LXXXI

EVERY WAY OF A PERSON IS RIGHT IN THEIR OWN EYES: BUT THE LORD PONDERS THE HEART.

PROVERBS 21:2

CAPTAIN KIRK (AKA PASTOR SAMSON)

Sevenia and I were in Susan Nelson’s home in Hannibal, Missouri. She told us that she had moved back into her family home from California about a year ago to take care of her sick mother. Her mother had just died two months previous.

Then Susan had her own health scare. As a result she felt led to contact me, through her son, to mend fences during our brief encounters fifty years ago. During the two conversations I had with Susan half a century ago, she was quite angry. In the last one, over the phone, she even accused me of killing her suicidal sister, apparently with my words. I was a chaplain for her sister’s fiancée during the Vietnam war.

The biggest surprise about Susan contacting me was the fact that Susan and her sister’s fiancée, Timothy Williams, had a child together. I never knew this. Susan was about to tell us how she ended up becoming pregnant by the man engaged to her sister, when the offspring of the affair walked into Susan’s house.

 “It’s an honor to meet you, Sir,” Roger Nelson, Susan’s son, said with a half grin, not unlike Elvis Presley, and very much like his biological father.

“Likewise,” I replied as I smiled and shook his hand. It was as if I was looking at an older version of Corporal Timothy Williams. Only Timmy never got to be old. He died early into his second tour of Vietnam, at the unripe young age of 21 years, 6 months, and 8 days.

“In a way I feel like I kind of know you,” Roger told me. This was an odd feeling since I hadn’t even known he existed until a week ago. He continued. “Mom recently shared with me about twenty letters my dad wrote to my Aunt Sherry. Did she tell you about that? She found them going through Grandma’s things.  It seemed like there were only a couple letters that you weren’t mentioned in.”

I was beginning to feel like I was in a soap opera, or maybe an episode of ‘The Twilight Zone.’ Corporal Williams cheated on his fiancée with her sister. The sister became pregnant. The fiancée committed suicide. The betraying sister shared her personal letters with the illegitimate son. A question that had been in the back of my mind came to the forefront. Did Sherry know? Was that one of the reasons she ended her life?

I was too old for this. I was 85. I looked at Sevenia. She studied me intently, her pretty emerald eyes wide and sympathetic. She gave me a reassuring smile and shook her head. I did a double take and she mouthed, “You’re 84.” How did she do that?

“A month or two after Sherry died, I moved to California with my boyfriend,” Susan said. “By then, I knew I was pregnant, but I was sure it was my boyfriend’s rather than Tim’s. My boyfriend and I were both straight haired blondes with blue eyes. As you know, Tim had black curly hair and eyes as dark as coal.”

She waved a hand at her son. Roger smiled sheepishly as Sevenia and I turned our gaze on him, even though we already knew he had brown eyes and wavy dark brown hair sprinkled with gray.

“Did the boyfriend know he wasn’t the father?” Sevenia asked.

“Oh, he figured out pretty quickly that he wasn’t,” Susan said. “When he did, he didn’t waste any time splitting the scene as we would have said back then. For the next three years, I shared an apartment with two other young mothers. We worked as waitresses, cashiers, hotel maids, and babysitters for each other’s kids.

“It was during this time that I met an Air Force pilot named Tony Nelson. We dated for a while, and I ended up pregnant. He did the honorable thing and married me, but it ended up making my life miserable. He clearly didn’t love me. His only love was flying, and his only interest in me was for hormonal release.”

I felt uncomfortable with her insinuation about physical intimacy right in front of her son. I glanced at him, but he simply gazed fondly at his mother. However, his jaw seemed to be tightly clenched.

“The marriage lasted over ten years,” she said with a sigh. “But he was gone more than he was home. At least he never abused the kids. Although I do believe neglect is a form of abuse.”

“How many kids did you have, Ms. Nelson?” Sevenia asked.

“Please, call me Susan,” she replied with a warm smile. “I had two children. Roger, here, and a daughter, Nicole. She just retired from the Army with the rank of Colonel. Roger was a pilot in the Air Force for eight years. Like you, Chaplain, Roger was a Captain.”

“Oh, very good,” I said, and extended my fist and grinned. “Put it there fellow, Captain.”

“Look at you, Grandpa,” Sevenia giggled. “Fist bumping.”

“I am only 84,” I replied, and winked.

“My ex-husband might not have given him the love of a father,” Susan said and then sighed. “But he gave Roger a love of flying. After the Air Force, he was an airline pilot for fifteen years. Now he owns his own charter service.”

