CHAPTER 8

BILLY BOB

It couldn’t get Willa off my mind. It felt like I was falling in love with her or something. Yet I knew we weren’t right for each other at all. I think it overwhelmed me that someone so exquisitely attractive seemed to genuinely desire me. Most importantly, we really seemed to hit it off as friends.

So, I was totally taken off guard with her behavior on the day of the wedding when things between us turned a bit passionate. Thankfully, I was able to defuse the situation and establish us strictly as friends. It wasn’t easy. I battled carnal desire verses spiritual reason like never before. Little did I know it would only be the beginning, and not just involve Willa.

However Willa was a fantastic date to the wedding, and I left feeling like we did it honestly. The wonderful thing was that I simply enjoyed Willa’s company, and this overshadowed her appearance. But yes, the vanity of having a stunning woman on my arm flickered through my mind several times, especially when Carly watched us. Then four days after the wedding, I received a surprise visit from my ex.

“Carly,” I greeted her. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hey, Billy,” she replied shyly and then looked at her sandaled feet. “Is it really a pleasure?”

Carly looked as beautiful as I had ever seen her. Her long blonde hair fell free, cascading over her shoulders. The makeup she wore was subtle and accentuated her cheek bones and sensuous lips, while causing a diversion from her narrow nose and close-set eyes. She wore a knee length denim skirt and a green spaghetti strap top.

“Of course it is,” I replied. “Why wouldn’t it be? We’ve moved on. We’ve been more than civil with each other. I even shook your lover’s hand at the wedding.”

“Former lover,” she cringed. “And I hate that word lover. It sounds like something cheap and tainted.”

“It is what it is,” I replied, shrugging as glee filled my tormented soul. Did she say former lover? “But what do you mean by former lover?”

I had decided over the last couple of months that if by chance things didn’t work out between Carly and Dr. Niles Wentworth, I would consider reconciliation if she came back to me. Call me a fool if you will, but I never stopped loving her, even though she broke my heart. I still had the engagement ring that I bought her.

I really wanted a wife and a family someday. I also figured that if Carly did want me back, it would be because she realized her error. Christianity was about forgiveness, repentance, and moving forward. We went more than half a decade as a monogamous couple without her cheating. Hopefully having made such a huge mistake, she would have learned from it, making it unlikely that she would ever do it again.

 I definitely considered her behavior in dumping me a form of cheating. But it occurred to me that when she did choose another guy over me, she technically waited until she broke up with me before they consummated their affair. Unfortunately, it was at an inopportune time since I had just proposed marriage. Yet would there ever have been an opportune time for heartbreak? Plus, like I said, she didn’t actually commit adultery. We weren’t even engaged, let alone married.

“We broke up for good the night of the wedding,” she declared.

“What do you mean for good?” I asked.

“About a month ago, Niles and I got into an argument, and he slapped me,” Carly explained. “He instantly regretted it, and I eventually forgave him. But I put the brakes on our relationship. So we still went on dates and talked regularly. We seemed to be on the right track again, so I agreed to spend the night with him after we attended the wedding. But then we had our first fight since the night he slapped me. I refused to sleep with him, and he went berserk and threatened to get physical again.”

“You know what’s weird?” I asked. “If you and Niles were to duke it out, I’d pick you to clean his clock. If you don’t mind me asking, what caused such a heated argument the other night?”

Was that disingenuous? Because I had a pretty good idea of the cause.

“Well,” she said as a sheepish look came onto her face. “It all started over that smoking hot friend of yours.”

The fact that Carly referred to Willa as my friend without the girl in front didn’t go beyond my notice.

She continued. “It didn’t go beyond my notice that Niles kept undressing your friend with his eyes all night. I told him so as he drove me home. I also told him that because of it, I wasn’t ready to have sex with him again yet. He didn’t even get defensive or apologize over my accusations. He just lamented that he had been looking forward to sex for days, so he couldn’t help examining such a fine female as your friend. When I told him too bad, he accused me of pining for you. Do you know what I told him?”

“What?” I asked as my pulse quickened.

“I told him he was absolutely right,” she replied boldly. “I told him leaving you for him was by far the biggest mistake of my life. That’s when he lost it and freaked out.”

“Carly,” I whispered.

“I’m not gonna lie,” she said, crossing her arms definitely as tears began to leak from her eyes. “I’ve never felt more jealous in my life than seeing you with that, what’s her name, Willa. How did you two meet, anyway?”

“A friend introduced us,” I stammered uneasily.

