XXXIII

BEHOLD I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK

(REVELATION 3:20)

SEVENIA SALLIE

I felt anxious as I approached Cotton Creek. I glanced right and then left at the majestic Cottonwood trees that seemed to loom protectively over a little grove of a dozen soft pine trees. The evergreens hovered over a rippling part of the creek, where the water danced and snaked musically through and over a hundred bowling ball sized rocks.

I looked at the spot where Jeremy punched me and shuddered while ripping most of my clothes from my body. A wave of nausea coursed through my torso and I gagged. My mouth filled with excess saliva. After swallowing several times, I was panting. Was I going to throw up? This was a bad idea telling Branch to meet me here.

Jeremy had given me the most frightening moment of my life right here. I didn’t want him to also steal my favorite place to be alone, pray, and mediate. It was also my favorite place to converse with friends one on one. I closed my eyes and whispered one of my many favorite Bible verses to myself.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18).

“Are you afraid?” Branch’s soft, deep voice asked.

I gasped, turned, took a couple steps back and tripped over the same rock that helped Jeremy assault me. Branch reached out quickly and grabbed my forearm, keeping me from falling. Yet the second I was steady, I yanked it from his hold and began to shake.

“Sevenia, I’m sorry,” he said gently as he showed me his hands and took a step back away from me. “I just..”

“No, I’m sorry,” I told him as I took a step toward him and put a hand on his arm. Then I jerked it away as if I had just touched a hot stove.

“We can go somewhere else,” he said as he looked at me with a sad, yet compassionate expression. He eased his hands deep into his jeans pockets, as if to reassure me he meant no harm. “Or is it me?”

“No, it’s not you,” I said emphatically, but then frowned.

Branch arched an eyebrow and smirked. “Did you just lie?”

“No,” I said, raising my own brow. But then I frowned again. “It’s not you, Branch. I’m just having a hard time processing everything. I, um…”

Branch’s bowed his head slightly as he gazed at me with calm, hooded eyes and waited. I don’t know about you, but often when I feel inner turmoil, I also become hyper aware of realities I had been oblivious to. I experienced a large element of clarity on my relationships with both Branch and Jeremy.

Jeremy liked to talk and was often all over the place. It was hard following him by times, but I guess I found satisfaction in trying to counsel him. With Branch and me, there was more of a give and take. Yet he spent a lot of time just listening to me. Like right now, as he patiently waited for me to speak, even though he was the one who wanted to get together.

“Branch, why did you want to see me?”

“Well, I was worried about you,” he said with a little shrug. “Plus I wanted to tell you something to set your mind at ease.”

I opened my mouth to ask him what would set my mind at ease, but he continued speaking.

“So, if you’re having a hard time processing, you know, what happened,” he said cautiously. “Why did you want to meet with me at the spot where you were, um…?”

“Raped?”

His eyes looked startled. “I was under the impression he didn’t succeed.”

“Not physically,” I said shaking my head. “But he violated my mind. He put something traumatic there that will never leave. And he stole my place. He…”

I started to whimper. I felt whiny, pathetic and selfish. After all Jeremy took more from himself, his own life. Even though I couldn’t help feeling anger over how he had changed, and what he did to me. I also felt love, loss, and grief over Jeremy. It was confusing.

“Sevenia,” Branch said softly as he moved toward me with open arms, and then he thought otherwise and stepped back.

I sniffed, rubbed my nose and hugged myself. I felt an odd sense of disappointment when Branch pulled away. I felt strangely alone. Yet I’m never alone. Christ will never leave nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5). But now, like never before, I felt drawn to Branch. I realized how much I loved Branch. And I wanted to feel those strong, protective arms around me.

I was going through a valley of darkness that was blacker than the deaths of my mother and my best friend Anna. What I experienced the day before was diabolical. But it opened my eyes to my own spiritual pride. People patted me on the back because of the simple way I lived my life. They called me a prophetess and a saint, when I just followed the Bible by the way it read. I thought I was being humble by having an ‘ah shucks’ attitude, but I enjoyed the praise. Especially when I had dealt with so much scorn from the secular world. Yet now when my faith was tested, I had failed.

When I was under attack by Jeremy, I panicked. Yet I also became angry and was wondering where God was as I tried to resist the assault. Then when my arms were bound by my own garments, a verse popped into my head. ‘In the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.’ (John 16:33). This verse was instantly followed by another. ‘Not as I will, but as thou wilt.’ (Matthew 26:39) Words of Jesus as he accepted His fate on the cross. I felt my heart break over my Savior. I asked for forgiveness with a mumble. This next part may sound corny. But I think the Holy Spirit spoke using my voice. “Father forgive him, for he knows not what he is doing.” (Luke 23:34)

That’s when Jeremy paused and looked horror stricken. I don’t know how long ten seconds, twenty, a minute. But it was long enough for the light to come on in the sanctuary. So I screamed with every bit of lung power I had, and Captain Kirk heard and came to my rescue.