Roger’s phone made a noise signaling a text. He looked at it and snorted a laugh. “It looks like your comment conjured up my business, Mom. A regular client of mine wants to know if I can fly him to Dallas as soon as possible.”

We exchanged departure pleasantries with Roger, he kissed his mother’s cheek and disappeared out the front door.

“He’s a nice boy, Susan. I’m sorry he had to go,” I told her.

I felt Sevenia turn her gaze on me. She wore a smirk and a raised eyebrow. I knew what she was thinking. A fifty year-old man is not a boy. I raised my own furry eyebrow as if to say, ‘he is to me, Kiddo.’ After all, I was 35 when he was born. Sevenia squinted at me. It’s interesting when you get to know somebody so well that you know what they’re thinking. I winked, conceding that I was 34 when he was born.

“Actually, I was glad he had to leave,” Susan said with an uneasy smile. “I mean, he knows the truth and all. But I wasn’t looking forward to explaining to you how I ended up pregnant by my sister’s fiancée in front of him.”

“You don’t have to explain, Susan,” I told her, even though I did want to know what happened. I understood the temptations young men are prone to since I was a young man myself long ago. Yet Timmy was the rare type of young man that made it hard to believe he would cheat on his lady, let alone with the woman’s own sister.

“Yes, I do need to explain,” she declared. “After all, my motive for getting together with you was to come clean. To confess. My only fear is that you will think less of Timothy.”

“I don’t mean this to sound crass, Susan,” I said. “But I’ve been around the block a few times so I have a pretty good understanding of human nature. So, unless you tell me something like Timmy raped you, my feelings about him won’t change.”

“Oh no!” She responded. “Nothing like that at all! If anything, it was my behavior that led us down the path to making a baby. Yet I didn’t put a gun to his head either.”

“I should clarify,” I interjected. “I’m not saying I wasn’t surprised when you told me you and he had a child together. What I am saying is I’m fully aware of what Job 14:1 says, ‘man’s days are short and full of trouble.’”

“Yes,” she agreed. “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

“Precisely,” I concurred.

“Okay, then, here’s what happened,” Susan said, and then sighed. “Sherry and Timmy started seeing each other when they were juniors in high school. Timmy looked like a young Burt Reynolds, and Sherry looked sort of like Barbara Eden. I was the nerdy younger sister that had a crush on her older sister’s boyfriend.

“After they graduated, Timmy was drafted and before he left for boot camp, he and my sister became engaged. With him gone, my sister’s subtle mental issues became, um, intensified. Her bouts of depression often left her bedridden, sometimes for days.

“When Timmy came home from his first tour, he was on leave for a couple weeks. Then he was stationed somewhere in Texas for a few months. Then he came home on another leave, but only for three days. It just so happened, Sherry was having one of her bouts. She managed to get out of bed to spend a little time with Tim, but then she had a breakdown and went to bed for the remainder of his stay… That’s when it happened.

“Timmy was disappointed about Sherry. He and Sherry were clean cut, church going, good kids. They didn’t drink or smoke, he had been a boy scout while she was a girl scout. On the other hand, I happened to know that they were not saving themselves for marriage. I also perceived he had been looking forward to a little intimacy on his leave, and Sherry’s condition left him rather disappointed.

“Even though I was fully aware of this, God as my witness, I had no intention of, um, seducing or being intimate with Timmy myself. I admit, I still found him incredibly attractive, and I still had sort of a crush on him. But he was my sister’s guy, and I had my own boyfriend at the time.

“Just for the record. I may have been a bit of a hippie, but I wasn’t a ‘free love’ floozy. I may have disagreed with the war, and even attended a few protests, but I wasn’t one of the creeps that spit on soldiers.

“Anyhow, so the last night before Timmy had to go back, Sherry was shut up in her room, locked away by the demons in her head. My own boyfriend had something going on with his friends. So Timmy and I hung out. To my surprise, he had started drinking in the army. So we split a six pack of beer. After we drained those, he asked me if I had any weed. By weed I mean marijuana.”

Sevenia and I both nodded.

“So, Timmy and I smoked a joint. We were both pretty new to marijuana, and we got the giggles in a major way. When they subsided, Timmy tells me I’ve grown to be a pretty young lady. By the way, I was eighteen when this happened.

“Anyway, I noticed his eyes go to my lips. He leaned toward me ever so slightly, but then he shook his head and looked away from me. I put a finger on his chin and turned his head toward me. I remember telling him that both our significant others abandoned us, and I think we deserve one kiss. I remembered the way he laughed. It was more like a release valve on tension rather than humor. He said we better not and looked away again. I put my whole hand on his cheek, turned his head, and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“When I began to pull away, his hand caught me by the back of the head. He said, I told you we better not, and then he kissed me. I mean he really kissed me! And, well, it went on from there until, well, Roger was conceived.”

