LXI

BEFORE I FORMED YOU IN THE BELLY I KNEW YOU: AND BEFORE YOU CAME OUT OF THE WOMB I SANCTIFIED YOU, AND I ORDAINED YOU A PROPHET UNTO THE NATIONS

JEREMIAH 1:5

DESTINY KNIGHT-STORM

After talking it over with my husband, and praying about it, I decided to join Seven’s podcast. I still wasn’t sure what I was getting into, but I was confident that the Lord would lead the way step by step. As I was talking to Seven via the phone, telling him that I would do it, his daughter showed up on my doorstep. Little did I know, she was about to be my first interview. Albeit not on her dad’s podcast.

“Hi, Dee,” Sevenia said when I opened the door. Although her smile was pleasant and genuine, I could tell by her sad eyes that something not so good was up.

“Hi, Sweetie. Come in, come in,” I told her cheerfully.

“Branch and I broke up,” she declared before her first step landed on the kitchen floor.

“Oh, no!” I said before I hugged her. When we separated, a couple of tears were sliding down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was very, what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Amicable?”

“Yes, amicable.”

“So, what happened?”

“He said we don’t spend enough time together. He said I spend too much time preparing my lessons and also talking to people with questions. Reading in between the lines, I could tell his first love has also grown cold.”

“Reading in between the lines, I detect a duel meaning.”

Sevenia actually laughed, and it was music to my ears. “You are so perceptive, Dee. But yeah, unfortunately he’s not only lost interest in me, but even worse, God. And that’s what actually hurts the worst.”

“I know the feeling, Sweetie,” I said. “I lose way more girl’s interest than I gain in those that initially show interest.”

 “You’re gonna be amazing on my dad’s podcast.”

Now I laughed. “I don’t know about that.”

“So you are going to do it?” she asked with her arched eyebrows seeming to be question marks.

“Yes. Brock and I talked and prayed about it. We decided there were more favorable reasons to do it than not.”

“Good! You’re such a good listener, and wise with Biblical council. After Branch and I parted company fifteen minutes ago, I just automatically started driving here.”

“That’s sweet of you to say. So, do want to tell me how you feel about the breakup?”

“I don’t know, Dee. I have such mixed feelings.”

“Mixed how?”

“I mean, on one hand it hurts, and I feel a sense of loss. But on the other hand, I feel such a burden lifted.”

“So you felt it was a burden being courted by Branch?”

“Dee,” she began in a low voice. “I’m sorry it was at Branch’s expense, but I think my relationship with him helped me discover that I’m truly asexual. I mean it was kind of fun that time we tried kissing. But, I don’t know, I lost interest in the prospect of being intimate some day. When I thought about marriage and intimacy, I went from thinking it would be nice to a growing dread of being yoked to another person. I only want to be yoked to Christ. I’m feeling a call to ministry rather than domesticity. Not that you can’t do both obviously. Most do. But I just don’t think I’m geared that way.”

“It sounds like it was for the best then,” I told her.

“You do?”

“Sure, in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, the apostle Paul suggests that it is good if a person chooses not to marry, to focus on ministry like he did.”

“He also says if a person can’t contain, they should marry.”

“Do you think you can’t contain?” I asked with a little grin.

“Oh, I think I can manage, Dee,” she replied, giggled, and pinched the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

Right as she did this Brock entered the kitchen. He stopped, put a finger to his lips, and tip toed up behind Sevenia. He wrapped his arms around her, picking her up and spinning her around a couple times.

“Weeeeeee,” Brock sang as he twirled Sevenia around. She squealed and laughed as one of her black Chuck Taylor sneakers flew off.

“That was mean,” she told Brock with a smirk.

“You know, your shoe wouldn’t have come off if you learned to tie them properly,” he scolded lightheartedly.

  She stuck her tongue out at him and then asked. “Can I hit you?”

Brock raised his eyebrows, smiled, slapped his stomach twice, and placed his hands on his hips. “Sure, have at it.”

Sevenia’s request was in imitation of a little game Brock and our spiritual daughter, Amy, had often played. Amy, a feisty, but sweet redhead would often ask to punch Brock in his solar plexus after he had teased her or otherwise annoyed her.

