look away? This irritated me! I despised judgmental religionists. But Billy Bob was different. His attitude was… Loving.

 “It was after senior prom,” Billy Bob said, and then sighed regretfully.

“Was it the gal you want to make jealous at the wedding?”

Billy Bob winced. “I don’t like it put that way, but yeah. Just so you know, I want you there, so I don’t feel like I’m some kind of a lonesome clod while she’s arm in arm with my replacement.”

“And you plan to achieve that with a stunning female,” I said lightheartedly.

“Aren’t we a little conceited?” Billy Bob teased with an arched eyebrow.

“I’m just a realist,” I shrugged. “I know I’m very attractive. That’s why somebody is willing to pay me several hundred dollars to go to a wedding with him.”

Billy Bob wiggled uneasily in his seat, and I smiled maliciously to myself. I was also amused at how similarly we were dressed. Sure, we were clad for the same activity, but it was almost identical. We both wore old blue flannel shirts and baseball caps. We both wore faded Levi jeans and brown cowboy boots. Only Billy Bobs were well worn while mine didn’t have a single scuff. I had only worn these when a customer requested that I dress like a cowgirl. So they had never once accompanied my feet outdoors. Until now.

“You didn’t answer me,” I said. “Was this wedding girl your first?”

“First and only,” he said. “Carly is the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“Love,” I said sarcastically.

“You’ve never been in love?”

“No,” I replied coldly.

“You don’t love Zella?”

“Oh, you’re just assuming were lesbians?”

“Are you?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“So you didn’t love the bench seat guy?”

“Hardly,” I snorted. “I didn’t even like him.”

Billy Bob’s mouth fell open, and he stared at me incredulously for a couple of seconds before turning his eyes back to the road.

“What?” I frowned. I was starting to think this was a mistake. I considered calling it off.

“You lost your virginity with a guy you didn’t even like. How, why?”

“He was physically attractive and popular,” I said with a shrug. “Look, Billy Bob, I don’t believe in love and intimacy like you seem to. Shouldn’t that be obvious since I am, you know, a prostitute of sorts?”

Billy Bob nodded in confirmation with a sad expression that surprisingly made me feel unsettled. It amazes me now that I had become so hardened. I didn’t even feel ashamed of what I had become. Until Billy Bob’s influence.

“Willa, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,” Billy Bob said when he noticed my displeasure. He was so sweet and genuine; it was hard to be mad at him. But I felt like excrement nonetheless, so I sat frozen. “Willa, I was just trying to have dialogue with the topic you started.”

“Fine,” I snapped. “I thought we were just gonna get familiar with each other. I didn’t expect to have my life put under a microscope.”

“Like I said, I was just trying to converse with you,” Billy Bob said meekly. “But might you actually be uncomfortable with your life?”

“No, I am not uncomfortable with my life,” I barked the lie. “Look, this isn’t what I signed up for. Take me home. Deal’s off.”

“Willa, I’m truly sorry,” Billy Bob said with a soothing voice. “Let’s just not ask any more personal questions, okay?”

“You know you’re quite the hypocrite,” I snapped. “You act all high and mighty. Yet you’re doing this deceitful thing to make your ex-girlfriend jealous and paying hundreds of dollars for it to boot.”

Billy Bob looked at me with a stunned expression for a few seconds before looking away, seemingly ashamed, then he nodded. “You’re absolutely right,” he told me with a defeated voice. “Deal’s off. I’ll take you home.”

Now I was stunned as Billy Bob pulled over, prepared to turn around and take me back home. I wasn’t so much upset about the deal being off as I was the opportunity to go horseback riding. I also wanted to get to know about this man who could win over Free’s trust and affection so easily. But I sure got that off on the wrong foot.  

“Look, Billy, I’m sorry for being so sensitive,” I told him.

He moved to complete the turn around, and I caught his arm. We stayed parked on the side rode as first I sighed and then he sighed.

“Billy Bob, let’s go forward with the project, only without the personal stuff, okay?” I petitioned. “It’s fine if we get a little familiar. But it’s not like we’re trying to become best friends, right?”

He nodded, and we resumed driving in silence. I glanced at Billy Bob. His shirt was rather snug, and he had the first two buttons undone. He had an awesome physique. He wasn’t the most handsome man on the planet, but he definitely wasn’t ugly. He had a bit of a wedge-shaped face, a kind of flat nose, and narrow eyes. His wavy, light brown hair and soft lips were his best features. The thing is, his character and gentle personality made him very attractive to me, enhancing his physical appearance. And I wasn’t used to being drawn to men. I think that’s why I was acting squirrely.

