SELFLESS OR SELL OUT?

CHAPTER 7

Wednesday April 16, 1980

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT (2 Corinthians 5:7)

            “Hello, Jennifer?” John McQueen tried for a second time across the telephone line.

            Mary Jean was frozen. How embarrassing! Why did she take his phone number from Abby? Even worse, how did she let Sylvia talk her into dialing it? She had suspected that he would move on to someone else as soon as he put an end to their arrangement. Her first instinct was to hang up, but that somehow didn’t seem right, especially after what he did for her family. “Um… Mr. McQueen… This is Mary Jean.”

            Another long, awkward pause ensued before John replied, hesitantly, “Oh, Mary Jean, I didn’t realize I gave you my private number.”

            Mary Jean felt her toes curl. “I, um, got your number from Abby.”

            “I see. Well, what can I do for you?”

            “Nothing,” Mary Jean blurted, then closed her eyes and slapped a hand to her forehead. This was so humiliating! She quickly said, “I mean I shouldn’t have called. Goodbye.”

            “Mary Jean, wait! Are you there?”

            “Yes,” she replied meekly.

            “Good, now surely there was a reason you called me. Please talk to me.”

            She sighed. “I was just, you know, was hoping you hadn’t moved on yet.”

            “Moved on from what?”

            “You know, your proposal, last Friday.”

            More awkward silence before John inquired, “I’m afraid I don’t understand. Why were you hoping I haven’t moved on?”

            “I was just thinking, you know, if you hadn’t, maybe we could continue getting to know each other.”

            “Really, why?” John wasn’t trying to be rude with his next enquiry, he was genuinely interested. “Wasn’t what I already did for you and your family sufficient?”

            “Oh, yes, more than sufficient, thanks again! But more than how your money helped, it showed me a great deal about your character. It proved you weren’t just some rich guy trying to buy a young bride.”

            “Well, thank you, Mary Jean. But to be perfectly honest, it did feel like I was trying to buy a young bride. That’s one of the reasons I put a stop to it.”

            “So, how much older is your new woman?” she asked, feeling something like jealousy.

            “What new woman?”

            “You know, the name you spoke when you answered the phone, Jennifer.”

            John laughed. “Jennifer is past childbearing years. She’s also married with three grown kids and six grandchildren. Jennifer is in charge of a charity I recently started.”

            “I see.”

            More awkward silence before John said, “Let me get this straight. You were hoping that we could continue our, shall I say, courtship?”

            Mary Jean cleared her throat, now wondering if she was making the right decision, but went ahead and said, “I am.”

            “May I ask why?”

            “Like I said, what you did for my family, without expecting anything from me, spoke volumes of what kind of man you are. Also, when you put an end to the possibility of marriage, it made realize just how much I too would really like to be a mother.”

            “I see. What about college?”

            “To be honest, I don’t really want to keep going to school right now.”

            “I see.”

            Yet another awkward moment of silence before Mary Jean said, “So… Are you interested in continuing?”

            “I’m sorry. This was so unexpected. I’m just trying to get my mind around it.”

            “Okay… Do you want me to let you go so you can think about it?”

            “No, no, Mary Jean. But let me ask you, how serious are you about my original proposition? Another one of the reasons I put a stop to things was you were leaning toward not going through with it. And I got the vibe on our da… encounter, that you very well would keep leaning toward not going through. Forgive me, but I’m not a man that likes to waste time. So once again, just how serious are you? I know that ‘no’ needs to be an option clear up to a wedding. However I need to know that you are serious.”

            “I’m definitely serious, otherwise I wouldn’t have called you.”

            “So right now, as long as the path of getting to know each other goes well, and you progressively feel more comfortable, you would still marry me over Memorial Day weekend?”

            “Yes, I would. Even though I would prefer waiting a couple months longer.”

            “How about we compromise? You said a couple months past your birthday. How about one month?”

            Mary Jean did not believe in compromising truth. But compromise in a relationship was different. A couple from church who recently celebrated forty years of happily married, said that the key to a good relationship was compromise. They counseled to be patient with faults, allow differing opinions, and putting the other first. So she liked that John was willing to meet in the middle on the speed of their potential nuptials. He was wealthy and powerful, yet clearly not completely a ‘my way or the highway’ type of man.

            “That sounds good, thank you.”

            “You’re welcome. Thank you for wanting to give us another go.”

            “You’re welcome.”

            Yet another awkward pause before John suggested, “How about dinner tomorrow night?”

            “I have to work for Abby.”

            “I’ll pay Millie triple time if she covers for you.”

            Mary Jean giggled. “I’m sure she’ll jump at it… But John?”

            McQueen smiled at hearing her call him by his first name. “Yes, my dear?”

            Mary Jean frowned and bit her lip at hearing this much older man refer to her with a term having romantic implications. But this was progress. She had called him by his first name, and he returned it with a term of affection. She asked, “Can we go horseback riding again, too?”

            “Of course,” he grinned. “It’s one of my favorite things to do.”

            “I guess that’s one thing we have in common.”

            “Yes, I’m sure we’ll discover more. Another one off the top of my head is our faith.”

