CHAPTER 21

BILLY BOB

Late summer and early autumn of 2017 would prove to be memorable in both negative and positive ways. After Carly discovered me kissing Willa’s bare belly, I had agreed to see Willa only at church for at least the next few months. I also promised I wouldn’t communicate with her by phone. This arrangement seemingly put Carly back in the driver’s seat of our relationship, instead of us being equals.

Over the next two months, a duel transformation took place. Both were kind of slow and subtle. Carly slowly returned to being boss of our relationship, and I was becoming her passive suppliant once again. The only thing I put my foot down about was my insistence that we wait until the baby was born, and we all get settled before we got married.

While Carly was getting closer to birth, Willa was slowly blossoming with child. Gone was any semblance of the wild sex cat that she used to be. Every week, her true beauty seemed to shine a little more than the previous week. But her beauty stemmed from within. Her radiant smile, and her gentle, joyous demeanor caused me to stare at her trance like more than once.

We unwittingly stole every minute we could together at fellowship. We were developing a bond that I couldn’t put my finger on. I didn’t see it as falling in love at the time, but something was happening that was deeper than friendship. I assumed it was because of the growing human being in her womb that was part her and part me. What a miracle!

It was a strange situation to find myself in. The woman I thought I was “in love” with and planned to spend the rest of my life with, was pregnant by another man. Willa, however, was pregnant by me, albeit through bizarre circumstance. Yet she was never intended to be more than a dear friend. I had resolved to love Carly’s child as my own. Yet as pregnancy transformed Willa’s body toward motherhood, her growing faith transformed her soul. There was also some type of spiritual unity between Willa and I over this shared child. We had some type of bond growing between us that was seemingly unstoppable and indefinable.

One day down at Cottonwood Creek with Willa after church, she giggled like a schoolgirl as she grabbed my hand and placed it on her abdomen. I felt a stirring inside that I’d never felt before. It wasn’t arousal, it was much deeper, and rather mysterious to my simple mind.

“Can you tell that I’m getting bigger?” she asked and then bit her lower lip, looking more lovely than I should have been dwelling on.

“Yeah,” I tried not to croak.

“Your son is really growing,” she said as sunlight hit the side of her face, making her incredible amber eyes sparkle and shine.

“You know it’s a boy?” I asked with a tremor in my voice.

“No, not exactly” she shrugged. “Call it mother’s intuition.”

Up until that point, all I cared about was that both babies would be healthy babies. An ultrasound suggested that Carly was going to have a girl. So, the thought of Willa having a boy added a little more excitement.

“You know, you really are starting to show,” I acknowledged to her. “I think it’s time that we tell the congregation about our situation.” Willa’s face fell, but she nodded in agreement.

A week later I was really looking forward to seeing Willa at church. I wasn’t even nervous about our plan to inform the congregation about our baby. But Willa was a no-show and didn’t return my call. She only sent a text saying she was fine, but tired.

She wasn’t in attendance the following week either. Once again, my call was responded with a similar text. I was surprised at how empty it made me feel. My desire to see her was almost like a need. If she was absent for a third week, I would ask Carly for permission to contact Willa. However, my personal day of infamy was about to intervene.

Carly had asked me if I could go to her place and wait for a furnace repairman. They were shorthanded at the clinic at which she worked as a nurse, and she couldn’t get away. Luckily, I was able to get off work early. When I heard her doorbell, I was certain it was the repairman. Instead, it was Niles, and he was grinning from ear to ear. His smile instantly left his face when he saw me, and his eyes look startled.

“Oh, hello, William,” he stammered.

The one and only thing I liked about Niles was that he didn’t call me Billy Bob. “Niles,” I said with a curt nod.

“I thought Carly would be here getting her furnace fixed,” he chuckled nervously.

“She was running late and asked me if I could come over to let him in. By the way, when were you talking to Carly about her furnace?”

Something was ignited in me just then. Our minimal contact was supposed to be mutual. Willa knew about my agreement with Carly, and Niles knew Carly was keeping her distance from him. There was something at the back of my mind that I had been stuffing down too long. After Carly caught me kissing Willa’s belly, she seemed eager to forgive rather quickly. She also asked me to forgive her for being intimate with Niles. But I had already done that when we rekindled our romance.

So, something seemed to ring with the present in her asking for forgiveness this last time. Yet was her request hidden in the past? Was she seeking peace of mind over something, rather than genuinely admitting an indiscretion?

