CHAPTER 17

BILLY BOB

Carly and I had a disagreement before I went on an overnight camping trip. She had claimed that she had given Willa and me plenty of leeway to pursue our friendship, but she thought an overnight camping trip was crossing a line. I argued that we would have separate tents, and there would be a dozen people altogether. The argument ended in a stalemate, but I thought about how I would feel if she camped overnight with Niles. Besides, I needed to once and for all put restrictions on my friendship with Willa.

The next day, I immediately went to Carly’s apartment before leaving on the camping trip. I was going to acknowledge that she was right, and I was considering skipping the outing.

Arriving at Carly’s turned out to be deja’vu all over again. Once again, I spotted Niles’ car. Once again, I snuck around back like a jealous fool. This time instead of getting a massage, the bad doctor stood behind Carly, spooning her as his hand gently swirled a hand over her belly.  My heart began to sink, ache and break.

Not only was she not stopping his ministrations, she reached back and ran fingers into his hair as she closed her eyes. I had to look away. A minute or two later, I peeked again. This time I watched them go into her bedroom and close the door.

With my heart about to pound right through my chest, I ran around the complex. My trembling finger was about to push her intercom button, but I stopped. What was I gonna do shout, ‘Ah-ha!’? Plus, my emotions and mindset were all over the place. I was angry and sad, and ironically, when I thought about just breaking it off, I felt an odd twinge of relief.

I plodded back to my truck with my mind racing. As minute after minute went by, I became calmer. I just needed to patiently go and confront them. But not even ten minutes after I spotted their cuddle, Niles left, and he didn’t look very happy.

As I approached Carly’s door, I felt both pleased that Niles looked displeased, yet angry that she was letting him touch her so intimately. This was the second time I happened upon them being too friendly. How many times had it happened when I wasn’t around?

“Hi,” Carly sang cheerfully, even though her eyes looked startled. “I thought you were going camping?”

            “Look, Carly, I decided not to go on that horse excursion after all.”

“No, Billy, I want you to go. It’s only fair. Because of this baby, Niles is going to be an element in our lives for a long, long time. We both need to learn to put all jealousies aside and allow each other the freedom of our friendships. Whether I like it or not, I’m carrying Niles’ child, and I want things between him and I to be as friendly as possible. So I decided that your friendship with Willa kind of balances things out? You see what I mean?”

Life is filled with ironies. The night before we argued. We now proceeded with another disagreement, only now we took opposite positions. I eventually relented and continued with my plans to camp overnight with the horse excursion. But my mind was troubled. I was so glad that Carly and Niles didn’t have sex, yet they did get touchy feely.

I wish I could ask why they went to the bedroom, but that would reveal that I had been spying. I was glad to be getting away and going on this camping trip. Yet, two things Carly said kept circling in my brain and putting a damper on my mood. The baby has made Niles a different man, and he will be an element of our lives for a long, long time.

To make matters worse for my chaotic mind, I had agreed to give Willa a ride. When I picked her up, she was wearing only tiny jean shorts and a bikini top. Correction, she also wore red Converse sneakers. Now, with all that was spinning around my brain, I would have the constant temptation to lust after Willa. Then again maybe that distraction would keep me from dwelling on this odd triangle that I found myself in with Carly and Niles. I always considered myself a simple man. How did my existence end up so twisted?

Then a quick stop at Lyle’s house turned into a major TMI moment when we accidentally saw Lyle and Devin getting more than friendly. I could tell by how quickly Willa walked to my truck that she was dying to discuss Devin and Lyle. Yet I stayed ahead of her, wanting to avoid the subject of our discovery as long as possible.

My mind was definitely being taken off of my own troubles, but not in a good way. Willa and I climbed into my truck, and she kicked off her shoes and leaned toward me.

“Well?” Willa inquired as she winced, her pretty face scrunched in emotional pain. I couldn’t avoid the subject now; she was upset by what we had witnessed. I wanted to comfort my friend, and I knew how she felt. For today, we had both seen potential mates being rather friendly with another person. Poor Willa’s was much more graphic.

“Well that was awkward,” I said.

“Yes,” she added, and then groaned.

 She had one spectacular leg crossed over the other, and she was bent over, rubbing her ankle. Her breasts look like they might spill out of her bikini top. Female flesh couldn’t possibly have looked more enticing. Then to my own surprise, I reached out and touched her knee a minute later. Although it was motivated by sympathy rather than lust.

“Sorry you had to see that,” I told her.

“Did you know about them?” she asked.

“Lyle yes, Devin no. How about you?”

“Lyle yes, Devin no.”