Susan pressed her hands together in between her knees and bowed her head. It became deathly still. Then Sevenia cleared her throat before she quietly asked. “So, did Timothy ever know? I mean, about you being pregnant.”

Susan looked up as if surprised to see us there, and then she shook her head vehemently. “Oh, no! I mean, when Timmy died, I suspected I was pregnant. But forgive me if this is too much information, but that month I had had relations with my boyfriend about a dozen times, compared to the one very buzzed time with Timmy.

“Maybe this makes me sound like a fool, but I never even considered the possibility until Roger was born, with his dark hair and eyes. I don’t know, maybe the guilt I felt over our tryst made me block out the possibility. But I truly believed it was my boyfriend’s child I carried.”

There was another silence that weighed heavy and ominous. It should have warned me to keep silent until Susan felt like speaking again. But the pastor in me groped for a word of encouragement. Instead I stuck my great big, gnarled foot in my mouth. “At least Sherry never found out about your indiscretion.”

“Not so,” Susan said as she shook her head. “In the last letter Timothy wrote to her, he confessed that he cheated on her and with whom. I didn’t share that one with my son.”

“Oh my,” Sevenia said quietly.

I was utterly silent. I suppose due to the foot crammed in my mouth.

“That’s what I get for accusing you of killing my sister,” Susan said with tears running down her face. “I blamed you for somehow pushing her over the edge. When in reality, the last thing she was thinking before she lost consciousness forever was that she was betrayed by two people she loved the most. How cruel. She was so fragile. How could I? How could Tim? Poor Sherry. My beautiful sister. Poor sweet Sherry. I’m so sorry, Sis!”

Susan slid off her chair onto her knees, put her hands over her face, and wept bitterly.

(DESTINY’S BIBLE STUDY NOTES)

(THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT PART 1)

The Beatitudes are Christ’s greeting, not only to those who believe, but to the whole human family.

Jesus seems to have forgotten for a moment that He is in the world, not in heaven. Blessings flow from His lips, gushing forth in a current of rich life.

To the poor in spirit, the meek, the lowly, the sorrowful, the despised, the persecuted, He opens His arms of refuge, saying “Come unto me, … and I will give you rest.”

He knows that, even though human beings have abused their mercies and destroyed their God given dignity, yet the Creator is to be glorified in their redemption.

Throughout all time the words that Christ spoke from the mount of Beatitudes will retain their power.

Living the life of the life giver, through faith in Him, everyone can reach the standard held up in His words.

More than fourteen centuries before Jesus was born in Bethlehem, the children of Israel gathered in the fair vale of Shechem, and from the mountains on either side the voices of the priests were heard proclaiming the blessings and curses—“A blessing if ye obey the commandments of the Lord your God… and a curse if ye will not obey.” Deuteronomy 11:27, 28. And thus the mountains from which the words of benediction were spoken came to be known as the mount of blessing.

The spirit of true devotion had been lost in tradition and ceremonialism, and the prophecies were interpreted at the dictate of proud, world loving hearts.

People had been mislead by the teachings of the rabbis. The popular expectation was of an earthly kingdom. They could not comprehend the movements of Jesus. Already they had been perplexed and troubled that He made no effort to strengthen His cause by securing the support of the priests and rabbis. That He did nothing to establish His authority as an earthly king.

“He opened His mouth, and taught them, saying, Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:2, 3)

As something strange and new, these words fall upon the ears of the wondering multitude. Such teaching is contrary to all they have ever heard from priest or rabbi.

The sweetness of divine love flows from His very presence as the fragrance from flowers.

There were souls who, in the presence of His purity, felt that they were “wretched and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked. (Revelation 3:17); and they longed for the “grace that brings salvation” (Titus 2:11). In these souls, Christ’s words of greeting awakened hope. They saw that their lives were under the benediction of God alone.

Those who know that they cannot possibly save themselves, or of themselves do any righteous action, are the ones who appreciate the help that Christ can bestow. They are the poor in spirit, who He declares to be blessed.

This kingdom is not, as Christ’s hearers had hoped, a temporal and earthly dominion. Christ was opening to people the spiritual kingdom of His love, His grace, His righteousness.

All who have a deep sense of their deep soul poverty, who feel that they have nothing good in themselves, may find righteousness and strength by looking unto Jesus.

Does Satan plead loudly against our souls, accusing of sin , and claiming us as his prey? The blood of Christ pleads with greater power!