CHAPTER 19

WILLA

“Billy Bob!” I exclaimed as he staggered, clutched his head, and dropped derriere first to the floor. I winced at how hard he sat. Then he seemed to pass out. His eyes rolled back, closed, and his mouth gaped open. He gurgled and I was afraid he was choking on his tongue or something. So I slapped his face a few times, as I asked him if he was okay.

His eyes opened and he said, “Who’s knocking?”

This made me giggle. But his eyes closed again so I shook his shoulders. “Billy Bob!”

His eyes opened again, and he put his face in his hands and began to sob. This man who was the most even-keeled, easygoing person that I had ever met wailed as his shoulders shook.

“Billy Bob, what is it?” I asked as I knelt in front of him. He began to ramble incoherently. Then I made out something about him raping me. I grabbed both of his wrists and yanked his hands away from his face. I clamped my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look me in the eyes. His eyebrows furrowed meekly, and his eyes were wide and childlike. I would have smiled or even laughed if I didn’t feel so intense and maybe even angry.

“Billy Bob Booker, you listen to me,” I said heatedly. “You did not rape me or violate me. In my mind, we made love as husband and wife, regardless of the lack of ceremony or legal document. Do you understand me?”

He gave a couple small nods, and I gave him a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. Then I put my cheek against his and whispered into his ear, “Would I do that if you violated me in any way?” Then I pulled away to look at him.

He shook his head, still wide-eyed. That big, rugged man looked so much like a naughty little boy that I couldn’t help but laugh then. To my relief, Billy Bob smiled. Yet I couldn’t get a read on how he truly felt. I didn’t even know how I felt. For the last month, I had thought that Billy Bob had tricked me into a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am,’ even though I knew in my heart that there had to be an explanation. I just didn’t believe he was that type of guy.

I don’t know for certain why I played the stubborn, angry game. Looking back, I guess my feelings for Billy Bob made me feel frightened and vulnerable. Then there was jealousy over Carly and frustration that he still planned on marrying her after making love with me. Plus, there was the high of thinking Billy Bob had chosen me over Carly, and then the low when I realized he hadn’t.

“Where do we go from here?” Billy Bob asked quietly.

“That’s up to you,” I replied as I shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“I told you that I thought, in a sense, we were consummating our marriage that night in the tent.”

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?” Billy Bob asked cautiously.

“Billy Bob,” I said, shaking my head with a sad laugh, “did you forget my kiss a minute ago?”

“No, I remember every single kiss with you, Willa,” Billy Bob replied with a sweet smile. I felt tears of joy build behind my eyes.

I moved toward him. He stopped me when I prepared to kiss him again. “Willa,” he said sadly. “I’m engaged to another woman.”

“But I’m carrying your child, Billy Bob, and Carly is carrying Niles’ child.”

“I promised Carly that we would be married,” Billy Bob said. “What happened in the tent was unintentional. I love you as a dear friend, Willa. I’m sorry, but I’m in love with Carly.”

I couldn’t stop the tears now. Billy Bob softly spoke my name, which caused them to come in a torrent. “What’s the difference?” I barked, not liking how desperate I sounded.

“I guess familiarity,” he said with a shrug. “Carly and I have more than a six-year history together.”

“With a six-month break for a major betrayal,” I spit. Billy Bob opened his mouth and then closed it. Then he looked away with a frown as he contemplated my words.

Yes, I scored good points in ‘Willa versus Carly’ to win Billy Bob’s heart. Right then and there, I had a new resolve. I was going to fight for Billy Bob in the short time I had. “Don’t you want to be involved in your child’s life?” I asked.

“Oh, Willa, absolutely,” he said as he moved toward me and took both of my hands in his. “I’ll be as involved as you let me. And, of course, I’ll support him or her financially. Believe me, Willa, I’ll love our baby with all my heart, mind, and soul. But I am going to need time to get my head around this complex situation.”

“I need to use the bathroom,” I declared with sudden inspiration.

As soon as the door was closed, I prayed to the Lord for forgiveness if what I was about to do was a sin. I was still new enough to the faith that I didn’t fully grasp the ethics behind using sensuality, even after Billy Bob told me of the role I played with my wardrobe or lack thereof and the tent incident.

Right or wrong, in desperation, I unzipped my dress and slipped out of it. I adjusted my bikini top and applied a little lipstick. I turned around, looking at my jean shorts in the mirror. I smiled and shook my head as it occurred to me that it wouldn’t be long before they would even fit.

Billy Bob was pacing his living room when I stepped out of the bathroom. He stopped walking as he froze in his tracks with his mouth hanging open. Whether in surprise or desire, I didn’t know. Maybe it was a combination. “Willa, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” I asked with an innocent cheeriness.

“You’re dressed like, you know …”

“Like I was on that fateful day and night?” I asked as I stepped toward him with a coy smile.

“You’re killing me.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are,” he replied as he put his hands on his hips. “Why?”