Now as I stood with Branch, a breeze made the pines whistle. It made me shiver, even though I wore a sweatshirt. I was realizing I might not want to be forever free of romance. I might not be a boy crazy, vanity inspired teenage girl, but I was now longing for Branch and me to possibly, one day, maybe, experience deeper intimacy. Perhaps we would even marry. Perchance.

But Branch had not fully committed to God. I might have been wavering on my intention to live a life of celibacy. And Branch was currently the only realistic possibility. But I would not, could not be yoked with an unbeliever. Especially when a supposed believer like Jeremy flipped. Then Branch proceeded to tell me about a very recent change in his life. This alteration would also spell a major change in my own life.

“I’m sorry,” I quietly told Branch, and then forced a smile.

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for,” he said, gravely. “I think I understand. Right here is one of your favorite places. Peaceful and beautiful, just like you. Now you feel like it’s tainted.”

He knew me so well. Did he just indirectly call me peaceful and beautiful? It was all I could do to keep from throwing my arms around his middle and burying my head in his chest. Why, oh why, Dear Lord, hasn’t he given his heart to you?

“You nailed it!” I declared looking away from him as I fought off tears. I quickly composed myself and looked him in the eyes. “You said you wanted to tell me something to set my mind at ease.”

“Yeah,” he said as he pulled his hands from his pockets, spread his arms, and gave a little smile. “I’m over you.”

“What!” I couldn’t help barking. Then I shook my head. “Sorry, I mean, what do you mean you’re over me?”

“No, no, what I mean is I’ve expelled the romantic feelings I had toward you,” he said, and then made a pushing motion off to his side. “I’m hoping we can be friends.”

“Of course,” I replied meekly, my brain whirling with confusion.

“I’m not gonna lie,” he said, returning his hands into his pockets again. “When I saw you with, you know who, and that ring on your finger, I was jealous. But not angry, it was more like hurt and loss. But it gave me the, I don’t know, kick in the pants, or maybe enlightenment that I needed. Do you know what I mean?”

“Not really,” I replied with a frown.

“I think my spiritual desires were possibly being overshadowed by my romantic desires for you. As painful as it was, I finally accepted we would never be together. I wish this didn’t sound cliché, but I ended up letting go and letting God. Do you follow me now?”

“No,” I said quietly as a metaphoric knife pierced my heart. Yet it was my own fault he was over me. Besides I already accepted I would not, could not, be yoked to someone who hadn’t given their heart to the Lord.”

“What I’m trying to say,” Branch continued with genuine peace in his countenance. “I gave my heart to the Lord.”

“You did!” I replied as my whole body became electrified with joy.

“Yeah,” he said with a little laugh. Then he shuffled his feet with embarrassment. “You know the declaration I made to you a little over a week ago.”

“You mean when you said you were in love with me?” I tried to ask with a sultry voice. I also attempted a gaze that spoke of romantic interest. But my emotions were all tangled, and he wasn’t looking directly at me anyway.

“So, this last week I read Psalms, Proverbs, Daniel, and I just started Revelation last night,” he informed me.

“I was gonna study the prophesies of Daniel and Revelation with you, remember?” I asked him.

He nodded skeptically and continued. “I came across Revelation 3:20 and became, um, transfixed. I read it over and over. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. But it is our choice whether we open that door and let Him in. Love can’t be forced. So I got down on my knees and prayed for a long time. I poured out my soul until I was empty. Then I asked Jesus in to fill me back up with Himself. I’m gonna ask Captain Kirk if I he will baptize me.”

“Branch, this is wonderful,” I said stepping toward him. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him. I felt his body go ridged and realized I overstepped some boundaries. Before I could back away, his hands ever so gently landed on my back.

“Sevenia,” Branch began with a nervous chuckle. “I realize I was being, um, hasty in saying we couldn’t be friends if we couldn’t be more. But if we do keep hanging out, I don’t think we should be hugging.”

“Branch, would you consider changing your mind?” I asked as I backed away from him.

“About hugging?”

“No, you’re right, maybe we shouldn’t be hugging. But would you consider changing your mind about us courting?”

“Huh?” He asked with a frown.

“I’m in love with you, Branch,” I told him as my eyes welled up. “I want us to be more.”

“Well, of course, I’ll change my mind,” he said laughing.

“Can I do one thing to claim back my spot?”

“Okay,” he said with a shrug.

I went on tip toe and kissed him on the lips. I giggled at the surprised look on his face.

“I need to tell you something though,” he said with a concerned look.

“Okay,” I replied cautiously.

“I know that you know I have a dysfunctional background,” he said.

“Don’t worry, we all have obstacles. Look what just happened to me.”

“No, you don’t understand,” he replied wincing. “My family background is, um, messed up.”

“Messed up how?”

“Occultic, satanic.”

“Oh my!”

“Yeah, well, Lexi Gomez figured me out. I mean, I guess. I mean I’m not hiding anything. But you know she was into, um…”

“I know, satanism. So what do you mean she figured you out?”

“Well, my last name. She asked me about my name the last time I went to church with you. If I was that Cromwell.

“What Cromwell?” I asked, but before he could answer I added. “Are you that Cromwell?”

“Yes.”