CHAPTER 18

WILLA

I could actually hear Billy Bob tossing and turning in his tent. I was unable to sleep myself but chose to read by lantern light rather than trying to force slumber. When I was finally nodding off, I heard Billy Bob’s tent open. To my surprise, he entered my tent without announcing himself.

That was very unlike Billy Bob. One of the things that drew me to him was how polite, considerate, and gentlemanly he was. He was wearing only boxer shorts. I had never even seen him with his shirt off. He looked even better than I had imagined with six-pack abs and large, toned muscles. His body was like a V, tapering down to narrow hips.

“There’s my beautiful bride,” Billy Bob said with a dreamy smile.

I had gotten undressed before I got into my sleeping bag. I had forgotten to bring a nightgown. I hiked the quilt like fabric up on my chest. Even though I tried to entice Billy Bob with my bikini top and short shorts earlier, now that I was in my birthday suit, I suddenly became modest.

“Billy Bob, what are you talking about?” I asked with a frown. I had finally gotten into a sleepy state. But with Billy Bob just barging uninvited into my tent, my adrenaline spiked. I was dazed, confused, and feeling like I was in a dream.

“Isn’t this a nice place to honeymoon?” he droned as if stoned. Sleep depravity must have made him loopy, because Billy Bob didn’t drink alcohol, let alone smoke dope.”

“I always dreamed of Paris,” I told him. “But yes, this is nice.”

“The babbling brook, the canopy of trees,” he continued. “But most important, my beautiful Willa.”

“Did you choose me then, Billy Bob?” I asked as my heart begin to soar.

“Indeed I have,” he said as he softly rubbed the back of his hand over my cheek.

He kissed me and I let him. After several minutes of passionate lip locking, Billy Bob unzipped my sleeping bag all the way down to my feet and uncovered me. It wasn’t the first time that I was naked in front of him. For I had disrobed when he sought my services as a woman for hire. He hadn’t been soliciting sex, but he had hoped that I would be his date for a wedding.

Back then, when selling sexual favors was my commodity, he refused to look. Now as someone who was attempting Christianity and living a chaste life, he looked. Not only did he look, he ran his eyes up and down in awe. Life is filled with ironies!

“Willa, you are so incredible. I can’t believe you’re mine.” he said as he slipped off his boxers and proceeded to join me in my sleeping bag.

“Billy Bob Booker! What are you doing?”

Despite my outrage, he chuckled. “What do you mean what am I doing? It’s our honeymoon!”

“Um, I don’t seem to recall our wedding.”

“Don’t be silly, Willy,” he said with a giggle. I had never heard him giggle before, and it caused me to do likewise. “You were there. Besides, who needs a ceremony and a piece of paper, as long as God was the witness.”

Forgive me for what happened next on several accounts. For one, I honestly didn’t know Billy Bob was sleepwalking, despite his strange behavior. Two, I was still adjusting to Christian behavior and hadn’t been baptized yet. Three, I still was battling an ‘all’s fair in love and war’ mindset. And four, I was simply head over heals in love with Mr. Booker.

“Billy Bob, am I to take it that you consider me your wife?” I asked as my head spun with this bizarre, yet wonderful this moment.

“Of course I do. I love you with all my heart, Willa. You’re such a beautiful bride.”

We then proceeded to make sweet, tender love. I expected to be cradled in Billy Bob’s arms the rest of the night. But as soon as the passion subsided, Billy Bob got up and trudged back to his tent like a zombie. To say I was stunned and mortified is an understatement. Forgive me if I’m giving too much information, but he didn’t even take his boxers.

I picked them up and followed, calling after him. He ignored me as he entered his tent and fell onto his bed roll. I threw his boxers into his tent and just stared, incredulous. Billy Bob began to emit soft snores just as tears began to trickle out of my eyes. He wasn’t the man I thought he was!

It hit me right away that I could never trust or love anyone, ever! Billy Bob was the most genuine seeming, decent man that I had ever met. Yet he duped me worse than any guy ever had, and ultimately treated me even worse than the whore I used to be. How could he? I felt like I was cursed. Maybe I deserved it.