“Because I want you to see and touch where your son or daughter is.” I took hold of his strong, calloused hand and pulled it toward me. He didn’t resist. I placed it over my belly button as he stared at me as if in a trance.

“Your tiny, little baby is right inside there, Billy Bob,” I whispered. “Your child. Part you and part me.”

“Yeah,” he whispered back with awe as he stared at his hand on my abdomen.

My vision caught sight of someone getting out of a car in Billy Bob’s driveway. It was Carly! The main door was wide open. When she stepped onto the stoop, she would have a clear view of Billy Bob and me through the screen door. “Will you do me a favor, Billy Bob?”

“What?” he asked as his eyes returned to mine.

“Will you show me that you’re okay with me having your baby?”

“How?”

“Will you kiss your child for the first time?”

“Do you mean your stomach?” he asked with a frown. I nodded. “Willa,” he said with mild exasperation.

“Please,” I said softly. “Just this once, and I won’t ask you again.”

To my pleasant surprise, Billy Bob smiled and knelt in front of me. His soft lips covered my belly button and a tingle shot up my spine with the feel of his whisker stubble on my skin. I couldn’t help running a hand through his thick hair.

“William, what are you doing?” Carly barked as she burst through the door.

Billy Bob and I both looked toward her. Carly stood just inside the door with hands on her hips, shooting daggers at us with her eyes. Billy Bob shot to his feet with a look of shock and surprise on his face. I, on the other hand, had to fight back a grin. Major points in ‘Willa versus Carly.’

“I asked you a question,” she demanded. Billy Bob opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked at me with a helpless expression. Carly glared at me with hatred. “Since the cat’s got his tongue, Willa, maybe you could tell me why my fiancé was kneeling in front of you with his face buried into your bare stomach as your barely covered boobs practically sat on top of his head.”

“He was just kissing his child,” I replied with a shrug.

“What?” Carly responded with one of the deepest scowls that I had ever seen. “What do you mean, kissing his child?”

“Billy Bob got me pregnant when we were on that camping trip a month or so ago,” I told her, regardless of whether my words and flippant attitude would make Billy Bob mad.

Carly looked at Billy Bob again as her mouth hung open, almost to her shoes.

“It, I, I …,” poor Billy Bob stammered.

I truly felt bad for him, but I deemed it a necessary part of my strategy. Remember the old cliché: All’s far in love and war. Love might not be war, but it can be a major battle and I wasn’t going to beat Carly by doing nothing. I had to be aggressive, yet patient and smart.

“Well, it looks like you two have a lot to talk about. I’ll just skedaddle,” I said cheerily. I went to the bathroom and threw on my sundress. I was delighted with Carly’s timing. Then I made my way to the front door.

“Sleepwalking?” I heard Carly say with sarcasm. “Give me a break. I can’t believe it, and I’ve never known you to be a liar.” I didn’t say goodbye. I simply slipped out quietly and left them to their turmoil, but upon departure, I caught five more of Carly’s words. “But you are just that!”

BILLY BOB

Carly plopped onto my sofa and put her face in her hands, sobbing. How hard she sat made me cringe due to her pregnancy. I knelt in front of her and gently put my hand on her knee. She brushed it off with anger.

“Carly, don’t you remember me telling you how I used to sleepwalk when I was a kid?” I asked. To my relief she nodded. I explained the whole camping situation to her. Cringing inwardly, I told her about my erotic dream of Willa and the awkward aftermath.

“That’s supposed to make me feel better, Billy?” she asked between sobs as she stood quickly. “Regardless of the sleepwalking incident, you tell me that you have erotic dreams about someone you have insisted is only your friend? Plus, it’s quite obvious that Willa is more interested in you than just friends. It was perfectly clear that she also thoroughly enjoyed informing me of your incident.” Carly used air quotes as she said incident.

“It was one dream, not dreams in the plural,” I said. “I have never had a sexual dream about Willa before. To be honest, maybe a couple slightly, I don’t know, erotic dreams, but …”

“I’m leaving,” she said as she abruptly left in a huff.

I picked up my phone and called Lyle. I told him everything that happened and asked him for a few days off. It was unlike me to take time off in the summer since we had such a large chunk of the winter off. I didn’t even take any time off when Carly dumped me for Niles. Lyle, being the good friend that he was, didn’t hesitate to comply. “Thanks,” I mumbled at him.

“I know you wouldn’t ask me for it if you didn’t need it,” he replied. “Take as much time as you need. We’ll manage, even if I have to go move some dirt around myself. I wouldn’t mind it, either.”

“Thanks again. Love ya, brother.”

“Back at ya, bro. Get your head right.”

“By the way,” I told him. “Unless it’s some type of emergency, I’m not touching my phone for three days.”

“Wow, you really must be in a bad way,” my phone-addicted pal replied.

“I don’t know. I just got a lot of mental laundry to do.”

“Good luck. Hang in there, buddy.”

“Thanks.”

