CIII

FOR WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? IT IS EVEN A VAPOR THAT APPEARS FOR A LITTLE TIME AND THEN VANISHES AWAY

JAMES 4:14

SEVEN SALLIE

I hadn’t seen or spoken to Oscar Olney in over two years. We had once been great friends, but things had become strained after my conversion to Biblical Christianity. It wasn’t so much my conversion that alienated Oscar, but how my syndicated radio show drastically changed because of it. I ended up fired from my own show.

We did a lot of pranks on ‘The Seven Sallie Showdown,’ and I just didn’t feel comfortable making people uncomfortable anymore. The entire show had an element of mean spiritedness to it. Whether it was pranks, commentary on politics, profiling celebrities, or discussions on religion.

Oscar was one of my co-hosts on ‘The Showdown’ so I could understand why he had been upset with me. Oscar was probably the most profound example in my life of when Jesus said, “I came not to bring peace, but a sword.” (Matthew 10:34)

Oscar reminded me of a cross between John Belushi and Tony Kornheiser. He looked more like Belushi, but sounded more like Kornheiser when he spoke. He was a New Yorker through and through. To look at him, you could picture him laboring on the docks, or working construction and whistling at passing women. I could also envision him playing ‘right guard’ for the Jets. Pun intended. That boy could get pretty ripe when he was playing softball or basketball.

Out of the blue, I got a text that he was flying into the Eastern Iowa Airport, asking if I was available to pick him up. I replied that I could, but he didn’t leave me much time. So instead of calling him and asking what was up, I threw on some shoes and scrambled to my car.

He was a hard guy to miss so I spotted him instantly. He was almost taking up two seats as he sat in the airport with his eyes closed, headphones snuggly clutching his head. I stood in front of him and chuckled. It took almost five minutes for his eyes to open and then widen.

“Seven, you old dog!” he exclaimed as he sprang to his feet, and surprisingly, pulled me into a bear hug. Oscar was the furthest thing from a touchy feely guy. I was stunned again when he pulled away and a tear crept down his cheek. Maybe he didn’t hold the animosity that I had thought. He really missed me! Turned out, I was a bit off with that theory.

“Can you believe it about Felix and Stacey?” he asked and then shook his head.

“Felix Floyd and Stacey Harper?” I asked. “What about them?”

He looked at me in disbelief. “Nobody called you?”

“Called me about what?” I asked as my heart began to speed up, and my brain whirled. I sensed this wasn’t gonna be good.

Oscar groaned and rubbed a meaty hand over his eyes before looking at me solemnly. “They’re dead, my friend.”

“What!” I heard myself respond.

Stacey Harper had been the producer of the Seven Sallie Showdown. Dan “Felix” Floyd had been a second co-host. I guess now would be a good time to tell you that Oscar wasn’t Olney’s given name, it was Lyle.

Oscar and Felix had been long time friends. They met in college, Northwestern to be precise. Felix had dreamt of being a news anchor, and Oscar had longed to be some type of comedian. Another, well, John Belushi I suppose. But when ‘Second City’ didn’t work out, he enrolled at Northwestern to pursue journalism.

They both left college after two years and became deejays together. They got their first good gig in Dan “Felix” Floyd’s hometown of St Louis. Due to Dan’s lean physique, impeccably neat appearance, and fastidiousness, and Lyle’s sloppy, unkept look, their college pals had labeled them the ‘Odd Couple’ and began calling them Oscar and Felix. They kept the monikers for their radio shows, and had been known as Felix and Oscar ever since.

Stacey Harper, my producer on ‘The Seven Sallie Showdown,’ had brought the odd couple into our fold when we were a new and aspiring show. After me of course, Felix and Oscar were the staple of the show. Felix, a professed Christian, and Oscar, an agnostic who embraced the occult, had numerous heated debates on ‘The Showdown.’ These usually took place after some type of religious scandal was in the news.

“I can’t believe nobody called me,” I mumbled.

“Dude,” Oscar groaned as he winced and rubbed a meaty hand over his eyes again. “It’s my bad. I said I was gonna fly into Cedar Rapids and snag ya, and then go to the funerals in St. Louie. That’s probably why nobody called.”

