CHAPTER 20

WILLA

I thought Carly catching Billy Bob kissing my bare stomach was a sign that he and I were destined to be together. I foolishly considered that it might have even been an answer to prayer. I gave him space to absorb the news of impending fatherhood. I thought that he and I creating a child together would draw him to me like a bee to a flower. Apparently, I thought wrong. After informing Billy Bob that he was going to be a father, I didn’t see him again until almost a week later at fellowship.

“How are you, Willa?” he asked in his usual pleasant manner. But I thought I detected a deeper than ordinary affection in his eyes. Once again, I thought wrong.

“I’m doing wonderfully,” I replied as my spirit soared. “How about you?”

“It’s been a trying time to be honest,” he said and then sighed.

My soaring spirit dipped and only plummeted from there. “Why is that?” I asked cautiously.

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching since the day you came over,” he replied and then sighed even heavier. “Intense soul searching.”

“I see.”

“I’m still gonna marry Carly,” he said with sadness in his countenance, and a sigh from his voice box.

All I could do was nod. I was afraid that if I spoke, I would burst into tears. Where was that tough, cold, hard woman that was paid by men to tie them up and punish them? She was dead, and her life was now hid with Christ. She had a new, better, and stronger strength. I lifted my chin with dignity and looked Billy Bob in the eyes. “I see. I can’t force you to love me.”

“But I do love you, Willa,” he almost pleaded. But instead of adding ‘let me count the ways,’ he said, “But it’s complicated. Like I told you before, I have a long history with Carly. Yes, I know she screwed up. But the Bible teaches forgive us our sins as we forgive others.”

“True, but forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be involved with the forgiven.”

“But don’t you see, I want to because I… love her.”

Why the hesitation when he said he loved her? Because he was unsure that the depth surpassed his love for me? Or because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings?

“But I want to be very involved in our child’s life, though,” he said softly. “Is that okay with you?”

“Of course it’s okay with me,” I said. “I want you to be involved in our child’s life to the point that I would marry you today.”

Although I thought that I hid the hurt I felt, it must have shown through.

“Willa,” he whispered as his hand began to move to my cheek, but then it fell back to his side.

We gazed at each other affectionately, and his face moved ever so slightly toward mine. If we were down at Cottonwood Creek with more privacy, I think he might have kissed me. At least I hoped he would have.

“Worship is going to start in about ten minutes,” a hidden female voice declared.

“I guess we had better go find our seats,” Billy Bob said.

“Would you want to go down to the creek after services?” I asked him.

“I can’t,” he sighed. “I have to meet Carly right after.”

“She’s not here?”

“No,” he replied uncomfortably.

I voiced what I hoped he was already thinking. “You shouldn’t be yoked with unbelievers.”

“Carly is a believer,” he defended. “She just hasn’t come around to the Biblical Sabbath. But I plan on giving her a history lesson this afternoon, as a matter of fact, on when the tradition of Sunday worship began.”

“Be sure to point out that the fourth commandment is the one that recognizes God as the Creator and Redeemer. And that’s why Satan’s agenda for religion to think to change times and laws prophesied in Daniel 7:25 has been a special point of attack.”

“Very good, Willa Tree!”

Normally I didn’t especially like people calling me Willa Tree, but I would take whatever term of affection Billy Bob had to offer.

“Maybe you should give Carly a Bible study instead of me,” he chuckled.

“Okay,” I responded cheerfully. “What time?”

His face fell and his eyes looked startled. “Well, no… Um, I meant…”

I giggled. “I know the time isn’t right, Billy. But just so you know, I want to coexist peaceably with Carly. After all, we are all gonna be yoked to one degree or another due to the children.”

Billy Bob sighed. “Yeah, quite the modern family.”

“Please, seats everyone,” the female voice said again.

“Can I ask you a quick question before we go in?” I asked.

“Sure,” Billy Bob said, thankfully without sighing.

“What are we going to tell people here, you know, down the road, when it’s obvious I’m with child?”

“I thought of that, too,” he said with a sigh. I think I heard poor Billy Bob sigh more in the last few minutes than I had the whole time I’ve known him. “I guess I or we will have to tell the congregation the truth before it is obvious that we’re pregnant,” he said.

