HEAVY METAL MIRACLES

CHAPTER 15

ELI

FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT IS GOOD FOR MAN IN LIFE, ALL THE DAYS OF HIS VAIN LIFE WHICH HE PASSES LIKE A SHADOW? WHO CAN TELL A MAN WHAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER HIM UNDER THE SUN? (Ecclesiastes 6:12)

            There was a brisk knock on my door at Mrs. Mendelbright’s bed and breakfast, which had turned into a boarding house for Arlo and me. I was pleasantly surprised to see Ariel when I pulled open the door. But my pleasure was soon turned to tension.

            She pushed past me as she stormed into my room, spun on her heel, and placed hands firmly on hips. With clenched teeth, she growled, “I’m so mad at you!”

            “What’d I do?” I asked innocently. I truly was surprised. Our relationship had turned intimate a couple months ago, and we both seemed to be on cloud nine. So what had upset the apple cart?

            She changed gears as her pinched face softened, and her clenched teeth turned into a menacing smile. She sauntered slowly over to me. “What did you do, you ask?”

            She gently looped her arms around my neck and her face positioned just two inches from mine. But hers was a creepy calm, not seductive. I knew no kiss was forthcoming, so I braced for her words, still baffled at what could be the reason for her anger.

            “Well, it’s like this, Mr. Alderson. I have just come from my doctor, and it seems that I’m pregnant. Would you care to explain how that happened?”

            Although I was stunned, I tried at a little levity. “Well, you see, when a man and woman come together like we have…”

            “Knock it off, Eli!” she barked as she shoved me. She then stomped to my sofa, plopped onto it, abruptly crossed her arms and one leg over the other. Then a finger shot up to an eye to wipe a tear away.

            I sat next to her and gently rubbed her knee. She was wearing her typical black leggings, with orange New Balance running shoes. She testily pushed my hand off. I put it back. She pushed it off. I put it back. She half laughed and half cried. “I’m forty years old; I don’t want any more babies. I’m even a grandmother!”

            “I don’t get it. I thought your tubes were tied,” I tried. “You had told me that before you and Doug got married, that you had gotten your tubes tied.”

            “No, I said I was going to, but Doug informed me that he was infertile. And you had told me that you had a vasectomy when you were twenty.”

            “I did, but I thought I told you I had it reversed a couple years ago… That’s why I was so excited to find out about Ethan. As I got older, I began to desire a heritage.”

            “Well, no, I think I would recall you telling me it was reversed, especially a couple months ago when we, you know.”

            “Well, if you recall a couple months ago, when we consummated our relationship, I told you I didn’t have a condom. Then you asked if I had any STD’s. After I said no, you said it was okay to proceed without one.”

            “Right, because I assumed you had been snipped.”

            “I had been, but like I said, it was reversed. When you told me it was okay to proceed, I thought it meant that you wouldn’t be getting pregnant.”

            “And when I said to proceed it was because I trusted that you wouldn’t be giving me an STD. You just gave me a baby instead.”

            “Wow, what a misunderstanding.”

            “So, it seems I’m pregnant due to lack of communication.”

            “I don’t know about lack of communication, just poor quality.”

            “Whatever!” she spewed, crossed her arms again and snorted. Her foot bobbed so intensely, I thought her shoe might fly off.

            “Well, which would you rather I had given you, herpes or a baby?”

            “Herpes,” she spit without hesitation.

            “Ya know, Ariel, I’m actually pretty excited,” I said with gentle smile.

            “Are ya!” she replied with a sarcastically ghoulish expression. “Ya know, I suppose I might feel better about it if you were gonna have a human being growing inside your stomach.”

            I frowned. “Don’t you mean womb?”

            “Oh, shut up!” she barked.

            “Look, Ariel, I’m truly sorry,” I said, and then we sat in silence for a long minute.

            I knelt in front of her and took both of her hands in mine. She didn’t jerk them away, which I was actually expecting. “Listen Ariel, I wasn’t here for you the first time, but I will be this time around. I have plenty of money, so you won’t have to work at the supermarket anymore. I’ll even hire a nanny. I’ll even marry you, with no prenup. You’ll be an instant millionaire after you say I do. You’ll get half if you decide to divorce me.”

            I was delighted to see hope and longing in her eyes. Now she smiled sweetly, no trace of sarcasm or bitterness. She asked, “Was that a proposal?”

            I shrugged and grinned, “Sure.”

            “How romantic,” she joked.

            “That’s what I’m known for.”

            “You’re known to be a womanizing rock star; that’s why my concern was STD’s over pregnancy.”

            With a serious expression, I said, “That’s not gonna be the case with the next chapter of my life… I love you, Ariel. I always have.”

            She put a hand to my cheek. “To be perfectly honest, I loved you, I hated you, and now I love you again.”

            “Okay, well, I could have done without the one in between.”

            “It’s the current one that counts.”