Stacey and Felix were both from the St. Louis area. That’s why Stacey was aware of their show on a local rock station when she brought them over to us.

“How’d they end up dying at the same time?” I asked, even though I expected something like the reply Oscar gave.

“Traffic accident,” Oscar said and sighed. “They tangled with a semi and lost.”

“What were they doing together?” I asked. “I heard Felix had moved back to St. Louis, but I thought Stacey was living in Chicago.”

“She was. She became a program manager at some Chicago station,” he said, and then gave me a fixed stare. “After you sabotaged the ‘Showdown,’ it didn’t last long without ya.”

“Hey,” I replied boldly. “The show left me, I didn’t leave the show.”

“Is that right?” Oscar drawled sarcastically. “You changed the format completely. People tuned in to hear the brash, sarcastic Seven Sallie, and his witty cohorts. Not to listen to yet another phony, God is love nit wit. I check up on your career from time to time, you know. You’re lucky if you have ten percent of the followers you once had.”

“You must not be following too close,” I said. “I’m up to about twenty percent of what I once had.”

“Oh boy! Let’s get you booked on one of the late night talk shows.”

“Look, Stacey and Felix are gone,” I said as I felt something warm and wet tickle my cheeks. “Let’s not quibble about old grievances.”

Oscar looked stunned for a few seconds. He had never witnessed the stoic Seven Sallie weep before. Then with his eyes hooded, he hung his head and nodded. “Sorry.”

Now I felt a stunned look come over my face. For I had never, ever heard Oscar Olney say he was sorry.

“Just one more thing though, Oscar,” I said softly. He looked up, and I was surprised again to see his own eyes were watery and red. “By the time I was done with the ‘Showdown,’ I had been drinking myself to death and I was estranged from my daughter. Now I’m sober, and my precious daughter is back and better than ever in my life. I also have a wife and a baby boy.”

“You what?” Oscar said as his eyes widened. “How come you never invited me to the wedding, or at least told me?”

“Oh I don’t know. I guess because the last time we spoke, you told me to get lost and leave you alone, using about a dozen profanities for flavoring.”

“Ah,” Oscar replied, waving a hand. “You Midwesterners take everything too serious.”

I didn’t know what to say, and looked at my feet for a moment.

“You know Felix had your back,” Oscar said, mildly.

“I know,” I croaked.

“But you two didn’t stay in contact,” Oscar said as a statement rather than a question.

“You know how it is,” I shrugged. “You move on with your life. You intend to keep in touch, but never do.”

“Yeah, I know,” he muttered, and then said. “Do you know what he told me when I was venting about you leaving?”

“The show left me, I didn’t leave the show,” I reiterated.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Oscar said very New Yorker like as he waved a hand again. “Anyway, I’m cussing you up and down and sideways, and Felix quotes me a Bible verse. I wanted to strangle the little weasel.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time you wanted to strangle him,” I laughed. Oscar laughed too. “What did he quote you?”

“What shall it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, and loses his soul.”

I nodded, then we both looked at our feet. A thought came to me and I winced.

“Felix’s two kids are probably both still in elementary school, aren’t they?”

“You bet they are, nine and six years old.”

“Oh man, those pour little guys,” I groaned. “At least Stacey’s daughter is an adult.”

“Oh, come on man. She’s only nineteen, she’s still a kid.”

“Yeah, you’re right, a six year old should be able to comprehend his parent’s death as easily as a nineteen year old.”

“A little sarcastic, aren’t we?” Oscar said sheepishly as he hooked his thumbs on the pockets of his jeans.

“I guess you bring it out in me.”

We both snorted a non-humor laugh and looked at our feet again.

“You are going with me, right?” Oscar asked.

“Of course.”

“Good, good,” Oscar said, and then sighed. “Because it is going to be beyond awkward.”

“Yeah, I know. Premature death is always the worst. Shoot, both their parents are probably still alive. Felix was only, what, forty? And Stacey forty-three?”

“Oh, man,” Oscar said, looking at me solemnly. “There’s something you should probably know.”

Oscar paused for a long time. So long  that I gave him a verbal prod. Then the words that came out of his mouth were like a right hook.

“Stacey and Felix were having an affair. That’s why they were alone together in the first place.”

