XXVI

It was so strange and surreal when I watched my daughter walk into my dying ex-wife’s hospice room with my first love, Salena. Stranger still was my ex-wife and former girlfriend being good friends. Although the two women were cousins, they historically did not associate well. Mostly due to my ex-wife.

We exchanged pleasantries, and then the four of us traded small talk for the next three days. Actually it was only around fifteen or twenty minutes. Then I politely excused myself, telling the three ladies that my cousin Brock was driving me back to Iowa that afternoon. I assured my daughter I would return in a few days. When I left, my former girlfriend and sort of former fiancée Salena chased me down.

“Seven,” she barked pleasantly as I was reaching for the door handle of my car that Brock was piloting. “Can I talk to you in private for a minute?”

“Sure,” I replied, and then showed Brock one of my fingers indicating just a minute.

She beamed a smile at me, and then she crossed her arms and rocked on her feet. She wore a long denim skirt like my daughter had been wearing. I remembered that it was almost a uniform for female members of her church. Instead of converse sneakers, Salena wore navy pumps, navy nylons, a white blouse with blue trim. I was reminded just how much she looked like the girl on a bag of Sun Maid raisins. She wasn’t wearing a coat and in the chilly March air, hugged herself tightly and shivered.

“Do you want to step back inside?” I asked.

“That would be great,” she replied enthusiastically.

I gave Brock the finger one more time and followed Salena back into the building. Her hair was still black, and she was only slightly heavier than the teenage girl I had once adored. Even though she had the beginnings of crows feet by her eyes, she looked like she was in her mid-twenties rather than mid-thirties. How bizarre that she was the widow of a seventy two year old husband.

“What’s up, buttercup?” I asked lightheartedly, even though I was anxious over what she had to say. She giggled at the phrase I often used when we were dating. No one was in the waiting room and we sat. She crossed one leg over the other and with the split in her skirt, her shapely leg halfway up her thigh was on display.

“It was really good to see you again,” she said delightedly.

“You as well,” I replied.

Her face sobered and she searched my face as if to see if I was being genuine.

“I mean it, Salena,” I said reaching out and giving her hand a squeeze. When our hands parted, I  ‘accidently on purpose’ brushed my hand against her knee. She winced as if in pain and I instantly felt like a pervert.

“I have something awkward to tell you,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied hesitantly, no longer feeling the perv, but now concerned about my daughter. What she said next blew me away. I mean to the other side of the planet.

“I’ve never, ever, stopped loving you,” she said quietly. “I know you hated me after I broke up with you, but you were the love of my life. I hated hurting you. But I had to. That said, I don’t regret my decision to marry Albert. He was good to me and good to my family. My union with him gave me three beautiful children.”

Although I already had told her that I was sorry for the loss of her child and husband, I told her again.

“I know,” she said taking my hand and giving it a friendly squeeze as tears leaked from her eyes. “I know, but please don’t tell me again. The death of my daughter will always be fresh on my mind. Till the day I die myself.”

I noticed that she didn’t say husband. She also said ‘had to’ when referring to their marriage. Yet  she still wore a wedding band. “Can I ask you something that might be rude or inappropriate?”

“Go for it,” she said with a curious smirk.

“Did you love your husband?”

“I did,” she said and then sighed. “I truly did, but it was different than what you and me had.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, even though it was pretty obvious.

“Well, my marriage was basically arranged and I had to learn to love Al. Whereas you and me were completely natural. Years after the fact, I wondered if I didn’t sin by marrying him so quickly.”

“How’s that?”

“Well,” she shrugged. “I said vows declaring to love, honor and cherish when I didn’t feel it or believe it.”

“It was your intention though, right?”

“Yeah, that’s a good point. But it was weird on what should have been the happiest day of my life feeling like I was preforming an unpleasant duty.” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t be talking like this cuz it’s disrespectful to Albert. He was a good man. And by the time our baby girl was born, I most definitely loved him.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked such a personal question,” I told her. “Especially when we haven’t seen each other in a decade and a half.”

“That’s okay,” she chuckled, and then became serious. “I hope what I told you wasn’t inappropriate.”

“What part?” I asked with a smirk. “This whole conversation has been, no offense, odd.”

“True enough,” she grinned. “I meant telling you that I still loved you as your ex-wife is laying in there dying. I just thought this could be my only opportunity to tell you. After what I did, I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. However I’m single and Sevenia told me you are, so I thought maybe we could maybe get together sometime even just as friends.”

Zella LaStella flashed through my mind. Then I wondered how my daughter knew I wasn’t seeing anyone. Did I tell her?

“Our breakup was extremely painful,” I admitted. “But you’ve always held a place in my heart as well. I would like to get together sometime and get reacquainted.”

“Great!” she said happily. “I better let you get on your way then. It was really good to see you.”

“It was good to see you too, Salena. Before we part ways, let me get you in my phone.”

“Let me guess,” Brock said with a raised eyebrow as I lowered myself into the seat of my car. “That lovely lady you were talking to was your old flame Salena.”

“It was.”

“What did she want to talk to you about? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“In a nutshell, she wanted to tell me she never stopped loving me after our breakup, and I think she’s interested in possibly rekindling our romance.”

“What! I thought she was married!”

“Her husband died not quite a year ago.”

“Man, that’s rough.”

“What’s rougher still, is her fifteen year old daughter died six weeks ago. And it turns out, her daughter Anna and Sevenia were best friends.”

“That’s beyond rough,” Brock said as he shook his head. “What do you mean by Sevenia?”

“I guess there was a lot that transpired during the half hour I was in there. Let’s hit the road Jack and I’ll fill you in on everything that’s making my head spin.”