Since I got no sleep the rest of the night, I arose at first light. I saddled my horse and went for a ride. Later when we were riding as a group, I did my best to avoid and ignore Billy Bob. And much to my chagrin, he seemed to be doing the same. When it came time to leave, I asked a lady named Brenda if I could ride home with her. This caused Billy Bob to cautiously confront me.

“Willa, what’s going on with you?” he pleaded.

“Whatever do you mean?” I asked with sing-song sarcasm.

“Obviously you’re mad and have been avoiding me.”

“Ya think?”

“But why?” he pleaded with open palms.

“Oh, and you haven’t been avoiding me?”

He looked away from me, avoiding eye contact.

“Do I really have to explain?” I asked with hands firmly on hips.

“It would be nice,” he said gently, his eyes returning to mine and looking sheepish.

I shook my head, crossed my arms, and laughed sarcastically.

“Please,” he begged.

“You took advantage of me,” I pointed a finger at him.

“What do you mean?” he replied, his eyes transforming from sheepish to surprised.

“So, you don’t love me?”

“Of course I love you, Willa.”

“But you’re staying with Carly?”

He opened his mouth and paused a couple seconds. “Well, yeah, that’s the plan.”

The impulse to slap him was overwhelming, but I refrained. “So I’m not your wife then?”

“What?” he asked with wide eyes and a puzzled look.

“So, it was all just a ploy to get me in the sack,” I said. “You’re such a phony! The biggest phony ever as a matter of fact!”

“Huh?” he responded, his eyes getting even bigger if possible.

“Take me for a little test drive, but decided you prefer the voluptuous, cheating Carly.”

“Willa, you’re making no sense.”

“Listen, Billy Bob, I don’t even want to be friends with you anymore. Please just stay away from me,” I declared before I spun and walked away from him. He called after me, but I ignored him, just as I would for the next several weeks. I’m sure my words hurt me as much as they did Billy Bob. Part of me still loved him, despite his bizarre betrayal.

Despite my discouragement, disappointment, and disillusion, I wasn’t tempted with my old lifestyle. I had come to realize just how much I hated it. I was tempted to stop attending Cotton Creek Cove, but I didn’t. New as I was to the fellowship, I had made some quality friends. Billy Bob even tried to solicit some of these friends to get me to talk to him. It didn’t work. What did work was a pregnancy test.

A couple months after Billy Bob visited my tent, I could no longer ignore the disruption with my menstrual cycle and morning sickness. A home pregnancy test indicated that Billy Bob was going to be a father. A trip to my doctor confirmed that I was an expecting mother. Oddly, I found myself happy and excited with the news once my head got around the matter. In the weeks following the fiasco with Billy Bob, I had come to accept the fact that I might be destined to be alone when it came to romantic relationships. But I would always have my child.

Time had cooled me down. Carrying Billy Bob’s baby foolishly made me feel drawn to him once again and long for him. I would go to his place and tell him he was going to be a daddy. Maybe there was a slim hope he would have an explanation for his behavior that fateful night. I came to believe that he would. I also came to believe that this would make him choose me over Carly. Once again, I was tempted with a sexy look. Maybe I can blame it on my changing hormones.

I dressed in the same get-up I had worn that infamous day my child was conceived with my red bikini top and tiny jean shorts. I looked at myself in a full-length mirror to see if I was showing yet. I didn’t look pregnant yet, but I had a bit of difficulty securing my already too small bikini top. It occurred to me that it wasn’t entirely Billy Bob’s fault alone. With my attire, I had purposely enticed him. I slipped a red sundress over my wardrobe, or lack thereof.

My heart soared when Billy Bob opened his door and I saw those warm, friendly eyes on mine. But then my heart sank when his fell.

BILLY BOB

It was hard facing Willa the morning after the dream I had about her when we were camping. It was as if she knew, but how could she? It was the most real and graphic erotic dream I had ever experienced, and the first since I was a teenager. Even though it was all in my head, I felt embarrassed around her. Then the way she exhibited hostility toward me only enhanced my self-conscious feelings.

It both saddened and puzzled me during the following weeks as Willa continually gave me the cold shoulder. It was as if she knew about my dream, and now she found me a repulsive pervert. But how was that possible? She couldn’t have gotten into my head. Not that way anyway.

