SELFLESS OR SELL OUT?

CHAPTER 5

Monday, April 14, 1980

WE LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US (1 John 4:19)

            “Guess who I had lunch with?” Ellen Patrick asked with a coy smile.        

            “Did you have the afternoon off?” questioned her daughter Mary Jean, instead of answering her mother’s question. She had already deduced with whom her mother had lunch. But her mother wasn’t supposed to get off work at the courthouse until 5pm, yet she greeted Mary Jean at the door of their home at 3:45pm.

            “Yes,” she cooed. “An urgent matter came up, and they let me have the afternoon off.”

            “An urgent matter?”

            “Yes, a blissfully urgent matter! So, your former suitor called me this morning, and reiterated what you told me last night. That John McQueen put a stop to his marriage proposal, but shall we say, wanted to compensate the breach of promise.”

            “So you had lunch with John McQueen?” Mary Jean asked with a frown and feeling a twinge of jealousy. But why? Shouldn’t she be as giddy, if not more so, as her mother?

            “I did,” her mother replied, beaming.

            Her mother’s happiness did make her feel good. It had been a long time since she saw her mother genuinely happy.

            “He introduced me to one of his money managers or accountants or someone like that. Anyway after a tasty lunch of tacos and quesadillas, I spent the next few hours with this gentleman. Long story short, you are standing in a fully paid for trailer! He also signed that Ford LTD over to me. He set up a college trust for you, Erica, and Jimmy. And best of all…”

            Ellen leaned in as if to whisper a lurid secret. “He is buying us that cute little one and a half story house with the white picket fence over on Bayberry Street. Completely paid for and in my name!”

            Mary Jean was stunned, even though Mr. McQueen told her he was take care of her family yesterday. She thought he would be paying off just the debt, not giving away an almost new car and buying a house. But what surprised her the most was her mother’s willingness to accept. “So you’re okay with all this?”

            “You bet I am!”

            “But you had told me you didn’t want a dime from him. Or from me if I married him.”

            “That’s because I didn’t want his help through you prostituting yourself. But by him doing this out of the goodness of his heart, that’s a completely different story. Besides, I told him he shouldn’t three times. But he insisted and assured me he wouldn’t even miss it. Boy, I tell you, I knew John McQueen was rich, but that guy is mega rich if he isn’t even gonna miss all he did for us!”

            That night Mary Jean laid in bed and marveled at the contradictions in life. Until she got to know John McQueen, the biggest contradiction in her life had been her own father. She didn’t understand the love she felt for dad, and the heartache she felt by his untimely death. On the other hand she despised him for what he did to her mother. Not only the huge debt he left her, but the drinking binges and verbal abuse.

            When John had ended his very brief courtship of Mary Jean, she had been stunned at first. Then she was relieved, as if a terrible weight was lifted off of her shoulders. Then, ironically, she developed something like seller’s remorse. That would have been her home! Mandy would be not only her horse, but just one of her horses. Most of her suppers would have been prepared by Rosarita.

            Then the biggest contradiction was she hadn’t realized how much she had desired the possibility of having a baby. The longing to be a mother had been lurking in her psyche ever since she was a girl carefully attending to her dolls. Then she continued her dreams watching her favorite TV show, The Waltons.

            The contradiction came with how a baby would be made. By going to bed with a man forty-three years older than her. At seventeen, three years older seemed like a lot. When she and Sylvia were fifteen, she remembers watching Sylvia’s seventeen-year-old sister get into the Chevy convertible of a twenty-year-old fully mustached man and giving him a passionate kiss.

            Sylvia had been envious, but Mary Jean had been concerned. Then she was horrified when Sylvia whispered in her ear. “That’s who Monica lost her virginity with last weekend.”

            It wasn’t just that John was four decades older than her. Actually, after seeing John with his shirt off, she decided that he was more desirable than her ex-boyfriend. Although Timmy Wiggins was cute, he was scrawny. He was so scrawny, his chest seemed a little sunken in, and you could almost see bone where his bicep should be. Not to mention his mustache that was half peach fuzz. He was smart though, just not wise or, in the end, tactful.

            For the ten plus months they dated, Mary Jean and Timmy had held hands and exchanged chaste kisses. Then the last month or so, he became more aggressive. Not content with just holding hands, he began to grope. Not content with chaste goodnight kisses, he tried to deepen them. The biggest problem was his less than fresh breath. How could such a book smart young man be unaware of mints or gum? But the kicker and the end came when he went beyond hinting, or even asking her for a sexual favor, but insisted ‘or else.’ Mary Jean chose ‘or else.’

