LIX

AND BE YE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER, TENDERHEARTED, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, EVEN AS GOD FOR CHRIST’S SAKE HATH FORGIVEN YOU

JAMES 4:32

SEVEN SALLIE (FATHER OF SEVENIA GIRL PROPHETESS)

I felt every bit as uncomfortable at the next Bible study a week later as I did at the previous one. Both of the women I had romantic interest in were there, and the tension between the three of us had only grown over a week’s time.

After the first study, I had a talk with Salena in the parking lot. I confessed my transgression with Zella the previous night. After what she had done with my brother six months earlier, I felt surprisingly comfortable telling her about Zella and me. I was confident she would be sympathetic and understanding. I was wrong! She actually became indignant. This caused my own vexation. I pointed out similar behavior between her and my brother. She pointed out that we were strictly platonic friends at the time of her indiscretion with my twin.

“So, are you gonna tell me that the reason that you slept with Zella was three unwitting glasses of Twisted Tea?” Salena asked heatedly.

Life was so much easier when these two women were simply my friends.

“Well, um, no,” I stammered. My mind’s eye watched Zella coming out of her bedroom wearing little more than her birthday suit. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes.

“What’s the matter?” Salena asked.

“Nothing, just clearing my head.”

“From what, picturing Zella naked?”

My eyes widened. Zella was supposed to be the former psychic, not Salena. Not that I believed in psychic phenomenon. Zella explains that she’s highly intuitive.

“Way to be like Joseph and flee,” she said.

“Huh?” I replied stupidly.

“I doubt Potiphar’s wife was homely. I’m sure she was extraordinarily beautiful. Yet he fled when she propositioned him. You probably didn’t even consider that as an option.”

“I did too,” I blurted. Then frowned as I realized I didn’t give serious thought to it, although it did cross my mind. “I think, maybe. Well, no, I guess not. But Joseph hadn’t been toying with romance with Potiphar’s wife. Before my conversion, I was actively pursuing Zella romantically. Then we became close friends after. I don’t think you’re making a fair comparison.”

She snorted and began to walk away. “We’ll talk later.”

A week went by and I had not talked to either woman. I had tried to call Salena twice, and she didn’t answer or respond. I had thought of calling Zella several times, but I stubbornly felt like she should contact me with an apology. Yet, the more I thought on that, the more I realized I was being unreasonable. After the study, I would apologize to her. I wanted to at least to reconcile a truce between us if we couldn’t repair our friendship.

But Zella showed up right at 7pm on the dot, so we couldn’t talk beforehand. She was also the first to leave a split second after the study concluded. The next day I called her and left a voice mail asking her to call me. She didn’t. I called Salena, and we had a good conversation. We agreed to remain friends only until after the baby was born.

Salena and I talked daily, and seemed to get back on track. The night before the third study, we had a really nice dinner together and great conversation. When she walked me to her door at the end of the evening, on impulse I kissed her on the lips. She seemed to kiss me back. So I kissed her again. She pushed me away.

“Have you forgot our agreement already?” she asked, giggling like a schoolgirl.

“You’re just so beautiful,” I told her as I ran my knuckles over her cheek. “It’s so pleasantly strange how kissing you is both new and familiar.”

“I know,” she said with an expression of awe. Then she paused and studied me for a few seconds. “How about we revise our rule and can kiss each other good night?”

“Works for me,” I said as I leaned in quickly and kissed her.

“Hey now,” she scolded with a grin. “A kiss good night, meaning one.”

“Starting now,” I said, leaning in again.

She stopped me. “Enough Seven.”

“This ones not for you,” I replied, going to one knee and kissing her pregnant belly. “Good night, little guy.”

The two week silence between Zella and me made her feel more distant. Her betrayal in giving me alcohol, especially without apology made me realize I couldn’t fully trust her. But I desperately wanted peace between us. At the third lesson, I asked Brock if he would man the slide projector for me. He said no problem and asked me to show him what to do.

Zella actually arrived two minutes early. I almost didn’t recognize her. She had cut her hair. I mean she really cut her hair. She usually wore braids that went past the middle of her back that I loved.  Now her hair was maybe three or four inches long. But she looked cute, even stunning as the new hairdo somehow enhanced her sharp, angular facial features.

She also wore a denim skirt rather than her typical form fitting jeans or spandex leggings. She had on a pink t-shirt that declared life to be good covered with by a navy sweater, unbuttoned. Her legs were covered with navy tights, and New Balance running shoes protected her feet. It occurred to me that from her hairdo, down to her sneakers, it was eerily similar to Sevenia’s usual attire. Was this healthy or unhealthy, or did it simply not matter? I sat down next to her and detected surprise in her eyes.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” she replied.

“Can we talk after the study?”

“About what?”

About what? Why couldn’t she just say yes, no, or okay. “You know, stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“Well, us.”

“I didn’t think there was an us anymore.”

“Listen, can we talk after the study or not?”

“Sure,” she said, nodding and looking at me cautiously. Her lovely, big, almond shaped eyes, wide and expressive. Those intense windows to the soul that stared into mine as we made love. I quickly looked away. Then turned my gaze on her hair.

“Your new hairdo looks nice,” I told her.