I decided a little trickery would not fall into the category of bearing false witness, especially since I was suspicious of being duped myself.

“Oh, yesterday,” Niles replied. “Just so you know, I called her to let her know that Liz had miscarried the baby.”

“Oh no, Niles. I’m sorry,” I said as this news took me by surprise. Then I selfishly wondered if he would still marry his no longer pregnant fiancée.

“Oh well,” Niles shrugged. “I wasn’t even sure it was mine. I was just trying to do a noble thing, like you are with Carly.”

I didn’t know what to make of his reaction, but there was something cheesy about it. I ignored it and pressed on. “Do you still love Carly, Niles?” I asked in as soothing a voice as I could muster.

He didn’t reply. His eyes went to the muscular bulk of my folded arms. Then he just looked startled as his eyes met mine. I truly wasn’t trying to intimidate him, especially after what he just told about the lost baby. I uncrossed my arms and hooked my thumbs in my jean pockets. I made what I hoped was a friendly countenance.

“It’s okay,” I said with a little laugh. “You know how Carly told you about me getting Willa pregnant, and how she found me kissing Willa’s stomach?”

I didn’t know for sure that Carly had told him, but I was gambling that she had.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, sure, you still love her? Or yeah, sure, she told you about Willa and me?”

He cleared his throat and scratched his head uneasily. “Both.”

“I think she still has feelings for you too, Niles. As a matter of fact, I’m sure you remember making love with her after she caught me kissing Willa’s stomach, right?”

Niles didn’t bite. He stood as still as a mannequin and gazed at me as if in a trance.

“Look, Niles, I know you two made love, and it’s okay,” I said soothingly. I hoped I sounded more like Mr. Rogers than Hannibal Lector. “I drove her to it by not only getting Willa pregnant, but also by kissing her belly. We’ve forgiven each other.” Although Niles noticeably relaxed, he still didn’t confirm my suspicion. “Carly doesn’t want to talk about it,” I said. “Can you just tell me this much? Did you use a condom? And if not, are you disease-free?”

“No, of course I didn’t use a condom,” he chuckled. “But it’s not like she’s gonna get pregnant.”

“I know that,” I replied, talking slowly, as if he were a child. I was also holding back the sudden anger that might have been turning my ears red. “I also asked if you were disease-free. You’re not exactly the most celibate fellow on the planet.”

“Relax,” he said, putting his hands up in a stop gesture. “I’m disease-free. You can trust me. I’m a doctor.”

Yeah, on the level of Frank Burns from M.A.S.H., I thought.  I forced a smile, even though the desire to punch him felt overwhelming.

“I need to use the restroom,” Niles declared and disappeared into Carly’s bathroom.

A couple of minutes after the bathroom door closed behind Dr. Dynamite, Carly walked in.

“Hey,” she said with a little smile. “Thanks for coming over.”

“My pleasure, Carly,” I replied. This time I definitely sounded like Hannibal Lector.

“Is he here?” Carly asked.

“Is who here?”

“The repairman, silly. Who else would I be talking about?”

“Oh, possibly Niles.”

As if on cue, the bathroom door opened, and Niles came out. Carly looked a little surprised.

“Niles, when did you get here?” she asked with a frown.

“Oh, I don’t know, a few minutes ago?”

“Niles was just telling me how he didn’t use a condom when you two had sex a couple of months ago,” I told Carly matter-of-factly. “You know, the same day Willa told me she was pregnant.”

Now she looked genuinely surprised, with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open. Then she slowly turned a hard gaze on Niles. “You told him!” Carly barked.

“He said that you told him,” Niles whined, pointing an accusing finger at me.

“I didn’t say that” I replied innocently. “I just stated that you and she had sex a couple of months ago, and I asked if you used a condom. Then you told me that you didn’t.”

As if in slow motion, Carly’s arm reared back. Then it shot forward as if spring loaded. There was a sharp crack as Carly’s hand met Niles’ cheek. I winced, not at the violence to Niles, but at Carly’s very pregnant state. She looked ready to pop at any time.

“How could you?” she demanded with her hands on her hips.

I felt strangely peaceful after I had proof that I could never trust Carly. It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was always gonna be uncomfortable about Niles, as she was about Willa. I gave Carly a quick kiss on her cheek. “Have a nice life,” I told her.