I asked her how she knew about Lyle, but she wouldn’t tell me. Something about not divulging her former client’s secrets. But knowing she could keep a secret, I told her about Lyle being drunk, confiding his secret that he liked guys as well as gals, and then propositioning me. It occurred to me that not only had I not told Carly about this incident, I didn’t intend to. If she found out about Lyle’s proclivities, it wouldn’t be from me.

            Willa winced again, and looked like she might cry. That’s when I reached out and gently patted her on the knee. “Sorry about Devin.”

            Then to my surprise, she giggled. “Oh, I’m not upset about Devin. I twisted my ankle in our haste to leave.”

            Without thinking, which could be dangerous, I reached for her lower leg, and gently placed her foot on my lap so I could massage her injury. My spontaneous action had pure motives. But as I ministered to her pain, the purity became impure. Like I said, she was as enticing to the male instinct as a female could be. I heard her speak but was only half paying attention.

            “I’m in love with someone else,” she said.

            “Me too,” I responded without thinking. Once again, dangerous.

            I apologize if this is TMI, but I began to feel aroused. So I carefully removed her amazing leg and delicate foot from my lap. I looked at her, and she was staring intently at me. My first thought was that she was aware of my being turned on, and I blurted, “Sorry!”

            “About what?”

            “You know, just grabbing your leg, and… You know… Just, ah…”

            “Don’t be sorry, it felt good.”

            “Then why are you looking at me funny?”

            “Who are you in love with?” she demanded.

            “Huh?” I responded with what had to be the look of a deer in headlights.

            “I said that I’m in love with someone besides Devin, and you said me too. And now I’m asking, who did you mean?”

            “Who did you mean?”

            “If you have to ask that, you’re pretty dense.”

            “Willa, I’m in love Carly, and I made a promise to her intend to keep,” I blubbered. Although her face was still, I detected hurt in her eyes, so divulged something I had intended to keep to myself. “But I’m in love with you too.”

            “So choose me, and let Niles be with the woman he’s having a child with.”

            If she intended to get under my skin with that comment about Niles, it worked.

            “Niles is no good for her.”

            “Is that why you plan to marry her, just so Niles can’t have her?”

            “To be honest, that plays a role.”

            “You’re stupid!”

            “I never claimed not to be,” I spit with a frown.

            She laughed and shook her head, which only seemed to emphasize my stupidity. Then she put a hand on my knee and said, “I’m sorry.”

            “I’m sorry too, Willa. I don’t mean to be a jerk, but I never should have agreed to give you a ride to this camping trip.”

            She snorted a sarcastic laugh. “So you’re really gonna end a wonderful friendship because Carly can’t handle it. Even though Niles is gonna be a third party in your own relationship, due to Carly carrying his child.”

            “It’s me that can’t handle it.”

            “Fine! I’ll make sure to stay on the opposite side of the church from now on.”

            “Willa,” I began soothingly. “We can still be friends. I just think it would be best not to be alone together.”

            “Why? Can’t you handle it?”

            “No.”

            “Oh, okay,” she began mockingly. “Would you mind writing up a set of rules, so I know what is and isn’t permissible?”

            “Let’s just go.”

            We drove in awkward silence for several minutes. I didn’t understand why she didn’t seem bothered by discovering Devin and Lyles’s secret. The last thing I knew, she and Devin had been dating. I know it had been a relatively short courtship, but I would think she would have been upset seeing him with someone else. Very cautiously I inquired about it, and thankfully she seemed eager to explain.

Willa proceeded to tell me about the previous night with Devin. His odd behavior, their argument, and their breakup. She wrapped up her tale of tangled relations as we pulled into the campsite. Then we began to unload our gear as the others arrived. Seeing them was a beautiful site, causeing Willa to put on a shirt. Hot my foot, she was trying to entice with that tiny bikini top and short shorts.

We all chatted for several minutes, and then everyone set about setting up their camp. But then after I set up my things, I realized that Willa wasn’t all that familiar with camping. She frowned, looking at the stakes, poles, and canvas.

“Do you need help setting up your tent?” I asked Willa.

“Yes, please. Where’s yours?” she asked with a frown.

“Over there,” I pointed down by the stream. It was barely visible and about fifty yards from where everybody was setting up camp.

Willa looked at all the tents being set up in a group and then looked toward mine. “Can I be by you?” she asked. I hesitated because I assumed she would be with one of the ladies from our group. I opened my mouth and then closed it.

“Would it be a sin for our separate tents to be close to each other?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

“Of course not.” I replied before we took her tent toward mine. After all, this wasn’t alone and the others were within shouting distance.