(DESTINY’S BIBLE STUDY NOTES AND QUOTES)

HISTORY OF THE CHURCH: HUSS and JEROME

The gospel had been planted in Bohemia as early as the ninth century. The Bible was translated, and public worship was conducted, in the language of the people. But as the power of the pope increased, so the word of God was obscured. Gregory VII, who had taken it upon himself to humble the pride of kings, was no less intent upon enslaving the people, and accordingly a bull(decree) was issued forbidding public worship to be conducted in the Bohemian tongue.

But heaven had provided other agencies for the preservation of the church. Many of the Waldenses and Albigenses, driven by persecution from their homes in France and Italy, came to Bohemia. Though they dared not teach openly, they labored zealously in secret. Thus the true faith was preserved from century to century.

Driven to worship in the forests and the mountains, they were hunted by soldiers, and many were put to death. After a time it was decreed that all who departed from the Romish worship should be burned.

Huss was appointed preacher of the chapel of Bethlehem. The founder of this chapel had advocated, as a matter of great importance, the preaching of the Scriptures in the language of the people. Notwithstanding Rome’s opposition to this practice, it had not been wholly discontinued in Bohemia.

There was great ignorance of the Bible, and the worst vices prevailed among the people of all ranks. These evils Huss unsparingly denounced, appealing to the word of God to enforce the principles of truth and purity which he inculcated.

A citizen of Prague, Jerome, who became closely associated with Huss, had, on returning to England, brought with him the writings of Wycliffe.

Two artists, who were also preachers, proceeded to exercise their skill. In a place open to the public they drew two pictures. One represented the entrance of Christ into Jerusalem, “meek, and sitting upon an ass” (Matthew 21:5), and followed by His disciples in travel worn garments and bare foot. The other picture portrayed a pontifical procession—the pope arrayed in his rich robes and a triple crown, mounted upon a horse magnificently adorned, proceeded by trumpeters and followed by cardinals and prelates in dazzling array.

The picture made a deep impression on the mind of Huss and led him to a closer study of the Bible and of Wycliffe’s writings. He saw more clearly the true character of the papacy, and with greater zeal denounced the pride, the ambition, and the corruption of the hierarchy.

“God speaking in the Bible, and not the church speaking through the priesthood, is the only infallible guide.” (Huss)

Under Huss and Jerome’s untied labors, the reform was more rapidly extended.

Huss was conscious of the dangers that threatened him. He parted from friends as if he were never to meet them again, and went on his journey feeling that it was leading to the stake.

When required to choose whether he would recant his doctrines or suffer death, he accepted the martyr’s fate.

They put on Huss’s head a cap or pyramidal shaped miter of paper, on which were painted frightful figures of demons, with the word ‘Arch heretic’ conspicuous in front. ‘Most joyfully,’ said Huss, ‘will I wear  this crown of shame for Thy sake, O Jesus, who for me didst wear a crown of thorns.”

When the flames kindled about him, he began to sing, “Jesus, Thou Son of David, have mercy on me,” and so continued till his voice was silenced forever.

Even his enemies were struck with his heroic bearing. A zealous papist, describing the martyrdom of huss, and Jerome, who died soon after, said: “Both bore themselves with constant mind when their last hour approached. They prepared for the fire as if they were going to a marriage feast. They uttered no cry of pain. When the flames rose, they began to sing hymns; and scarce could the vehemency of the fire stop their singing.” (Ibid., b. 3, Ch. 7.)

The death of Huss had not resulted as the papists had hoped. The violation of his safe conduct had roused a storm of indignation.

Jerome: He went singing on his way, his countenance lighted up with joy and peace. His gaze was fixed upon Christ, and to him death had lost its terrors. When the executioner, about to kindle the pile, stepped behind him, the martyr exclaimed: “Come forward boldly; apply the fire before my face. Had I been afraid, I should not be here.”

His last words, uttered as the flames rose about him, were a prayer. “Lord, Almighty Father,” he cried. “Have pity on me, and pardon me my sins; for Thou knowest that I have always loved Thy truth.”

So perished God’s faithful light bearers. But the light of the truths which they proclaimed—the light of their heroic example—could not be extinguished. As well might men attempt to turn back the sun in its course as to prevent the dawning of that day which was even then breaking upon the world.