Her face went from anger to stunned. I moved rapidly toward the door, not wanting any part of whatever drama might ensue, even though I instigated it.

“William, wait!” Carly cried with desperation as she firmly grasped the crook of my arm. “It happened spontaneously and just once. I was emotionally distraught after seeing your face all over Willa’s barely dressed body.”

“So you ‘re telling me that every time you become emotionally distraught, I’ll have to wonder whether you’re having sex with someone else?”

“Only if I see you rubbing your face on another woman’s body,” she replied haughtily.

“Like I said,” I replied calmly, “have a nice life.”

Once again, I turned to go. Once again, she grabbed the crook of my arm.

“Look, Billy,” she said softly. “It’s not like I hooked up with some random guy. Niles is my friend, and he’s also the father of my child.” She gently rubbed her protruding stomach after she said Niles was the father of her child. I touched my hand to her cheek and smiled warmly.

“Exactly,” I said. “So maybe you should be with Niles instead of me.”

“So you’re breaking up with me?” she asked, shaking her head as tears leaked from her eyes.

“I am,” I answered, not enjoying this encounter at all. “Sincerely, have a nice life. I sincerely hope we can be friends.”

She put her hands in her face and sobbed. I just stood and looked at her with a bit of a sick feeling. I truly did not want to hurt her, even though she had made me feel just like that almost a year previous. Niles stepped up and softly rubbed her back. He didn’t look displeased, and I thought I even detected a twinkle in his eyes.

“Niles, be good to her,” I said. “If I find out you even threaten to hit her again, I’ll hurt ya.”

“I’ve learned my lesson,” he said gravely.

“Good,” I said extending a hand to shake.

“This is for the best,” Niles said as he took my hand with a bit of a grin.

“Oh, shut up, Niles!” Carly said lifting her head from her hands. “You have a nice life too, William,” Carly croaked.

I nodded solemnly as I left Carly. Unlike after our first breakup, which had devastated me, I felt a weird sense of lightness and freedom this time. I also felt relieved of the foreboding that I had as I prepared to enter a tricky triangle with Carly and Niles.

I’d like to tell you my first thought upon leaving Carly’s place was a different sort of triangle. That would be Willa and me and baby make three. But although free from the excuse of Carly, I still balked at yoking with a former prostitute.

But in the next twenty-four hours, two things happened that rearranged my thinking. Both are rather simple things that transformed my life rather quickly and are lodged permanently in my memory bank. Believe it or not, one was a Christian romance novel, and the other was simply running into a friend at the grocery store.

When I got home from Carly’s, I found a paperback book in my screen door. It was from Destiny Knight-Storm. I know this because a note, more like a letter, was taped to the front. It read:

Hi Billy! I hope you don’t think I’m crazy, but I felt impressed to bring you this book. It is based on the premise of the book of Hosea. I know a romance novel isn’t your cup of tea, but the author did a great job bringing the spiritual unfaithfulness told in the scriptures down to a personal level. It is the story of a prostitute, and the great length a man went to love her and help her find redemption. I was hoping you would see that Willa’s experience wasn’t nearly as dark. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I always got the vibe that her past made you very uncomfortable. If that’s the case, it is a shame, because you two seem so right for each other. Normally I wouldn’t give you my opinion, especially since I am biased, but all along I felt you should be with Willa over Carly. The reason I am sharing my opinion now is I know about the baby, and marriage is a big step. Just something to consider. I hope you’re not mad. Brock and I love you! Your friend, Dee.

A lump formed in my throat over her words ‘Brock and I love you.’ True friends tell you the truth, they tell you what they think, and they do it in love. I also wasn’t surprised that Willa confided in Destiny. I texted her a thank you, and an assurance I wasn’t mad. I also promised to give the book a look.

It was called, ‘Redeeming Love,’ by Francine Rivers. I figured I’d at least read a chapter since my good friend went to the trouble to not only bring it over but write a large note after finding me not home. Instead of reading only one chapter, I stayed up half the night reading the book. The story did lessen the ugliness of Willa’s past in my mind.

How did Destiny know this book would help me see more clearly? It could have easily gone the other way, especially when the heroine strayed from her husband. However, Destiny said in her note that she felt ‘impressed.’ I happened to know that Destiny was a woman with a diligent prayer life.

Although the book Destiny loaned me was nudging me off the fence when it came to Willa. Running into Dirk Easton at the grocery store the next day pushed me off.