“Great,” Sevenia said and went to the side of the door where Brock had kept a baseball bat. Ever since we had a dangerous run in with a deranged cult, Brock had kept a bat at both our front and back doors. Sevenia picked up the bat, took a practice swing, and strode up to Brock.

“Hold on there, Sweet Pea,” Brock said, holding up a hand with a stop gesture. “I meant you could punch me, not use a weapon.”

“I said hit, and you said that I could,” she told him with a mischievous grin.

“Like I said.”

“Are you afraid?”

Brock raised his chin in a dignified manner and declared. “Yes I am.”

Sevenia giggled, returned the bat, returned to Brock, made a fist, cocked her arm back, stuck out the tip of her tongue in concentration, and then became still. Suddenly her face crumpled, and she placed her forehead on Brock’s massive chest and began sobbing. With a startled expression he gently placed a hand on her back. He turned his gaze to me with a puzzled look on his face.

“She and Branch broke up today,” I said softly.

“Oh, Sweet Pea. I’m sorry,” Brock said. “I wouldn’t have teased you if I knew.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you did,” she said, stepping away from him. “It’s just, one of the things I liked about Branch was he seemed sort of like a younger version of you. Not just that he’s big and strong, but his personality. Like you, he’s often quiet, yet he was also sweet and funny.”

“Well,” Brock began and then sighed. “If you broke up with him, I don’t know whether to take that as a complement or not.”

“It’s a complement,” she replied with a sad laugh. “But he was the one that ended things.”

“That fool!” Brock declared. “Did he hurt you? Do I need to go have a talk with him?”

“No, no. It was, it was, what did you call it, Dee?”

“Amicable.”

“Yes, amicable. And even though I’m kind of sad right now, I’m also kind of glad. With what I want to do in life right now. With what I feel called to do. I just don’t have the time, or the desire for a  relationship or courtship, or whatever.”

“It’s funny how wonderful love can be, yet it also can bring torment,” I said, and then snorted a laugh. “I mean look at your dad. He had a nice friendship going with both Zella and Salena. Then he turned them both romantic and was almost driven crazy. And now that he chose Salena, things are awkward with him and Zella.”

Sevenia eyed me with a look of anguish as she bit her lower lip.

“What is it, Sweetie?”

“I don’t know that you are correct.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, it’s just been such an awful situation. All three of them have been hurt, and someone is gonna get hurt bad in the end. Remember I called you yesterday and told you that Zella asked me to baptize her. I was so excited, I told my dad. He was really happy at first, but he also had this strange look on his face. I guess I’d say a puzzled look. A little later, I saw him looking longingly at a photo of Zella.”

“You don’t say,” I replied, remembering Seven’s and my conversation a couple nights ago.

(DESTINY AND BROCKS’S STORY IS TOLD IN THE E-BOOK ‘KNIGHT STORM’ BY JOHNATHAN EMBERS)

(DESTINY’S NOTES FROM SEVENIA’S 5^th LESSON: WHY SUFFERING)

Suffering and pain are real, the question is ultimately, are they meaningful or meaningless?

Neil D Tyson an astrophysicist with more than 13 million twitter followers and apparent atheist recently posted this on his twitter page. “The universe is blind to our sorrows and indifferent to our pain. Have a nice day!”

Nihilism: The philosophical viewpoint that suggests the denial or lack of belief toward the reputedly meaningful aspects of life.

(All during my prior life as a non-Christian and an adult entertainer, I subscribed to a nihilistic viewpoint of life. Destiny)

Yet someone also known for great intellect said this. Albert Einstein: “The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility. The fact that it is comprehensible IS A MIRACLE.”

I am personally persuaded that a super intelligent Creator exists beyond and within the cosmos, and that the rich context of congeniality shown by our universe permitting and encouraging the existence of self-conscious life, is part of the Creator’s design and purpose. It’s not that the universe is astonishing, beautiful, and unlikely, it’s that we know it is.  (Owen Gingrich professor emeritus of science and astronomy at Harvard University).