            “Does that mean you’ll marry me?”

            She sighed, stood, and began to pace. “I don’t know, Eli. Everything is happening so fast. What are people gonna think? My husband has only been gone for six months.”

            “It depends on your perspective. I think a lot can happen in half a year. Besides, it’s not like you met some random guy. I was your first boyfriend, and we made a child together. I also kept my distance after Doug passed away.”

            “Kept your distance? Maybe if you returned to California.”

            I stepped up to her. Her arms were crossed defiantly across her chest. I reached behind her head, took off her hair clip, and her long brown hair with a sprinkling of salt cascaded over her shoulders. Since she didn’t resist, I grabbed both of her wrists and placed them onto my shoulders. “Quit being a snot.”

            She gazed at me with hooded eyes and tried not to smile. This caused her to pout, and man did she ever look adorable. I brushed a strand of her hair off of her cheek and kissed her. After a minute she put both hands on my chest and shoved away, did a one eighty and walked toward the window. “Why are you so hard to resist?”

            I followed behind and spooned her. I kissed her cheek and said softly, “Why would you want to resist me?”

            “Because you tend to get me pregnant when I don’t,” she said bitterly.

            “I guarantee that you’re not gonna get anymore pregnant than you already are.”

            She spun around and put her hands on my throat as if to strangle me. She actually began to squeeze harder and harder. I laughed as I grabbed her wrists, and fortunately she laughed too.  We no sooner began kissing again, when a knock at my door made us both jump.

            It was our son and his wife. In the eight months I had been at Mrs. Mendelbright’s, he had only come over to my room a few times. We usually saw each other at band practice. He was grinning, so I grinned back. “Ethan, Amy, come in, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

            “Well, we…” He stopped short when he saw his mother, and his face registered surprise. “Mom, what are you doing here?”

            “Um,” was all she could manage. She looked like a deer in the headlights as she clasped her hands together, making her look even more guilty.

            Ethan smirked. “Is there something going with you two?”

            “Um,” Ariel and I uttered at the same time as we both looked at each other.

            Ethan started laughing and slapped his thigh. Looking at his wife he declared. “I told you they were item.”

            “Honey, we’ve just kind of been hanging out,” Ariel tried. Then she bit her thumb with an  anguished expression. “Well, to be honest, it’s a little more than hanging out. Actually a lot more now, I mean, ooooh, this so confusing.”

            “Mom, I think it’s wonderful!”

            “Really?”

            “Really.”

            “By the way, where’s Crissy?” Ariel asked. Was she purposely trying to change the subject?

            “Aunt Penny and Uncle Arlo are taking her for a pony ride.”

            I liked hearing him refer to my dear friend as Uncle Arlo. But Ariel had a slight edge in her voice when she corrected. “He’s not Uncle Arlo yet.”

            “A few days from now he will be,” Ethan shrugged. Then he looked at me and winked. “We stopped by your place first, Mom. Now I see why you weren’t home.”

            “Okay, Sonny Boy,” Ariel said as she put her hands on her hips. “What are you making the rounds about?”

            “Well, we have an announcement for you, and two for Dad here. The one for Dad alone is… Amy and I are gonna get baptized with Penny and Arlo this Sabbath. We were hoping you’d join us.”

          “Oh, Son, I don’t know, I’ve got some issues,” I told him, and then looked at my main issue. I wanted to continue fornicating with Ariel. If she would marry me, maybe I would get baptized with them. I know that’s a terrible excuse, but that’s where my mind was at back then.

          “Behold, now’s the day of salvation, Dad,” Ethan declared, quoting 2 Corinthians 6:2.

          “You mean I’m not invited?” Ariel asked, and I think she genuinely felt left out.

          “Well, I know you don’t like Bible truth, Mom, so why bother asking?”

          “That’s not true,” she defended. “I’m just more about grace, faith and love than you all.”

          “Faith without works is dead,” Ethan said. (See James 2:14-26)

          “We’ve been down this road before,” Ariel said putting a hand up. “What’s your announcement for both of us?”

          “Well,” Ethan began, then glanced affectionately at his blond haired wife who beamed happily back at him. “We just came from the doctor. Crissy is going to have a baby brother or sister.”

          “Wonderful!” I enthused. “You’re not gonna believe this. Ariel just… Ow!”

          I felt a sharp pain on my ankle and looked down just in time to see Ariel’s foot retracting away from my leg.

          “Mom, why did you just kick Dad! What were you about to say, Dad?”

          “Oh, nothing, never mind,” I replied as I rubbed my ankle.

          “What’s going on you two?” Ethan begged. “Mom, you’re not sick are you?”

          “Oh, no Honey, it’s nothing like that,” she replied. Then she looked at me as if for an answer. I had none. Especially after that kick! “Well, it’s like this. I was just at the doctor myself, and, well, Crissy’s not the only one that’s gonna have a baby brother or sister… You are too.”