I immediately shut off my phone. I threw together my camping gear and enough grub for three days. It was just what I needed. Lots of prayer, fresh air, and solitude. I was somewhat able to clear my head and face my really bizarre realities. The simple truth was that I now was completely torn between two women. Me, ordinary ole William Robert Booker who never once noticed a lady turn and gaze my direction in admiration.

Although Willa and I had become good friends and she obviously was attractive, I never considered her a romantic possibility. Call me judgmental, but she was a prostitute. Forgive me, but this bothered me on a fairly deep level. Even though she expressed desire for me, I shrugged it off as something fleeting and sentimental due to our bonding through horses and fellowship. But now, with a human life created by Willa and me, it changed everything.

However, it was Carly with whom I had a shared history and Carly with whom I was most familiar. It was Carly who I had promised to marry and who I had shared years of precious moments. I mean time together, not the little figurines. Although I have given her a few of the little statues as gifts over the years. As painful as her foray with Niles had been and as uncomfortable as his inclusion into our lives would be, I believed her deep regret clearly showed that she and I were meant to be together.

I sought God’s guidance and renewed my resolve to walk in faith. But I was still torn and looking for some kind of sign. But more often than not, rather than a sign, we need to make the effort to reason things out. The Lord even instructs us, come let us reason together. (Isaiah 1:18)

However, reason gave me a possible sign indicating the direction I might go after I arrived home and checked my phone. It showed several missed calls and texts from Carly. Her tone was not only forgiving, but apologetic. There was not a single call or text from Willa. So I called Carly, and after a short conversation, I went to her condo.

“I missed you,” she cooed after giving me an emphatic kiss and warm embrace.

“I was only gone three days,” I laughed.

“I can’t believe that you just left without telling anyone,” she said with a playful pout.

I chuckled some more before I hugged and kissed her again. I was expecting her to be at least a little cool toward me, if not downright cold, but she was just the opposite. As a matter of fact, I had never seen Carly more lovey dovey. “I told Lyle,” I said.

“I know, but I didn’t think to ask him about your whereabouts until late yesterday.”

“Well, sorry,” I shrugged. “It was spur of the moment, and my head was a mess.”

“I think I can find a way to forgive you,” she said as she took me by the hand and began to lead me to her bedroom.

“Carly,” I said, stopping her, “not ‘til after were married.”

“You can’t blame a girl for trying,” she said with a grin.

“Stop doing that. You’re wearing me out.”

“That’s the idea,” she giggled. “Hey, I got some interesting news that you should like.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, Niles is getting married.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “You’re kidding!”

“I am not,” she smiled conspiratorially. “His girlfriend is pregnant, three months along.”

“Wow, so he’s gonna have two kids with only a couple of months age difference?” Carly nodded. “He hasn’t even been dating her for four months, has he?” I asked.

“Well, keep this to yourself,” she said quietly, even though we were alone. “Niles had a two-year affair with Kelly while he was married to his first wife. So, a few months ago, they were, how do I put this? Reacquainted.”

“How and when did you find out that he got another woman pregnant?”

“Oh,” Carly said as a look of caution came across her face. “I talked to him that day I found you with Willa.” I opened my mouth to ask her more about it, but she cut me off. “So, you see, that’s great news for you and me,” she grinned.

“How’s that?”

“With Niles parenting another child, that means he’ll be less involved with ours. It will at least be cut in half, right?”

“Good point,” I said, nodding. I had been so preoccupied with the scandalous information that I wasn’t considering the possible effects on us. Especially since he would be yoked through marriage to the mother of his second child. Maybe this was the sign I had been looking for after all.

“Also, I’m sorry for the way I responded to you and Willa,” Carly said as she took my hands in hers. “I know that you are an honest and honorable man. After thinking about it, I’m actually glad that you are having a baby with Willa.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I said incredulously.

“Seriously,” she replied. “All along, I’ve been carrying this huge guilt about having Niles’ baby. Now, with Willa carrying yours, it evens the score. You had sex with Willa, and I had sex with Niles. We forgive each other and move on, right? And then we get married and have two or three more kids together.”

“Right.”

“I forgive you,” she said and put out her hand for me to shake.

“Thank you,” I said as I took her hand.

“Aren’t you gonna say you forgive me?” she asked. I didn’t realize that she was being deceptive and asking for something recent.

“I already did,” I told her.

“I need to hear it again.”

“I forgive you, Carly.”

“Thank you,” she said sweetly before she hugged and kissed me. “I can’t wait until you’re my husband.”

“I can’t wait until you’re my wife.”

“Okay, then,” she said stepping away from me and putting her hands on her hips. “Now, let’s sit down and talk about boundaries and guidelines.”

Now that was more like Carly. The old Carly, that I knew so well. She and I drank iced tea and discussed how involved we would be with Willa and Niles. Apparently when she spoke with Niles the other day, he agreed to let her have sole custody for now. He simply would like to set up a visitation schedule. I agreed to only see Willa at fellowship, but no more getting together with her in private. Only when Willa had our baby would I become more involved with her. But just for the baby!