“How do you know these people?” I inquired about the horse owners as the silence began making me uncomfortable.

“Ella Manning goes to the church I used to attend with Carly,” Billy Bob said. “Two years ago, she began treatment for leukemia. She’s now finally in remission. Hayden, her husband, is becoming increasingly plagued by arthritis. So I help them out around their hobby farm. In turn, I have unlimited access to their horses, four wheelers, and what not. They’re like a second family to me. I love them to death.”

“So these people are from your ex’s church? Does that make things awkward?”

“Just Ella attends since Hayden doesn’t go to church. No, it’s not awkward at all. After Carly left me, most people at church took my side, especially the Mannings. Hayden absolutely despises Carly.”

“How’s that work?” I asked with a frown. “I mean, you go to a church where you see your ex with another man every week. Yet it’s her church originally, but most people take your side. Sounds very weird and awkward.”

“I don’t go to church there anymore,” he replied. “Until recently I’ve been, um… Adrift or even backslidden.”

“What’s backslidden?”

“Fallen away.”

“Fallen away from what?”

He shrugged and winced. “Following God, at least to the fullest.”

“What does following your God entail?”

“Jesus said if you love Me, keep my commandments,” he replied. Then he told me where it was in the Bible. “John 14:15.”

“Do as you will shall be the whole of the law,” I heard myself say. I didn’t understand why I said that and didn’t think too deeply about its meaning. I was just being obstinate.

“Are you a Satanist?” Billy asked with an air of concern.

“No… why?”

“That’s right out of the Satanic, so called, bible.”

“So,” I said defiantly as I crossed my arms. “I believe in free will.”

“Me too.”

“Are you a Satanist?” I spit sarcastically.

“Of course not.”

“Then how can you believe in free will? Your God in the Bible killed people that didn’t follow Him.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about Sodom and Gomorrah. Or maybe you’ve heard of Noah’s Ark and a flood that destroyed almost all of the human population?”

“God gave the human race plenty of time to repent before He eradicated evil. In the case of Noah, he spent one hundred and twenty years building the Ark and petitioning people to join him.”

“Well, if God is so good, why does He allow suffering?”

“It goes back to what you said, free will. You can’t have love without choice. This world of sin and suffering is here because Satan and a third of the angels rebelled in heaven. In a nutshell, this earth is a sin experiment caused by Satan and a third of the angels. You can read about it in Revelation chapter 12, and Isaiah 14, beginning with verse 12.”

“I don’t want to read about it,” I said as my brain whirled and my emotions stirred. Then losing control I blurted my deepest, darkest secret. In the state of Iowa, only Zella knew this. And I didn’t even tell her until we knew each other for two years. So why did I tell Billy Bob in just our second encounter? “Where was God when my dad murdered my mother?”

Billy glanced at me with a stunned expression. I couldn’t stop tears from coming, and this only increased my anger. I should have never agreed to go out with this naïve fool!

That’s what I thought at the time. I now view him as the wisest man I’ve personally known. He pulled the truck over. He took my hand in his. I jerked it away. He didn’t try to take it again, but he spoke ever so softly and caringly. “Oh Willa. So that’s why your face was so filled with pain in that horse picture.”

“He hadn’t killed her yet,” I replied with a small, squeaky voice that betrayed the rage boiling inside me. “It was a couple months after that day the photo was taken.”

“But he’d already killed your spirit,” Billy said quietly.

I felt touched that he seemed to get me. But I was embarrassed with my vulnerability. Then the bitterness at the cards life dealt me rose into anger. “You didn’t answer me, Billy! Where was God when my dad obliterated my beautiful mother’s face with a gun blast?”

Until then I had been avoiding his gaze. But now I wanted to shoot anger lazers from my eyes into his. But my breath caught a little when I looked at him. Tears were streaming from his eyes, and I had never been looked at with such love and compassion. His lower lip trembled as he spoke words that would echo in my head, and ultimately change my life.

Gently and lovingly he spoke. “God was at the same place He was when His son was brutally murdered for the sins of the world. He knows and understands your pain, Willa. And one day soon, He will end all pain and suffering, and wipe away all tears. That’s found in Revelation 21:4.”

I began to fall in love with Billy Bob and God simultaneously after this encounter. But Billy was in love with his ex and wanted her back. Thankfully, God was available as I slowly opened my heart to my Creator and Redeemer!