After everyone had their tents set up, the group grilled food, and we ate and talked. Just before sunset, Willa and I walked to our tents. When we got there, she removed the T-shirt she had donned upon arrival at the campsite and was back in only her red bikini top and jean shorts. Pretty much confirming my suspicions. To be honest, part of me was flattered that such a beautiful woman was going out of her was to entice me.

“Will you put this back on?” I asked as I handed her the shirt.

“No,” she said stubbornly, even though she took the shirt. “I’m hot.”

“Yes, you are,” I mumbled as I turned away from her.

“What’d you say?” she asked heatedly as she grasped my arm and turned me back toward her.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for and disrespectful,” I admitted.

“No, Billy Bob,” she said quietly as she put a hand to my cheek. “It’s music to my ears coming from you.”

A slight breeze blew a wisp of her hair over her mouth as puffs from cottonwood trees floated and danced around us. In awe of her beauty, I slowly drew the hair strands from her mouth with a finger. “It feels a little like Cotton Creek here,” I said trying to chuckle as I pulled my hand away quickly.

“Billy,” she whispered as she gently grasped my hand, her eyes seeming to well with tears. “I don’t think it’s just Carly, I think it’s my past. I believe God forgives me. So why don’t you?”

“Willa, it’s not that,” I moaned, wondering if it was a lie. “It’s complicated.”

Maybe she had a point. Was I being judgmental in some way? It was a no brainer that Willa was not only a knockout but had a great personality. But I admit that I had a hard time getting my brain around her past and just how many guys she had some form of sex with as a prostitute. Plus, I remember just how flippant and casual she was when she talked about losing her virginity with a guy she didn’t even like, let alone love. Yet she was now a new Christian, and all things were new, right?

Maybe that’s why I found myself settling for Carly. I just don’t know why, for some insane reason, Willa was attracted to me. I guess my subconscious didn’t believe it was genuine. It was obvious she had changed her life. Did I just not trust that it was permanent? So many people become Christians and then give it up. Is that why I found myself snubbing this ravaging beauty for a woman that was pregnant by another man? Was I crazy?

“Billy, forgive me,” she said softly as she put a hand on my cheek, making me look into her beautiful golden eyes. “But I’m going to take poetic license, for lack of better words. All is fair in love and war. Carly has cheated on you before. Given what you have told me, I think she’ll do it again. She’s warming to Niles again. Can’t you see it?”

“I know, but …” I stammered.

“How long before warm becomes hot after the baby’s born?” I opened my mouth but closed it before Willa could point out my misguided love. “I know I’m a former whore,” she said as tears now began to emerge from her eyes. “But I would never, ever cheat on you. Old things are past, behold, all things are new. Do you believe that, Billy?”

“Yes, of course,” I whispered in a state of confusion at our cosmically connected, duplicated thoughts.

“Do you believe that it applies to me?” she croaked as she pointed a finger aggressively at her scantily covered chest.

“Yes, of course.”

“Are you familiar with Revelation 3:15 and 16?”

“Not off hand,” I mumbled.

“I’ll paraphrase because I don’t’ know it exactly without looking,” she said, quickly and excitedly. “But the point is, it says God would rather us be cold or hot and not lukewarm. I’ll never ever be in a position to call Carly lukewarm since we can’t judge others. But I guarantee you this: I’ve been cold as a hooker, but now I’m hot for the Lord. No, I may not be perfect in every detail of my religious life as I’m new and growing. I’ve got a lot to learn and always will. But I’ll tell you this much, Billy Bob Booker. If you were my man…”

Willa sighed and seemed to deflate as she shook her head so violently a tear actually flung off of her cheek. She pinched the bridge of her nose, then turned from me and walked quickly to her tent. I grabbed her hand, stopping her.

“What if I was your man?” I asked quietly.

“I would never leave nor forsake you,” she said with a sweet, sad smile and pure love pouring from her eyes, more pronounced than the tears. I couldn’t stop my mouth from moving toward hers. Our kiss was feather light. When I moved to kiss her again, she placed both hands on my chest, stopping me. “Are you choosing me, Billy Bob?” she asked, just above a whisper.

“I… I don’t know,” I whispered back.

“Billy Bob, know this,” she said, causing me to look at her with earnest. “You’re the only man on this planet that I would marry right this minute if asked.”

We stared at each other for a moment before her lower lip trembled. She gave a little shrug as she turned toward her tent. She disappeared inside it as my brain became numb, even as it swirled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. I went to my own tent and settled into what seemed like the most fitful sleep of my life. It would also become the most fateful slumber of my life. You see, I had been a sleepwalker in my youth. But to my knowledge, it hadn’t happened in many years. I suppose it might have been the stress of my complicated love life, I don’t know. What I do know is it happened on this very camping trip. It also caused my already complicated love life to become much more complicated.