            Now John McQueen was not only smart, but experienced and capable, as well as wise. He was so wise, Mary Jean actually wondered if what happened yesterday was a ploy. Did he know ending things would actually cause her to desire him? Was John breaking up with her shrewd? Was it even a breakup? It was just one interview. But granted, an interview where marriage was proposed. Then one sort of date, with a feeble attempt to be non-alcohol wined and dined.

            Although brief, her two encounters with John McQueen were intense, they left her feeling rushed, excited, frightened, hopeful, secure, and insecure. All these emotions swirling around in a jumbled mess in her mind.

            Then it was suddenly over. At first, she was relieved. Then she thought, what an intriguing man. Then after witnessing her mother’s joy, she thought, what a wonderful man. How selfless of him, especially in light of their last encounter. For she had noticed the hunger in his eyes as she moved around in those tight jeans. Her own self-consciousness in the sexy attire made her hyperaware.

            When she borrowed the jeans from Sylvia and sucked in her already slender stomach to button them, she feared her attire would tantalize her suitor. The gaudy red cowboy boots only enhanced the sexiness of the jeans. Sure enough, more than once she had caught John’s eyes inspecting her figure. Yet, in the end, instead of increasing his romantic pursuit, Mr. McQueen had dumped her. Yet he still financially took care of her family. This spoke volumes about his character.

Tuesday, April 15, 1980

            Mary Jean rotated her part time job with John McQueen’s sister Abby with another lady from their church, Millie Johnson. Mary Jean typically worked every other Sunday morning, and after school, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 4:30 until 8:30. More than the chores she accomplished, Abby enjoyed their conversations. But on this particular Tuesday, John McQueen’s sister had never seen her young helper so quiet and subdued.

            Just before sunset, Mary Jean went to the side window in the living room and looked up at John’s house, nestled behind more than a dozen large oak trees. Abby said, “You’ve been awfully quiet today, Honey.”

            Mary Jean turned away from the window, sighed, smiled, and shrugged. “I’m just tired, I guess. I had trouble sleeping last night.”

            “For being tired, you sure went about your chores with vigor. You’re all done, and you still have an hour left.”

            “I think I’ll mop the floor.”

            “You sit!” Abby ordered with a grin. “You’ve more than earned your keep.”

            Mary Jean sat on the couch, across from Abby in her Lazy Boy recliner, and chuckled. “Yes, Ma’am.”

            “Penny for your thoughts, Dear. What’s been on your mind?”

            Mary Jean’s mind froze. What could she say? ‘Oh I just can’t seem to stop thinking about your brother. Yes, I know I am seventeen and he’s sixty-one. Well you see, he proposed marriage. He feels he’s still young enough to start a family. How many kids does he want? Oh, I don’t know, I am pretty young, maybe ten. Yeah, I know he’s old enough to be my grandfather, maybe just five. Actually I was leaning toward telling him no thanks, but now that he rejected me, I feel a sense of loss that I don’t understand.’

            “I don’t know,” Mary Jean shrugged. “I guess with graduation so close, I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life.”

            It occurred to Mary Jean that she should tell Abby what her brother did for her family, but she didn’t know how to broach the subject.

             “How was your horseback ride Sunday at my brother’s place?”

            “Good,” she said with a shrug.

            “Who all went?”

            Mary Jean cleared her throat. “Just him and me.”

            Abby looked at her young friend under arched eyebrows, and a knowing smile. “Honey, is my brother trying to woo you?”

            Mary Jean felt her pulse quicken as her eyes widened. “Um, well, no.”

            “Come on, young lady,” Abby persisted with a disturbingly neutral tone. “I might have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night. All of the clues lead me to believe he is. Since you started working for me, he has shown up here most of the time you are here, but almost never when your counterpart Millie is on duty. Then he very subtly asks questions about you. Then you go horseback riding together, just the two of you. Then you don’t sleep well, and now you were just gazing up at his house with a troubled countenance. I also happened to know John has always wanted children. That would require a female, realistically, under the age of thirty-five. So once again, is my brother trying to woo you?”

            “Well… Not anymore… Don’t be mad at him, He was very gentlemanly, very tactful, and decent.”

            “But he did proposition you to make babies with him?”

            “Well, yes, but after marriage.”

            “I take it you declined?”

            “Well, no, not exactly. During our horseback ride, he called it off.”

            “Were you going to accept?”