“Thank you,” Zella said with a shy smile as she touched a hand to it. “I felt it was time for change. In more ways than one actually.”

I wanted to ask her what she meant, but there wasn’t time as my daughter petitioned the class to open with prayer.

An hour and a half later Zella and I stood next to a wall in the church foyer and awkwardly commenced a conversation.

“Listen Zella, I, ah…”

“I’m sorry,” she blurted forcefully, then placed a hand to her chest and gasped.

“Huh?” I replied dumbly.

“What I did to you was despicable, unforgiveable,” she said as she wiped a tear from the corner of an eye. “The truth is, I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now. And to be honest, it scared me. But when you told me you chose Salena over me, that scared me even more. I panicked. I thought if I gave you what most men crave, you might change your mind. But you’ve become principled. So I tried to numb your inhibitions with a little Twisted Tea, and tantalize your manhood with my womanhood.”

“It was some kind of womanhood,” I thought, and then realized I had actually quietly spoken it.

“What?” she asked with a shy smile.

“Oh, um, nothing,” I stammered.

Thankfully, she let me of the hook and asked. “So do you forgive me? I truly hope you haven’t relapsed into drinking. I should have apologized before now, but the truth is I have been just down right chicken. Even after I heard your message asking me to call you. I must have picked up my phone to call you a hundred times, but lost my nerve.”

“I absolutely forgive you. And no, I haven’t drank again since that night,” I told her and then smiled warmly. “You know, you could have just texted.”

“I thought about that too,” she said with a shoulder shrug. “But it somehow seemed disingenuous.”

I nodded.

“Wow, I’m so glad you asked me to talk,” she said with breathy little laugh. “It felt good to get that off my chest. By the way, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I just wanted to make sure we were good,” I said.

She smiled and nodded. We had a moment of awkward silence. Her hairdo was really growing on me, she looked incredibly cute. My mind’s eye pictured her walking out of the bedroom in that negligee with this hair style. I shook my head as I cleared the thought. Bring every thought to the obedience of Christ, I half thought half prayed.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” I said smiling. I hoped not sheepishly. “It’s been a long day.”

“You know,” she said and then paused, eyeing me cautiously. “I’m glad we made peace and all. But you know our friendship is drastically different now. Maybe even over.”

“What do you mean?” I asked dumbly, which is easy for me to do.

“So, tell me,” she asked with a sarcastic laugh. “If you end up heading toward marriage with Salena, do you really think our friendship will be the same as it has been? And where it has slowly been trending? I mean what happens with that? It wasn’t one sided, Seven, that’s why I got desperate and tricked you.”

How stupid could I be! I had been so preoccupied with the present chaos, I wasn’t thinking much about the future. Other than it seemed ruined with Zella and damaged with Salena. I just stood and gazed moronically at Zella. Obviously if I pursued Salena romantically, I could no longer hang with Zella too. Especially after our indiscretion two weeks ago.

She snorted a humorless laugh and said, “See ya next week, Seven.”

“See ya,” I replied, as I sadly watched her walk away, feeling that it was a subtle goodbye.

(Destiny Knight-Storm’s notes from Sevenia Sallie’s 3rd lesson: Is God Good?)

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the person that trusts in Him. (Psalm 34:8).

If I be lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to me. (John 12:32).

You cannot drive someone to faith, they must be drawn.

You cannot force someone to love you. God wants obedience due to love for Him.

God created our universe and our world, and He made them good. (See the first chapters of Genesis).

So much good: Friendship and connection. Love, marriage, and sex. Babies, children, and family. Mangoes, blueberries, peaches, and other good food. Music, melody, harmony, and rhythm.

Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for these desires exist. A body feels hunger; well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire; well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. (C.S. Lewis).

You will show me the path of life: in your presence is the fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. (Psalm 16:11).

You were created for pleasure, joy, and Holiness, and these are not different things.

Delight yourself in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4).

Who better to fulfill our desires than Him who made the heart to desire?

The first step is delighting yourself in your maker.

Universally, we crave meaning goodness and joy.

The God that our hearts craves is the God of scripture.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness; for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

Jesus said, “I am the bread of life: he that comes to me shall never hunger; and he that believes on me shall never thirst.” (John 6:35).

Reality is compellingly explained in the context of “God is love.”

We take for granted the opportunity to: Individuality, freedom, love, risk, meaning.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Wrap it up carefully with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglement; lock it up safely in the casket of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It won’t become broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. (C.S. Lewis).

God’s greatest strength is His love, and therefore His vulnerability. Hence the most quoted scripture. (John 3:16).

The story of scripture is that God will ultimately fix the world by promise, not by power.

“He that has seen Me has seen the Father.” (John 14:9). God did not show us what He is, but who He is. Jesus was saying I am what God is like. I and my Father are one.

The good news is not that God gave someone to die for our sins, but he gave Himself.

Look up John 10: 17-19.

Jesus revealed a new kind of power, a new kind of strength. That of love and self-sacrifice.

So impressed with how Sevenia is building a foundation before she gets to harder truths. I can tell that the girls I’ve been bringing are very enthralled. Is she really only seventeen years old? I wish I was like her at that age.