About two months after the fateful horse excursion camping trip, there was a knock on my door. I looked at the time and frowned as I moved to open it. I was expecting Carly in a half an hour, but apparently, she was early. This was different since Carly was almost always fashionably late. I felt a smile spread across my face as I prepared to tease her. I was stunned to discover Willa at my door.

“Hi, Billy Bob,” she said uneasily.

“Willa,” I said with surprise. Then I grinned happily.

When I first saw her, surprise and caution had made my smile disappear. But when I assumed she was extending an olive branch, my grin returned as big as can be.

“Come in, come in,” I enthused. “Please, tell me you forgive me.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I forgive you. I also want to thank you. That’s why I’m here.”

“Thank me for what?” I frowned.

“For giving me a baby,” she replied with shy smile.

“How did I give you a baby?” I chuckled, oblivious to what she was talking about. I was so happy to be making up with her, the strangeness of her statement didn’t hit me. “My dog didn’t have puppies.”

“No silly, I’m talking about your visit to my tent several weeks ago. It resulted with me becoming pregnant.”

“What are you talking about?” I frowned, beyond confused. “What visit to your tent?”

She put her hands on her hips, scowled and began to chew her luscious lower lip. My breath caught. Could a female possibly be more gorgeous? Yet I perceived she was becoming angry. “Willa, please, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. Will you please just explain it to me? Come on. Let’s sit down and talk.”

Willa was wearing a red sundress, and her silky, dark hair was pulled back with a hair clip. I caught the scent of her perfume when she walked past me. It made me want to cuddle up with her on my couch as she approached it. I found out later it was called ‘Amazing Grace.’  

I shook off the thought. My fiancée would be here in just a little while, and we had come to a good understanding of boundaries. She with Niles, and me with Willa. Now Willa’s unexpected visit would likely cause my truce with my future wife to be thrown in disruption. Despite my anxiety, I hoped to make peace with Willa. I also hoped Carly would understand when I explained the unannounced visit.

Willa sat on my sofa and kicked off the same red Converse shoes that she had worn on the camping trip. She crossed one amazing leg over the other. Her nails were painted that familiar shade of red, too. I focused on her face, which wasn’t much help when she ran her tongue over her lips, and then she puckered them in consternation.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked.

“No, thanks,” she replied, and then she sighed. “I just wanted to stop by and tell you about my baby. I thought you had a right to know.”

I pulled a chair close to and directly across from her. What Willa had said started to sink in, and it made my head swim. She was pregnant and claiming I was the father, even though we were never intimate. My heart started to pound. What was she talking about?

“Okay, Willa,” I began slowly, wondering if she had some type of mental problem. “So, you say you’re pregnant, and I’m the father? But how could that possibly be?”

She snorted and shook her head. “So, you’re gonna tell me that you have no recollection of coming into my tent, telling me that I was your wife, telling me that you loved me, telling me that we were on our honeymoon, and then proceeding to make love with me?”

I gazed at her stunned. She was describing my erotic dream. But how could she be? Then a tear trickled out of her eye like a subtle exclamation point. “Well?” she asked with raised eyebrows and angrily crossing her arms.

We stared at each other for a long awkward moment. She was mad and defiant while I was confused and bewildered. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d had a sleepwalking issue as a youth. To my knowledge, I hadn’t done it in around a decade. “Willa, God as my witness, I thought it was a dream,” I told her as I showed her my palms.

“A dream?” she asked as now her eyebrows went the other direction from the frown she had been displaying.

“I was sleeping fitfully, and I had this strange dream,” I explained. “I dreamt you and I got married.”

“I wish you didn’t think marrying me was strange,” Willa said with something like disappointment.

“No, marrying you felt wonderful,” I said as I felt a pleased expression come over my face, despite this strange encounter.

“Really?” she asked with delight creeping into her face.

“Yeah. What was strange was that Carly was your maid of honor, Dirk Easton was my best man, and Niles was officiating.”

“Carly was my maid of honor?” Willa’s lovely face scowled. “I don’t think so. And Niles was officiating? Yuck.”