            “That’s the weird thing. Before he ended it, I was leaning toward no. Yet now I feel regretful for some reason. Not that I’m now leaning toward yes, mind you, but…”

            Abby gazed at her calmly, yet she wore a concerned look on her countenance.

            “This is so weird, Abby,” Mary Jean declared with frustration. “You probably think I’m a money grubber, but I’m not. At least I don’t think I am.”

            Mary Jean explained all that transpired. The interview with John and his proposal. The sort of date that ended the possible “arrangement.” Then the previous day, with John not only paying off her family’s debt, but buying them a house, and setting up college trusts for her and her siblings.

            “After what you told me, Honey, why would I think you’re a money grubber?” Abby asked.

            “Well, like after all he just did for my family, I still want more by becoming his wife. But that’s not what I’m feeling at all. I mean yes, he has a beautiful home, and lots of nice things, and servants. But the truth is, I guess in the back of my mind, I really want to be a mother more than anything. To be a mother was my first adult desire as a girl. I even wanted to be like Olivia Walton. Just not during the depression.”

            “Even more than you wanted to be a writer and a nurse?” Abby wanted to know.

            “Yes,” Mary Jean replied emphatically. Then she sighed. “You never said, are you mad at your brother for, you know, the offer he made me?”

            Abby sighed herself. “No, I’m not. But the reason I’m not is complicated, and strange.”

            Mary Jean frowned. “Why strange, because of the age difference?”

            “Well, that is a factor, but more because I’ve had several dreams about you, as well as my brother. But dreams are vague, so I probably shouldn’t have even brought it up.”

            “Well, now you did bring it up, so tell me.”

            Abby pursued her lips and eyed her young friend. Mary Jean took hold of Abby’s hand, gave her puppy dog eyes, and said, “Please.”

            “Like I said, dreams are often vague, and because of my past, I don’t trust them.”

            “What about your past?”

            “You know, I didn’t convert to Biblical Christianity until I was fifty-five.”

            “Yes, I knew that.”

            “I grew up in the church John has been a lifelong member of, and he is now an Elder and a pillar. But I fell away, mostly because of their fire and brimstone mentality. I couldn’t reconcile a loving God burning people in hell for eternity. Long story short, I ended up a new age occultist. Then in 1969, a friend taught me the truth about what the Bible actually teaches regarding the hellfire subject, as well as other Biblical truths. I went from being addicted to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, to a Bible addiction.”

            Mary Jean laughed. “That’s a pretty positive addiction.”

            “It changed my life. I’m certain the stroke I had was a result of years of self-indulgence, even though I changed my lifestyle. I got healthier, but it couldn’t completely erase all the harmful chemicals that I had ingested over more than three decades. Although I had a stroke late last summer, I know that I would be dead if I hadn’t changed my ways.”

            “Praise God!” Mary Jean smiled, as she gave Abby’s hand another affectionate squeeze. “Now tell me about your dreams.”

            “Given what I said so far, you know to take this with a grain of salt?”

            “Okay.”

            “Like I said, they are pretty vague, so all I’ll say is this. I’ve dreamt about you with little kids, and my brother was always, shall we say, there in the background. But in the last couple, he not only was in the forefront with you, he had seen the light of Biblical truth and followed it, and it was because of you, Dear.”

            “Me?”

            “Yes, you will help him see the light.”

            “I thought you said to take your dreams with a grain of salt.”

            “Let me clarify. You, my brother, and babies, take with a grain of salt. Teaching my brother Bible truth, pursue. I want you to at least continue your friendship with him.”

            “But I told you, his interest in me ended before it really even started.”

            Abby grabbed a notepad and scribbled a number on it. She handed it to Mary Jean. “John has an unlisted number that only a few people have. Now you have it, too. Call him.”

            “Abby, no,” Mary Jean responded, as she handed the note back.

            “Just do it,” Abby replied, as she pushed Mary Jean’s hand away.

            This is weird, Mary Jean thought. This reminded her of hanging out with her friends, and similar stuff going on over their male classmates, which she never liked. She wasn’t boy crazy like Sylvia, and her other two friends Janet and Jenny. But this was even worse! She had an old lady wanting her to call an old man. An older man who had been pining for her enough to suggest marriage.

            As much as she loved Abby and hated to disappoint her, she was not going to call Mr. McQueen. As a matter of fact, this pressure to do just that caused her to become content with the way things ended up. No matter how much she would love to be a mother, it would come in its own time. If not, it wasn’t meant to be.

            Ironically, the price just seemed too high for a life of luxury with John McQueen.