            “Yes and no.”

            Yet another awkward pause before Mary Jean said, “So, after school, should I change for riding, and come over?”

            Now John frowned and chewed his cheek. Seeing her in those tight jeans last Sunday, although extremely tantalizing, spoke to his conscience. It was yet another one of the factors in him ending things before they got started. His lust for her made him aware of the side of his attraction inspired by his friend Max and the Playboy magazines he had shared with him. He should have never gone down that road. Lord have mercy on his double mindedness.

            John wanted to only focus on his attraction to Mary Jean that stemmed from the wholesome, devout, church-going young lady in long skirts and dresses. The person who was a diligent worker for his sister. The caring woman who gave every indication that she would make an incredible mother and a devoted wife.

            “That sounds fine,” John replied. “So what time should I expect you?”

            Mary Jean wanted to talk to Abby before her, okay, she would acknowledge what it was, her date with John McQueen. She needed to put the age difference behind her once and for all if she was going to do this. She needed to dwell on the positive aspects.

            John was in fact very handsome and in great shape, Lord help her, for his age. He would provide abundant security for her and however many children they had. He was a man of character, and he seemed to have a pleasant disposition.

            “Would four be okay?”

            “Four works for me. I’ll see you then.”

            “Great,” Mary Jean replied. Then she analyzed if what she thought to say next would be a lie. But she recalled the freedom she felt in the saddle. The peace and quiet of where they had ridden. John’s gentle way with his horses, and yes, also how capable and manly he looked riding. “I will look forward to tomorrow then.”

            “Yes, me too, my dear. Very much so.”

            ‘My dear’ again, she thought as they said their goodbyes. What was she getting herself into? Oh the contradictions in life! Was this was going to be several weeks of ‘she loves him, she loves him not?’

Thursday, April 17, 1980

            “Oh my,” Abby said with a coy smile as she eyed Mary Jean in her too tight pants and red cowboy boots. “Wouldn’t a lot of the ladies at church have a heyday chastising you over your attire?”

            Mary Jean felt herself blush. “I’m going riding with Jo… Mr. McQueen. A skirt isn’t very conducive to sitting on a saddle, and I don’t have any jeans that fit right now, so I had to borrow these from my friend Sylvia. I take it you don’t approve?”

            “Of what, riding with my brother, or your painted on pants?”

            “Both,” Mary Jean replied as her blush deepened.

            “You know I want you to get to know my brother. And I don’t disapprove of a woman wearing pants, just maybe what they might reveal. You can certainly tell that you have a nice figure though.”

            Mary Jean felt like she must have been three shades of red by this point. She sought to change the subject and saw it sitting in Abby’s lap in the form of a photo album.

            “Looking at old pictures?” Mary Jean asked, hoping to see some of John.

            “Today would have been my brother Jason’s sixty-fourth birthday. So I was reminiscing.”

            “Was he the one killed in World War 2?”

            “We had two brothers killed in World War 2.”

            “Really!”

            “Jason was a Navy Corpsman, killed at Pearl Harbor. My other brother Jim was studying to be a doctor when the war started. He was an Army Medic who was killed during the invasion of Normandy.”

            “I’m so sorry, Abby. God bless their bravery.”

            “Thank you, dear,” Abby replied, and then pulled a picture out of a protective cover to show her young friend. “Look here, this is the last photo taken of my three brothers before Jason died. It was only two months before Pearl Harbor.”

            Jason was in the middle, wearing a sailor uniform. Jim was on his left wearing a college sweater and a big smile. John was on Jim’s right. His eyes were intense, but a cocky smile played at his lips. He was wearing an army uniform. All three brother were handsome, but she thought John was the most attractive, like a movie star from that era.

            “John was in the military?” Mary Jean asked.

            “Yes, the Army Air Corps, which became the Air Force. He was a fighter pilot.”

            “Wow! Really?”

            “He sure was. But you’ll never get him to talk about it.”

            “Why not?”

            “A lot of men who saw combat are like that. But I think another element for John is guilt.”

            “Guilt, why guilt?”

            “That he survived the war, and his two brothers didn’t. That he survived the war, and many of his comrades didn’t. He flew over one hundred missions.”

            “Wow! So he’s like a war hero then.”

            “He’s highly decorated to be sure. His time in the military also paved the way for him to become rich.”

            “How’s that?”

            “Do to their experience with airplanes, he and two army buddies started an aviation technology company right after the war. They sold it for millions fifteen or so years later. Then John became a land developer, first in California, and then back here in Iowa.”

            “Do you think it would be alright to ask him about your brothers, and about his service to our country on our horseback ride?”

            “He’ll gladly talk about Jason and Jim. But you’ll get nothing about his own military service. I’ve tried different ways over different years to ask him what it was like being a fighter pilot. His only reply was always the same. ‘I’m only here but by the grace of God.’”

            Mary Jean had wondered as she approached John McQueen’s home if she could get him to open up about his war experiences. If she could, it would go a long way in answering her prayers about whether or not marrying him was approved by God. Was it wrong to want a sure sign before she said ‘I do’ in front of God and witnesses?