“I see. So are you two serious? You seemed pretty cozy.”

“Willa and I are just friends, Carly,” I said. “Mostly we got to know each other because I took her horseback riding at the Mannings’. When I told her I was dreading the wedding because you would be there with your new guy, she offered to accompany me and sort of pretend we were an item.”

“Billy!” Carly exclaimed as she put her hands on her hips.  Her mouth was agape with astonishment, but her eyes were amused. I shrugged and grinned sheepishly. Then her face became serious with her eyes warm and misty. She quietly asked, with the hope of a child in her countenance. “Billy, is there any chance for you and me?”

What I did next may have been foolish, but in the long run, it did prove to be the right thing. I took a step toward her and took both of her hands in mine. I looked into her eyes as she stared intently into mine. “I still have your engagement ring,” I told her. “I’m not ready to give it to you just yet. We have a lot of sorting out to do. So yes, there’s definitely a chance for us.”

Carly bit her lower lip as she gently cupped my face with her hands and kissed me softly on the lips. I pulled her into an embrace, relishing the familiarity. “Billy, just so you know,” she told me as she pulled back from our embrace, “if and when you deem the time right to propose to me, the answer is most definitely going to be yes.”

I nodded. “Do you want to come sit, have a glass of iced tea, and start sorting out?”

“I’d like that very much,” she said with a smile.

We talked for hours. We laughed, cried, and desired. The desire part came to a boil as Carly prepared to leave. I walked her to her car and opened the door for her. We hugged one more time and then she began to lower herself into the driver’s seat.

“Come here a minute,” I said pulling her out of her car, just before she could get seated. “Welcome back.” We kissed for a couple minutes before she pulled away, gazing seductively at me as she bit her lower lip.

“Billy, do want me to spend the night?” Carly asked.

“Carnally speaking, there’s nothing I’d want more,” I replied. “But you and I having premarital sex was what made the pain of your betrayal extra sharp.”

“Please don’t call it betrayal anymore,” Carly said with hands on her hips, but also with a pleading pout on her face. “I know what I did was terrible, but I did wait to break up with you before I actually became involved with Niles.”

“I concede,” I replied. “You did try to be honorable.” Tears instantly filled her eyes as she nodded and bowed her head. I pulled her into an embrace once again. “We talked a lot tonight about what led to our split,” I said soothingly. “We didn’t really get into the damage of our split. That’s why our reconciliation will take time.”

“So, we’re gonna wait until we’re, you know, married to be, um, intimate?” she asked after she pulled away from me.

“I think that would be best,” I said as I gently stroked the side of her head.

“How long will that be?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, we need to play it by ear and see how it goes, Okay?”

“Okay,” she smiled sadly, but contentedly. “You’re wise and wonderful beyond your years. I’m sorrier than I can ever express. I’ll wait years for you if I have to. Just like Jacob waited for Rachel in the Bible.”

“Acknowledgment is a huge step in the right direction,” I said as I frowned at her comparison to Rachel and Jacob. Was I doing the right thing? It felt so incredibly good to hold and kiss her again; it was so familiar. Was I letting sentiment and emotion get in the way of reason? Were my kisses with Willa affecting my judgement?

It also felt incredible getting cozy with Willa a few days ago. Willa and I also got along very well as friends. What a shame she was a prostitute. Would it make a difference if she gave it up? That was a big if! But if she would give it up, what would be worse? Being yoked with a former hooker? Or a former, longtime girlfriend who betrayed me? I felt more comfortable with the latter as I compared the two.

I wondered how long it would be before Carly earned my trust back. I didn’t want to be alone, and I loved being in a relationship. I also really longed to be married and start a family. I had a good feeling about Carly’s repentance. On the other hand, I had a good feeling about proposing to her six months earlier. You can’t trust feelings.

But the facts were in her integrity and explanation. She had refrained from the actual affair until she had informed me that there was someone else. Yes, you could say an emotional affair began before that. But I believed her when she said she fought it. When she finally came head-to-head with temptation, she broke up with me first.

Besides, we hadn’t been engaged yet. There was no ring on her left ring finger claiming her as spoken for. As a matter of fact, if I hadn’t waited so long to propose, her dalliance with Niles Wentworth probably would have never gotten off the ground. I now saw her affair as partially my own fault.

I was so glad Carly came over and we talked. I felt confident that once we said our vows before God and witnesses, she would never betray them. I would need to dig her engagement ring out of my sock drawer and get it on her finger sooner rather than later!