My heart lifted a little when he said ‘we’ rather than ‘you.’ I nodded, and we walked into the sanctuary together. Billy Bob slid into a pew next to Dirk and Amy Easton. I slid into the pew behind him next to Brock and Destiny. My new but dear friend aimed her bright blue eyes at me and smiled.

“Dee,” I whispered into her ear, “can you walk down to the creek with me after service? Just the two of us?” She nodded as she patted me on the knee. I bit my lip again as I fought back tears. I had made such good friends since joining this fellowship. How would they react to me becoming pregnant out of wedlock? At least I knew that Destiny would understand.

She seemingly had replaced Zella as my best friend. My new faith had put me on a different page than Zella. She had vehemently told me that I should get an abortion rather than bring a child into this diabolical world. She also warned of the difficulties of single parenthood. But I had faith in Billy Bob’s faith in God. He was a standup guy if ever there was one. I believed that somehow I wasn’t going to be a single parent in the fullest extent.

Later, down at Cottonwood Creek, Destiny and I kicked off our shoes and sat together on a rock. With her long light blue skirt, white top, sandals, and her honey blonde hair in a ponytail, she looked like she had just walked off the Swiss Alps. I hiked up my yellow sundress and placed my feet in the water next to hers.

“Feels good,” Destiny purred, and I could feel her look at me as I stared at our feet that were blurred by the flowing water. “So, what’s up, girlfriend?” Destiny finally asked as she nudged my foot with hers.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted as I looked at her.

Her widening eyes caused her eyebrows to shoot up, and her mouth to gape open. I turned my gaze back to our feet. “Oh, my. Willa, who’s the father?”

“Billy Bob.”

“Billy Bob!” she replied with shock. “I thought you two were strictly friends.”

“This is where it gets complicated,” I sighed. I began with the camping trip. I ended with my brief conversation with Billy Bob an hour previous. When I finished talking, I began to cry. Destiny gently put her arm around my shoulders and softly leaned her head against mine. I looped my arm around her lower back. She didn’t say a word; she was simply there for me, alleviating my intense feelings of being alone. But how would my new church family as a whole respond to me being pregnant out of wedlock?

“Dee,” I croaked. “When it’s known that I’m pregnant out of wedlock, do you think I will be ostracized by the congregation?”

She looked at me and put her hands on my shoulders, making me look at her. “Listen to me,” she demanded. “I promise you that you will have more supporters than detractors, so do not spend even a second worrying about that. There’s a reason we are called a church family. You’re my spiritual sister, and if anybody attacks you, they are attacking me. Therefore, they’re gonna have to get through me first. Got it?”

I nodded and looked away from her, embarrassed at my fragile emotional state. I used to be so tough, so self-sufficient. But the meek shall inherit the earth. So I let myself be vulnerable with this woman I trusted.  Destiny was such an incredibly strong woman. Her own background was as dark as mine, yet she didn’t seem to struggle with anything. “Can I ask you something personal, Dee?”

“Of course,” she grinned. “Like I said, we’re sisters.”

“Do you ever get tempted? Do you ever fail?”

“Yes, and yes,” she laughed.

“Can you give me an example? I mean, to me, you are like a spiritual Wonder Woman.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” Destiny laughed some more. “But I am not.”

“So, tell me. How have you failed?”

“I think my biggest failure of late is losing my patience. My greatest temptation is to murmur and complain.”

“Do you ever get tempted with your old lifestyle?” I asked with a wince.

“Well,” she said as her cheeks puffed as she blew out a breath. “When I first became a Christian, I wasn’t physically tempted to return to my old lifestyle. But I was tempted often with my thoughts, and sometimes failed that way.”

“Failed how?”

“Instead of turning my thoughts to the spiritual, I’d allow them to dwell on things carnal. Then I’d end up in a state where it felt almost impossible not to, um …”

“Have sex?”

She nodded grimly. “It wasn’t necessarily my old lifestyle; it was mostly Brock. And he was in a relationship with another woman at the time. It seemed like every time I was around him, I ended up tempted with all sorts of fantasies.