“Yeah, but then Captain Kirk told him he needed to leave. He refused, and they began to scuffle. Then Brock Storm came up and put Niles in a headlock and drug him away. Then it gets a little vague, but the wedding was over, and you said you wanted to go to the horse excursion place for our honeymoon. The next thing I knew, we were in a tent and, um, I thought I had the most incredible, realistic erotic dream of my life.”

“Really?” Willa asked cautiously. “You thought it was the most incredible dream of your life?”

“Yeah,” I enthused. “But like I said, I totally thought it was a dream. That’s why I felt so awkward around you in the morning when you were behaving so coldly toward me. Can you blame me?”

“No, of course not,” she replied soothingly and with a warm smile as she placed a hand on my forearm.

“I became paranoid thinking you somehow knew about the dream,” I continued. “I thought you at least knew how much I struggled not to lust after you, and therefore found me to be a major hypocrite.”

“So, you have desired me then?” she asked, skeptically.

“Are you kidding?” I chortled. “Even though I now adhere to abstinence before marriage, I’m twenty-two years old. Seeing you in those tiny shorts and bikini top for a big chunk of that day, holy smokes! I know it was the main contributing factor to my dream.”

Willa suddenly looked forlorn and hung her head. “Sorry. Here I’ve been mad at you when it was mostly my fault.”

“It’s my own fault,” I said softly. “It’s up to me to control my eyes and thoughts. I can’t believe it wasn’t a dream though. So that’s why you’ve been mad at me?”

“You bet,” Willa replied, snapping her eyes up to mine. “To be honest you did seem to be a little zoned that night. You know, not quite yourself. But I genuinely believed you when you declared us man and wife. I thought we were consummating a ‘’til death do us part’ relationship. At the time, I didn’t need a piece of paper or a ceremony for a legit bond in the eyes of God. I figured that you decided on me over Carly, so I allowed you into my sacred spot, so to speak.”

Oh no, Carly! Her baby was due in less than two months. We were gonna get married a few weeks after she or he was born. I was up in the air at the time of the horse excursion about Carly, Niles, the baby, and me. But then Willa’s and my friendship ended. Plus Carly was also keeping proper distance from Niles, which led us to repair our relationship. We were now communicating and on the same page. I was becoming more and more comfortable with the whole baby triangle of mother, father, and stepfather. As well as I could be, anyway.

“Billy, what’s wrong?” Willa asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to absorb everything.”

“So, you were walking in your sleep, you say?” Willa asked.

“I had some incidences with it when I was a kid,” I told her. “But to my knowledge, this was the first time since I was probably eleven or twelve. It must have been stress I had been feeling over Carly, and, well, you.”

“I owe you a major apology, Billy Bob.”

“For what?”

“I should have known there was an explanation for why our lovemaking ended the way it did,” Willa told me. “I just couldn’t fathom what it could possibly have been. I guess my hurt emotions coupled with jealousy over Carly snuffed down my reason. I just never expected to ever feel, you know, used by you. I didn’t think you were that type of guy at all, so it threw me for a loop.”

“What do you mean by how our lovemaking ended?” I asked cautiously. “What did I do?”

“Well, after you, um, planted your seed, so to speak,” she said with a shy smile, “I was expecting a long night of cuddling and sleeping in your arms. Instead you just got up like a zombie without so much as a kiss on my cheek and ambled back to your tent.”

I knelt in front of her and took both her hands in mine. “Willa, I’m so sorry,” I said. “I remember the planting the seed part, even though I thought it was a dream. Then I woke up, completely thinking I had an, um, erotic dream. But Willa, know this, if it wasn’t a dream, there’s no way we wouldn’t have spent the entire night in each other’s arms.”

“I guess I know that now,” she replied sweetly as she gently touched my forearm.

I had already felt guilt and shame for the said dream. If I hadn’t been tantalized by Willa’s beauty and sensuality, I wouldn’t have had the dream in the first place. But that’s no excuse. It sank in that our intimacy was not just a dream, but a sleepwalking episode. This made me feel like I sexually violated Willa. I became so overwhelmed with remorse that, in a daze, I tried to lower myself back into my chair. My rear end just grazed it, and I thudded hard onto the floor. My vision blurred, and I shut my eyes. I felt Willa’s warm breath on my cheek as she spoke. Then I heard a knock.