Mathematical odds suggests that we should not be here.

The waters of our suffering are only as deep as our sorrows.

You can rejoice in suffering. See Romans 5:3-5

Not a sigh is breathed, not a pain felt, not a grief pierces the soul, but the throb vibrates to the Father’s heart. (The Desire of Ages. Ellen G. White).

John 4:8 He that loves not, knows not God, for God is love.

If reality is fundamentally physical, then the primary force binding it together is electromagnetic. If however, reality is fundamentally social, the most powerful constituting force is that which binds people together, namely love. (Millard J Erikson)

Physical (Matter) or Spirit (Love). We can explain matter, we can’t explain spirit.

You either believe in the beginning was The Word, or you believe in the beginning there were particles.

Spirit made matter, not the other way around. (The girls I brought are captivated by Sevenia’s presentations! How is she only seventeen?).

The existence of suffering can be reconciled with the existence of a loving God.

The Bible opens with an accusation in Genesis and closes with the silencing of that accusation in Revelation.

Conflict: The serpent’s accusation (See Genesis 3: 1-8)

God is a withholder

God is untrustworthy

God is selfish

An answer: (See Revelation 12: 7-10)

That serpent of old refers to the serpent of Genesis written 1500 years before Revelation.

In my view, creation looks like it has been influenced by a cosmic predator because for eons it has been influenced by a cosmic predator. It looks like a war zone because it is a war zone. (Greg Boyd).

EXTERNAL CONFLICT

Anger: at injustice and pain

Confusion: over the state of things

Helplessness: to bring about change

Desire/hope: for something better

INTERNAL CONFLICT

Frustration: over repeated failings

Shame/guilt: from awareness of our sins

Despair: a sense of resignation

Fear: I’ll never be all I should/ought

Dysfunction: In our relationships

Jesus saw Himself in conflict with an enemy

See Matthew 13: 24-30 (Key words in the parable) “An enemy has done this.”

See Luke 13: 10-17 (Key words) “Who Satan has bound.”

See John 8:44 (Key words) “Murderer from the beginning” “Father of lies.”

This disclosure in the Book of Revelation, in particular chapter 12; explains why the antagonist in the conflict cannot be brought to heel by force. The deceiver must be unmasked.

This battle cannot be won on the strength of steel; it hinges on the strength of character

See Matthew 26: 52, 53

When the slaughtered lamb is seen in the midst of the divine throne in heaven (Revelation 5:6) the meaning is that Christ’s sacrificial death belongs to the way God rules the world.

The overwhelming display of love and mercy is not merely the greatest story ever told. It is the greatest story that ever could be told! The fact that it is real and not merely fiction is mind boggling!

Love requires freedom. What makes yes so special, is that no is an option.

Love by definition is free, and freedom involves risk.

The necessary condition of freedom bestowed by the love of God, is the possibility of us rejecting Him.

Love is something contingent upon God’s willingness to enter into such a relationship in the first place. To place Himself under certain relational constraints. To be limited in His freedom by a genuinely free other. Authentic freedom surrendering freedom.

Risk involves responsibility. Responsibility enables growth.

(God’s options)

Make nothing

Make beings that are not free

Make free beings that cannot rebel (This doesn’t seem possible to me)

Make free beings

If we are not faced with morally significant choices, we cannot grow morally.

(Choose you this day who you will serve Joshua 24:15) Notice that there is a choice to be made.

Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all of your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into either a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature. (C.S. Lewis).

This is not the most perfect world possible, but it is the way to the most perfect world possible.

Our conscience is an internal mechanism to purge ourselves from evil.

(God In Pain)

Surely He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:4

Jesus must suffer many things Matthew 16:21

The Son of Man is to suffer Matthew 17:12

The Son of Man must suffer Luke 17:24, 25

I desire to eat with you before I suffer Luke 22:15

Ought not the Christ to have suffered Luke 24:26

It was necessary for the Christ to suffer Luke 24:26

The Christ would suffer Acts 3:18

Jesus is the only being that has ever experienced everyone’s pain. Thank you precious Savior!