“Once, when I very first started attending Cotton Creek Cove, I actually began to wonder what a threesome with Brock and his then girlfriend, Nora Medora, would be like. I once actually thought about this when I was with Brock. Then to top it off, I actually shook my head as I tried to shake off the thought. And then Brock asked me why I was shaking my head.”

“You’re kidding,” I said with a laugh. “Did you tell him?”

“No way! Thankfully, he didn’t pursue it any further. Life is strange. Brock is my husband now, but early on, he was my biggest temptation when it came to sexual fantasies.”

“That what’s happened to me, especially this last month,” I told her. “Even though I became so angry with Billy Bob, there was this other side of me that couldn’t stop recalling that night in the tent and fantasizing about what might have been.”

“Do you get tempted to go back to your old lifestyle?” she asked.

“Like you, I wouldn’t say tempted, but there are times when I think about it. Especially when I struggle and get discouraged. It’s odd how living by Biblical principles can be trying.”

“The temptation to give up might be the most diabolical of temptations,” Destiny said. “We need to remember that Satan walks about as a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour. Obviously, that’s not literal. He devours us by making us discouraged, turning our affections away from Jesus, and causing us to give up. Or sometimes, even worse, getting on some wrong type of path of fanaticism.”

“1 Peter 5:8,” I said.

“What?” Destiny said with wide, expressive eyes.

“What you just quoted. Isn’t it 1 Peter 5:8?”

“I’m not sure,” Destiny said with a frown. “Let’s have a look.” She pulled a small Bible out of a pocket in her skirt. It wasn’t much bigger than a deck of cards. I chuckled, and she smiled at me before she opened it and began to search. “I got it at Dollar Tree,” she said as she turned pages. “If I have my purse or even a pocket, it’s usually with me. Hey! You’re right.” Destiny beamed at me as she patted my knee. I felt satisfaction for minute, like a schoolgirl who was just praised by her teacher. Then the reality of why I asked Destiny if she could talk came back to me full force.

“I didn’t know falling in love with someone could make you crazy,” I said, laughing without humor.

“You’ve never been in love before?” Destiny frowned.

“Not, um, romantic love, or whatever you’d call it.”

“I see.”

“I know, most people probably think it’s pathetic that an attractive woman in her mid-twenties hasn’t even been close to being in love before.”

“I was in the same boat myself.”

“No wonder I feel such a bond with you,” I smiled. “I keep discovering more that we have in common all the time.” We both sat in silence for a minute, watching our feet as we swirled them in the clear flowing water.

“You know, Willa,” Destiny said. “I spent a lot of time being lovesick over Brock when he was engaged to another woman. I had to train myself to get over him. I did that by not only taking things one day at a time, but also being grateful for every minute, every moment I was alive, healthy, and breathing. It paid off big time, especially when I stood up to be maid of honor for Nora when she and Brock were getting married. I couldn’t have been more convinced that there was no chance for a future with Brock.”

“You’re kidding!” I said in complete shock. “They actually got married, and you were her maid of honor?”

“They didn’t get married,” Destiny said, shaking her head. “Nora backed out before she said I do.”

“Oh no, poor Brock,” I said, and then quickly realized that if Nora hadn’t backed out, Destiny wouldn’t be married to him. “I mean, that must have been awful being left at the altar in front of a church full of people.”

“Actually, Brock was relieved,” Destiny giggled. “And it was a small ceremony. Less than a dozen people were present.”

“Oh, well, good.”

“My point is,” Destiny said with a smile, “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

“But don’t get my hopes up.”

“Exactly. For what it’s worth, I have a feeling about you and Billy Bob. You two are also set up better than Brock and I were. His potential marriage to Carly is at least a month or two away. From what I’ve seen of Billy, I think his sharing a child with you is gonna start outweighing his sentimental fixation with Carly.

“Also, I get the vibe that Carly doesn’t like attending our church. Yet if I’ve read Billy Bob correctly, he’s not just an admirer, but a follower of Jesus. I think that in itself will prove to outweigh his rekindle with Carly.”

“I warned Billy about being unequally yoked spiritually,” I told her.

“Good for you!”

“But don’t get my hopes up.”

“Right!”

We both laughed and then hugged.